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Old 04-25-2008, 01:11 PM
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When did you learn about the birds and the bees?


I must have been about 8 or 9. I was a "helper" to the Brownie troop, along with another friend, and the meetings were held in a local church. When we weren't needed, we'd go into another classroom and play with the chalk and erasers on the blackboard.

Anyhoo, one day, in between games of Hangman, she goes into this long involved explanation about where babies come from. I was nonplussed, to say the least. My mother must have noticed my mopiness later that evening, because she asked me what was wrong. I told her what my friend had told me.

To my horror, my mother confirmed it. That seemed like the most icky thing in the world!

I got over my reservations eventually, to say the least.

So, like Santa Claus, when and how did you learn Where Babies Come From?

Last edited by ivylass; 04-25-2008 at 01:12 PM.
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Old 04-25-2008, 01:17 PM
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I was about four or five. My eldest brother, George, and his woman (can't legally say wife, they never signed the papers XP) announced at a family function that they were happily expecting their first child. The next-to-eldest brother, Joe, proceeded to ask why George couldn't keep his stork in his pants... ~.~
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Old 04-25-2008, 01:24 PM
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First Grade, Max Green bought in the book, Where Do Babies Come From? for show and tell, and proceeded to tell us a-a-a-a-all about it. My mom was well pissed.

In Fifth Grade, Larry Someone-or-other told us that babies "came from their mommy's peach-halves." I already knew better, thank bog.
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Old 04-25-2008, 01:39 PM
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I learned about it in church. Sunday school. I was maybe 8 or 9. What was most astounding was that I learned that each of us was once smaller than a period on a printed page. "Even you?", I asked the guy. "Even me", he replied. I was skeptical. The guy was like 19 feet tall.
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Old 04-25-2008, 01:43 PM
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Between my grandfather's magazines and my grandmother's romance novels, I figured it out. Probably by age 9 or 10.
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Old 04-25-2008, 02:32 PM
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Heh. My parents were always pretty hush-hush about sex and other stuff like that (we were Catholic). I never got much actual info out of them, but had pieced most of it together from books. The actual mechanics eluded me.

When I was in grade school, like 7th or 8th grade, I found a bag of pornos in the park while looking for aluminum cans. They weren't Playboys, these were all very hardcore books crammed full of most of the perversions you can think of. Over the next hour I learned about lesbians, strap ons, fisting, anal sex, bdsm, gang bangs, and golden showers. It completely blew my mind.

At first I didn't understand a lot of things. I wondered why people did things that obviously hurt, and concluded that it was like WWF Wrestling. I completely avoided adults over the next few weeks, thinking that they all did all of that stuff. I wondered where my mom kept her big pile of sex toys, and how many men she'd had at once. I would see different people talking and wonder how many times they'd done it and what they did. Through talking to other people about it, I figured out that what I had was the exception, and not the rule. I was relived, because I was quite certain that I didn't want to do half of the things I had seen. But I really wanted to do the other half.

I kept the magazines in a hole in corner of the park. I had them for one really good summer, and then the park managers started a big project to improve the place, and filled in and turfed over any holes they could find.
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Old 04-25-2008, 02:32 PM
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In first grade I apparently made inappropriate advances upon a young man I thought was very cute so my parents sat me down and explained it to me with the help of a book and a 321-Contact video so I would understand exactly what I had said and what it meant and why it wasn't appropriate to do so in the future.
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Old 04-25-2008, 02:39 PM
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I watched some of the older kids engaging in oral sex on the bus ride home from school one day. I was so curious I asked my mom and she ended up getting a medical book and telling me more then I wanted to know. ~8
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Old 04-25-2008, 02:49 PM
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I don't remember ever not knowing. I mean, I'm sure I wasn't born with the knowledge, but we never had The Talk - Mom just always answered questions as they came up. I was the kid all the other kids came to for The Straight Dope, as it were. When I was in preschool, I'd wander around the classroom with a doll stuffed under my shirt, in "labor", and there was a spot behind the easel where we set up our "delivery room".

I do remember being 6 years old (I know that because that was the only year my "other dad" lived with us), announcing to my friends that I thought my mother was going to have a baby soon. My evidence? I had heard her and her boyfriend "practicing" the night before - all the grunts and groans and fast breathing the two of them were doing were obviously a Lamaze practice session!

