Hi this is a serious question… I’m interested in people’s opinions…
So firstly there is me -
I started a thread where I was looking for a song to play in my wedding where it didn’t focus on the bride being gorgeous…
I “coldly” explained that I felt repulsed when I saw her belly, particularly when it is exposed, sagging over her crotch, showing a “snail trail” with fairly long hair.
Throughout the thread I sometimes listed some good aspects of her - such as her being a “low-maintenance sex machine”.
On the other hand, there are people who have affairs…
I guess those who have affairs are certainly more likable than me… after all I’ve only ever dated or held hands with one girl… and those who have affairs are lot better than attracting a partner than me.
But are they “morally” better than me?
This sort of reminds me about the Bible - a book that I used to believe in. In the Old Testament, the punishment for affairs was death, though in the New Testament Jesus stopped a woman from being punished saying “Let he who is without sin cast the first stone”… I wonder what would have happened if the commandment punishment that Jesus interrupted had been theft… then I guess there would be little punishment for theft.
In that thread a few people said that I should not marry her or even be in a relationship with her.
I wonder what people who have affairs should also be told that they shouldn’t get married… yet they keep getting remarried or get forgiven by their current spouse.
Oh, yeah, I remember you. You’re the guy who thought his girlfriend was maybe a 5 and you were worried that she might dump you if you went on a dating show and told the truth about how you weren’t attracted to her. That thread was a classic.
Who’s worse? I don’t know. Is the adulterer a 9 or a 3?
Sure, people who go ino a mariage with the intent of cheating should be condemned. But most people, even those who eventually cheat, marry with the intention of staying loyal - because they love and respect the person they’re marrying, at least at the time.
Based on your posts, JohnClay, you don’t even have that. Cheating isn’t just about the physical act, it’s about disrespect for the person you marry. You have no respect for the person YOU’RE marrying, and you don’t seem to love her, either. Why shouldn’t we condemn you?
Well I’ve got bipolar disorder and some say I’ve got schizoaffective disorder - but really bipolar disorder alone can explain my behavior. I’ve got border-line asperger’s syndrome which means I don’t naturally pick up on social cues, etc, but I’ve read/watched/listened to a lot of self-help material including PUA stuff. A lot of it contradicts the other. That was quite a leap from believing in the Bible and young earth creationism where there is definite right and wrong. In my life I’ve been quite shy and I avoided a lot of parties and school outings and some offers for dates due to not knowing what to do. (I also turned down offers of dates and sex because I was very, very fussy) I’ve read and listened to “No More Mr Nice Guy” and that is partly why I am not as likable as I could be…
I hear quite a bit that girls are looking for a “nice guy” though they often end up with a**holes.
BTW after I broke up with her I was listening to that audiobook and one of my messages to her said:
"“Its selfish n probably too late to say but i want 2 get back together. If we did i’d b pretty selfish. Bye”
And as you know we got back together and have been together for more than 2.5 years.
I’ve been to legal brothels twice (in my twenties), and I also went to a prostitute to practice kissing but I got there late and forgot the cash so she told me never to contact her again. Luckily all of those prostitutes were overweight and pretty ugly so my fiance is not a step down from that.
I’m trying to argue that I at least have some love and respect for her. I find it ridiculous for you to say I have “no” respect for her.
So someone who calls the other bad names (which is what I think is a true example of disrespect) is morally the same as sleeping with someone else?
That’s funny because a girl that my fiance lives with (who I’ll also live with in the future) told me privately that I respect my fiance a lot… I think respect has a lot to do with my behavior in the real world rather than my private thoughts that I express here. BTW that girl’s fiance (my fiance’s brother) alternates between treating her like sh** (in her presence, like asking favors all the time) and being affectionate. I could go on quite a bit about how bad that brother is… though he is also a Christian and his apologies seem heart-felt.
BTW I see a difference between calling a “big” woman “voluptuous” or “big” than calling her a fat ugly cow. I disagree when you say I have “no” respect.
