Your nomination for the Sappiest Song Ever.

[Biggirl]

Seasons in the Sun has worn out it's crown. If I hear it come on the oldies station I no longer run screaming and tearing my hair out to change the station. I may even sing a little of it.

Now we need a new king of smaltz. It can't just have insipid music, it also has to have insipid words. My two nominations:

Don't Cry Daddy by Elvis Presley.
Patches by Clarence Carter.

Go ahead, try to beat those.

[minlokwat]

With the holiday season (almost) upon us, I submit Christmas Shoes as a paradigm of schmaltzy drek.

[twickster]

Yooooooooouuuuuuuuu Light up my Liiiiiiiiiiiiiifffffe

[ComeToTheDarkSideWeHaveCookies]

Air Supply, Lost in Love.

[Yllaria]

Honey "See the three, how big it's grown. .. "

or

Never Been to Me

I could probably look up who sang them (or even if I got the titles right), but it has been mercifully erased from my memory and I don't want to endanger that small bit of solace.

[John DiFool]

"Total Eclipse of the Brain Heart"

I would truly feel sorry for any poor sap who dated such a woman, and wouldn't blame him a bit for dumping her.

[Duke]

That "Dear Mr. Jesus" song from a while back has to be a contender.

I'm not going to provide a YouTube link to the video, it's awful. AWFUL.

[Ellen Cherry]

From the Seasons in the Sun Era, how about Run, Joey Run:

Suddenly, a shot rang out, and I saw Julie falling
I ran to her, I held her close, when I looked down, my hands were red,
and here's the last words Julie said...

Daddy please don't, it wasn't his fault, he means so much to me
Daddy please don't, we're gonna get married...just you wait and see.

Pukie!

[chacoguy]

"Puppy Love" by Donny Osmond.

End of Story. Kids these days....<mutter>

[Qadgop the Mercotan]

Maybe it's not number 1, but it's a contender, just likey "Honey", or "Watching Scotty grow". It's called Sometimes When We Touch, by Dan Hill

You ask me if I love you
And I choke on my reply
I'd rather hurt you honestly
Than mislead you with a lie
And who am I to judge you
On what you say or do?
I'm only just beginning to see the real you

Chorus:
And sometimes when we touch
The honesty's too much
And I have to close my eyes and hide
I wanna hold you til I die
Til we both break down and cry
I wanna hold you till the fear in me subsides

It gets a lot worse : http://www.romantic-lyrics.com/ls64.shtml
And the music? <<shudder>>

_{I kinda liked "Patches"}

[Khadaji]

Daddy Don't you walk so fast

[BubbaDog]

Some song about a little kid who talked to truckers on the CB - I can't think of the name of it

[control-z]

Originally Posted by BubbaDog

Some song about a little kid who talked to truckers on the CB - I can't think of the name of it

Is it "Teddy" by Red Sovine?

[WhyNot]

What was that horrid one..."Butterfly Kisses" or something? I have a little girl myself and that song makes me gag.

[SaharaTea]

"Butterfly Kisses." BLECH

[Rube E. Tewesday]

Originally Posted by control-z

Is it "Teddy" by Red Sovine?

There was actually a sequel to that song, by another singer, about the little boy's death. "Teddy Bear's Last Ride". That would be my nominee for this "honour".

[Superfluous Parentheses]

Patches is a good choice.

Please don't go topless, mother (link to mp3 in the article)

and more seriously: Memory.

[Hazle Weatherfield]

Originally Posted by minlokwat

With the holiday season (almost) upon us, I submit Christmas Shoes as a paradigm of schmaltzy drek.

Holy Shit...beaten by the second post. WINNER!

[Annie-Xmas]

George Jones's He Stopped Loving Her Today

[Quasimodem]

Billy, Don't Be A Hero - Bo Donaldson and The Heywoods

Q

[D. Fenestrator]

I'll second "Honey."

There is also some Dan Fogelberg stuff that, to me, is pretty darn sappy. No, I have bleached the titles out of my brain, so I can't list them...

