RIDICULOUSLY Corny Jokes, Appropriate for 3rd-Graders

Cafe Society
1

I’ve been appointed to do a standup comedy routine for a gathering of 3rd- and 4th-graders at church next weekend. I need some unbelievably corny jokes (my whole schtick is going to be that I’m incapable of telling a remotely funny joke; they’re all going to be corny zingers - I’ll even have a guy at the drums to provide rimshots).

Here’s what I’ve got so far:

ME (TO STRAIGHT MAN): Hey Justin, a good friend of mine got hurt at work, and now he has a weak back.

STRAIGHT MAN: Oh no, when did that happen?

ME: About a week back. :: rimshot ::

–

ME (TO STRAIGHT MAN): Hey Justin, what’s your favorite baseball team?

STRAIGHT MAN: The St. Louis Cardinals.

ME: I’m sorry?

STRAIGHT MAN: I said “The Cardinals.”

ME: I heard you, I’m just sorry. :: rimshot ::

–

ME (TO AUDIENCE): Have any of you guys ever been to Hawaii?

LETS AUDIENCE RESPOND

ME: Well, I know a little Hawaiian… Her name is Lilo and she’s going into 2nd grade. :: rimshot ::

–

Any more ideas?

TIA

2

What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?

A carrot.

3

What time do you go to the dentist?

Two-thirty
(Tooth-Hurty)

4

What pink and puffy?
A pink puff.

What’s blue and puffy?
A pink puff holdng its breath.

What’s brown and sticky?
A stick.

5

What’s red and sticky?

Baton Rouge.

6

How about elephant jokes? They’re so old that they’re due for a revival.

7

Why is 6 afraid of 7?

Becasue 789!
(7 ate 9, getit?)

8

What’s about a foot long and slippery?
A slipper.

9

Knock-knock!

Who’s there?

Banana!

Banana who?

Knock-knock!

Who’s there?

Banana!

Banana who?

Knock-knock!

Who’s there?

Banana!

Banana who?

Knock-knock!

Who’s there?

Orange!

Orange who?

Orange you glad I didn’t say “banana” again?

10

Knock-knock!

Who’s there?

Annoying Cow!

Annoying Cow wh—MOOOOO.

11

What did Tarzan say when he saw a herd of elephants coming over the hill?

"Hey, here comes a herd of elephants coming over the hill.

What did Tarzan say when he saw a herd of elephants wearing sunglasses coming over the hill?

Nothing; he couldn’t recognize them in disguise.

12

I saw a little girl tell this one on television. Her deadpan delivery just made it.

What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?
Where’s my tractor?

13

Duck walks into a drug store and buys a chapstick. Clerk says will that be cash or charge. Duck says neither ,put it on my bill.

14

[QUOTE=emilyforce]
Knock-knock!

Who’s there?

Annoying Cow!

Annoying Cow wh—MOOOOO.
[/QUOTE]
No no no no! It’s “The Interrupting Cow”!

15

[QUOTE=Ogre]
No no no no! It’s “The Interrupting Cow”!
[/QUOTE]
Nuh uh! It’s ANNOYING Cow. Only you have to be really annoying when you do it. Maybe you can’t be annoying enough so you had to say Interrupting, so there. :stuck_out_tongue:

16

What’s invisible and smells like carrots?

A bunny fart!

17

What did the zero say to the eight?

Nice belt!

18

How do you catch a unique rabbit?

You 'neak up on him!

How do you catch a tame rabbit?

The tame way, you 'neak up on him!

19

[QUOTE=emilyforce]
Annoying Cow!
[/QUOTE]

I’m with Ogre - it’s “interrupting cow.”

As a followup, tell the one about the interrupting starfish. When they get to their second question, cover their face with your palm, your fingers spread out.

20

[QUOTE=emilyforce]
Nuh uh! It’s ANNOYING Cow. Only you have to be really annoying when you do it. Maybe you can’t be annoying enough so you had to say Interrupting, so there. :stuck_out_tongue:
[/QUOTE]
You’re both wrong. It’s Impatient Cow. So there.

What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t work?
A stick.

Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Right where you left him.