I made a connection with a lady online. Just a couple emails. I sent a photo. She says she will not send me one because she is not photogenic. She says “I don’t look good in 2 dimensions, some people are photogenic, I am not.”
then she gives me a few descriptive details about herself…
Alas…alas… I think it is possible for a person to be much more attractive in person than on film… but this refusing to send a photo… How wierd is that? What do you suggest I do?
I am leaning towards saying…well, then let’s just go out on a date then. But I am a bit worried that she may be very unnattractive… Sad physicality is so important…but it matters…
Yes, I think people can be attractive yet not photogenic. Or be attractive yet have major insecurities about having their picture taken. But what would be wrong with taking her at her word for now and setting up a date? Meet her for coffee or something else quick, and see. It’s only an hour or so out of your life. If you don’t like her looks, make it quick and go, and if you do, well then there you are.
ETA: It is weird, though, and should be a red flag for something being wrong. Still wouldn’t hurt to meet her.
I think it’s odd she wouldn’t provide a picture - to me that is a red flag not because I’d think she must be ugly, but I’d think she might have issues. Still, that’s an awful lot of judgment to make based on what may be nothing more than a harmless quirk. Another vote for meeting her briefly.
By the way, how attractive does she SAY she is – “I’m average looking, but I don’t photograph well” or “I’m stunningly gorgeous, but photos don’t do me justice.”
Speaking as a photographer, sure somebody could be very attractive and not photogenic. Some people are just natural in front of the camera, and have a lot of good angles; others aren’t and don’t.
However, even if somebody isn’t photogenic, I still think you can gauge their relative level of attractiveness. Some people certainly look better in pictures, others in person.
Anyhow, just go out for a coffee and judge for yourself.
My mother and daughter are both much more attractive than they appear in most photos. However, they’ve each taken at least the occasional good picture. So I’d have to say it’s a little odd that she doesn’t have even one decent pic to show you…
Go ahead and meet her though – what’s the harm? Maybe she’s right and she’s cute enough in person.
Yes, absolutely! I’m at least reasonably cute (well, husband and boyfriend say ‘gorgeous’ but they’re ahem biased), but my face has some weird angles and bits of chub and these two dents that run down from the inner eye socket along to my cheekbones. Without some talented photography and careful lighting, I look fat and only mildly attractive in photos. There are photos of me that I can look at and say ‘that’s hot’, but they are few, far between, and professionally done.
If your lady-friend is anything like me, she probably hates all photos of her and would prefer to pretend they didn’t exist, because they bear almost no relation to what she sees in the mirror every day.
I’m a fairly attractive person, and not at all photogenic. That said, I do fall more on the “photos don’t do me justice” end of the spectrum than the “ohmygod, who is that hideous beast?!?!” end of the spectrum, and I probably wouldn’t decline to send a photo, or make a big deal about emphasizing my poor relationship with the lens. Of course, I’m all about underpromise and overdeliver anyway.
If you like her so far, and the only thing holding you back is the photo, why? What’s the huge issue with meeting her for coffee? Worst case scenario is that you go on one date with an ugly chick. You’ll live.
I dated a girl like that in college. In person she was remarkably attractive, graceful, and all around awesome, but she was very pale, and she couldn’t smile without it looking posed. In pictures she just kind of looked washed out. I’d show her photo to my friends, and they’d give me a couple of :dubious: . I’d tell them that you just had to see her in motion.
Also, a lot of totally normal people don’t like having their picture taken, even if they’re good looking.
I’d say go for it, and if she turns out to be my old college girlfriend, try not to piss her off! Just trust me on that one. :eek:
She should commission an oil painting , then. If someone is doing online dating and they can’t come up with a single acceptable photograph of themselves, they need to go back to the newspaper classifieds. As shallow as it sounds, a photo is part of the deal. To me it makes her sound like a big neurotic ball of no fun.
The other day I met this truly, truly gorgeous guy. If he hadn’t had a husband already I’d have been hitting on him to beat the band. Anyway I took a few photos of him (we were at a gathering together) but they didn’t come out so good. Okay, I thought, I’ll go look at his Facebook – and none of the dozens of photos there were good either. Here we have this guy who’s really hot in the flesh, who just doesn’t photograph well.
Boy, I keep having that same problem. I respond to an ad, we trade a couple emails, I send my picture, and they decide not to send theirs. Except in my case, the ladies have discovered they’re not that interested in dating now, and stop emailing me, too. Hey, wait a minute! It’s *my *photo that’s driving them away. Go figure, I must not be photogenic.
Personally, I think she should play the game and pick her least bad photo and send it. But, if she’s still corresponding and you think you’re still interested, then what the heck. Roll the dice, set up a short encounter in an easy-to-escape, public place. She’ll probably like that; it will be easy for *her *to get away too, if you turn out to be a schmuck.
There is a guy that I work with who is married to a well known Aussie media figure. His photo pops up in the celebrity media every once in a while and he looks like a real no-hoper. In real life he is strikingly good looking.
I am so with you here. In Internet dating you have to have a screening process, otherwise why bother? Nobody has time to personally meet every single person you connect with online. I’m sorry but even the ugliest schmo can come up with a decent photo. Maybe it’s not a model shot, but at least you know something about what you’re getting into. Geez.
As a photographer, I would say yes. But often women (for some reason it is usually women, at least) think photos of them are not good, when they are not that bad. But there are people who will do absolutely everthing wrong when a camera gets in their face thus making them less attractive. Also lights, skin tone, colors, makeup and lenses can combine to make an attractive person not so attractive.
I have told women especially to go wash their face and hair and come back in a bathrobe, I then they are amazed at what an attractive woman they can be. Other times I work with them with makeup, hair, and clothes to get it just right.
I happen to think my boyfriend is very cute, but he looks odd or goofy in almost all of the photos I’ve seen/taken of him. There are at least a couple good ones but they never really look like he does in person.
Sad physicality is so important…but it matters…