[42fish]

Originally Posted by Yllaria

Honey "See the three, how big it's grown. .. "

or

Never Been to Me

I could probably look up who sang them (or even if I got the titles right), but it has been mercifully erased from my memory and I don't want to endanger that small bit of solace.

Those would be "Honey" by Bobby Goldsboro & "I've Never Been to Me" by Charlene. (For anyone desperately needing to rush out and buy the records.)

[Yllaria]

I knew I shouldn't have re-checked this thread.

[beowulff]

Muskrat Love?

[D. Fenestrator]

You know, I had just about forgotten about "Muskrat Love," and now it's stuck in my head.


Thanks.

[rolandgunslinger]

Love grows where my Rosemary goes - Edison Lighthouse.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tr6H1a7YUac

Sappy as a maple tree.

[choie]

Good choices so far, but some are distinctly lacking that certain maudlin something. Thus I present All By Myself, by Eric Carmen.

[WhyNot]

Originally Posted by choie

Good choices so far, but some are distinctly lacking that certain maudlin something. Thus I present All By Myself, by Eric Carmen.

Maudlin, sure. But who hasn't secretly turned up the volume and wailed along when driving alone?

[Stauderhorse]

How about "I'll Walk" by Bucky Covington?

A guy and a girl have a fight on prom night. She gets out of the car and starts walking down the road, then gets hit by a car, rendering her unable to walk ever again. The guy and girl get married (guilty much?) and she insists on walking down the aisle with her father. Bad, bad, bad.

See for yourself.

[Khadaji]

Rocky I've Never Been In Love Before.

I can't find a YouTube link though

[kunilou]

We've Only Just Begun by the Carpenters

Having My Baby by Paul Anka

Watching Scotty Grow by Bobby Goldsboro (Goldsboro has to be the all-time King of Sap)

I have to stop now. I'm getting sick.

[Biggirl]

How could I have forgotten Shannon? Why, on purpose of course. It went down with the Wreck of the Emund Fitzgerald.

[ShermanAter]

From 1967...Little Becky's Christmas wish

http://www.bigozine2.com/features06/littlebecky.html

I was 8 years old

[ComeToTheDarkSideWeHaveCookies]

How could I forget?

The dearly departed Dan Fogelberg's eternal Run for the Roses

[rolandgunslinger]

Originally Posted by kunilou

We've Only Just Begun by the Carpenters

Having My Baby by Paul Anka

Watching Scotty Grow by Bobby Goldsboro (Goldsboro has to be the all-time King of Sap)

I have to stop now. I'm getting sick.

Quoted for truth.

[phil417]

Barry Manilow's "Mandy". Not only is Barry enjoying his self-pity way too much, but the first time I heard it, the dj followed the song with the comment, "Mandy sounds like a dog." So now I'm thinking of abandoned dogs. Sappy & a definite downer for an animal-lover.

Yllaria, I fourth (fifth?) Honey.

"Butterfly Kisses" is another matter. My older daughter's dad (now deceased) sang this song at her wedding, so now it's a part of our family history.

Love, Phil

[Quasimodem]

Originally Posted by ComeToTheDarkSideWeHaveCookies

How could I forget?

The dearly departed Dan Fogelberg's eternal Run for the Roses

I have to respectfully disagree, CTTDSWHC.

Sorry, I know I'll be in the minority, but I have a "thing" for animals.

Same for the song "Shannon" by Henry Gross.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jxz2wQX3EvA

They can't speak for themselves, so we have to speak for them.

:Shrugs:

Quasi

[dawson]

Close to You by the Carpenters.
The scary thing is that the youtube video is not available due to a third party copyright claim. Someone actually wants to be credited with writing that drivel. What lengths people will go to for fame!

[dawson]

Originally Posted by phil417

Barry Manilow's "Mandy". Not only is Barry enjoying his self-pity way too much, but the first time I heard it, the dj followed the song with the comment, "Mandy sounds like a dog." So now I'm thinking of abandoned dogs. Sappy & a definite downer for an animal-lover.