So I knew about Lamaze techniques and the mechanics of childbirth before I knew what sex sounded like.

Ironically enough, my first boyfriend and I couldn't manage coitus, despite a lot of trying. I, uh, didn't know you sometimes have to bend your legs up for comfortable missionary penetration. I was...oh....15. We did "everything but" for 2 years until we broke up and I dated a guy who wasn't a virgin.
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Old 04-25-2008, 02:54 PM
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I watched a VHS porn tape at a friends house when I was probably 9 or 10 which put the pieces of playground rumor together into coherent enough order that I pretty much got it. I didn't get why everyone was wearing rollerskates or why the guy had a bandanna around his neck though. Yay mid 80's porno!

The rest I picked up later that year at the Sex Ed field trip to the Robert Crown Health Center.
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Old 04-25-2008, 02:59 PM
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I obviously need to have a talk with our youngest, who is 6. He asked me recently, "So when Baby Colin is ready to be borned will you just open up your mouth or something and he'll be there?"

I should also probably have a talk with our 11 year old but honestly, I am scared to hear what he already knows. I think he has the basics down but I'm going to make it a goal to get a book and have the talk over the summer.
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Old 04-25-2008, 03:02 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Oredigger77
I watched some of the older kids engaging in oral sex on the bus ride home from school one day. I was so curious I asked my mom and she ended up getting a medical book and telling me more then I wanted to know. ~8
Kids engaged in oral sex on the school bus! Holy shit!

I was informed in the school yard in probably grade one or two. And then confirmed it by reading the Forum section in my Dad's Penthouses. Wow! I had no idea, I remember thinking. But it sure was interesting.
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Old 04-25-2008, 03:07 PM
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Mom sat me down and had a talk with me. I could hardly believe my ears. When she had finished, she said, "Well?"

I said, "But... but that's fucking!"
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Old 04-25-2008, 03:11 PM
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I was 5 or 6 and playing school at a friend's house and grabbed a book to "teach" from - I had grabbed a book on how to explain sex to your child. I read aloud to the class:

"And then the man places his erect penis into - holy crap! Brett - have you read this???"

So she said "yeah, my mom showed it to me" and I sat there and read it, absolutely amazed.

Aries28 - I got more tongue tied than I thought I would, and my son asked way more questions than I thought he would. I ended up using a book that helped quite a bit. It explained not only the mechanics and logistics of sex, but the whole process of making a baby from hard-on to delivery. If you want I'll look for the title (it was a library book).
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Old 04-25-2008, 03:13 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Napier
Mom sat me down and had a talk with me. I could hardly believe my ears. When she had finished, she said, "Well?"

I said, "But... but that's fucking!"
He he. My 6 year old son's reaction was "You mean to tell me you did that with my dad? And my step-dad?? Is it fun?"
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Old 04-25-2008, 03:19 PM
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My parents were old school and very embarrassed about talking with us on that stuff, and I went to a sub-par rural high school before Sex Ed was even thought about as part of the curriculum in the sticks (though there was no shortage of pregnant unwed 15 year old students walking the hallway in any given year). So I learned piece meal, first from growing up on a farm where dogs/cows/cats/etc. were constantly going at it (I don't remember the first time I saw a cow being bred or dogs going at it, I was too little).
By 10 or so I had the basic facts: "a boy meets a girl and turns her over and rides around on her back with his ding dong plugged into her socket and he stays there until either somebody who doesn't like him shoots a pistol in the air or hits him with a stick or until he's done, then there's a calf or a litter in a few months or weeks".
Then around puberty I started reading sexually explicit historical romances published by PLAYBOY PRESS (an affiliate of the magazine) that were actually pretty good- I learned about cunnilingus and Jacobite uprisings of 1745 at the same time. (I've tried Presbyterianism and fighting an English guy but I've yet to do cunnilingus.)
My reading of these books, incidentally (which my mother also read and discussed with me- she thought it was important that I know the "real" facts about the Battle of Culloden) set off a sort of niche market in my high school- people reading the same passages started buying the books and passing them around! I've wondered if there are any girls from my high school who somehow get horny when they hear bagpipes.)
Like most autodidacts on any subject there were gaps in info, but twixt cows and clans I got the basics. And I learned that limpid pools of eyes will make men's manhood turgid.

