In other news, Bear Defecates In Woods, Benedict XVI Professes Catholicism:
I guess those “systematic attempts” must have a few kinks still to be worked out…
I love this story sooooooo much!
Oh my god, he hired him to lift his luggage. That is the best excuse yet! Ha! I’m making up a new euphemism for gay sex, guys: “handle my luggage”. Please use as appropriate.
On one hand, I find these stories completely hilarious and find these guys just completely despicable.
On the other, I feel sorry for them that they’re clearly so fucked up.
I’m having a pretty shitty time of it myself at the moment and I have a glass of wine right here so I think today I will go with…let’s see, oh, I don’t know…schadenfreude.
I’m thinking of maybe “hiking the Appalachian Trail” in the next couple of years, and even odds as to whether or not that will still be a double-entendre phrase by then.
At this rate, “orchestrating the silver cabbage” will be a sexual euphemism. Nobody will know why, or quite what it means, but the Google results will make your eyes pop out.
Me and my wide stance are going to go hiking the Appalachian Trail. Wanna lift my luggage?
-Joe
Obviously, he turned himself gay to prove that his system would be able to turn him straight again. After all, would you pay for a product that the inventor wasn’t willing to try himself?
In fact, I bet the reason he stands behind his method is based on how frequently he turns himself gay and then back to heterosexual again.
He didn’t actually ask him to “handle my luggage”. What he actually said was perfectly innocent. It was “hold my bag”.
…wait, no, it was “hang on to my package”
wait… no, it was “grab this junk”
wait…
“Help me get this shit packed”.
“Gotta get this bag lickety split.”
The boy whore advertises himself as “sensual”, “wild”, “up for anything”, and possessed of a “smooth, sweet, tight ass” and “perfectly built 8 inch cock (uncut)”, all of which come in handy when getting bags done lickety split or helping people get their shit packed up. That damned European bellman shortage is going to kill before it’s through, I just know it, and what does it say about America that you can’t find anybody willing to travel to Europe and tote your bags other than male prostitutes? What’s become of our work ethic that a fine old gentleman like this must consort for several days with a sweet assed uncut rentboy just to spread the word of God?
You know, I’ve never really liked the “uncomfortable with gays means you’re gay yourself” thing, but there seems to be quite a pattern.
Sometimes you hear those ministers preaching they’re like “Homosexuality is a constant temptation and we must maintain constant vigilance so that we don’t fall into it’s trap” and I’m thinking - actually, I just don’t crave dick. No big fight required. I’m good, thanks.
I guess I sort of feel sorry for them, even though they’re hateful dicks, they grew up in an environment where they thought they were an abomination and evil and going nuts on the self hatred makes for a tough life.
He should have claimed that he’d paid for the rentboy’s time so that he could attempt to straighten him out.
That’s not a method he’s standing behind. In fact, I wouldn’t exactly call what he’s doing back there “standing” … more like, um…
Goddammit, atavistic mustache was going to be my new screen name!
I bet he succeeded, too!
(he said, taking the straight line.)
At this rate, there will be enough such euphemisms to write a sequel to Roy Zimmerman’s classic “Firing The Surgeon General”.
Being uncomfortable with homosexuality when one happens to stumble across it is one thing.
Choosing to make disdain for homosexuality into a vocal personal cause, on the other hand… the phrase “doth protest too much” leaps to mind.
You’re a better person than I am then, for I don’t feel the least bit sorry for them. They perpetuate that very environment, willingly and conscientiously and deliberately. I hope they have nightmares every single evening that they’re going to burn forever in a hell of Sarah Palin looking demons giving them lap dances, each of them with a yeast infection.
Well, I know. It’s one of those situations where they’re dicks - but imagine the life you’ve had to live where your own personality is in such direct conflict with your environment to the point where the only way you can keep your mind straight is to hate yourself and others like you with such fury. It’s just… pitiable.
There has to be a teabagging joke in this somewhere…
He should have gotten an immigrant. Wait, no, he’s probably a Republican. Damned Mexicans, taking junk juggling jobs from our boywhores.
And, of course, fitting into our typical White Christian Fag Hater - http://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&ct=res&cd=1&ved=0CAYQFjAA&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.theonion.com%2Farticles%2Fwhy-do-all-these-homosexuals-keep-sucking-my-cock%2C10861%2F&ei=R9bgS7ubOYP68Abey8TrDA&usg=AFQjCNHnV27udsMDz5qEY9cFFa8v5iYMHQ&sig2=tXQpL6BnWLd92VtoE-Z2CQ
Wow, long link.
-Joe