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  #1  
Old 08-06-2009, 04:36 PM
torie torie is offline
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Married men, and other women's phone numbers.

So let's say you know a couple who have a four month old. Let's say this couple just got married last month. Let's also say they were together for years before she fell pregnant. This couple appears to have a healthy relationship overall, in fact it's one of the healthiest relationships you have witnessed in your life. They seem to appreciate each other, they make each other laugh, and they get on pretty well.

Then, at the bank, he starts talking to a girl and they exchange phone numbers. When asked why he exchanged phone numbers with another woman, he responds "because I thought you (his wife) would like her and get along well with her." Perhaps it's relevant that he gave the woman his personal cell number and not the house phone or her cell phone. Perhaps it's also relevant that he shares this information voluntarily with his wife, without her questioning.

Would she be unreasonable to be annoyed?
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  #2  
Old 08-06-2009, 04:44 PM
scarbrow scarbrow is offline
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Personally, I think it's unreasonable to be annoyed until you find out something more, like he never mentioned his wife to the other woman, or never told his wife after saying he would.

The part about which phone number he gave is a little confusing to some of us, as my wife and I have never had a shared home number.
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  #3  
Old 08-06-2009, 05:03 PM
Alice The Goon Alice The Goon is offline
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If he told me that story because I found the phone number, or he knew it would come out somehow, I'd be very suspicious. If he told me just out of the blue voluntarily, I'd probably just be a little insulted that he felt the need to go find friends for me. What am I, a loser that can't make friends?

I'd probably let it go, but I'd be very alert for other small signs that he's cheating or wanting to.

Last edited by Alice The Goon; 08-06-2009 at 05:04 PM..
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  #4  
Old 08-06-2009, 05:05 PM
Swallowed My Cellphone Swallowed My Cellphone is offline
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Originally Posted by scarbrow View Post
The part about which phone number he gave is a little confusing to some of us, as my wife and I have never had a shared home number.
That and some people never ever give out anyone else's cell number or email address without permission. IME cell numbers change more often than home numbers (eg/ I think my aunt has had the same land line number for over 30 years, my other uncle has had the same land line number for at least 40), so in cases where I prefer the "arm's length" of a less-than-permanent number, I tend to use our cell number rather than our home phone. I think the number thing is a non-issue.

Otherwise there is not enough info in the OP. No idea if the other woman knows he is married or not.

In a similar vein, my sister got in a HUGE rift with her best friend, after my sister exchanged contact info with a woman who is not her partner. My sister has been looking for a new running partner and this woman currently runs similar distances. The friend insists my sister was "leading on" the other woman because she (sis) never mentioned having a long-term partner.

As it was irrelevant to the conversation about running of course it never came up. My sister thinks she's nuts (and also has no idea if the potential running partner is gay, straight, or single). My sister's girlfriend is unperturbed and it all seems much ado about nothing.
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  #5  
Old 08-06-2009, 05:46 PM
scarbrow scarbrow is offline
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Originally Posted by Alice The Goon View Post
I'd probably let it go, but I'd be very alert for other small signs that he's cheating or wanting to.
Should I be the first to advise against this? My ex swore I was cheating because she had plenty of "small signs", none of which meant anything. It was not one of the reasons we broke up, but I wonder how much it contributed to the anger she felt that eventually drove me away.
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  #6  
Old 08-06-2009, 06:57 PM
vandal vandal is offline
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Without knowing more details about their relationship, it's difficult to say. However, just on its surface, from your description, it does seem a bit odd.

But, who knows? Maybe his wife has a certain hobby, and the woman who he was talking to also has that same hobby, and maybe his wife has been looking for an activity partner.
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  #7  
Old 08-06-2009, 07:06 PM
Diogenes the Cynic Diogenes the Cynic is offline
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He's trying to fuck the chick at the bank. 100% guarantee.

The fact that he told the wife only means that a.) she found the note and he improvised on the spot, or b.) he's trying to work the three-way.
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  #8  
Old 08-06-2009, 07:06 PM
Harriet the Spry Harriet the Spry is offline
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I'm a little confused. First you say "when asked why he exchanged the information" then you say he volunteered it without her questioning. Did she ask after he volunteered the information?