Last edited by Sampiro; 04-25-2008 at 03:20 PM.
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Old 04-25-2008, 03:24 PM
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I must have been 7-8 years old when my father explained how a baby develops in the mother's womb, complete with an illustrated book that gave me the impression that the baby came out the mother's ass when it was born. He also must have explained how the baby gets in there to begin with, but this must have gone completely over my head. I was rather sheltered and I didn't really understand the rest of the process until I was 11 or so. Up to that point I had developed many misguided notions about sex (e.g. the father inserts his limp penis into the vagina and urinates in it). I was 15 before I got my first exposure to real porn when a friend got hold of his dad's Hustler magazine (Playboy and Penthouse don't really count, which I had first seen when I was 12.)
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Old 04-25-2008, 03:36 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sampiro
By 10 or so I had the basic facts: "a boy meets a girl and turns her over and rides around on her back with his ding dong plugged into her socket and he stays there until either somebody who doesn't like him shoots a pistol in the air or hits him with a stick or until he's done.
This pretty much describes most of my sexual experiances up to this point in life pretty well actually.

Damn that man with the stick.
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Old 04-25-2008, 03:41 PM
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I didn't learn the mechanics of sexual intercourse until I was in the seventh grade. I knew about the sperm fertilizing the egg, I knew about menstruation, where the baby came out, and so on.

Just not how the sperm and the egg got introduced to each other.

Then, in junior high Phys Ed, we had a sex-ed course. Part of the book was a clinical description of sex, with blood vessels swelling and so on. When I finally wrapped my brain around the picture, I was aghast. But that means...... I mean..... Mom and Dad had to....ewwwww!!! And a lot of scenes in books I had read made a lot more sense.
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Old 04-25-2008, 03:45 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sampiro
I've wondered if there are any girls from my high school who somehow get horny when they hear bagpipes.)
Oh, sweetie, not all of had to read Playboy Press to love a man in a kilt. Rowr.

My daughter is grossed out by kilts...she insists the men are wearing skirts. I've told her they're not, it's a kilt, but she's insisting it's the same thing.

The book that got passed around our junior high was Forever by Judy Blume.
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Old 04-25-2008, 04:03 PM
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I honestly don't remember a time when I didn't know. My mother was always very straightforward with us about things like how babies are made, what sex was, etc. There were children's books on our shelves that showed illustrated adult bodies and explained in drawings how babies were made, developed, and born. It was not a mystery how that stuff worked. She used the proper terms for anatomy--penis, vagina, vulva, clitoris--and even told us at a young age that "the clitoris feels good when you touch it." They were just very scientific and matter-of-fact about it.

Yet, at the same time, our household was otherwise just as prudish as everyone else's. We weren't a "naked family" or anything like that.
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Old 04-25-2008, 04:09 PM
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When I was six, I walked up to my mother and asked, ''Mom, is sex illegal?''

I got what procreation was, in an abstract and technical way, and I also knew that couples did something behind closed doors that they didn't like to talk about, and called it sex. I never made the connection, I just assumed that people were so secretive about it because it was against the law.
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Old 04-25-2008, 04:33 PM
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Probably about five or six, via a library book. I was a boring child.
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Old 04-25-2008, 06:04 PM
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Between kindergarten and third grade, fitting together bits and pieces from rumors gave me a pretty good idea. It was explained in detail in 5th grade sex ed, and again in graphically explicit detail in 7th grade sex ed. 9th grade health class also covered it, but more clinically--the focus was largely on disease and contraception.
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Old 04-25-2008, 06:30 PM
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When I was four years old, I spent an afternoon playing in our sunroom which had wall to wall bookcases. Looking for picture books, I discovered a history book of erotic art. I flicked through it, fascinated, and felt unexplainably excited by the pictures. The Japanese section had the most incredible series of antique drawings depicting a penis on legs fighting a vulva on legs in a sumo 'wrestling ring'. I was pretty much obsessed with sex from then on, but didn't give a damn about babies or where they came from. I think I connected those dots a few years later.
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Old 04-26-2008, 08:57 AM
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I read up on it in the World Book Encyclopedia. (Really!)

