Worst country song title ever. Or maybe the best, I can’t quite decide.
Get your stereo ready, put on J. Geils, “Love Stinks” and play it really loud. It helps, trust me.
No offense, but you’re 50% wrong.
a) I’m at the tail end of my recovery process. While it’s true that I only got officially divorced two weeks ago, it’s been a loooong time coming, for me. True, I’m not ready to have a real long-term relationship, but I think I can shoot for a medium-term one. I was “alone” for about the last three years of my marriage - it’s just that I had a 38-year-old child to take care of. The prospect of hanging out with a grownup was appealing to me. So sue me.
b) I just got back from having a couple of drinks. The route to my watering hole goes past her ex’s watering hole. Guess who’s sitting in the window of the ex’s bar at this very moment watching some guy (presumably the ex) playing one of those dumbass video trivia games?
Yeah. She gotta get her shit together, all right.
I say this with all the sympathy that a recovering codependent can muster: Good riddance.
Ohfertheluvof…lying little bag. Well, I guess you’ve got closure, if nothing else.
One question - most people have a rebound thingy after a long-term relationship ends - do you think she was yours?
This may be the Jameson talking, but I’ve come to a bit of insight: I tend to assume, by default, that other people have their shit more together than I do. It’s part of the reason why I used to be (literally) this guy.
Lesson learned.
I suppose I should be proud of myself for not walking in to the bar and making her very quietly uncomfortable.
Seriously, fuck her for playing on the one remaining insecurity I have about myself and relationships.
Gah. Good thing I have a fresh bottle of Tully, a kitten, and a guitar.
Been there, done that. Romance can suck sometimes. As I almost commented in another thread, I’ve seen wonderful turn to shit so fast I couldn’t even write a coherent rant out of the transition. Hell, a girl once dumped me because she enjoyed the make out sessions too much.
My sympathies on your romantic whiplash, gah. Do a shot, eat some chocolate, and try not to rebound (seriously, the only thing worse than one crazy girl breaking your heart is another doing it the next week) 
I’ll give an attempt at consolation, and an opportunity for a doper to attribute the quote, in one shot.
"Love is forever, for as long as it lasts."
-Some realistically cynical spaniard, I think.
I did a similar number, with a lady in Los Osos, this summer. What I thought was a relationship turned out to be a 30-day pity fuck. Nice while we had the illusion, though, and we still talk.
Perhaps you’re just saying all this because you’re drunk, but I think you might want to consider twickster’s good advice some more. If you’re this banged up about someone you’ve dated for 4 weeks and you admit you’re codependent then it seems (to me) that you’ll want to take a little time out to do some work on you.
Sounds like you went straight from marriage to dating before the ink was even put to paper on your divorce. A little time with your own company should be a worthwhile pursuit. If you can’t stand to be alone in your own company, how is anyone else going to be?
Good luck.
I’m trying really hard to empathize with you, black rabbit, but although the same thing happened to me very recently, it didn’t happen for those reasons, and although you have the opportunity to try again, I am very reluctant to do that.
I have to agree with** twicks**, that you need to slow down and take stock of your situation before “getting back out there”.
I wish you all the best, and for what it’s worth, yeah, it sucks, but better now than later when it might have hurt a lot worse.
Quasi
Sorry black rabbit, but how do you know she was with the guy in the pub? Or that he was her ex?
Is it at all possible that she was at a familiar pub - just like you were? Perhaps contemplating the crappy situation that is her life, just like you were.
You’ve seen her (from a distance) looking at someone you don’t know - who seemed to be ignoring her to play a video game - that doesn’t mean she has gotten back with her ex just to spite you.
You could be reading something into the situation that wasn’t there at all.
Another vote for stepping back and taking stock.
Sorry for the breakup. It sucks that she broke up with you, but it’s far better on the ego and heart than a lingering break-up. I hate people who do that.
Good luck to you.
For some reason or other, this–being the first response to the heartfelt OP–made me literally laugh out loud. This probably makes me a petty and unsympathetic person, but there it is.
I am currently witnessing a good buddy of mine deal with a “casual relationship” meltdown…she showed up uninvited to his house at three in the morning, she shoved him, she socked him in the eye, he shoved her away from him so she’d stop hitting him…a neighbor called the cops because of the yelling and she tried to claim she was assaulted…yadda yadda yadda…
This was a girl he initially really liked. They connected, they had great sex, they were “on the same wavelength” etc…they were gonna keep it low-key and see where it went…
And it ended–for now–with the cops in his front yard at three in the morning. (FTR nobody was charged or arrested; the cops thought she was too drunk to drive so they gave her a ride back to her house and told her to collect her car the next day when she was legally able to operate her vehicle.)
I am a cynical person by nature–and years of bartending haven’t helped–and most of the time when a relationship like the one outlined in the OP ends in the manner in which it ended…
I can’t help but think that she did you a favor. It’ll take you awhile to appreciate that, but it’s probably true. Obviously her head isn’t clear right now, for whatever reason. It probably isn’t your fault, but you probably couldn’t fix it even if it was; it’s better to know now.
My buddy has been dealing with this “quasi-relationship” for a year or so. It isn’t healthy and it isn’t normal and nobody involved is currently apparently capable of a normal relationship and I think the whole thing is sad.
I’m not saying there’s a huge parallel between the two scenarios, but I AM saying that when someone shows you who they are, it’s best you believe them the first time.
Better for it to end quickly. Harder and more painful–with more questions than may ever be answered–but definitely better in the end.
I’m sorry you’re having to go through this.
Obviously I don’t know the context of this, but can you elaborate please? Specifically, what is a “quasi-relationship”, and why is it unhealthy, abnormal, and sad?
I’m assuming she’s referring to the specific example she just gave, which they claimed they were keeping “low-key”, etc., and ended up with her in his yard at 3 am, screaming, cops showing up, etc. Low-key my ass.
For the OP, paraphrasing Dan Savage of the Savage Love sex advice column: Every relationship you enter will fail. Until one doesn’t.
Ah, thank you. Poor reading comprehension on my part, I read it as an entirely different relationship. Guess that’s what I get for posting after being out all night.
Sorry to hear about how she treated you. It really sucks.
But I like to think of what Dan Savage says about relationships… “All relationships fail, until one doesn’t.”
Get back on the horse.
That is not the advice Dan Savage would give.
