So, she just dumped me. Says “we’re moving at different speeds.” Meaning, she thinks I’m moving too fast toward a LTR.
Okay, lemme get this straight. In the four weeks we’ve been dating:
[ul]
[li]She told me she’d like to be exclusive[/li][li]She invited me to hang out with her brother[/li][li]She told me how much she appreciates being with somebody who appreciates her talents and listens to what she has to say[/li][li]She told me (four days ago!) that it’s best sex she’s ever had, and we need to do it some more[/li][/ul]
The closest I’ve come to any of that was “I really like you” and “Damn, I didn’t think I’d run in to anybody this fantastic so quickly.”
“I don’t want to feel like I’ve been leading you on,” she said.
WTF? That’s all you’ve been doing.
Can people really seem so dead serious and grown up for four weeks, and then turn around on just like that?
It’d be soooo much easier if she just told me “I’ve decided I’m not that in to you,” or “I’m seeing somebody new,” or “I’ve decided to start seeing my alcoholic ex-boyfriend again.”
I could deal with any of those.
This just has me confused as hell.
So yeah. Sorry if I’m coming off like a whiner. I haven’t had a problem getting dates since I separated, but this is the first one that I’ve actually liked liked.
Wait, she said different speeds and then also implied the part about you moving too fast, or you’re just attributing that meaning to her words? Maybe she thinks you’re moving too slow.
She’d said previously that she normally doesn’t jump from one relationship to the next, and that starting dating a month after breaking it off with her previous boyfriend was pretty soon for her.
We’re also both coming out of relationships where we were both codependent as all hell, so I can see where she’s scared of falling in to something too quickly. She’s really, really methodical about stuff.
Of course, you could be right, and I could be a great big idiot for trying to play it cool, but it’d just be torturing myself to think about it.
My fault for leaving my heart out there to get broken. Her fault for sending mixed signals.
Mostly, we talked about how she feels like an ass for dumping me.
It’s been close to 24 hours, and I’m only catching myself wishing she’d knock on my door or call me about once an hour. That’s progress.
On behalf of Normal Woman Who Don’t Crap All Over Their Significant Others, I would like to apologize for this ditz and her callous treatment of your heart.
No person has the right to do the Temple of Doom thingie with anyone’s heart.
Ah, been there. Put it down to bad timing and a ‘close but no cigar’ match.
I vote A: drink, music, good book (get it read and give it back - get all her stuff out of your house and life ASAP). Rant, bitch, whine and vent online until you no longer feel the need. We’re here for you.
Going to a bar will probably end with you telling every woman there about your breakup, which wouldn’t be much fun.
After an exam, I opened a bottle of wine and played some Fallout. It was very therapeutic, though my friends were laughing at me for being drunk at dinner. Oh well.
Interestingly enough, I think dinner was calamari.
The only advice I can give is tragically vague: try to find closure, and move on.
Count your blessings. You had fun, some good sex, and then things ended in a way that revealed she was flakier than a head full of dandruff. She did you a favor, in the long run. Better now than a divorce down the road.
I strongly encourage you to get your own shit together before looking for a relationship. I’m not seeing anything here or in the other thread that indicates you’re in any kind of shape to be doing anything other than taking stock and learning to rely on yourself and not a relationship for your sanity.
Sounds to me like she came to her senses before too much damage was done to either of you. Sorry if she wasn’t gentle with you in breaking the news to you – but she was (is) right.