So I'm heading over the world where all the inexplicably lost stuff goes. Can I grab y'all anything?

[Skald the Rhymer]

For reasons that would be otiose to rehearse, but which certainly do NOT involve a foiled attempt to sell May Parker to the Sultan of Brunei as his latest wife, I find it needful to briefly relocate to a world where Spider-Man cannot follow. Dude can hit.

Ordinarily I would head over to the Universal Library till the heat died down, but as a result of unfortunate incident involving burning down the Tolkien wing and having sex in the ashes, my borrowing privileges there are under review. Instead I'm heading over to the world where all the stuff from OUR world that inexplicably and is never found is kept. (Lost socks are kept in Antarctica.) I have access to the catalogue, of course. Can I get anything you guys are missing?

[kayaker]

My youth?

[Skald the Rhymer]

Originally Posted by kayaker

My youth?

Only material things are kept in this world, sadly, like that stuffed tiger I lent to Little Sister #2 in 1978 which she somehow lost IN HER OWN BEDROO.

Lost youth, squandered opportunities, failed ambitions, and desperately-yearned-for-love-&-innocence are kept in the Boulevard of Broken Dreams.

[Palo Verde]

It's so weird. My colander went missing. You know, that pot with holes used to drain pasta and the like. It's not something that usually varies from the cabinet where it lives to the sink where it works. It's not something you normally take anywhere or use somewhere else.

But it's gone. I've looked everywhere for that stupid colander! It's nowhere in the kitchen. Where could it be?

Please find it for me and ask it where it's been all this time.

[Really Not All That Bright]

My passport. I thought it was taped inside my suitcase but it isn't. Also about 84 black dress socks.

[Mr. Excellent]

If you bring back Osama Bin Laden, I think we could probably gloss over the thing with Mary Parker that absolutely didn't happen.

[robardin]

A gold ring I last saw on my wedding day almost 12 years ago (not my wedding ring obviously). A simple thing, the least of rings, a trifle I fancy, but precious to me nonetheless. Much would I give for its return.

By which I mean my college class ring. My wife didn't want me wearing another ring for the ring ceremony, so I removed it and put it somewhere safe, which turned out not to be, if one's definition of safe" includes remembering that location and then finding it there later. I figured it would turn up while we packed for moving, or if it was in the pocket of some jacket or pair of pants that it would eventually show itself, but three moves later and many changes in clothing size (both up and down), it never has.

Too bad. 18K gold and all. Would cost 4x or more now to replace it due to the steep rise in the price of gold since 1992.

[Skald the Rhymer]

Originally Posted by Palo Verde

Please find [my lost colander] for me and ask it where it's been all this time.

Okay, but you'll have to explain where you get talking cookware from. And if the answer is "the same store Wilma Flintstone shops at," you're out of luck.

Originally Posted by Mr. Excellent

If you bring back Osama Bin Laden, I think we could probably gloss over the thing with Mary Parker that absolutely didn't happen.

In the first place, it was MAY Parker, not Mary Jane.

In the second place, had nothing to do with it anyway. All the evidence points to whichever one of you I framed for the offense in question.

In the third place, the world in question only has things, not people. If Osama's there, it can only be his corpse.

[Emily Litella]

My favorite hat, it's a brown beret. I lost it about 20 years ago, but damn, it looked good on me. I haven't found one since that looks half as good.

[Anne Neville]

Originally Posted by Skald the Rhymer

Only material things are kept in this world, sadly, like that stuffed tiger I lent to Little Sister #2 in 1978 which she somehow lost IN HER OWN BEDROO.

Did you check in its pouch? That's where I'd expect a bedroo to keep things.

[Skald the Rhymer]

Originally Posted by Anne Neville

Did you check in its pouch? That's where I'd expect a bedroo to keep things.

You better HOPE the Avengers catch me before I catch you, woman. Not even Piers Anthony would sink so low.

[bouv]

When I was 5 or 6 I lost my favorite Transformers toy ever...Shockwave. If you can bring him back for me, that'd be super.

[Chronos]

What about the explicably lost stuff? Like, once when I was a kid, I had an air-propelled missile toy, and was very intelligently playing with it in a car with open windows on the Interstate. The results were exactly as you'd expect.

Oh, and watch out for the Hangers. They're pretty vehement about defending their plane, and you can get some nasty electrical storms.