You say he volunteered the information, without the wife's asking. So I'm picturing something like "Hey, I met this woman Suzy at the bank and she just moved here from Texas and since you're from Texas I thought you two might want to get together sometime, show her where the decent Tex-Mex is around here." If he did that, I wouldn't be suspicious. I could see my husband doing that, if he were about 1000 times more extraverted.

I have actually tried to make friends for my husband sometimes when I meet a guy I think he'd get along with, because he is pretty introverted. Somewhere deep inside 5 years later he finally processes "yeah, it would have been fun to spend more time with Dave." This is pretty sappy, but I'm so married that now when I meet a nice guy, mainly I think "He reminds me of my husband, I bet they'd get along."

I can see him not giving my cell number out, because basically I want to be the one who controls who has my cell number. My husband giving my cell number to a stranger would get on my nerves. I'm a little less clear on why not to give the home phone out. But the truth is I keep that pretty guarded, too. If the bank lady turns out to sell Amway and calls me at home, that would not be cool, either.

It seems like there is an easy option here, for the wife to make a friendly call to the lady from the bank and invite her along on some kind of a girl thing.

If he did not volunteer the info, I buy the story a whole lot less.
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  #9  
Old 08-06-2009, 07:25 PM
torie torie is offline
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Originally Posted by Harriet the Spry View Post
I'm a little confused. First you say "when asked why he exchanged the information" then you say he volunteered it without her questioning. Did she ask after he volunteered the information?
Let's say she called him to see if he was able to accomplish the errand at the bank. He says, "I just met a nice lady. I gave her my cell number" and she responds "Why in high holy hell did you do that?". That's when he told her it was because he thought they would get along.
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  #10  
Old 08-06-2009, 07:43 PM
Fetchund Fetchund is offline
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Sounds perfectly legit to me... it is something I would do. I consider spontaneous networking to be one of my better habits!
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  #11  
Old 08-06-2009, 07:47 PM
Vinyl Turnip Vinyl Turnip is offline
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Originally Posted by Diogenes the Cynic View Post
He's trying to fuck the chick at the bank. 100% guarantee.

The fact that he told the wife only means that a.) she found the note and he improvised on the spot, or b.) he's trying to work the three-way.
Yep.

I'm amazed sometimes that these questions even need to be asked.
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  #12  
Old 08-06-2009, 07:51 PM
Lamia Lamia is offline
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Originally Posted by torie View Post
Let's say she called him to see if he was able to accomplish the errand at the bank. He says, "I just met a nice lady. I gave her my cell number" and she responds "Why in high holy hell did you do that?". That's when he told her it was because he thought they would get along.
I would feel pretty certain he invented that explanation on the spot.
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  #13  
Old 08-06-2009, 07:53 PM
Green Bean Green Bean is offline
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Originally Posted by Alice The Goon View Post
If he told me just out of the blue voluntarily, I'd probably just be a little insulted that he felt the need to go find friends for me. What am I, a loser that can't make friends?
That was my initial reaction as well, but then it occurred to me that new moms often feel a little isolated and stir-crazy, but they're too exhausted to do anything about it. So if the husband thought the bank lady would get along with his wife of if they had something in common, he could have just been trying to help. Which would be a sweet gesture, IMHO.

Consider the following scenario:

Husband sees lady with baby carriage.
"Aww, cute. How old?"
"4 months."
"Hey, my son in 4 months, too!"
"Then you know what it's like. I'm just happy to be out of the house for a change."
"My wife says the same thing. And she doesn't know a lot of women with little babies, either."
"Neither do I."
"Okay, this may sound a little weird, but, do you think maybe she could call you sometime?"
"Sure, that would be great!"

And based on torie's last post, the whole thing is a bit odd, but doesn't necessarily sound suspicious.

ETA: If he was trying to get with the bank lady, why would he have volunteered that he had gotten some lady's number? Why would he have to "make up an explanation" if his wife didn't even know about it?

