Just heard on the radio that, in accordance with tradition, outgoing President Bush will leave a sealed envelope with a note for Obama.
What’s in that note, I wonder?
Reminds me of an old joke I heard: When Reagan was departing as governor of California, he left the new Governor Jerry Brown three sealed, numbered envelopes, telling him, “Open one when things are going badly.”
Not long into his administration, things were going badly and Brown opened the first envelope. The note inside said, “Blame me.”
So Brown blamed all the state’s troubles on his predecessor. It worked for a while, but things got even worse. He opened the second envelope. The note inside said, “Blame the other party.”
So Brown blamed all the troubles on the Republicans. It worked for a while, but finally, coming to the end of his term, with his popularity plummetting, he opened the third envelope. The note said, “Make up three envelopes.”
Welcome to the White House Mr Bin Laden. If you come across my keys could you send ‘em on to Texas. Good luck with the economy and I’m bettin’ that however it goes that won’t be a revolution. Well, not a big one.
Congratulations on your inauguration. Laura and I wish you every success. I hope that you and your family find the White House as pleasant a place to live as we did. Please feel free to call me if I may ever be of assistance.
Very truly yours,
DUBYA
P.S. Keep an eye on Biden. I dunno, but the Vice Presidency does something to people.*
Laura and I would like to congratulate you on a running a clean and effective campaign. Good thing you won, too… I always hated that bitch from Alaska.
Once you get here, you’ll have about 30 seconds to get settled in. I used this time to pee. Your first briefing will no doubt confirm your fears that things were as bad as you thought. Remember that tax cuts solve all problems. If you screw up, have some nameless undersecretary accept blame and resign to “spend more time with his family.” If the economy worsens, blame me. If the economy gets better, take credit. Go ahead and shut down Gitmo – it was only there to distract the public from Area 47 in Nevada. Don’t make the same mistakes I did – wear pants to your State of the Union Address, for example. If you need to start a war, Osama runs the hot dog cart in front of the Air & Space Museum and will make you another videotape for a souvlaki and stack of Hustlers.
Gotta go… the fellas who write these things are charging me $350 an hour now. The minibar is free and restocked nightly. Fix yourself a stiff one now, you’ll need it later. Remember to flush or you’ll catch hell from Guadalupe.
See you at Pebble Beach,
The entrance to the Kennedy Room is behind his bust, just like in the movie. I had it sterilized after Billy was in there, and now it’s got an experimental 3-D TV. Watch football and action movies.
Oh, and before I forget, I made a deal with Putin that I’d call Medvedev “Monkey” every time I saw him and make fart noises when he stands up. In return, Vlad is going to let us use Russia when we capture terrorists to give them the ol’ car-battery-and-testicles treatment.