My love for her changes over time. A few days after I broke up with her I really, really missed her. When we were getting back together I was really attracted to her. Now I love many aspects of her including her physical affection. It is possible to love someone while still being aware of some questionable aspects of them. e.g. after a big fight the couple might say to each other “I love you”.
Well I’m not saying it is wrong to condemn me… though I find it interesting…
It’s using words and phrases like “repulsed” or “I at least have some love and respect for her”. That’s not what you want to go into a marriage with. It’s one thing to not be completely head over heels in love with every aspect of someone’s personality or physicality, we all have our quirks and flaws. However, repulsed is a very strong word, and I would want to have a little more than “some love and respect” for the woman I vow to spend the rest of my life with. Maybe it’s your Asperger’s, but I repeat, “repulsed” is not a word you want to be using about your future wife, even (or especially) behind her back.
Sometimes when you find someone of average or even below average looks it isn’t until you get to really know them that they suddenly become the most beautiful creature you’ve ever known. I’ve had that experience. And that woman was someone that I usually wouldn’t have given the time of day to. But after we talked and spent time together she just became more beautiful to me then any woman I had ever known.
But to me it just sounds like you feel lucky someone will even let you have sex with them so you better marry her even though you are disgusted by her looks (which I assume is her large belly). That speaks volumes. It also says that you probably aren’t any prize in the looks department either. Believe it or not there are men that find large women very attractive. To each his own.
You however are no better morally then a man who cheats on his spouse because you are only marrying her for the prospect of steady pussy. So what happens when some psycho hot bitch decides she wants you to bang her? You’ll jump at the chance and cheat on your wife thereby doubly making YOU both the cheater and the asshole you are today.
So morally you’re no better. But hey, at least you finally got laid. Loser.
You’re much better off sticking with prostitutes, dude. And I’m not saying that as a joke or a dig - you really are MUCH better off sticking with prostitutes than marrying someone that repulses you this much.
And here’s the thing - a happy and successful marriage is possible when one partner found some aspect of their spouse-to-be repulsive before they got married. But all of the other things they loved about that person would outweigh that to the point where they wouldn’t even think about the repulsive aspect, much less bring it up again and again in multiple threads on a message board.
Because of that, it’s obvious that this is a big issue for you that you think about a lot. And it’s obvious that all the things you love about her do not outweigh the things you dislike, or else it would not even be in your thoughts and in your words. Nobody who truly loved someone enough to marry them should talk this way about them - and they would want to punch someone else who did.
So you deluded yourself majorly into thinking she’s incredibly beautiful after just spending some time together? How romantic!
It’s more than just her “letting” me have sex with her… she initiates or gets the hint easily (unless she’s having her period - that happened one time and I complained that I thought she was playing hard to get - this would make her more likely to initiate or let me know well in advance if she will be having a period - she even said once that we didn’t have to have sex when I wasn’t so enthusiastic).
BTW the reason I’m not so enthusiastic about sex sometimes is that I’d rather pace it out instead of eventually getting sick of it. I also have lost the ability to feel most of the pleasure associated with sex - like about 10% of guys. We have quickies and we’re happy with that. Sometimes I take a few minutes and she starts getting worn out and asks me if I’m going to cum. You could argue that she’s doesn’t enjoy sex and just is seeking my approval but she has told me a few times that she thinks I’m good at sex and kissing. BTW it is important that she initiates because often I have trouble getting a spontaneous erection…
Her exposed belly is just one aspect of her looks… fortunately I don’t focus on it most of the time. BTW what if the woman you loved started becoming very overweight? Would you hint that she should “eat healthy”? Or would she remain the most beautiful woman in the world to you? If so her enormous weight would be irrelevant. Fortunately my fiance has skinny legs, arms, face, etc, so I can marvel at that at least. And her body language such as her smile or playful shocked look or fake crying look or some other face she pulls.