Last edited by Green Bean; 08-06-2009 at 07:54 PM..
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  #14  
Old 08-06-2009, 08:24 PM
Lamia Lamia is offline
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Originally Posted by Green Bean View Post
ETA: If he was trying to get with the bank lady, why would he have volunteered that he had gotten some lady's number? Why would he have to "make up an explanation" if his wife didn't even know about it?
I don't know whether he was trying to get with the bank lady or not, but in the description of the event it sure sounds to me like he made up the explanation the moment he realized his wife was annoyed. If he'd really given his number to the other woman because he hoped she and the wife would be friends, why would he wait until the wife asked to tell her that he thought he'd found a new buddy for her?

Just based on this thread I could believe that the husband is maybe kind of clueless and didn't really mean anything by giving the woman at the bank his number, but it doesn't sound like he was acting like someone who wanted to introduce two potential friends to each other.
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  #15  
Old 08-06-2009, 08:25 PM
CookingWithGas CookingWithGas is offline
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Originally Posted by Green Bean View Post
That So if the husband thought the bank lady would get along with his wife of if they had something in common, he could have just been trying to help. Which would be a sweet gesture, IMHO.
Either you are very naive or I am hopelessly cynical.

Quote:
Consider the following scenario:

Husband sees lady with baby carriage.
I didn't see anything about a baby carriage in the OP.

Quote:
If he was trying to get with the bank lady, why would he have volunteered that he had gotten some lady's number? Why would he have to "make up an explanation" if his wife didn't even know about it?
Guilt.

BTW, torie, it must be asked. What business is it of yours?
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  #16  
Old 08-06-2009, 09:04 PM
Richard Pearse Richard Pearse is offline
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If there was anything suspicious going he just wouldn't have told wife that he'd "met a nice lady and exchanged phone numbers." That is not what people do when they're looking at having an affair.

It really hinges on what the conversation was. I can easily see myself striking up a conversation with someone, finding that she has similar interests to my wife and suggesting we meet up or something. Bonus points for if the woman has a man friend with similar interests as me. That's how friends are made dontcha know?

torie are you is the wife in a position where the husband would be likely to be looking out for new friends? My wife and I have recently moved to a new city and for the first six months I would've jumped at any opportunity to help her kick start her social life.
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  #17  
Old 08-06-2009, 09:11 PM
Richard Pearse Richard Pearse is offline
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Originally Posted by Diogenes the Cynic View Post
He's trying to fuck the chick at the bank. 100% guarantee.

The fact that he told the wife only means that a.) she found the note and he improvised on the spot, or b.) he's trying to work the three-way.
People tend to view things through the filter of their own behaviour. What they neglect to consider is that just because they would only be talking to a woman at a bank so they could get down and dirty with them, it doesn't mean that other people wouldn't have more honourable motivations.
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  #18  
Old 08-06-2009, 09:11 PM
mswas mswas is offline
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I have the phone numbers of many single women in my cell phone. *shrugs*

As someone with a young kid and another on the way, all I have to say is, "How would he find the time?"
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  #19  
Old 08-06-2009, 09:57 PM
torie torie is offline
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Originally Posted by CookingWithGas View Post
BTW, torie, it must be asked. What business is it of yours?
It's not me. I wanted to get additional perspectives before I advised my friend, who did have this exact thing happen to her. They're really great people, and any sort of sex-trolling behavior on his part would be a great shock to me. Anyway, just randomly finding friends for himself and others in banks struck me as something he would do. He's very gregarious, and makes friends easily. She's funny and intelligent, but much more reserved. But I didn't want to tell her anything without making sure there wasn't some obvious aspect of the situation I was missing.

I was 99.9% sure that he would never cheat on her, but I couldn't decide at first if he had actually done anything wrong, and if so, how she should approach it. It is rather odd.
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  #20  
Old 08-06-2009, 10:10 PM
billfish678 billfish678 is offline
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Originally Posted by Lamia View Post
If he'd really given his number to the other woman because he hoped she and the wife would be friends, why would he wait until the wife asked to tell her that he thought he'd found a new buddy for her?