They should have suspected I'd grow up to be a librarian.
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Old 04-26-2008, 12:36 PM
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a) Where Babies Come From, including fundamental plumbing (Tab A into Slot B) and that it's not the stomach, some time before 5, with repetitions in response to perpetual child-questions.

b) That there is Lust Involved, and that adults actually do this freaky shit not just "when they love each other enough and want a baby badly enough to do such a totally weird thing, but actually do it for its own sake and babies are often unplanned side-effects: Umm, circa 4th grade, 10-11 years old, after being teased in summer camp & coming home with some Questions.
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Old 04-26-2008, 12:52 PM
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I went to a Catholic school, and in fourth grade, we had "sex ed". They told us about the sperm and the egg...only they didn't tell us how the sperm GOT there in the first place, so it sounded like it just magically transported there.

I asked my mom about it, and she rented this little educational cartoon, like a video version of this.

My reaction? I wasn't grossed out by the concept of sex, only by the realization that my MOM and my DAD did THAT! *shudder*


(Did anyone else previously think that sex was just kissing while naked?)
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Old 04-26-2008, 01:11 PM
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I was seven, maybe eight. A friend said the F word, I asked her what it meant, and she told me. Unlike me she had the advantage of older brothers and sisters, as well as less uptight parents. I had the classic reaction of "eewww, my parents never did THAT".

My father eventually took it upon himself to give me the talk when I was about 12. I was trying to spare him the embarrassment by telling him that there was no need, that we'd already learned all that in sex education at school, when the doorbell or phone rang, and that was the end of that.
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Old 04-26-2008, 01:41 PM
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Birds shit on your head and bees sting. What else is there to know?



Oh, you mean when did I learn about sex? Well, heck, I'm still learning and I hope I never stop learning.

The biology part of it was pretty obvious from watching farm animals by the time I started to school.
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Old 04-26-2008, 03:07 PM
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I was 9 years old. I found the stack of old Playboy magazines that my Dad had stuck in the closet of the spare bedroom/sewing room upstairs.

In those days (1974), Playboy was pretty tame (plus these were probably older issues that he really DID buy for the articles).

I remember lots of whipped cream on the privates.

But, still, I just knew there was something good going on in those pages, it was buried in there somewhere. So I surreptitiously delved through them for a couple of days.

It didn't take long until I got bored with porn-lite. So next I started to organize the magazines. In chronological order. That was a lot more interesting. Had them spread ALL over the floor one afternoon when my Mom finally got curious about what I'd been doing in that room & opened the door.

She freaked.

So it was time for the Official Birds & Bees talk, presented by both parents and sponsored by Nytol -- the first thing my Dad did was launch into the etymology of the phrase "the Birds and the Bees". By the time he was finished with THAT, I no longer cared about any of it.

Although I suddenly understood half the jokes on One Day at a Time.

Five years later I babysat for a couple who had The Joy of Sex on their living room bookshelf, which cleared up any lingering confusion over the mechanics of the act.

Last edited by fessie; 04-26-2008 at 03:08 PM.
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Old 04-26-2008, 03:22 PM
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I knew how babies were born by age 4 or 5, since it's hard not to know when you beef cattle.

The sperm and egg bits I grokked fairly early, too- definitely by age 6.

In second grade, I was bored at the craft fair thing on the rez, so I read all the pamphlets in the community center. One of them was about "your maturing body!" and I figured out the rest.

I didn't actually get until fifth grade just how NAKED people usually are during sex (I saw the "teen couple forgets to turn off the web cam during sex" joke website), and it freaked me out. It still scares me, when I think about it- so much flesh. But that's just me being neurotic.
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Old 04-26-2008, 03:40 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sampiro
I learned about cunnilingus and Jacobite uprisings of 1745 at the same time. (I've tried Presbyterianism and fighting an English guy but I've yet to do cunnilingus.)
This is probably the best thing I've read all week! Ha!

Anyway, I've known the basic facts of procreation as long as I can remember. My mom is ex-Catholic and didn't want it to be a big mystery like it was when she was a kid. That's not to say she told me much about sex - I learned about that through various porn stashes.
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Old 04-26-2008, 05:44 PM
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I knew how babies were born by age 4 or 5, since it's hard not to know when you beef cattle.

