Prequels Nobody Wants to See: The Sequel

A few years ago, we had a very entertaining thread in which people came up with titles for prequels that would be far less interesting than the original film/play/musical/book. Titles, in fact, that suggest endless, endless tedium and yet are specific enough to apply recognizably to a particular film/etc. or film/etc. series. Among the many inspired suggestions were gems like:

[ul]
[li]Jor-El and Lara Are Midlevel Functionaries on Krypton[/li][li]Invasion Plans of the Body Snatchers[/li][li]Anatomy of a Parking Violation[/li][li]Monsters Submit Incorporation Papers[/li][li]Casper: The Friendly Child[/li][li]Apocalypse Soon[/li][li]Snakes at the Check-In Counter[/li][li]You’ve Got to Configure Your E-mail[/li][/ul]

(Follow the link to the original thread to attribute credit where credit is due.)

On the heels of that thread, I proposed a similar contest to my LiveJournal friends in this post. The winners, which were announced here, comprised such brilliant submissions as:

[ul]
[li]The Ugly Kid with the Mask Who Likes Opera[/li][li]Algernon is a Dumb Mouse[/li][li]North Atlantic Glacier Formation[/li][li]Cheese Before Bedtime on Elm Street[/li][li]A Stream Gradually Erodes It[/li][li]No Encounters of the Third Kind[/li][li]Debbie is a Secretary with an Interest in Football[/li][li]How to Succeed at Window-Washing[/li][li]All Dogs Go to the Hydrant[/li][li]The Time Before Land[/li][li]Strictly Intro to Ballroom[/li][li]Bidding for the Usher Construction Job[/li][li]A Loaf of Bread Sits Unguarded Somewhere in France [/li][/ul]

And, my all-time favorite:

[ul]
[li]Little Shop of Flowers[/li][/ul]

Heh.

Anyway, I thought it would be fun to do this again. Go nuts.

T: The Terrestrial

The 30 Years We Kept Hearing about the Goddamn Killer Bees Before They Got Here

Taxi Driver Trainee

David Lightman: Pong Whiz

Thomas Wayne, MD

Apollo 12 (also qualifies as “Sequel Nobody Wants to See”)

Tattooine: Luke and Obi Wan won’t be here for 15 years yet, so here’s a documentary on moisture farming.

The Titanic Shipyard

The Bandit Takes His Driving Test.

Wow.

American Hot Pocket

Accelerating
A Morning in Bed, A Midmorning Getting Dressed
A Flirtation to Remember
What’s Being Bandmates Got to Do With It
In the Temperate Weather of the Night
Living Satisfactorily on Maple Drive

Flight 571: Packet of Peanuts and Some Juice Over the Andes

The Texas Chainsaw Sales Representative

Episode -2: Teenage Qui-Gon

Episode -68: The Young Yoda Chronicles

Debacle (subtitled: The 1980 U.S. Men’s Hockey Team Gets Its Ass Handed To It)

Perfectly Sane Max

Clerks: The Job Interview

The Penultimate Temptation of Christ

One Flew East, One Flew West, or Gosh, Nurse Ratchet, It’s Quiet In Here

Rugrats: The Conception

Who Drew Roger Rabbit?

Ensleepenings

I, Assembly Line

Thursday the 12th

I Haven’t Met The Fokkers Yet

Bikini Winter

The Day Before The Day Before the Earth Stood Still

Not-Recommended Planet

Rocky 0
Amateur fighter slugs it out with a side of beef.

Omega House
A bunch of stuffy, rich overachieving college kids run student government, the campuse newspaper and the ROTC program.

Around the World in an Indeterminate Amount of Time

Vito Coreleone, The nice, law-abiding Italian-American

Uncle Billy Bailey Makes a Routine Bank Deposit

No Indemnity

The Postman Doesn’t Ring

Time Before Time After Time

Peggy Sue Puts Her Wedding Announcement In The Newspaper

18 Before

Prince Kong

A Non-Commissioned Officer and a Gentleman

Pretty-Good Gun

Back to Back to the Future

The Armorers of Navarone

The Relatively Clean Dozen

Copperado

Don’t Be Silly You Can’t Escape From Alcatraz

Robin Hat

The Sous Chef, the Burglar, His Fiancee and Her Friend

The Bicycle Lock

Injuring Me Slightly With His Song

The Completely Normal Adventures of Elwood P. Dowd

Das vor-Beauftragung der Maßeinheit (a.k.a. The Pre-Commissioning Unit)

The Undergraduate
Slowly Moving in the Breeze

I know I’m disqualified because it was a real movie but was a prequel nobody - quite correctly - wanted to see!

The Silence of the Sheep Embryos
28 Days Before
Interview With The Homeless Guy I Ran Into Before Meeting The Vampire
Harry Potter and the Nursery School
Esquire of the Rings
Beverly Hills Meter Maid
Alice Lives Here, Come On In

Schindler’s grocery list

“With this coupon I could have saved one more quarter!”

Alex J. Murphy: the rookie years

Sarah Connor: The high school years

Sleeping soundly in Seattle

The day before tomorrow

Star Peace

The Old Adventures of New Christine would probably flop.

Night Of The Living
Star Peaceful Coexistences
Million Dollar Embryo
Sleeping Tiger, Missing Dragon
Toy Table Of Contents