.

Some women start asking questions before "their" hapless guy even has a chance to download said information in a natural fashion.

Some guys are treated to the fifth degree right off the bat everytime they "remeet" the SO.

Why do I always have to ask about everything?

Uhhh, because you don't actually give me a chance to TELL you first...

Last edited by billfish678; 08-06-2009 at 10:10 PM..
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  #21  
Old 08-06-2009, 10:17 PM
Diogenes the Cynic Diogenes the Cynic is offline
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Originally Posted by 1920s Style "Death Ray" View Post
People tend to view things through the filter of their own behaviour. What they neglect to consider is that just because they would only be talking to a woman at a bank so they could get down and dirty with them, it doesn't mean that other people wouldn't have more honourable motivations.
Horseshit.
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  #22  
Old 08-06-2009, 10:24 PM
Diogenes the Cynic Diogenes the Cynic is offline
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Originally Posted by 1920s Style "Death Ray" View Post
People tend to view things through the filter of their own behaviour. What they neglect to consider is that just because they would only be talking to a woman at a bank so they could get down and dirty with them, it doesn't mean that other people wouldn't have more honourable motivations.
I really don't like the insinuation about my own "behavior." MY behavior is that I don't hit on women who aren't my wife and I don't ask for their fucking phone numbers.
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  #23  
Old 08-06-2009, 10:26 PM
Richard Pearse Richard Pearse is offline
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Originally Posted by Diogenes the Cynic View Post
Horseshit.
Nope. You obviously have trouble imagining how other people might act. I think that might be why you had such a revelation when you became a father and realised you previously knew nothing about parenting. What's really happening is that you know nothing about other people who are in different situations who or have a different personality to you. Being a man doesn't give you any special insight about what another individual man's motivations are in a certain situation.
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  #24  
Old 08-06-2009, 10:28 PM
Richard Pearse Richard Pearse is offline
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Originally Posted by Diogenes the Cynic View Post
I really don't like the insinuation about my own "behavior." MY behavior is that I don't hit on women who aren't my wife and I don't ask for their fucking phone numbers.
I wasn't suggesting that. But to you, the only reasons you'd talk to another woman and get their phone number is if you were hitting on her, that is in fact why you don't do it. That does not mean that all other men who talk to a woman and get there phone number are necessarily hitting on them.

Edit: Behaviour was a bad choice of word.

Last edited by Richard Pearse; 08-06-2009 at 10:30 PM.. Reason: Clarifying
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  #25  
Old 08-06-2009, 10:29 PM
Diogenes the Cynic Diogenes the Cynic is offline
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They sure aren't.
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  #26  
Old 08-06-2009, 10:40 PM
Koxinga Koxinga is online now
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Originally Posted by torie View Post
It's not me. I wanted to get additional perspectives before I advised my friend, who did have this exact thing happen to her. They're really great people, and any sort of sex-trolling behavior on his part would be a great shock to me. Anyway, just randomly finding friends for himself and others in banks struck me as something he would do. He's very gregarious, and makes friends easily. She's funny and intelligent, but much more reserved. But I didn't want to tell her anything without making sure there wasn't some obvious aspect of the situation I was missing.
It sound like there's no aspect of the situation that she isn't thoroughly familiar with already, and she ought to know her own husband and what he's capable of ten million times better than you ever would.

Unless she's actively seeking your advice, I'd say you're being an unwelcome busybody.


Quote:
. . . but I couldn't decide at first if he had actually done anything wrong, and if so, how she should approach it. It is rather odd.
Not for you to "decide", and it's none of your business.

