I’m taking a graduate-level English course in college right now. I’m an undergraduate, and there’s another undergraduate in this course who I’m pretty darn interested in. Her intelligence is extraordinarily clear in each of her sentences. She seems to have her shit together. She really seems like my ‘type’, so to speak.
She’s also rather tall - I’m 5’11 and I don’t think she can be more than two inches shorter than I am. She might be my exact height.
I want to ask her out, but to do so, I’ll basically have to wait until the class ends and then pounce in the hallway as we walk away from the class.
So my question is this: should I ask for her phone number and, if I get it, call her and ask her out, or just ask her out right there?
Also, this is a slight detail, but she told me she has Coeliac Disease. Where should I ask a woman out if she’s a coeliac?
Edit: Sorry, title should say “woman”, but I can’t edit the title.
Unless you’ve had a sustained period of flirting, which it doesn’t sound like you have, I’d be wary about pouncing on her and asking her straight out on a date. For many woman, when approached by a man they don’t know well, the gut reaction might be a no, or at least a very wary maybe, as without having noticed the man in question first it’s kinda hard for them to know if (a) they’re interested in you and (b) you’re not a weirdo.
(In this instance, you shouldn’t take rejection at all personally).
Asking for her phone number at least gives her time to absorb the possibility of a date and prepare an answer before you call (putting her less on the spot).
First of all, how have you spoken to her previously? For her to tell you about her disease means you’ve probably exchanged basic info about each other; have you had to pounce on her previously to talk to her?
Regarding asking her out: this may well be the blind leading the blind but phone numbers suck and I have the best success with friend-ish asking a girl out: find some cool film / event / band / whatever and mention to her that it’s on this weekend. If she says “that sounds cool” immediately ask if she wants to come.
OTOH if you have a history of being in the Friend Zone, perhaps you may want to try something more direct YMMV etc.
I am not even remotely suggesting that this should change your opinion, but I thought that I’d add that the course is really small. There are about ten people in it. So we have talked together simply because everyone has talked to everyone. We haven’t flirted but it’s not like she wouldn’t know who I was or anything.
As a woman, asking me out for coffee or some such after class, is a much clearer sign of interest than just asking me for my phone number. Because it’s a clearer sign of interest, it’s also more flattering, as a general rule.
If she told you she has celiac disease, this may be a good sign. You can read more about it here, but the upshot is someone with celiac disease can’t digest the gluten found in wheat, rye, and barley. Most restaurants should have some dishes which are gluten free, but I think there might be a wider range of choices if you had Chinese or Japanese food together, rather than, say, American or French, since Chinese and Japanese cuisines are more rice-based. A vegetarian or vegan restaurant may also be a good choice, since, from what I’ve seen, such restaurants tend to be more aware of dietary restrictions. I hope she mentioned the celiac disease because she’d like to share a meal or at least a snack with you.
If you don’t want to ask her out for dinner or coffee, you could also ask her if she’d like to see a play which is relevant to something in class or which simply sounded interesting. The downside of this is you don’t get to talk during the play, but it does give you something to discuss during intermission and afterwards. Inviting her to a play also shows you have a bit more originality than some. Good luck! I hope she takes you up on it.
This is a difference between the UK and the US I guess (I didn’t stop to think, with my original advice, that I was probably talking to an American).
Over here at least, asking for a phone number without any contextual reason is seen as basically asking a girl “Do you fancy me?” – something women don’t like saying “yes” to immediately.
But funnily enough my advice is similar to yours Siege but for a different reason.
Walk up to her after class and compliment her on something intelligent she said (it helps if it really was intelligent). Discuss the course a bit, and then casually mention that you were planning to get some coffee, and ask if she wants some too.
“I really like that comment you made about the phenomenological deconstructionist approach to Proust. Wanna go grab some lunch or a cup of coffee or something? Lunch? Well, I know this great Japanese place.”
Can I just say that her comments in class have been interesting? Because it would seem really cheesy to be like “I thought it was interesting that you pointed out [insert pedantic fact about Old English Studies]…want to go get Thai food with me?”
I know a great Thai place. I don’t think I know a great Japanese place.
It probably doesn’t matter what your opener is, actually, as long as it’s at least mildly funny, prompts a response from her, and is not about her irritable bowels.
I’d ask her out to coffee or a drink first. Maybe you can get her attention in class and ask her if she wants to go somewhere afterward to discuss blah-blah. If that goes well, you can upgrade to a meal date. When it’s time for the date, let her pick the restaurant. She probably knows which places can accommodate her dietary restrictions.
Soy sauce is wheat based. They do make gluten free soy sauce, but if she is gluten free (as opposed to me who just avoids it in quantity, but will eat soy sauce) you want to call the Chinese/Japanese place and make sure they have GF soy sauce. Indian tends to be better - flours tend to be chickpea.
Pizza and Italian are the worst. Anywhere that will give me a hunk of meat and a side of potatos is fine. Vegetarian and vegan tend to actually be bad, simply because they use a lot of wheat and other gluten grains for bulk and protein - and salads get dull for both vegetarians and the gluten free. forGoing out for coffee would be where I would start.
Like everyone said, don’t overthink this. (Easier said than done - I know.)
My son met his current GF before a Physics test - she was sitting in front of him and he said something brilliant like “So, are you ready for this test?”
So just figure some initial comment about some aspect of the class, and follow it with “Would you like to grab a cup of coffee or a bite to eat?” I would, however, recomend avoiding the phrase “afternoon delight.”
I’d probably do a combination of the two.
Ask her face to face if she’d like to get together some time for dinner, coffee, whatever without any hard details. You should be able to read her reaction to see how interested she is.
If she agrees then ask for her number and tell her you’ll call to discuss a good time and place.
Ask her where people with Coeliac Disease go out to eat. She’ll either shut you down or go on about how much it sucks, her favorite restaurants, guilty pleasures… you will likely get an opening to say something like, ‘I was just trying to trick you into having dinner with me.’
