Clueless guy wants to get back together with ex

In My Humble Opinion
1

Any tips or even harsh advice welcome…

Background info:
I broke up with her in July 2009. I said that I didn’t love her enough and that people on the internet said I wasn’t good enough for her. Anyway she pays me for the Internet every month or two and is friends with my parents and sisters. In the SMS’s and emails I’ll call her “S” and myself “M”.
In a lot of it I’m trying to work out when (or if?) she’s coming over to pay for the internet. One time in the past she did a bank transfer but she seems to prefer dropping off the money in person. In the past she’s said she misses us all.

6pm Dec 30:
subject: your trip to T

Quote:
Hi S,
My family and I will be in B this Saturday and Sunday to go to a wedding. I was wondering if you are still coming to T this week. If you like you could have some coffee with me and my parents at their house and maybe go for a walk.
cya,
M

Mid-late afternoon Thurs Dec 31, 2009
SMS’s:

“Hi, just letting u know my family wont b home this weekend. We hope 2 c u soon”

“Ok happy new year to u all. [about a jumping castle and a sausage sizzle] we r going to have alot of fun, take care from S”

“Sounds great n happy new year from me n my family 2 u all too”

“I will be giving u more money for the internet soon. God bless to u all. Have fun from S”

“Thx cya”

“[about a jumping castle]. I still at times think of u. From S”

“Ok :slight_smile: btw i sent u an email earlier”

“Ok lately i have not been doing emails, cause i have been very busy cause of christmas, i have done alot of shopping, as u do at christmas. I will jump on the computer tonight. Thank u from S”

“I c. Cya”

Jan 1st 2010:
12:33pm
“Happy new year for 2010! btw i hope 2 c u today or next week if that suits u”

1:16pm
“Happy new year, we had a party last night, we will contact next time some thing is on, with our group of friends luv to ur family from S”

1:25pm
“We had a quiet night. Btw [older sister] is coming here late monday. Luv 2 my family but not 2 me this time? :frowning: oh well. All the best”

1:40pm
“Sorry that was cheeky of me i hope u can forgive me”

1:46pm
“Btw greeting from my parents n thx 4 the lovely card n letter”

I’ve been thinking a bit about SMSing her the following…
“hi, is there anything i can do to make things up to u so that we can start over?”

2

BTW we both have a mental illness, I’m now 31 and she was the first girl I’ve ever dated or kissed and we dated for several months. I guess I don’t want to sound too desperate (even though I am). She was the one who made a lot of the first moves.

3

Did you do this thread already?

4

Well I made a thread here last year and it caused me to break up with her. It is a long thread though and this thread has a short amount of background info and all the SMS’s/emails here are very recent as you can see… btw maybe I’m being too self-deprecating.

5

I think you should not base your relationship decisions on what people on the Internet say.

That being said, you should totally bang her again.

6

Why do you torture yourself by playing these stupid games?

For you own sanity, when you break up with someone that means you don’t pay for their internet and this whole thing about friends with my family bit is just bizarre.

I imagine the only reason you want to get back with this girl is because you’re horny. Once that goes away, you’ll find she’s that same old girl you wanted to break up with in the first place.

I’m not trying to say you can’t be friends with someone you used to be involved with but there has to be a “cool off” period where you both go your own separate ways and live your own life for a while.

And even then, there has to be boundaries which you all seem to know nothing about.

7

In the near future might send one of the following…

“hi, is there anything i can do to make things up to u so that we can start over and be on speaking terms?”

“hi, is there anything i can do to make things up to u so that we can start over as friends?”

I might also end the message with “Missing u heaps”. But I’ve got to decide if I think I can get a better girl later in life. It seems doubtful.

Actually it is because she’s saying things about missing me or thinking of me… btw about 2 days after breaking up I wrote that I was missing her and then tried to get together with her… [though it’s been a few weeks since I’ve split my seed and only today I started feeling horny as well…]

I’m trying to work out what they are…

8

This is bizarre…

You are bizarre…

Wow.

