Title should say it all. Not a new idea but technology marches ever forward so perhaps something new has been invented to open up some other avenue.
So. Tell me how I can make a little scratch on the side and/or retire young and wealthy beyond my wildest dreams. Give me your snark, your honest suggestions, your bar stories, your bad jokes and puns…
Note: I currently have one (1) full-time job. So “get a job, you bum” won’t cut it for me!
A cup of juice and a small cookie to the first Doper who suggests selling my blood.
Find a diploma mill online that is willing to give you an MBA. Then, apply for CEO or upper administrative positions. It is obvious to me that “real” MBA’s aren’t worth the paper they are printed on, and even the worst CEO’s make millions. However, that’s all you need to apply for them. Even a shitty stock trader probably makes around 100k a year.
Invent the next Facebook or icanhazcheezburger.com. Every day, make a list of 100 new ideas for websites. Once a year, save up around $1k to launch about 50 of them. Hopefully, one of them will stick.
Similar to #2, adopt some furry animal from the pet shelter. 5 or more is better. Make videos of them doing dumb things, and paste them all over youtube. If one of them becomes an internet celebrity, plaster that animal’s face on every 10 cent item you can get your hands on: mugs, t-shirts, pens etc. That goddamn Maru is probably a millionaire by now.
I got this idea from stardock.com: Start a company that makes stupid apps and utilities with a business-ish function, like a day planner with an alarm. Then, use the income to make video games. If the game fails (which most do,) you still have the apps. If the game hits it big, you’ll make big bucks.
Similar to #3: find an artist (if you can write) or a writer (if you can draw) and start a weekly internet comic strip, like Dr. McNinja or oglaf. If any of your characters are even marginally popular, start the merchandising machine. If not, close down and start over.
Read up on the newest waves of self-help books, infomercials, and religeous fads. Now start your own new age, health cure, or similar movement based on crystals, magnets, or even better something cool and new but at the same time old and traditional to some obscure group. As leader you can sell the money/health/boner acorns to everyone who needs some hope and then make even more from the true faithful who come to your lectures.
Mexico is about ready for a franchise of the pirate business the Somalis are running.
Cloud-in-a-bottle. Surely someone would pay for that. Claim that this one was collected over a volcano, or that one over the Holy Land, or this one over here from over a recent meteor impact site. They could keep it and look at it, or open the bottle and inhale it for vague spiritual and healing effects. $15 US dollars for a 3 oz. bottle.
Also, you know how people pay to have a star named after them? How about paying to name flu outbreaks, or minor storms, say. “The xoferew salmonella outbreak was the worst in three years.” Worth $400. Give it as a gift!
Pah. Maybe 6 years ago you could do that, but today the internet is saturated with shitty and mediocre webcomics. You’d have to put some serious effort in to stand above the crowd, and by that point it’s a job, not a get-rich-quick scheme.
Update an old get rich quick scheme. For example, I was told once about a relative back in horse and buggy days who sent a dollar in to an ad that said, “Secret to Keeping Horses From Drooling!” What he got in return was a note that said, “Teach 'em to spit!”
I immediately thought of an ad that said, “Secret to Keeping Sex Slaves From Drooling!” charging five bucks (inflation, y’know).
Or: pyramid scheme … how about … tetrahedron scheme!
There’s a 13th star sign now (or at least, that’s how it’s been reported everywhere), so start printing up Ophiuchus merchandise and guides on how to adjust to your new star sign.
Start a reality show called “Trainwreck Lives” Find five good looking but drama filled people to spend time together. Make sure they are not opposed to sleeping with each other in every possible combination. Give them access to free alcohol (maybe some drugs, but don’t film that, that would be stupid), and film them. Have one get a great job and have them get fired (you can arrange the whole thing in advance). If one can conceive sextuplets without knowing when other star fathered them, that would be a bonus.
