…obviously mine’s not working.
Be born that way.
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Rob a bank.
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Repeat step 1
Studi
When I grow up, I want to be the Minister of Silly Walks.
Okay, but remember, you heard it from me.
I think this would make a really good fundraising idea.
For whom you raise the funds, is up to you. You need a car, and a fresh young face to do the pitch, and a city filled with suburban housewives with husbands too lazy to take back the empties. You can canvas the neighbourhoods first with flyers to pre announce your arrival or you could just arrive cold. Knock on the door, make the pitch, ‘putting yourself through college, donate to a good cause, your husband will never notice, they won’t be underfoot…big toothy smile’.
Once the car is full, it’s back to the beer store to cash in. Since I’m guessing most housewives would love the chance to unload the damn empties I think this is a winner.
How about it? What do you think of this idea?
“Wisdom is the booby prize, they give you when you’ve been unwise.”
I like the way you think Elbows.
Okay, keep in mind I once figured out a way to rip off a million+ from an employer and decided against it. It would have worked, but a million just doesn’t buy what it used to, and if you can’t retire in peace, fuggedaboudit.
My next-best try: as an anthro grad ass chasing the grant thing. Almost won an expense paid summer at a country club pool watching kids/adults reacting to the big, bad peril of the pool. The application oozed academic socio lingo, but basically I was going to compare Inuit child protection behaviors to suburbanite response to recognized hazards.
It’s scary how close I came to getting funded. (Read here a definite irreverence for the academy.) But, damn, it would have been sweet if I could have pulled it off.
Okay, so it wasn’t “for life” rich, but damned few things are. And it would have been great–then or now.
(sighing deeply for respectability and purpose)
Veb
Adopt the tallest black kid you can find.
I once took a free flight to Las Vegas on a gamblers junket. We were required to have at least a couple hundred cash as flash money to get on the plane. At the airport we were loaded onto two busses and taken to the MGM Grand.
I propose we hijack the busses, drive into the desert and relieve those gamblers of the money that they were all going to lose anyway. They will all get reimbursed I am sure.
We disable the busses, take their shoes (hundreds of pairs?) and make our get-a-way via the dirt bikes we’ve cleverly stashed in advance, and drive to the van several miles away the we have also left for our get-a-way.
Or just write the screenplay and make the movie
You know what they say, the best way to make a small fortune is to start with a large one.
An infinite number of rednecks in an infinite number of pickup trucks shooting an infinite number of shotguns at an infinite number of road signs will eventually produce all the world’s great works of literature in Braille.
Well, I was just lookin’ over the pile of tax forms on the desk, and I was suddenly struck by a thought – Where does it say that I can’t take the Federal Government as a dependent?
I’m thinkin’ that a simple, one-time, 1.5 trillion dollar deduction ought to put me on easy street . . .
Dr. Watson
“The beggar is taxed for a corner to die in.” – James Russell Lowell
I have an idea, but it will take lots of German speaking people. First we wait until Christmas, when the people of Nakatomi corp are having their Christmas party, and hold them hostage while we try to break into the Nakatomi Corp’s vault and steal billions in bearer bond certificates!
Wait, wait, wait! We’re all forgetting the advice of literary genius L. Ron Hubbard! Just create a religion and get celebrities to join up. Then, you can can scam them out of their money! If it’s been done once, I don’t see why it would fail the second time around.
Fippo-
Uh-Oh! The truck have started to move!
Yeah, but if you do that, make certain that none of the hostage’s husbands’ are cops that are visiting the office. And keep an eye out for any crafty street cops outside the building. Otherwise your plan is doomed to failure.
-PIGEONMAN-
Returns!
The Legend Of PigeonMan - By Popular Demand! Enjoy, enjoy!
D’oh! Talk about bad timing for a simulpost!
-PIGEONMAN-
Returns!
The Legend Of PigeonMan - By Popular Demand! Enjoy, enjoy!
And whatever you do…don’t take off your shoes!
Rip off an amusment park…not a federal offense, and usually, their pick-ups by the banks only happen on weekdays. Wait till a big summer holiday…(fourth of july), when they probably have been doing booming bussiness, and haven’t had a cash pick-up (because of the holiday)…You could clear $4 million easy…Not that I’ve ever thought about it…or am at all bitter for being fired… 
If I had one, I wouldn’t be here. I’d be lazing about on a beach somewhere. Cayman Islands sounds fine to me.
Eat right, exercise daily, live clean, die anyway.
marry up.
I have a friend who is a MAJOR scam artist. However, I have yet to see one of his scams harm anyone. He does have a multimillion dollar get-rich-over-the-course-of-three years sceme, but that’s his, and I can’t divulge it. Here’s one of the minor ones:
First, you must understand my friend has a face that you cannot doubt. This is important. He goes into a chain resturant, like Friendly’s or Bennigans. Eats dinner, and afterwards, asks the waiter to get the manager. He tells the manager: “This was the BEST meal I have EVER had at a Friendly’s. The service was exceptional, the food was delicious, I’m writing a letter to headquarters telling them that this is the BEST Friendly’s in the state. What’s your name, do you have a card?” The manager, giddy, hands over a business card. My friend then flips it over and writes “Good for one free appetizer,” and scribbles the manager’s name. He then goes to a DIFFERENT Friendly’s, and says “Listen, I went to the Palo Alto Friendly’s, and…well, my wife got sick, the meat was bloody, it was horrible. The manager gave me this card, but frankly, I’m a little frightened to go back there. Can you redeem it?” And since you can NEVER doubt anything this man says, they do. Plus, he gets the best service of his life, because they want to make up for the crappy service at the Palo Alto Friendly’s. Afterwards, he calls over the manager, and says “Listen, this was the BEST experiance I’ve ever had at a Friendly’s…”
The man’s gonna take over the world, mark my words.
One must have chaos in oneself to give birth to a dancing star. -Nietzche
This is not a scheme, but I felt this was the appropriate place to make my announcement.
My team of researchers has developed a relatively simple and inexpensive method for men to become pregnant and carry the baby to term, even give birth! Just think men, no more saying to your lovely wife, “oh I’m so sorry you are bloated, throwing up, and generally feel rotten, if I could take it all on myself I would.” Now you can! We will release our findings to the media in one month.
In the alternative, if every man in the the world sends us $10 (U.S) we will not release the findings, and will destroy all of our data. If you wish you may send more than $10, to make up for the few who may choose not to participate. The address will be announced soon, get your money ready.