[ul]
[li]When your SO has a rhythym going, do not randomly thrust your pelvis toward her face. This can cause her teeth to come into play.[/li][li]When the above happens, don’t bitch about it, it was an accident.[/li][li]When you are close to cumming, don’t say, “Slow down and hold me right there,” repeatedly. We like making you happy, but our jaw hurts and our back is spasming…we’d like it to be over.[/li][li]When you ARE cumming, don’t push us away, jump up and say, “I wanna cum on your face!” We know about the “cum shot,” and you’re not fooling us.[/li][li]When your SO is washing said cum off her face, DO NOT EVER walk into the bathroom, take one look at her swollen lips and say, “How’s it going duck-lips?”[/li][li]Say THANK YOU![/li][/ul]
Huh. Oral sex. Sorry, I only have observational experience about the phenomenon.
The only piece of advice I can add is this: Guys, when you’re getting head, don’t try to hold a conversaton with any third party that may be present. Remember… you have one dick and one brain, but not enough blood to run them both at the same time.
Well, fair is fair:
[ul][li]Sure cum is gross, but it ain’t strychnine either. Overly dramatic sprints to the bathroom followed by loud expectoration of mouth contents is strongly discouraged. Besides, you don’t exactly taste like cookie dough.[/li][li]There’s nothing lamer than a reluctant blow job. Trust me, we can tell when you’re just not trying. I’ve had unlubricated, severely chafing hand jobs that were more entertaining. Blow strong or don’t blow at all.[/li][li]If you learn anything from the sports we make you watch, it’s the importance of follow-through. The QB keeps moving his arm forward well after he releases the ball. Likewise, don’t punch out for the day right after the first sign of seminal fluid.[/li][li]Afterwards, don’t talk to my penis like it’s a domesticated animal. “Oh look, he’s sleeping”. No, your attempt at personifying a sexual organ is making my penis shrivel away from you. I don’t look at your vagina and say “Looks like Clover needs a shave!”[/li][li]Need I point out the hypocricy of women who point out that giving a woman an orgasm takes time, care and patient effort who then go on to give their men blowjobs with that unpleasant “Hurry up and cum, dammit” wince on their face?[/li][li]If you absolutely despise giving blow jobs under any circumstance then please let me know ASAP, preferrably before I make the mistake of actually dating you. Not sucking dick is your prerogative, not dating women like you is mine.[/ul][/li]
And don’t make me truck out my cunnilingus pet peeves…
I haven’t given a blow job in years!