[Chronos]

Oh, and don't worry about the thing with May Parker. We all know you wanted her for yourself, and wouldn't give her up to any Sultan.

[corkboard]

About six weeks ago, I bought an awesome pair of long underwear. I wore them a total of twice. They were so comfortable, kept me dry & warm, and were not cheap. Did I mention I only wore them twice?

The second time, I took them off in my bedroom, which is in my house, and put them in the laundry basket in my closet, not coincidentally also in my house, from whence my wife brought the basket downstairs to the laundry room in my basement, also, you guessed it, in my house.

Since that day, neither of us have seen them. They could not have left the house, but they are not any of the places that clothing items are ever brought after they have been laundered. I've also checked in the freezer, thanks to George Carlin.

They are gone. I miss them.

[Sigmagirl]

While you're looking for robardin's college ring, look for my dad's. Class of 1948. He was out raking the yard, it was giving him a blister and he took it off to put it in his pocket. Only he missed his pocket and it fell in the grass. Big hunk of gold with a garnet; I could put my class ring clean through it. Gone for 30 years now.

[freckafree]

My recent trip to Albuquerque made me pine for the Zuni turquoise pin that my mother gave me. It disappeared during a move 30+ years ago.

Can you bring me more than one thing? If so, I'd really like the awesome bead embroidered pendant that I made last year. One moment, it was around my neck and the next thing I knew, it was gone.

If I'm limited to one item, I'll take the latter.

[peedin]

Last week one of my 2 small serrated knives took a powder. I really need 2, in case one is waiting to be washed. The missing one has a brown wooden handle so it's not in the dishwasher. If found, please return to my silverware drawer.

[descamisado]

kay, I'll start this request out by saying (i) I live alone, (ii) I don't have many visitors ever, and (iii) my apartment is small -- there is no West or East Wing; there is no "Wing" so, therefore, not many places for things to escape into/behind.
So, then:

A) What happened to my favorite green tie? During the last period of time that I remember wearing it, I might have taken it off before heading home and stuffed it in my bag, but it would've have been in an inside pocket for sure. So how did it escape before reaching home or disappear after, with no one else around or space into which to misplace it?

B) Can you inquire about my narrow black belt with the silver buckle? No way would I have (a) removed it before arriving back home after wearing it, (b) loaned it to anybody without remembering "Hey, one of my friends was forward and needful enough to borrow an article of my clothing, or (c) have it end up behind some article of furniture or room in my house I never go into (again, small, 4 smal rooms).

C) I suspect you have all of my missing items, including my brown, long-sleeved thermal shirt (Henley?), which I just discovered missing yesterday and then, today, you start this (jeering) thread. I looked everywhere for it and it's JUST NOT THERE.

So, Skald, how did you discover my home address and obtain a copy of the 4 keys needed to enter my apartment, huh, and take these items just to torment me?

P.S. I won't even mention the navy blue, nylon Nike tennis shorts that disappeared a few years ago, or the $450 prescription eyeglasses that were the only pair my myopic ass ever came close to liking and that just vanished into thin air in 2004.

[Surly Chick]

My St. Anthony's medal. I lost it at the beach in 1982.

Ironic, I know.

[Lynn Bodoni]

Originally Posted by Sigmagirl

While you're looking for robardin's college ring, look for my dad's. Class of 1948. He was out raking the yard, it was giving him a blister and he took it off to put it in his pocket. Only he missed his pocket and it fell in the grass. Big hunk of gold with a garnet; I could put my class ring clean through it. Gone for 30 years now.

My mother and I went to the same high school, 20 years apart. She had her old class ring modified for me. She had the 55 changed to 75, and had my initials engraved in it. I haven't seen it in at least 15 years, so if you could find that for me, I'd be willing to make you a lasagna as a finder's fee.

I'd also like two of my favorite childhood stuffed animals back, a black dog and a blue calico cat. When I last saw them, they were really quite bedraggled and had lost most of their stuffing. I'd like them back anyway.

In the third place, the world in question only has things, not people. If Osama's there, it can only be his corpse.

I think that most reasonable people would be overjoyed if you found his corpse.

[salinqmind]

My copy of a cookbook - "Square Meals" by Jane and Michael Stern - I KNOW it was sitting on the shelf with the other cookbooks. There is a "Square Meals" - wide space where it used to be. I LOVE that book just for reading purposes.