Just gonna let that one go... don't want to, but I'm gonna take the high road...
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Old 04-26-2008, 08:10 PM
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Don't lie to us, Sampiro...you're just trying to build that perfect pithy comeback in your basement, and you needed to run out and get some extra shellac.
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Old 04-26-2008, 11:27 PM
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I don't recall either of my parents ever having any kind of 'talk' with me.

I am pretty sure I pieced things together mostly through reading, I was reading pretty advanced novels for my age.

And... I accidentally found a *videotape* my parents had made. I was looking for something in a drawer and discovered it, as I recall. VHS tapes weren't really labeled well in my house. Oops.
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Old 04-27-2008, 12:03 AM
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I remember this one well actually- I was in the 3rd grade, and I was reading the book Cujo at the time. And there's a scene in it, when the Husband is yelling over the phone at a Police officer who is describing the husband's bedroom to him (since I believe the Husband was away at the time, and his wife was having an affair).
Anyways, there's a point where the Husband just gets angrier and angrier until he yells over the phone (much to the horror of his friend just standing nearby) something to the effect of "Goddammit! How can you be so calm when telling me there's another man's CUM all over my bed!"

And I remember being confused as a child, because they misspelled come- I was thinking the the man arrived at the bed, and I was trying to figure out the context of why a man having an affair would come to the bed when the police was there.

Finally, the thought struck me to go check and encyclopedia, and I couldn't find it. So I did the dictionary- and BOY did that open up my eyes to a whole bunch of other stuff to look up!

Interestingly enough, there was a sex scene earlier in the book, and it never phased me, because I understood the mechanics of Sex, but only in an "insert A into slot B" sort of way that you get from the Encyclopedia when looking up Fertilization. It never struck me that stuff came OUT of a guy when you were doing that stuff.

So yeah, Stephen King taught me more about Sex than my parents ever would.
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Old 04-27-2008, 12:20 AM
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I pieced things together from awkward conversations with my mother, embarrassing videos in sex ed, filthy jokes on the school bus, furtive research in our encyclopedia, and hidden romance novels. By the time I was 12/13 I had a decent handle on the mechanics and why the idea was appealing. (Then my mom got pregnant with my little brother and I realized ew! ew! ew! and desperately wanted some brain bleach.)
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Old 04-27-2008, 01:25 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sampiro

Just gonna let that one go... don't want to, but I'm gonna take the high road...
*head desk*

Pretend there's either a "have" or a "raise" before "beef cattle."

I really need to self-edit more.
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Old 04-27-2008, 01:52 AM
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About the time I was 8, my mom took The Talk as her personal civic duty and decided to show a video on sex, puberty, and pregnancy to me and all my neighborhood girl friends.
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Old 04-27-2008, 10:47 AM
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When I was in 1st grade, my mom got pregnant. Being a bookworm, I didn't go ask mom and dad my questions about pregnancy; I went and devoured the relevant sections of the school library. Of course the sections on sex ed were directly relevant and were read attentively. For some reason, I never had the grossed-out reaction so many describe re: "My parents did that?"

The funny part (now part of family lore) came when my parents were talking to my aunt and uncle on the telephone to let them know re: pregnancy. My aunt asked to speak to me and asked me some kind question about was I excited or nervous about my becoming an elder sister shortly. I said no, I understood how it was all coming to pass and explained everything I had gathered from my reading to my bemused aunt in mispronounced but otherwise correct medical /scientific language (for example, Ō pronounced uterus as "utter-us"). My parents were simultaneous proud and mortified, as this six-year old was "lecturing" a practising anaesthesiologist about sex ed and reproduction.
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Old 04-27-2008, 06:14 PM
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I kind of realized that the two parts fit together and that it couldn't be a coincidence when I was 7 or so, and figured the rest out from there.

