My GF of 7.5 months left me a couple days ago. We were pretty serious too, and the breakup came as a real shock to me. I kinda thought this was going to be a permanent thing, especially based on some of the things she’d said to me over the course of the relationship. All I really got from her during the breakup discussion was a bunch of vague, cliched horseshit. Stuff like how she loves me and cares about me but isn’t in love with me (which is pretty much a 180 from how the first ~6 months of the relationship went, where she was always super into me), and how she’s never been alone and is afraid that the only reason she’s in a relationship is because she’s scared to be alone, and how she needs to work on herself and stuff.
And she’s also gotten more and more into religious stuff lately, and has really gone overboard with her church and bible study bs. That’s been a bit of a divisive issue as well, but I’ve always supported her in that and in everything else. But she says her relationship with the Lord is the most important thing to her now and how she doesn’t have time to dedicate to a relationship (with me). She’s more religious than I am, but we’ve both always known that. So this really came out of the blue since the whole 7.5 months we’ve been together has been a beautiful, loving relationship. I don’t know. I guess I’m still in shock sort of.
I really want to undo this and get back together. I’ve always read about the no contact rule and how it’s the best way to get an ex back, but is that really true?
If not what is the best way? I don’t know how long to wait to text/call/email her or even if I should do one of those things. I know every case is different, but I still would like opinions on how to proceed here.
Thanks.
I have a feeling - and maybe I’m wrong - but she is going to get swept up in church and swept away by a guy from church very quickly. Like a riptide.
Not that she is leaving you for this guy or cheated on you with this guy. But the draw of church can be very powerful to people who “don’t want to be alone” and “need to find themselves.”
I don’t see how you can fight against church and not just push her further away.
I’m sorry, bro. I hope you get what you need, whatever that is. It might not be what you want.
One thing I forgot to add. The breakup was on Friday, and then late Saturday night I get an alert from Trivia Crack that she started a game. We’ve always played that game a lot. I can’t figure out what that means? Is there a signal I should interpret there?
I ignored the game, so it’s just going to expire today.
Let her go. If you love her, you must respect her. When she says she’s not in love with you, believe her. When she says she needs to work on herself, believe her.
If she wants you back, she will reach out to you. And not by playing you in Trivia Crack.
I’d like to apologize… you asked for sympathy and opinions on how to win her back, and I dropped the ball on the sympathy part. I responded the way I did because I’ve gone through the same sort of breakup, and the relative lack of faith & involvement in the church on my part was the driving force. I wish I could tell you some secret trick, but the only one I know of that could even come close would be for you to become as involved in her faith as she is, and not as a trick to win her back… do it because that is important to you, not the girl, not the history.
Follow her around everywhere. Sit outside her house in your car at night. Call and leave messages but hand up if she answers. Chicks really dig that stuff. It hasn’t worked for me, but clearly it’s working for somebody or so many guys wouldn’t do it.
Of course if you don’t want to go through all that effort just find another girl. I gotta agree with Ethilrist that the bible study bs means you two aren’t meant for each other.
As I read it, your only options are to move on or become a convert
Honestly, as long as she’s not joining some crazy cult, I think she’s doing the right thing. I don’t think it’s smart to have a spouse with fundamentally different beliefs. She needs someone who will not just support her bs, but who believes it and actively participates with her.
If it is some crazy cult and she’s about to sign her possessions over before the apocalypse comes next Tuesday… well, there’s still nothing you can do.
Okay I didn’t mean it to sound that harsh. No I don’t especially care about doing church activities, but I’ve gone to some things with her and I support her in everything she does.
To me it does seem like a weird cult, but she says it isn’t. It’s something called Xenos or however you spell it. Even the name is kinda weird right? Part of it is a home church, but apparently there are regular meetings at an actual church too. I wish I’d gone with her more so I could really get a sense of it.
Sympathy you’ll get from me by the bucketload, though I don’t know you from [del]Adam[/del] some mythical guy that only bs-believers even talk about. But advice on winning her back? Nope. Personal experience and received wisdom both convince me that it’s a fool’s game. There is probably someone else out there who will love you, so be glad you had a good half a year and let it go.
It doesn’t matter if it’s a cult. It is her choice. You don’t get a vote. Move on. She doesn’t want to be with you for whatever reason. You can’t make her. I’m sorry. We have all been there. It is,painful. You will get through it. You deserve someone who wants to be with you. Don’t accept anything less.
Even if you do convince her to come back, it won’t be the same. The relationship will be so precarious, you’ll be bending over backwards just to keep it straight. Never disagreeing with her because you’re afraid she might dump you if you do. Is that the kind of relationship you want?
Never put more into a relationship than you’re getting out of it.
The one who cares least about the relationship, is the one who holds most of the power over the relationship. That’s a fucked up truism isn’t it?
First off, sympathies dude. No matter what we all post with advice (you’re not going to like mine either), I feel for ya. Getting your heart beat on and then handed to you by someone you were hoping for a future with sucks, and there is no way around that.
So, here is the advice. Move on. Religion is one of those things that defines who a person is and who they want to associate with. Someone who dives full bore into religion is not going to be cool with their partner not being right there diving along with them. And you can’t fake it. You’ll be miserable.
Let her go. I know it sounds trite but there really are other fishes in the sea.