"Known To Police" and other ways you DON'T want to be described

Ever read a story about some crime and it mentions the suspect is “Known to Police”? Maybe it’s a Canadian thing, but I read that all the time. “Toronto authorities are seeking Kevin Wayne Dwayne, noting he is known to police.” I assume “known to police” means “has a record as long as your arm.” In one article I read, a 13-year-old boy in Vancouver described as being “known to police” was involved with police seventy-five times in 2008 alone. I don’t think I’ve spoken to 75 police officers in my entire life in any capacity.

I think it’s safe to say that a key measurement of having a successful life is that you are never, ever described as being “Known to Police.” Indeed, I would say there are several phrases which, if ever applied to you, indicate that you need to reexamine your life decisions. Or if they never have been applied to you, you never want them to be:

"Known to Police"
“A Person of Interest”
"Of No Fixed Address"

Any others?

There was once a thread about phrases you don’t want to have in your obituary. Mine were lifelong bachelor, longtime companion, and complications from pneumonia.

(The thing to reexamine would be how in the world I ended up with such an asshole writing my obituary.)

He was a quiet person. Always kept to himself.

Sex offender can’t be very good on your CV.

There’s a news story making the rounds about the arsonist in Australia. He’s described as a lovelorn recluse. And as…

And of course the slams against quiet people come out:

**The late…
**

Common-law wife is a phrase you never hear about, say, the longtime companion (in a heterosexual way) of the local symphony director.

Unindited co-conspirator.

King of Pop.

In an obituary, He never married.

The victim,
Subject,
The defendant,
(Former) Boy-Band Member

“Identifiable by his dental records…”

“long time fugitive”

“notorious”

“disbarred”

“convicted criminal”

“widely blamed”

“disgraced”

“recluse”

“cat lady”

^ I dunno about that last one. I don’t necessarily think being a crazy cat lady is a bad thing (which is good, as I’m well on my way to becoming one).

“Unidentified male”

“Failed”

“Infamous”

“At large”

“Local celebrity”

“Noted eccentric”

“B-movie actor”

“B-movie” cameraman, director, or anything else, really.

Survivalist. I’m sure there are many fine people with excellent wilderness survival skills. But when someone is described in the paper as a “survivalist”, that’s not someone you want to engage in a lively political debate.

What’s so bad about not getting married? :confused:

It is or WAS used as a sneaky way of suggesting “gay” without saying so. Probably not so much in use these days.
Edit to add for clarity - I mean when such might be widely considered a slur in some way.

“Beloved local figure.” If you’re “beloved” and “local” but the most descriptive noun they can think of is “figure,” you’re the crazy guy with the dreadlocked beard living under the downtown bridge who wears a cheerleader outfit and does pom-pom routines for passing cars. Even worse if you’re an “institution.”

…described as always somewhat of a loner.