Last edited by Koxinga; 08-06-2009 at 10:41 PM..
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  #27  
Old 08-06-2009, 10:42 PM
Richard Pearse Richard Pearse is offline
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Originally Posted by torie View Post
I was 99.9% sure that he would never cheat on her, but I couldn't decide at first if he had actually done anything wrong, and if so, how she should approach it. It is rather odd.
If I was her I'd follow through on the husband's premise, "That woman sounds nice, I might give her a call and see if she wants to go out for coffee." The husband's reaction to that might give some clues, " Whoa, steady on there honey, I'm sure she doesn't want us bugging her at this time of the day, she's very busy."
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  #28  
Old 08-06-2009, 10:46 PM
Gary T Gary T is offline
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If he'd really given his number to the other woman because he hoped she and the wife would be friends, why would he wait until the wife asked to tell her that he thought he'd found a new buddy for her?
I'm totally confused by this question. What is this "wait" you're referring to? We were told: He says, "I just met a nice lady. I gave her my cell number" and she responds "Why in high holy hell did you do that?". That's when he told her it was because he thought they would get along. I don't see any kind of delay or waiting in that exchange. Sounds like it was bam-bam-bam, all done within 10 seconds.

And if he'd swapped numbers for any other reason than the stated one, why would he make a point of telling his wife unasked and unprodded? She wouldn't have a clue about it at all if he hadn't brought it up. And he brought it up at his very first opportunity to talk to her after it happened.
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  #29  
Old 08-06-2009, 11:09 PM
torie torie is offline
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It sound like there's no aspect of the situation that she isn't thoroughly familiar with already, and she ought to know her own husband and what he's capable of ten million times better than you ever would.

Unless she's actively seeking your advice, I'd say you're being an unwelcome busybody.
? I'm not sure where you are getting that. She asked me if I thought she was being ridiculous, and I said no, but as long as she trusted him, then everything seemed kosher. I was curious to see how other people viewed it, so that I could reach better conclusions. A situation another person has been in has never made you wonder about a larger issue?


Quote:
Not for you to "decide", and it's none of your business.
Again, I was soliciting opinions about the situation in particular, and boundary issues in relationships in general. I'm not trying to 'decide' anything for her. Clearly I am not going to go calling him and yelling at him or approving of him on behalf of his wife. I was trying to 'decide' if I would conclude he did anything wrong if it happened to me. Should a married man give his number to another woman under any circumstance whatsoever?

Last edited by torie; 08-06-2009 at 11:11 PM..
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  #30  
Old 08-06-2009, 11:11 PM
SCSimmons SCSimmons is offline
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Originally Posted by 1920s Style "Death Ray" View Post
I wasn't suggesting that. But to you, the only reasons you'd talk to another woman and get their phone number is if you were hitting on her, that is in fact why you don't do it. That does not mean that all other men who talk to a woman and get there phone number are necessarily hitting on them.
I absolutely concur. I think it's in very poor taste to impugn the honor of people who don't behave exactly as you do, Diogenes, and doubly in poor taste to react to criticism of your over-generalizations as if your own honor were being impugned.
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  #31  
Old 08-06-2009, 11:51 PM
Koxinga Koxinga is online now
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? I'm not sure where you are getting that. She asked me if I thought she was being ridiculous, and I said no, but as long as she trusted him, then everything seemed kosher. I was curious to see how other people viewed it, so that I could reach better conclusions. A situation another person has been in has never made you wonder about a larger issue?
OK, but you didn't say she herself was uncomfortable with it or that she had come to you to advice. But my view is that only she can really say whether it's a sign of concern, because she knows her husband and you don't.

Quote:
Should a married man give his number to another woman under any circumstance whatsoever?
Well gee, I used to think that the women who worked in my industry were equally valid and approachable peers in networking and other efforts to increase my company's business. But now I see that they are wilting flowers and must be protected from me, and I must be protected in turn from my own insurmountable primal urges.

And back when I was a bit more self employed, there were even women who (gasp) owned their own businesses and were able to steer projects my way. But I admit, I was a married man at the time and may have given out my business card or written down my phone number and handed it to members of the fairer sex, not realizing myself the rapacious goat I was actually being under the guise of "trying to make a living".

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to throw myself at my wife's feet and howl a tearful confession.
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  #32  
Old 08-07-2009, 12:18 AM
torie torie is offline
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Well gee, I used to think the women who worked in my industry were equally valid and approachable peers in networking and other efforts to increase my company's business. But now I see that they are wilting flowers and must be protected from me, and I must be protected in turn from my own insurmountable primal urges.

