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  #1  
Old 05-02-2008, 10:10 AM
FUTBOL! FUTBOL! is offline
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Moving on up-- TO HELL! Mr. Sick (Chick) really skewers evilution AGAIN! CHECKMATE!

No Peggy, just A Linc:

A Very "Moving" Tract

Let me be the first to congratulate Hack for continuing to "outdo" himself. Yup, his apparent goal is to compete with the stupidity of previous tracts on evolution. And of course he succeeded. This makes his first attempt at making non-monkeys out of us ("Big Daddy") look like a technical journal in comparison, even before the rewrites!

And, isn't it ironic how "Big Daddy" went through two more editions to look less silly even to hard-core fundies? (And I'll soon provide a link to that.)

There's wayyy too much to comment on right away (again!) but let's just look at the panel with Spike in it. That's Page 8, Panel B. How SILLLLY that people actually believe stuff without a second thought just because it's WRITTEN DOWN IN BOOKS!



Of course, JTC means books other than the Bible.

* * *

The monkey who was our father seemed happy to lose his tail. I wonder whether the first snake was as happy to lose his limbs. But, more seriously: How can anybody believe it would be godly-good or even make sense for all descendants to also be limbless, just because "Satan" (nowhere mentioned in Genesis) decided to possess one (according to JTC and others like him)?

And isn't it a bit scary how young kids can be to be sent into fire-for-eternity just for the "wrong" choice of fairy-tales?

(Although Hack has hinted at this before in several tracts, including the Susie-starring ones, and a few much earlier ones.)




* * *

(Me.)

Last edited by fluiddruid; 05-02-2008 at 10:35 AM.. Reason: Fixed link
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  #2  
Old 05-02-2008, 10:20 AM
Mangetout Mangetout is online now
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Your link is busted.

http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/...1_01.asp&wpp=a
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  #3  
Old 05-02-2008, 10:25 AM
Mangetout Mangetout is online now
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This one is a real return to form for Mr Chick. a lot of his recent offerings have been pretty lacklustre, but this one is really bubbly and stupid. Nearly a 1:1 ratio of lies, strawmen and other assorted fallacies per panel.
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  #4  
Old 05-02-2008, 10:38 AM
FriarTed FriarTed is online now
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I didn't know Jack was writing a bio on Richard Dawkins!


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  #5  
Old 05-02-2008, 10:40 AM
shy guy shy guy is offline
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Hey, this one was pretty awesome. Some highlights -

Fang!

The course of human evolution looks like this:

Goo -> dots -> tadpoles -> fish -> fish with human-looking legs -> hairy frogs -> monkeys -> monkeys without tails -> various early primates and cavemen -> modern fat guy.

Awesome!

I love, love, love the cover of Darwin's "Evolution" with a spear-wielding caveman fighting a Tyrannosaurus.

Tyler also makes a pretty impressive leap toward Nazi ideology. I will say, however, that his initial reaction when Kathy comes skipping up to him to tell him about Jesus is hilarious and pretty much what my reaction would be if I were him.

I love that Tyler has never heard of Jesus, but as soon as someone tells him about Jesus, he knows exactly why we ban Jesus in schools.

I absolutely cracked up at that panel of Death claiming Tyler. "Hi there."

Gotta say, this is definitely one of my all-time faves.
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  #6  
Old 05-02-2008, 10:47 AM
Duck Duck Goose Duck Duck Goose is offline
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Wow. The part where he manages to imply that scientists are white supremacists is just...masterful. You can't buy that kind of subtlety.
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  #7  
Old 05-02-2008, 10:59 AM
Baldwin Baldwin is offline
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Cathy: "Jesus shed his blood to wash away our sins!"

Tyler: "Ouch!"

How can this not earn a Peabody?
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  #8  
Old 05-02-2008, 11:06 AM
jjimm jjimm is offline
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To me, it proves evolution, since the devil appears to undergo evolutionary metamorphoses from panel to panel.

WAKE UP!
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  #9  
Old 05-02-2008, 11:09 AM
Athena Athena is offline
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Wow, evolution leads to racism! I never knew that. Pretty handy how all the stuff Chick doesn't like sorta flow into each other and then poof! You're in hell.
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  #10  
Old 05-02-2008, 11:21 AM
jk1245 jk1245 is offline
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In addition to the oh so subtle "master race" and "final solution" comments, love the implication that

evolution = OK to lie, cheat, and murder.