9

I was just thinking about how I bought a “Married with Children” DVD when we were together and watched some of it with her. I also took her to see “He’s Not That Into You”. I think I was trying to lower her standards but she would often be very affectionate in words and deeds.
I was thinking about staying apart from her since she isn’t that pretty in my eyes (well maybe average) and I had been thinking about getting a Thai bride. Or maybe some educated local might find me attractive. I plan on getting a car and a job again in the future and in a few years there might be some demand for a guy like me from older girls. Possibly. But ideally I’d like a young girl… my ex is 30 but that is still kind of young. BTW it’s been about 3 years still I was last hospitalised for my mental illness… it seems that as long as I take my meds I’m ok.
I don’t really see myself going out on dates with girls so it seems unlikely that I’d get another local girlfriend… well I do have a few dating books I haven’t read yet (“The complete idiot’s guide…”, “A dummy’s guide…”, etc) On the other hand the Doc in Back to the Future found a beautiful wife… after he invented time travel. I have wished I could time travel to the past many times… basically to date girls. You know in high school I was asked out by several girls (said no or “don’t know”) - most of whom were attractive. I also asked some out (inappropriately). Long story… this seems to be becoming MPSIMS…

10

Wow man, I hate to sound harsh, but you need to get out more. And forget about the girl. Stop being so passive. You’re not going to find her sitting at home in your skivvies eating Doritoes and listening to us.

11

You should just not date anyone ever man.

12

What kind of mental illness do you and this girl have?

13

Harsh advice: leave this girl alone. Stop asking strangers on the web for advice. Work on your mental health issues.

14

Here’s a link to his past thread on the subject: keeping a girlfriend when asked tough questions - In My Humble Opinion - Straight Dope Message Board

This is truly one of the most bizarre sentences I’ve ever seen on this board.

And as I understand it, mail-order brides aren’t slaves. You can’t just “get” one. They have to agree to marry you.

15

You want a girl, any girl. Leave this girl that’s not that pretty to find someone that thinks she’s beautiful, and for that matter, give the rest of the girls of the world a break and do not date. What do you have to offer, seriously? No car, no job, mentally ill, socially inept… you say in a few years you might be a guy someone would want to date, but you’re not there yet, are you?

16

I hope you’re seeking treatment/support for your mental illness. If so, talk to that person about this, not strangers on the internet.

17
  1. Don’t base any of your dating expectations or behaviour on fiction.
  2. Buy the book “He’s Just Not That Into You” (ignore the fictional movie you watched) and imagine you are the woman the authors are addressing, and the “he” in the title is your ex. It’s good advice, regardless of your gender.
  3. Now forget about her. You screwed up, and she’s not coming back. Deal with it. Leave her alone from now on.
  4. Talk about all this stuff with your therapist.
18

This is absolutely the worst reason ever to get involved with someone. No one wants to be the one you settled for. How would you feel if she basically told you that you’re not actually good enough for her, but she’ll bang you anyway cuz you’re what she’s stuck with? A wee bit insulted, perhaps?

Get yourself out there, start making friends, and maybe someday one of those friends will become something more. No one gets a better guarantee than that, no matter who we are.

19

My advice:

  1. Don’t get back together with this girl.
  2. Stay on your meds.
  3. Get into therapy, if you aren’t already.
  4. Focus on becoming a happy, interesting person in your own right: get a job, get some hobbies, start exercising, try to socialize with people.

The way you’re coming across right now, you’re not in any position to start or resume a romantic relationship – it would just be bad for everyone involved.

20

What a strange combination of sociopath and developmentally disabled you are. You are aware that things like cold-bloodedly making romantic decisions based on whether or not you can “get” a “better girl” later on if you start a relationship with this one now are generally seen as pretty unfeeling and weird, right? And the Thai bride comment was just bizarre.