[TruCelt]

My scarf. It's a rich gold/navy/purple paisleyish-but-not-so-much-it's-80's sort of thing. Disappeared about 5 weeks ago. No. idea.how.

Also, my sunglasses. The ones I liked so much that I bought two pairs the day I found them? The ones that, within 6 weeks were both gone, despite the fact that I have never lost a single pair of sunglasses before.

::Sigh::

[control-z]

My high school class ring. I think I lost it a spray-it-yourself carwash, but I went back a few minutes later and there was no sign of it.

[maladroit]

The other earring I paid too much for when I was drunk at the Renaissance Festival. I took them off when I was still drunk. I am still peering under furniture in the hopes it will fall out of where ever it's been all this time. I think the cats know something but they aren't sharing.

[TheTerribleTako]

My plastic pig keychain that I got in 2nd grade got lost during a big Spring cleaning while I was at college.

Also, I seemed to have misplaced one of my little black dresses. But more than anything else, could you find my left lens from my current glasses? It popped out sometime last November while I wasn't paying attention and I can't figure out where it could be.

Oh, and Skald, if Antarctica is on the way back, could you pick up a pink sock and a black sock? Figures that if you end up missing two socks it would be two different colors.

[MsWhatsit]

The good can opener. It disappeared six months ago. We've looked everywhere, and have thoroughly cleaned the house multiple times since then. It's just gone. The can opener we have left is terrible but I can't bring myself to buy a new one because, well, the other one will surely turn up...eventually.

But I am starting to lose hope.

[Skald the Rhymer]

Originally Posted by TheTerribleTako

Oh, and Skald, if Antarctica is on the way back, could you pick up a pink sock and a black sock? Figures that if you end up missing two socks it would be two different colors.

I will take that as your agreeing to help pay for my fuel, TTT. I'll send somebody over to take one of your livers.

[Sigmagirl]

Originally Posted by salinqmind

My copy of a cookbook - "Square Meals" by Jane and Michael Stern - I KNOW it was sitting on the shelf with the other cookbooks. There is a "Square Meals" - wide space where it used to be. I LOVE that book just for reading purposes.

I loooooove Square Meals. "After-School Gingerbread" is one of my favorite recipes. You can't have my copy, but I'll PM you recipes till you find your copy.

[Push You Down]

The spare scooter key!

We gave up looking for it because we thought we'd find it when we cleared our everything and moved. It never turned up.

[Oakminster]

Could ya bring back my lost shaker of salt? Its loss was nobody's fault....well, could be my fault...ok, was my own damn fault.

[cwthree]

If you see my gray hoodie and my original Windows XP install disk,* bring 'em with, willya? Thanks.

*Not for me, you perverts - I want it back so I can install a clean OS before I sell the PC it came with. Jeez.

[Skald the Rhymer]

Originally Posted by Oakminster

Could ya bring back my lost shaker of salt? Its loss was nobody's fault....well, could be my fault...ok, was my own damn fault.

This is why you are the greatest of us.

[Kyrie Eleison]

If it wouldn't be too much trouble, could you grab the large green easy chair? About a year after we moved into the new house, my wife asked me where it went. I figure she might like it back.

[tumbleddown]

My diamond ring went missing. I actually believe that it might've been stolen by a hot-fingered girl from my church, but on the chance that it disappeared otherwise, any leads would be appreciated.

I'd really like to put my hands on my pink sweater, too. And my black fuzzy sweater, while we're at it.

And if you see my health, kick it, then send it home. Thanks.

[Bosda Di'Chi of Tricor]

Originally Posted by bouv

When I was 5 or 6 I lost my favorite Transformers toy ever...Shockwave. If you can bring him back for me, that'd be super.

When I was 5 or 6, I lost my plastic Fireball XL-7.

Find me that.

It would be worth some dough by now.

Also, find the box it came in, while you're at it.

[Oakminster]

Originally Posted by Skald the Rhymer

This is why you are the greatest of us.

Now yer making me blush.

[Skald the Rhymer]

Originally Posted by Bosda Di'Chi of Tricor

When I was 5 or 6, I lost my plastic Fireball XL-7.

Find me that.

It would be worth some dough by now.

Also, find the box it came in, while you're at it.