All in all, one the Jack's best efforts.

A++++ would read again!!
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  #11  
Old 05-02-2008, 11:26 AM
Baldwin Baldwin is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jk1245
In addition to the oh so subtle "master race" and "final solution" comments, love the implication that

evolution = OK to lie, cheat, and murder.
I love Tyler's crazy eyes when he has that epiphany.
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  #12  
Old 05-02-2008, 11:33 AM
Captain Amazing Captain Amazing is offline
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For me, it's the little details...the cat trying to get to the bowl in panel 4, and also the newspaper that says "truth". The pollywog in panel 6 saying "Wheeeeee!", the really pensive fish in panel 7, the confused hairy frog in panel 9, later, the bird about to eat the anxious worm, the cow, the angel pitching him into hell.

This actually is one of Chick's better ones.
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  #13  
Old 05-02-2008, 11:43 AM
BrainGlutton BrainGlutton is online now
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His drawing ability sure ain't improving with age.
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  #14  
Old 05-02-2008, 11:56 AM
HazelNutCoffee HazelNutCoffee is offline
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His latest ones were pretty boring, but this one is awesome.

The polywogs are so cute! I want one!
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  #15  
Old 05-02-2008, 12:03 PM
An Arky An Arky is offline
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Awesome tract.

I love the omnipotently benevolent and loving god (faceless in a big chair) tossing Tyler into the lake of fire.

Apropos of nothing, my band's forthcoming debut CD cover is going to be of some interest of Chick fans...

Last edited by An Arky; 05-02-2008 at 12:03 PM..
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  #16  
Old 05-02-2008, 12:34 PM
Shodan Shodan is online now
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Meh. A Jack Chick tract without a "Ha! Ha! Ha!" just doesn't feel right to me.

I did like the monkey evolving into a fat guy with a golf club, though.

Regards,
Shodan
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  #17  
Old 05-02-2008, 12:48 PM
tdn tdn is offline
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Originally Posted by An Arky
Apropos of nothing, my band's forthcoming debut CD cover is going to be of some interest of Chick fans...
Linkypoo?
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  #18  
Old 05-02-2008, 12:49 PM
tdn tdn is offline
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Originally Posted by Shodan
I did like the monkey evolving into a fat guy with a golf club, though.
Oh, I know, I so want that on a T-shirt.

Actually, I have a shirt kind of like that, but the most evolved guy is a guy hunched over a computer keyboard.
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  #19  
Old 05-02-2008, 01:12 PM
delphica delphica is offline
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Oh, bravo! Despite the sad lack of HAW HAW HAWs, the enthusiasm, the joie de vive, the downright perkiness of this comic is simply stellar.

I especially like Tyler's response to the Adam and Eve story: "What a bummer." That's worthy of John Milton, it is.

I give it two (opposable) thumbs up.
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  #20  
Old 05-02-2008, 01:17 PM
mobo85 mobo85 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by True Blue Jack
How SILLLLY that people actually believe stuff without a second thought just because it's WRITTEN DOWN IN BOOKS!



Of course, JTC means books other than the Bible.
According to Chick tracts, the only other reliable books besides the Bible are those published by Chick Publications.


I must agree that Chick is back to his old self in this tract. The Grim Reaper saying "Hi there" is as amusing as any classic Chick moment. Plus, the title reminds me of The Jeffersons.

It's interesting that this tract comes out around the same time as the film Expelled, as both of them (from what I've heard about the film, which I haven't seen) have some of the same ideas- that "Darwinism" is a sort of religion ("Our religion is called evolution") and that eugenics and Nazi racism is an offshoot of evolutionary theory (Tyler is referred to as believing himself to be part of a blue-eyed, blond-haired "master race," obviously a reference to Nazi beliefs).

In fact, if you use Chick Logic™ (which is the opposite of real logic, of course), I've come up with an idea that could be used for a future tract. According to Chick Logic™ (also Ben Stein Logic™), the Nazis were inspired by Darwin's theory of survival of the fittest that they were better than anyone else. According to Chick Logic™, the Gestapo was run by the Jesuits, helping the Catholic Hitler to eradicate all non-Catholics in order to help the Church in their quest to destroy all non-Catholics and take over the world. And, as the most famous tenet of Chick Logic™ states, Satan invented the Catholic Church as a bastardization of Christianity as part of his quest to take over the world. In 1996, Pope John Paul II stated that the theory of evolution does not in any way contradict the teachings of the Catholic Church: a body may change, but the soul, created by God, remains the same. And what is not transubstantiation if not evolution- simple bread and wine transforms, or evolves, into the supposed body and blood of Jesus Christ! Thus, more evidence that the Catholic Church is not the true church and that Evolution is a Satanic plot! Gee, Chick Logic™ is so easy to come up with.
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  #21  
Old 05-02-2008, 01:24 PM
Soul Soul is offline
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That was magnificent.

