I nominate Teddy Bear by Red Sovine.
“Asleep” or “back to the old house” by the Smiths. or numerous others
There Can Be Only One.
Drag queen standard I’ve Never Been to Me would probably place, especially the spoken part.
If religious glurge counts, then it’s a battle royale that would make Game of Thrones pale, but Dear Mr. Jesus would definitely be a contender for the first half season. (It’s the only song that’s ever made me want to beat a child.)
“Soliloquy” by Rogers and Hammerstein from Carousel. Leave no cliche unused.
Seasons in the Sun
God I hate this song. Especially the French song by Jacques Brel is not maudlin at all. yes it is about a man’s upcoming death, but it sure as hell isn’t maudlin.
Honey by Bobby Goldsboro.
<<shudder>>
Oh my frickin’ god, I’ve heard of that song, but until now, I never heard it. What a putrid message. “I’ve had adventures around the world, and I’ve made love to rich exciting guys. But all of that is nothing, because no woman is complete without a hubby and a baby.” Excuse me while I throw up.
All I can say is I’ve been no further than Germany, and I’ve certainly haven’t got any adventures worth mentioning. But I’m childfree, and I’m damn glad of it.
Anyhow, this is a tough choice to pick out a single most maudlin song. Bobby Goldsboro’s Honey is usually at the top of a lot of lists. In fact, Wikipedia mentions a theory that in the song, Honey commits suicide because her husband is so emotionally abusive. He calls her “kinda dumb and kinda smart” and laughs when she slips and falls, and pretends to be angry with her as a sort of lover’s game.
But I gotta admit my dirty secret. I actually kinda like Honey. “Oh, the shame of it!” (puts paper bag over head like Sylvester Jr.)
So instead, how 'bout Run Joey Run where Daddy blows away his own daughter with a shotgun while aiming at the daughter’s boyfriend? What great lyrics: “Daddy, please don’t…It wasn’t his fault…we’re gonna get…mar…ried…”
For good old fashioned “can’t pay the mortgage? Then surrender your virtue to my loathsome clutches, wretched girl!” maudlin: Hearts and Flowers
I’ve always said that people misinterpret the line “the Angels came” as meaning that Honey died. She was actually just traded to Anaheim.
I’ll toss in Harry Chapin’s “Cats in the Cradle.”
Mac Davis, Whoever Finds This, I Love You
I feel the need here to pause, just for a moment, to recognize this act of internet bravery. Knowing what a saccarine-sweet glurgefest this song is, and still admitting your attachment to it, well, it inspires me. To point. And laugh. Mostly laugh.
That’s the first one I thought of.
Siliva’s Mother by Dr. Hook and the Medicine Show.
That guy may just be the single weirdest looking guy I have ever laid eyes upon. Is that his hair or a helmet he’s got on his head?
My nominees:
Making Love Out of Nothing At All by Air Supply
Total Eclipse of the Heart (also winner in the category of Most Over the Top 80s-est of 1980s Music Videos)
It hasn’t escaped my notice that all three of these songs has basically the same piano opening: staccato hammering away at the same note or notes. Is there any sight like “TV Tropes” for pop music clches? This would certainly belong to it - the slow hammering away at one or two piano notes to denote Big! Melodrama! Song!!!
Since the OP has already crossed the line by nominating a “song” with no singing:
Thread over.
All By Myself stole its melody from Rachmaninoff.
I can’t believe no one has yet mentioned Gloomy Sunday, a song supposedly so depressing, people have killed themselves after listening to it. Including its author.