I’ve had two offers of sex through my life - one from a girl I didn’t find attractive (she was teased for being fat though in hindsight she was just not skinny) and the other was a flat mate that I didn’t find attractive enough even though she would have given me a blow-job. My friend and her just ended up having sex in the next room while I slept on his couch (it was the night of someone’s birthday party)
She has a pregnant look… not overweight in general. I know of one guy who likes BBW porn.
It’s not about pussy - it’s about me getting off. When she has a period she sometimes says things like “I can take care of you”.
Well EVERY SINGLE prostitute I chose were the fattest ugliest ones. They seemed to care the most. I don’t care about hot psycho bitches.
You sound like Jesus when he says that lust is the same as adultery or hate is the same as murder. BTW the porn I like involves young natural girl-next-door types - not unobtainable bitches.
I got laid years earlier thanks to legal prostitutes.
Except when I was mentally unwell a few years ago, I’m not very spontaneous in making dumb decisions. I think that for as long as my fiance is physically affectionate, I’d turn down any offer of sex from a psycho… BTW I can already get sex from a hot psycho bitch - I could go to any one of the many brothels around. But there is a chance that could involve losing my low-maintenance sex machine. BTW she also kisses for free… a lot of prostitutes don’t want to kiss you.
“MUCH better off”?
Well you know the three prostitutes I knew actually have repulsed me more than my fiance has! The first one was too overweight and not that cute, and when I was losing my erection I asked her to put some clothes on (in an attempt to look better) and she wouldn’t. BTW I didn’t have my glasses on at the time so everything was blurry (though now I’ve had laser eye surgery). The one that I went to kiss was hideous and fairly old but at least she was supposed to be cheap and would kiss. There was a bit of an electric connection when the third one first touched me when it was time to choose, but I didn’t like how she seemed to lack a waist at the sides. She also tried to talk dirty which was off-putting.
Sex is not all I’m after - I also enjoy cuddling and kissing and playing around and watching TV and movies together. And visiting each other’s friends and relatives.
So on the one hand there is having a wife that has a repulsive belly… or being too fussy to have an actual relationship and wasting heaps of money on prostitutes - and the hottest ones are super-expensive. Which should I choose? I wonder if my parents would think I’m “MUCH better off sticking with prostitutes”…? BTW when I was breaking up with my fiance a while ago I told my parents and a sister I think as well as my friend about it. I’ve told my friend that I think my fiance is a “5”… but I wouldn’t want to tell my family if I would be going to a prostitute… BTW they’re all strong Christians. Apparently some people go to prostitutes just for the companionship… I think that would be like throwing money down the drain. Like I said my fiance is very low maintenance. I don’t buy her flowers - I don’t take her to any restaurants (well I did once but later she complained that she got extremely anxious due to her fear of restaurants). I think restaurants are boring and expensive anyway.
I’m an introspective person and I notice thoughts that come into my consciousness. I’m not scared to sometimes explore those thoughts. Over time those thoughts could grow. I guess your approach would be to pretend you didn’t think that and to just insist that your partner is very beautiful or something. Well I usually redirect my thoughts and concentrate on what I find very attractive in her. Though some people in my threads say that I “only” focus on the negative. I’ve talked to my fiance quite a few times about her belly… there is the possibility that she can change it. You’re talking about “truly loving” someone… yet about half of marriages end in divorce which would often involve affairs and bad name-calling, etc.
I found your comment that someone who truly loved someone enough to marry them “would want to punch someone else who did” interesting… “I love my wife so much and you focus on her big belly too much - you deserve a punch!”
“basically the only difference” ? That’s a good “strawman” argument.
What about this:
“I also enjoy cuddling and kissing and playing around and watching TV and movies together. And visiting each other’s friends and relatives.”
Fiances also are companions for free! I mean some people pay large sums of money to prostitutes just for companionship. We consider ourselves to be very good friends - sometimes even best friends.
But the “in love” honeymoon phase typically only lasts 1-3 years. Problems then become important again.
What if you had a wife that let her leg hair grow really long or something (my fiance has in the past). Perhaps there is something like that that could repulse you… I think repulse is an accurate word though I guess re-framing it or putting a better spin on it would be better.