When Death said "Hi there," I completely lost it. Sprayed Coke Zero all over the freaking monitor. Tyler's eyes were hilarious as well. It also kinda looks like the Darwin fighting the T-Rex might be related to the guy with the spear standing in front of the cross stabbing at Jesus. Perfect!
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  #22  
Old 05-02-2008, 01:45 PM
Eben Eben is offline
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Lie! Here's an absolute: the words of God (KJV)!
Easily my favorite part. The implication that the King James Version is the only real version of the Bible is just too funny.
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  #23  
Old 05-02-2008, 02:00 PM
BrainGlutton BrainGlutton is online now
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Eben
Easily my favorite part. The implication that the King James Version is the only real version of the Bible is just too funny.
Believe it or not, one issue of Chick's Crusader Comics is all about that -- the KJV is the only True-Word-of-God translation and all others are corruptions inspired by the Gnostic "Alexandria Cult" (and by Satan, of course, who is shown as standing at translators' shoulders).

Personally, I think Chick is a demon-posessed shill whom Satan is using to make the very idea of Satan look ridiculous.

Last edited by BrainGlutton; 05-02-2008 at 02:02 PM..
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  #24  
Old 05-02-2008, 02:07 PM
Mr. Miskatonic Mr. Miskatonic is online now
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With Tyler's comments about Master Race's, I'd say Chick is trying to cash in on 'Expelled'-mania.

Edit: Which Mobo85 pretty much said already...

Last edited by Mr. Miskatonic; 05-02-2008 at 02:09 PM..
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  #25  
Old 05-02-2008, 02:14 PM
Shodan Shodan is online now
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I'm so ashamed I misspelled "Haw! Haw! Haw!" I must be descended from a monkey.

Regards,
Shodan
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  #26  
Old 05-02-2008, 02:36 PM
Jackmannii Jackmannii is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Baldwin
Cathy: "Jesus shed his blood to wash away our sins!"

Tyler: "Ouch!"
I thought the "Ouch!" part came when we lost our tails.

I agree though, a fine Chick effort. Maybe a bit too subtle for Ben Stein, but entertaining nonetheless.
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  #27  
Old 05-02-2008, 02:50 PM
Cervaise Cervaise is offline
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Originally Posted by HazelNutCoffee
The polywogs are so cute!
Polywog = ethnic swinger?
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  #28  
Old 05-02-2008, 02:51 PM
LilShieste LilShieste is offline
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Originally Posted by Soul
It also kinda looks like the Darwin fighting the T-Rex might be related to the guy with the spear standing in front of the cross stabbing at Jesus. Perfect!
Jesus was riding on the back of the T-Rex - you just couldn't see him.

My favorite part was the "plop" sound made by Tyler, when he "croaked". Like a frog falling into a toilet.
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  #29  
Old 05-02-2008, 02:53 PM
Ogre Ogre is offline
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Ooooh, this one's suitable for framing. Nice work, Mr. Chick!
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  #30  
Old 05-02-2008, 03:04 PM
pravnik pravnik is offline
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I love Tyler's little leap of logic into eugenics. "My hair is blond and I have blue eyes, so...I'm above all others! I'm part of the master race!" What part of your mom's hilariously stupid explanation of evolution did you get that from, you little fascist?
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  #31  
Old 05-02-2008, 03:04 PM
kingpengvin kingpengvin is offline
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Originally Posted by Shodan
Meh. A Jack Chick tract without a "Ha! Ha! Ha!" just doesn't feel right to me.

I did like the monkey evolving into a fat guy with a golf club, though.

Regards,
Shodan

You mean HAW HAW HAW!

I love how they define Relative as meaning "whatever you feel" Hilarious in that it assumes its audience is incredibly dense and that it doesn't even give a correct definition.

