Sex with a guy ONCE, and it was just a BJ, which guy did not recip. Just to get that out of the way.
Ok, I have a good friend who is 35, very beautiful, smart, funny, single for five years. She met a guy in July and they went out on several dates. They both like each other a lot, and have seen each other very regularly since. This guy is great, we (friend/family) really like him a lot. He’s 38, and has been divorced for about a year prior to meeting my friend.
My friend is a close confidant, even though I’m a guy. She tells me everything. She told me last week that this guy that she is so head over heels in love with admitted to her that back in college, on a drunken night, he fooled around with another guy. He said it was only one time, and he had no desire to ever do it again. He said that he was young, and wanted to just try it. He also said that he really liked my friend and didn’t want any secrets like that from her.
My friend is going crazy, and beginning to think about ending the relationship. She says that she just doesn’t like the idea that he has done this. She’s one of the most gay friendly people I know, so she’s not freaking out about him being gay. I told her that a LOT of happily married guys have done something of that nature with another guy, at some point in their lives.
How can I get her to realize that this is a somewhat normal thing? I think she should be glad he got it out of his system rather than wait til he got married to her. But, sometimes I think information like this should just be kept a secret.
Wait, the guy in question received a blow job? So there was a mouth on his bits. What difference does it make (to your friend) what sorts of bits were attached to the body that was attached to the mouth? Time for your friend to learn that human sexuality is not black-or-white, not binary. If she dumps the guy over just that, and nothing else, she’s a colossal idiot.
Hell no! That’s crazy hot. Your friend is acting ridiculous and I wonder if there’s more going on than just some kind of bizarre sudden homophobia impulse.
He was running up a teeny little flag to see the reaction, before he ran up some larger flags. And since she freaked the fuck out over the teeny flag, sounds like she’s not a very good match for him.
Is there a possibility that she’s just smokescreening: for whatever reason that she can’t/won’t admit, she want’s to sabatoge the relationship, so this is the best “get out of jail free” card she can pull out of her ass?
Kind of like the thread we had a while back from a guy way too young, in way too deep with an older woman with kids and other issues, backing away from which would be an admission of weakness in his own eyes; so he fell back on “she’s had sex with more people than I have.”
Given that my last SO was queer (and FWIW, so am I), uh, no, no problems here.
On the other hand, way back in the dark ages when I was still new at the “relationship” thing, I had a similar freak-out when my then-BF confessed to being a cross-dresser. It was completely irrational… I couldn’t even articulate/justify to myself why it bothered me so (and I really felt like shit that it did).
Long and short of it was, I got over it. It caught me by surprise, it of necessity added an element of having to re-define our relationship, but it was nothing I wasn’t ultimately able to work through.
Maybe you just need to suggest that she take some breathing space and let herself calm down from the surprise of it all before she makes any rash decisions.
I wouldn’t dump a guy over that either. But I agree he probably has some bigger secret he was auditioning this over to see if it’s worth the disclosure.
Nah. Like the man said- “There’s a time and a place for everything, and it’s called college.” I wouldn’t allow anything (with the possible exception of serious infidelity) that happened when someone was in college affect my relationship with them now.
I can tell you with confidence if it was the other way around and a woman I was dating confessed to fooling around with another woman in college, it would *not *bother me.
It’s a pretty unattractive thing to me, for whatever reason it is that certain things are attractive and others aren’t to various people- I can’t explain it, it just is. Anyway, that said, one drunken night of fooling around in college isn’t the same thing as him admitting he has a deep throbbing desire for other men. The latter might distract me a little when I’m trying to get busy with him, fair or not.
So, from this prude, your friend needs to get over it.
Just to clarify, it was my friends new boyfriend that was the BJ recipient, but not sure how much that matters.
The night he revealed this, they were having an in depth conversation and she asked him to “tell her a secret about him that no one else knew”. And this is what he told her.
I’m trying to think how this ‘runs it up the flagpole’ - if he says theres more in the men side of things, then he’s lied about it being ‘one time’, which will not go down well.
If theres other stuff than that, Im trying to think what it would be that this is a good ‘test case’ for.
I’m a bit of a prude too, but one of my ex’s told me he’d fooled around with a guy and I was so nun-plussed. I even surprised myself that I didn’t care.
Now, once I found out that he slept with his best friend’s skanky mom (not while in college), I was indeed squicked out. But this was after he was with me and it just made me not want to be with him more.
I am still with her and we still have a very strong relationship. I’m feeling better about the whole situation which i posted now thanks to some of the replies.