And back when I was a bit more self employed, there were even women who (gasp) owned their own businesses and were able to steer projects my way. But I admit, I was a married man at the time and may have given out my business card or written down my phone number and handed it to members of the fairer sex, not realizing myself the rapacious goat I was actually being under the guise of "trying to make a living".

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to throw myself at my wife's feet and howl a tearful confession.
Ok, perhaps I should have said 'any social circumstance whatsoever'. Obviously the women in your professional life are a bit different. But walking up to a woman in a social situation that you've never met and saying 'let's be friends, here's my number."? I am not sure whether or not that's kosher for a married man. I can't decide.

And the 'wilting flower' stuff is crap. My issue has nothing to do with protecting women from men, it's trying to figure out where the boundaries would be for me vs. where they would be for others. I'm looking for opinions.
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  #33  
Old 08-07-2009, 06:17 AM
Manda JO Manda JO is online now
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I can't see my husband soliciting a phone number from anyone he met in a bank (male, female, married, single, gay, or straight), but I also can't see him ever turning one down or refusing an offer to swap numbers: he's a friendly guy who hates to disappoint people.
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  #34  
Old 08-07-2009, 09:07 AM
bordelond bordelond is offline
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Originally Posted by Diogenes the Cynic View Post
He's trying to fuck the chick at the bank. 100% guarantee.

The fact that he told the wife only means that a.) she found the note and he improvised on the spot, or b.) he's trying to work the three-way.
I got the impression from the OP that the husband exchanged numbers in full view of the wife. But I see that the situation is unclear. Let me read on.
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  #35  
Old 08-07-2009, 09:09 AM
bordelond bordelond is offline
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Originally Posted by torie View Post
Let's say she called him to see if he was able to accomplish the errand at the bank. He says, "I just met a nice lady. I gave her my cell number" and she responds "Why in high holy hell did you do that?". That's when he told her it was because he thought they would get along.
OK, so the wife wasn't present when the numbers exchange took place.
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  #36  
Old 08-07-2009, 09:40 AM
Swallowed My Cellphone Swallowed My Cellphone is offline
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I didn't see anything about a baby carriage in the OP.
On, c'mon. Green Bean's example scenario was like my sister's scenario: not at all supposed to be fabricating facts for the OP, but providing other examples of the kind of things that do come up for various reasons. Once you get in a committed relationship, that doesn't mean you have to shun all new contact and never meet any new acquaintances. Adults who have common interests can make new friends too.

Has my fiancee exchanged numbers with guys she's met? I can say "Yes, absolutely." Have I exchanged numbers with other women? Yup. I've exchanged numbers with other men too. Have we gotten numbers on each other's behalf? Probably, although I can't think of any examples of the top of my head.
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  #37  
Old 08-07-2009, 10:09 AM
jtgain jtgain is offline
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Ok, if he's trying to bang the chick in the bank, why would he even mention it to his wife?
Wife calls:

Wife: Hi honey, how did that errand go at the bank?
Hubby: Went wonderful. I deposited that check like a pro!
Wife: Did you meet any nice looking women?
Hubby: Of course not. I only have eyes for you, sweetheart!

Do any of you cheaters out there brag to your wife about your potential scores?
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  #38  
Old 08-07-2009, 10:17 AM
Koxinga Koxinga is online now
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Originally Posted by jtgain View Post
Do any of you cheaters out there brag to your wife about your potential scores?
Only when I want her to hurry the hell up already and get dinner on the table.
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  #39  
Old 08-07-2009, 11:28 AM
Harriet the Spry Harriet the Spry is offline
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I think this is probably innocent. A guy looking to cheat is not going to essentially call up his wife and say "hey, I just got this hot chick's number." The wife may be a little stressed out if she jumped right at him with "Why the hell?" It's when he doesn't tell that the problem starts.

What I really hope is that they can have a good laugh about how it sounded strange, then have a genuine talk about why they or the wife might want to invite this woman to some group get-together, and then drop the issue. Maybe someday the three of them can all have a good laugh.