I was hoping the story would end with "And that little boy who didn't know who Jesus was grew up to be the head of the Illanois Nazi Party... and now you know the rest of the story"

Lake of fire suits though... I think this will have to be our next Chick Tract theatre
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rlsNwamTUBc
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  #32  
Old 05-02-2008, 03:10 PM
Hamlet Hamlet is offline
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My favs:

The "Wiggle Wiggle" and "wheeee!"
Tyler's hypno-eyes when morality dies.
"plop".
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  #33  
Old 05-02-2008, 03:16 PM
ivylass ivylass is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Soul
That was magnificent.

When Death said "Hi there," I completely lost it.
That and the "plop" as Tyler "croaked."

And science believes man's greatest achievement is losing our tails?

What's sad is that some people do not read these for entertainment.
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  #34  
Old 05-02-2008, 03:46 PM
Zebra Zebra is offline
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Of course we must always believe what scientists say...
Others claim to know but they are ones who guide us.

If you change the word scientist to preacher, then Chick would be happy.
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  #35  
Old 05-02-2008, 03:54 PM
FUTBOL! FUTBOL! is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Soul
That was magnificent.

When Death said "Hi there," I completely lost it. Sprayed Coke Zero all over the freaking monitor.
First, to pretty much everybody who responded:

I don't know whether I have already made this clear in previous Chick rants, but here goes:

I fully appreciate the kind of fannish enthusiasm felt for some of his "better" productions. There's definitely a kind of guilty pleasure that some of the tracts give me.

Heck, I may someday even develop a site for Chick pubs, similar to Kurt's site (I promised a link soon) but with a less friendly spirit.

There's a whole paradoxical feel to it, which reminds me of one of the few bits of dialog from "The Life of Riley." It concerns a rather spooky single male neighbor named Waldo, played by Sterling Holloway, who was one of the regular cast.

Once someone expressed concern to Riley about Waldo's appearance, re health. He blandly dismissed this, by observing that the healthier he actually is, the sicker he looks.

* * *

Ah, to be new at all this. There was actually a fairly early tract, early 1970's in spite of the 2002 revision cover date, that is actually titled "Hi There!"

http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0076/0076_01.asp

(Not taking any chances on a broken link again.)

Not only does it include perhaps the first expression of the phrase (unless "This was your Life", one of the very earliest has the death angel saying it) but I think that the peanut butter sandwich metaphor, plus some of the other quirks will send you back in hysterics. Best put away that Coke Zero and any other "sprayable" or "chokable" food items.

Official Warning: MNBFS!

Both tracts are available at Chick's own site.

* * *

JTC

TBJ
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  #36  
Old 05-02-2008, 04:46 PM
Mangetout Mangetout is online now
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Quote:
Originally Posted by True Blue Jack
Ah, to be new at all this. There was actually a fairly early tract, early 1970's in spite of the 2002 revision cover date, that is actually titled "Hi There!"

http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0076/0076_01.asp
Hey, God had a face back then.

I also learned from this one that you can recognise bad people by their lumpy, scrunched-up faces.
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  #37  
Old 05-02-2008, 04:51 PM
Tuckerfan Tuckerfan is offline
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So the ad at the bottom says
Quote:
Originally Posted by Google ads
Science Sux
You've seen the gaps now buy the Tee-Shirt
sciencesux.com
I click the link and get
Quote:
Originally Posted by referred web page
The web site you have requested doesn't exist

The associated domain name has been reserved by a GANDI's customer and parked as unsued.
Heh, heh, heh.
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  #38  
Old 05-02-2008, 05:32 PM
Colibri Colibri is online now
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My favorite is the other family pet besides the cat. WTF is that!? It looks like a cross between a crocodile, and aardvark, and a giant anteater. And why does it first appear as a picture on the wall?

I'm certain Jack must have done a shitload of acid when he was younger.
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  #39  
Old 05-02-2008, 05:37 PM
Tuckerfan Tuckerfan is offline
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Originally Posted by Colibri
My favorite is the other family pet besides the cat. WTF is that!? It looks like a cross between a crocodile, and aardvark, and a giant anteater. And why does it first appear as a picture on the wall?

I'm certain Jack must have done a shitload of acid when he was younger.
Nah, nobody who's done a bunch of acid could be as unhip as Chick. After all, doing acid teaches you that science is really cool and offers you things like better living through chemistry. Religion just offers you a bunch of uptight people.
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  #40  
Old 05-02-2008, 06:12 PM
HazelNutCoffee HazelNutCoffee is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Colibri
My favorite is the other family pet besides the cat. WTF is that!? It looks like a cross between a crocodile, and aardvark, and a giant anteater. And why does it first appear as a picture on the wall?