Last edited by Br'er Lapin; 04-27-2008 at 06:14 PM. Reason: misplaced comma
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Old 04-27-2008, 09:23 PM
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Incidentally, for gay guys (and I'm guessing lesbians too) there are actually two answers to this question: "when did you learn about the birds and the bees?" and "when did you learn about the birds and the birds?" The gays I've known (anecdotal I know) usually learned the mechanics of gay sex much later, usually after they came out and often in a sort of "trial and error" when they became sexually active. (I actually credit the promiscuity of many gay males in large part to this, and in part to the "going hogwild once you've realized what you are", and the other 50% to male libidos.)

Last edited by Sampiro; 04-27-2008 at 09:25 PM.
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Old 04-28-2008, 06:53 AM
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Originally Posted by fessie
Five years later I babysat for a couple who had The Joy of Sex on their living room bookshelf, which cleared up any lingering confusion over the mechanics of the act.
Hey, I babysat for them too! I couldn't put those kids to bed fast enough.
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Old 04-28-2008, 08:38 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sampiro
Incidentally, for gay guys (and I'm guessing lesbians too) there are actually two answers to this question: "when did you learn about the birds and the bees?" and "when did you learn about the birds and the birds?"
Well, us straight(ish) folk, too. I do remember having a talk with my mom about "swishy" men. I must have been about 9 or 10 the first time. First, she started with the "ofcoursethere'snothingwrongwiththat" and then said that when she was in school, NO ONE talked about it, because no one knew it was possible, but there were a few guys who "weren't right" nonetheless, and looking back on it, she could tell they were "a little light in the loafers". Once I dug my way through her euphamisms, I figured out that gay men were men who loved other men, but I don't think I thought much about the physical acts they might enjoy together. I know for years I thought they were limited to blow jobs and hand jobs - anal sex didn't occur to me until later. (I think my brother's Penthouse might have been involved in that realization.)

My kids, by the way, have been raised with me saying things like, "So one day, when you have a boyfriend or a girlfriend, I'll have this naked baby picture to embarrass you with! Mwah-hah-hah!" I'm an equal opportunity terrorist.
  #46  
Old 04-28-2008, 09:56 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ivylass
When did you learn about the birds and the bees?
About the which, now?
  #47  
Old 04-28-2008, 10:05 AM
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Well, I knew about the doggies and the bitches from an early age, as well as about the stallions and the mares (there used to be a military depot with stallions in my home town), the donkeys and she-donkeys, the... you get the picture... since a pretty early age. I also knew by age 5 that promised babies don't always make it out in a single, hale piece. I do know I actively avoided thinking about the actual details of how it got done in our species until pretty much the time I got my period, though.

In 5th grade we got a megacomprehensive sex-ed class which included such things as the advantages and disadvantages of different anti-baby methods. Some parents were outraged, sadly, including mine...
  #48  
Old 04-28-2008, 10:07 AM
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I used to play doctor with this girl and really fool around. One day we got caught. Luckily it was a Wednesday, and we were just playing golf.
  #49  
Old 04-28-2008, 10:25 AM
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Seriously...

I don't know when it was, but I was given a book appropriate for my tender age. It was unabashedly graphic and descriptive except for one critical part. "When the mother and father love each other very much and decide to have a baby, the man lies down next to the woman. The sperm travels from the man to the woman and fertilizes the egg. Nine months later..."

WAIT A FUCKING MINUTE! Didn't you leave something out? I puzzled over that inadequate passage for years, since I had very little opportunity to learn from other sources, good or bad. Just HOW does the sperm do that? Is there a button to press? Do you need music? A special tool? A special diet?
  #50  
Old 04-28-2008, 11:10 AM
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My dad, who was a mechanic, had boxes and boxes of porn (Hustler Humor, Hustler, Playboy, Penthouse, etc etc) so I was probably one step ahead of most kids my age (I was 6) on knowing what parts of the body were for and how they fit in various places. I also knew this is stuff that older people do - not kids with undeveloped parts.

However, when I was 8, one of my mom's friends was pregnant and her belly was round - like she swallowed a melon. The woman's son (10) and daughter (8) proceeded to explain to me about the birds and the bees. I didnt believe them so I told my mom. My mom confirmed they were correct and I was pissed because I believed that babies came from the cabbage patch (this is around the time the dolls started to become popular) and I cried, screaming at my mom that she was wrong (after all, the semen is sprayed on the face or some other part of the outside body).
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