It seems possible that, since they've only been married one month, the guy hasn't quite switched over to "married guy" mode. I don't mean that he's looking to cheat, but that he just doesn't understand how it now does look strange for him to ask a woman for her phone number. OTOH, I have read that the time period surrounding pregnancy and childbirth is one of the most common times for men to cheat, so they should be extra considerate of each other and their marriage in what I think of as "the danger zone."

We've had threads about opposite-sex friends for hetero spouses before, and couples are very divided on whether this is OK. So I think this couple should have a conversation (yeah, one of those tedious ones, probably) about how they're going to handle that in their marriage. Hopefully they are not polar opposites on that.
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  #40  
Old 08-07-2009, 11:42 AM
Troy McClure SF Troy McClure SF is offline
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Threads like this scare me. A guy exchanges phone numbers with someone of the opposite sex and he's obviously having an affair? That is a crazy assumption. Actual-crazy. Crazy-crazy.
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  #41  
Old 08-07-2009, 11:52 AM
Koxinga Koxinga is online now
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Harriet the Spry View Post
I think this is probably innocent. A guy looking to cheat is not going to essentially call up his wife and say "hey, I just got this hot chick's number." The wife may be a little stressed out if she jumped right at him with "Why the hell?" It's when he doesn't tell that the problem starts.
Now, there's one more thing I've seen, with my own spouse and others: the acceptance that the husband may be perfectly innocent, but very mistrustful of the woman's intentions. Maybe that accounts for the "what the hell?!" reaction sometimes: not "what the hell are you doing scouting out other women", but rather "what the hell are you doing giving her a chance to get her claws into you?"

Last edited by Koxinga; 08-07-2009 at 11:53 AM..
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  #42  
Old 08-07-2009, 12:11 PM
Gary T Gary T is offline
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Originally Posted by Koxinga View Post
Now, there's one more thing I've seen, with my own spouse and others: the acceptance that the husband may be perfectly innocent, but very mistrustful of the woman's intentions. Maybe that accounts for the "what the hell?!" reaction sometimes: not "what the hell are you doing scouting out other women", but rather "what the hell are you doing giving her a chance to get her claws into you?"
Good point.
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  #43  
Old 08-07-2009, 01:00 PM
torie torie is offline
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Originally Posted by Koxinga View Post
Now, there's one more thing I've seen, with my own spouse and others: the acceptance that the husband may be perfectly innocent, but very mistrustful of the woman's intentions. Maybe that accounts for the "what the hell?!" reaction sometimes: not "what the hell are you doing scouting out other women", but rather "what the hell are you doing giving her a chance to get her claws into you?"

I think you hit the nail on the head here.
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  #44  
Old 08-07-2009, 01:28 PM
Green Bean Green Bean is offline
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Originally Posted by Koxinga View Post
Now, there's one more thing I've seen, with my own spouse and others: the acceptance that the husband may be perfectly innocent, but very mistrustful of the woman's intentions. Maybe that accounts for the "what the hell?!" reaction sometimes: not "what the hell are you doing scouting out other women", but rather "what the hell are you doing giving her a chance to get her claws into you?"
You win the thread.