I'm certain Jack must have done a shitload of acid when he was younger.
I just noticed that. What IS that?

Say what you want about Jack Chick. He is definitely meticulous about the details. Even details that included whatever-the-fuck that animal is supposed to be.
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  #41  
Old 05-02-2008, 06:18 PM
SpazCat SpazCat is offline
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I liked the "fish got legs!" panel and Death's greeting to Tyler, but that was about it. Needs more Possum Demon.

Quote:
Originally Posted by True Blue Jack
Ah, to be new at all this. There was actually a fairly early tract, early 1970's in spite of the 2002 revision cover date, that is actually titled "Hi There!"

http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0076/0076_01.asp

(Not taking any chances on a broken link again.)
It's good to see a HAW HAW again.
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  #42  
Old 05-02-2008, 06:25 PM
Snarky_Kong Snarky_Kong is offline
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I like how Jesus is like "I'm sorry, but I did everything I could think of to let you know I'm your savior. You have to burn now."

Yes, the only think you could think of was a book that's self contradictory and the message cannot be confirmed or investigated in any way until you die. Jesus is fucking retarded.
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  #43  
Old 05-02-2008, 06:36 PM
Tuckerfan Tuckerfan is offline
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Originally Posted by SpazCat
I liked the "fish got legs!" panel and Death's greeting to Tyler, but that was about it.
See, that's where Chick screwed up, as everyone knows that clam's got legs.
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  #44  
Old 05-02-2008, 06:50 PM
desdinova desdinova is offline
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I had actually stopped paying attention to new Chick tracts because the quality (okay hilarity) seemed to have taken a severe nosedive in recent years. This one, however, was a true return to form. The picture of the vampire bat/dog/whatever thing on the 7th page is a nice touch.

Quote:
Originally Posted by True Blue Jack
Ah, to be new at all this. There was actually a fairly early tract, early 1970's in spite of the 2002 revision cover date, that is actually titled "Hi There!"

http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0076/0076_01.asp
THIS IS AN ASS SANDWICH

IT IS MADE OF ASS AND POO
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  #45  
Old 05-02-2008, 06:57 PM
swampbear swampbear is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Colibri
My favorite is the other family pet besides the cat. WTF is that!? It looks like a cross between a crocodile, and aardvark, and a giant anteater. And why does it first appear as a picture on the wall?
That's Chickie Boy's dog Fang. Or is it Spike? I always look for him in Chickie tracks. He's my favorite!

Oh and those Chick You Tubes... thanks a heap! I'll be up half the night now.
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  #46  
Old 05-02-2008, 07:08 PM
mobo85 mobo85 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by True Blue Jack
Ah, to be new at all this. There was actually a fairly early tract, early 1970's in spite of the 2002 revision cover date, that is actually titled "Hi There!"

http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0076/0076_01.asp

(Not taking any chances on a broken link again.)
Sure, but here Death says it as part of a longer intro..."Hi there...we have an appointment to make, Charlie Connors." Which in my mind sounds like it's being said in a deep, disturbing voice like an action hero, saying "Hi there" sarcastically. Just saying "Hi there" makes it sound like he wants to be your friend.
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  #47  
Old 05-02-2008, 07:24 PM
mobo85 mobo85 is offline
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Originally Posted by kingpengvin
Lake of fire suits though... I think this will have to be our next Chick Tract theatre
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rlsNwamTUBc
Oh my. This is hilarious. You guys do a good job. I love Jesus saying "As you can see, I like to quote myself and damn people to Hell who have a problem with that."
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  #48  
Old 05-02-2008, 07:25 PM
Linty Fresh Linty Fresh is offline
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Another Chick staple: The Jewish-looking devil. Speaking of the master race

I swear that half the devils in these pamphlets couldn't come across as more Jewish if they gave the poor hellbound bastards a blintz and advised them on IRA's. Did Chick's last job involve painting tattoos on Russian gangsters or something?
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  #49  
Old 05-02-2008, 08:31 PM
Cervaise Cervaise is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mobo85
Just saying "Hi there" makes it sound like he wants to be your friend.
I imagine it like the very beginning of Peter Gabriel's "Big Time."
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  #50  
Old 05-02-2008, 09:06 PM
friedo friedo is offline
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This tract seems to have some problems in the accuracy department. Since when did Jesus invent the Ten Commandments, for example?

I hear there may be some other factual errors as well.
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