Check your teleport cube; the Fireball XL-7 is inside. Well, that's not quite the case. There is a 20-foot-long anaconda inside, and inside the anaconda there is a Belgian Water spaniel, and inside the water spaniel there is your toy. I would have killed the snake for you if I weren't such a sissy.

I can't help with the box. Your mom threw it away after you took the toy out, and thus it is explicably lost.

[amarinth]

My class ring from college & my senior yearbook from high school.

They weren't lost together, I know that. I'm not all that nostalgic for either place, but those are two things that I should have and don't. Even if I never wear/look at them, I want to have them ignored on my shelves.

[Shoeless]

I'm still looking for the mate to that ONE SOCK that came out of the dryer.

Where do those lost socks disappear to?

[Skald the Rhymer]

Originally Posted by Shoeless

I'm still looking for the mate to that ONE SOCK that came out of the dryer.

Where do those lost socks disappear to?

Earth-Analogue 19484501-r. Antarctica. The Ross ice shelf.

Dress socks, anyway. Crew socks are someplace else on the continent. I can't be arsed to check the catalog as I am not going to Antarctica.

[don't mind me]

The lid to my great-grandmother's cast-iron Dutch oven (the camping kind, with the feet).

And Oakminster, on behalf of women everywhere, thanks for finally manning up and letting us off the hook for that whole salt-shaker thing. Lemon slice?

[Silver Tyger]

Originally Posted by Skald the Rhymer

You better HOPE the Avengers catch me before I catch you, woman. Not even Piers Anthony would sink so low.

You're kidding right? Many of his puns were much worse.

I had a tarot deck about five years ago. It disappeared. You may not be able to find it, since I'm still suspicious one of my parents threw it out.

[Oakminster]

Originally Posted by don't mind me

And Oakminster, on behalf of women everywhere, thanks for finally manning up and letting us off the hook for that whole salt-shaker thing. Lemon slice?

Thank you kindly, ma'am, but I reckon I'll pass. I'm more of a bourbon & Coke kinda guy. Also, I don't really like my cheeseburgers with lettuce and tomato, but am not necessarily adverse to Heinz 57 and/or french fried potato

[TheTerribleTako]

Originally Posted by Skald the Rhymer

I will take that as your agreeing to help pay for my fuel, TTT. I'll send somebody over to take one of your livers.

Inventory's a bit low on livers here, old chap. I only got one left. How about a kidney and some fresh baked cookies?

[Sunspace]

Can you find my friend's six-year-old daughter's teddy bear? It was originally pink, but it is kind of worn to a pinkish grey by now. It was given to her when she was born.

[salinqmind]

Originally Posted by Sigmagirl

I loooooove Square Meals. "After-School Gingerbread" is one of my favorite recipes. You can't have my copy, but I'll PM you recipes till you find your copy.

Aww, thanks, that's very kind of you. I've made my favorites so many times I don't need to refer to the recipes any more, though. I'm partial to the bundt cake made with Milky Way bars, myself.

[LurkMeister]

Originally Posted by Skald the Rhymer

Only material things are kept in this world, sadly, like that stuffed tiger I lent to Little Sister #2 in 1978 which she somehow lost IN HER OWN BEDROO.

Lost youth, squandered opportunities, failed ambitions, and desperately-yearned-for-love-&-innocence are kept in the Boulevard of Broken Dreams.

Then I guess my sanity is gone forever....

Could you find the bag full of coins that disappeared during my move of 1984? I wouldn't mind so much, except that the coins were abot twenty or thirty Susan B Anthony's and the double handful of British change I had collected during my trip to England in 1979.

[Attack from the 3rd dimension]

Major Matt Mason. Last seen he was in the lunar explorer multi-legged thingy driving into the slough*. I figured, 'Hey, he's a lunar explorer, he should have no problem with salt water'. Anyway. If you see him in your travels.



* swamp or shallow lake, southeastern US. Actually, in this case more of a cove, but 'slough' was the term.

[sweetie pea]

Originally Posted by Surly Chick

My St. Anthony's medal. I lost it at the beach in 1982.

Ironic, I know.

I immediately pictured it giving its life for yours. You were meant to drown that day, Surly Chick. Or maybe get eaten by a shark.


As for me, I've been missing a copy of Dynamite magazine since I was about 7. I think it was the one with the Walton's on the cover. I hadn't even read it yet.