Yllaria, I fourth (fifth?) Honey.

"Butterfly Kisses" is another matter. My older daughter's dad (now deceased) sang this song at her wedding, so now it's a part of our family history.

Love, Phil

Wouldn't that make you her Dad, which would make you deceased, wouldn't it

[eleanorigby]

Originally Posted by WhyNot

What was that horrid one..."Butterfly Kisses" or something? I have a little girl myself and that song makes me gag.

You beat me to it. Absolutely the worst. Never mind the creepy incestuous undertones. Just blech.

"Mandy" is another contender, but the OP asked for more current stuff. I thought Mandy WAS about a dog!

[Biggirl]

Originally Posted by eleanorigby

"Mandy" is another contender, but the OP asked for more current stuff. I thought Mandy WAS about a dog!

It doesn't have to be current. And cutting out the '70s would disallow some real, um, jewels.

[freckafree]

Forty-one posts and no John Denver?!??

"Sunshine on My Shoulders"?

"Annie's Song"?

"Grandma's Feather Bed"? (OK, this may be more hokey than sappy.)

[Jragon]

Originally Posted by John DiFool

"Total Eclipse of the Brain Heart"

I would truly feel sorry for any poor sap who dated such a woman, and wouldn't blame him a bit for dumping her.

It takes on a COMPLETELY different angle in your mind after you see the video. I think the studio and Tyler had a TOTALLY different picture of the lyrics, especially "turn around bright eyes." Everyone with a functioning mind interpreted that as lubby-dubby... the studio... well, I think the meeting went something like:
"What has eyes that are bright?"
"Ghosts of (or possibly possessed) choir children in ill fitting white robes, obviously! DUH!"
(And make sure you watch all of it, it just gets terrifying at sections)

My nominations:
Hey There Delilah - Plain White T's
Here Without You - 3 Doors Down

I actually like both of these songs but they're still incredibly sappy.

[appleciders]

Originally Posted by Jragon

Hey There Delilah - Plain White T's

I actually like both of these songs but they're still incredibly sappy.

Watch the music video- this is not just a love song, it's a song about how he's gonna lose this girl. Gave me a whole different take on it.


"Never Let You Go" by Tal Bachman is pretty sappy. The Nitty Gritty Dirt Band do some seriously sappy songs sometimes- "Nickel in the Well", "Fire in the Sky", "If This Ain't Love", "Down The Road".

[thirdwarning]

Originally Posted by Qadgop the Mercotan

It's called Sometimes When We Touch, by Dan Hill



It gets a lot worse : http://www.romantic-lyrics.com/ls64.shtml
And the music? <<shudder>>

But it's so much fun to sing along when you're alone, especially in the car. It just dries out for over-emoting.

[Jragon]

Originally Posted by appleciders

Watch the music video- this is not just a love song, it's a song about how he's gonna lose this girl. Gave me a whole different take on it.

I know that, I think we just have different definitions of sappy.

[kaylasdad99]

I don't see Feelings, as presented by the redoubtable Morris Albert, up there...

[caligulathegod]

Li'l Markie: Diary of an Unborn Child. [/thread]

It takes three whole minutes to get to the singing part, but when you do it is the most demented sappy song ever.

[installLSC]

Two country nominees:
Modern--"Moments" by Emerson Drive. Guy finds homeless man about to jump off a bridge. He tries to talk the man down. While talking, the jumpee reveals how he helped so many others as a younger man. All wedded to the stickly synth strings and pointless key change all bad modern country ballads have.
Older--"No Charge" by Melba Montgomery. Kid gives mom a bill for all the chores he does. Mom points out all the things (the pain of giving birth, paying for college, etc.) she does for him for no charge. At the end of the song, he writes "no charge" on his bill. Even worse string arrangement. Oddly enough written by Harlan Howard, who wrote classics like "I Fall to Pieces".

[kitemaker_chuck]

We had joy, we had fun
We had seasonis in the sun.....

I think it was "sung" by Terry Jacks