I am unable to properly decline the verb fuck. My difficult distinguishing the ablative & accusative cases is only the tip of the iceberg, and I’d constantly be warning posters who who were only flirting and flirting with people who were reatening to rape me with my own penis.
I’d be a poor role model. By actual calculation, 99.135% of my threads are not not merely stupid but in fact are logically impossible, and the percentage goes up by another 12 points on Sundays.
I’m constantly taunting Opal and Gaudere for no goode raisin.
I think the primary thing that would stop me would be the fact that I don’t like hanging out in the Pit. Having to read every Pit thread would be like a form of punishment for me.
I wouldn’t want to have to read threads in The Pit that much, as it would inure me to swearwords and degrade my vocabulary until I was incapable of normal conversation and could only communicate in a series of grunts, poop-flinging, and machine-gun-like swearing.
Reading that many RO threads would make me give up my normal nightly routine of TV and video games so that I could become The SuperDoper, vigilante and punisher of cruelty to kittens.
I would be so distraught over my inability to slap people over TCP/IP that after months of experimenting with servos, motors and lead shot filled gloves, I would be forced to commit suicide.
1.) My hopes of appointment to Senate-confirmable office would be dashed once my mod-hat posts advising on the proper declension of “fuck” were printed in the New York Times.
2.) My efforts to organize an SDMB “teach the other posters to swear in your native tongue” thread would inadvertently precipitate the third World War, thus ending the Dope.
3.) Hi, Opal! Please make someone else take the job. Thanks!
The thought of having to baby sit all the shit flinging reprobates in the Pit is my idea of a court-enforced punishment (probably for something at the level of aggravated rape or manslaughter).
ETA: the fact that I didn’t reflexively turn around and tell you to go fuck yourself demonstrates I have no place in the Pit long term.
I think I can help you out a little here. You don’t decline verbs (you may or may not decline fucks; if they’re not being offered by the lovely Kim the Rhymer then I certainly hope you do, but it’s not for me to throw stones even if I am without sin), you conjugate them; and they don’t have cases. That’s nouns, both times.
I wouldn’t pass the vetting as I haven’t paid my taxes properly.
The power would inevitably get to me, and I would indiscriminately start banning people right, left and center. At first only when drunk, but on day two I’d do it because I was bored.
Too much work, frankly. I’m incredibly lazy and don’t handle assignments well.
I’d have to keep track of rules, and rules are boring.
I’d only be the perfect Pit Moderator if I was free to assume that there weren’t really too many rules for me to follow other than to read all the threads and taunt the obsessively stupid people into leaving the board.
Otherwise, I feel the pit is the place for basically anything and everything and requires almost no moderation.
Want to criticize the way the board is run or Ed? Knock yourself out. I’ll sit on the sidelines, laugh and point.
Ed tells me to do something I believe is contrary to the spirit of the Pit? Blow me. Do it yourself.
Want to start 47 new Pit threads on nothing and everything in one day? Ok, well then I might have to lock a few of them and give you a warning. But that’s pretty much it.
I wouldn’t be a moderator period, because the minute someone started a Pit thread about me I would start to cry and wonder why no one likes me, then I would buy a gallon of Haagen-Dazs, take a 3 year hiatus from the Dope without informing anyone and then maybe re-register with a different username. I just don’t deal well with conflict, okay?!
I had thought that conjugating fuck would be redundant, but checking the dictionary, I see that this is only the case if you are a bacterium or an algae.