That's a really good point, especially given the fact that the wife just had a baby. Even if she's not usually mistrustful of other women, she's probably going through a bit of an insecure period at the moment.
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  #45  
Old 08-07-2009, 01:35 PM
Telperien Telperien is offline
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Originally Posted by Koxinga View Post
Now, there's one more thing I've seen, with my own spouse and others: the acceptance that the husband may be perfectly innocent, but very mistrustful of the woman's intentions. Maybe that accounts for the "what the hell?!" reaction sometimes: not "what the hell are you doing scouting out other women", but rather "what the hell are you doing giving her a chance to get her claws into you?"
I admit I don't have the most rosy view of human nature, but that seems pretty sad to me--considering all women (besides oneself) to be vile temptresses out to get one's man, and one's man to be a slavering idiot unable to control himself around said temptresses.
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  #46  
Old 08-07-2009, 01:38 PM
Swallowed My Cellphone Swallowed My Cellphone is offline
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Originally Posted by Telperien View Post
I admit I don't have the most rosy view of human nature, but that seems pretty sad to me--considering all women (besides oneself) to be vile temptresses out to get one's man, and one's man to be a slavering idiot unable to control himself around said temptresses.
Or it's like my sister's rift with her (former) best friend in which my sister is being accused of leading someone on. It may have more to do with the appearance of impropriety. "Honey, be careful. She/people may get the wrong idea." I think "get her claws into you" is an unncecessarily extreme version of that.
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  #47  
Old 08-07-2009, 02:38 PM
Lamia Lamia is offline
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I'm totally confused by this question. What is this "wait" you're referring to? We were told: He says, "I just met a nice lady. I gave her my cell number" and she responds "Why in high holy hell did you do that?". That's when he told her it was because he thought they would get along. I don't see any kind of delay or waiting in that exchange. Sounds like it was bam-bam-bam, all done within 10 seconds.
If the only reason for giving the woman from the bank his number was so that he could introduce her to the wife, why would that not be the FIRST thing out of his mouth once she'd called? What I would have said in such a situation would be "I just met a nice lady. I gave her my number because I thought you might like to meet her." Although I can't imagine ever actually being in such a situation myself -- I would not be handing out my personal number to someone else in line at the bank, and I definitely wouldn't be trying to set up a play date for a spouse or friend with a stranger who I'd barely even met myself. I can see how an outgoing person might do the former, but the latter is just weird.
Quote:
And if he'd swapped numbers for any other reason than the stated one, why would he make a point of telling his wife unasked and unprodded?
Because he's clueless. That's what I suggested in the part of my post you chose not to quote -- that he gave this woman his number without thinking much about it, and only realized when his wife started to get upset that this might seem suspicious or inappropriate to her. Since I don't know this guy I have no idea whether this would be in character for him, but if his explanation was honest then he's even more clueless. Is he hunting for new friends for his wife wherever he goes? Did he even tell the other woman that was why he was giving her his number? If some guy at the bank gave me his personal number I sure wouldn't assume that it was because he thought I'd be a nice chum for his wife.
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  #48  
Old 08-07-2009, 03:15 PM
PlainJain PlainJain is offline
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Originally Posted by jtgain View Post
Ok, if he's trying to bang the chick in the bank, why would he even mention it to his wife?
Guilt and the realization that she might call when he is with his wife. If this is so innocent why didn't he give her his wife's number instead? This could be easily cleared up by the wife calling her and asking her. After all that was the idea, right?

I think Dio got it.

Last edited by PlainJain; 08-07-2009 at 03:16 PM.. Reason: jus cause
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  #49  
Old 08-07-2009, 10:10 PM
kittenblue kittenblue is offline
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Originally Posted by Lamia View Post
If the only reason for giving the woman from the bank his number was so that he could introduce her to the wife, why would that not be the FIRST thing out of his mouth once she'd called? What I would have said in such a situation would be "I just met a nice lady. I gave her my number because I thought you might like to meet her." .
I agree with this...that was exactly what I thought when I read that. It sounded like he sort of forgot he was talking to his WIFE and thought he was talking to a FRIEND, saying, "Yeah I got the check deposited and guess what...there was a cute girl in line and I gave her my cell number, hope she calls!" and only when his wife asked why he gave her the number that his brain kicked back into gear and he came up with that very lame excuse.

If he had really given her his number to make a new friend for his wife (yeah right) he would have said something like, "Hey, I ran into a woman in line who belongs to that quilting group you were thinking about joining...I gave her my cell and she's supposed to call later to let you know when the next meeting is, and she said they've changed the meeting place from the one listed in the paper". Now THAT, I could believe.
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  #50  
Old 08-07-2009, 10:30 PM
Muffin Muffin is offline
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Having friends of both sexes is a good thing. Exchanging phone numbers is part of the process of making new friends. Making a spouse feel uncomfortable or not trusted for exchanging phone numbers is a bad thing.
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