Recently Mrs. RickJay’s best friend, whom I will refer to as Redhead, because she’s a redhead and she won’t give me a good nickname for herself, broke up with her boyfriend, who I will refer to as “Ass-hat.” Mrs. RickJay and I are glad to see him go.
One of the dozens of problems with Ass-hat was that there is considerable evidence that he told his cousins and friends various intimate details of his sexual relationship with Redhead. On at least one occasion Ass-hat’s friends (or cousin, I can’t remember which) made some lurid allusion to this sort of thing.
I found this very interesting. I have never, ever told another guy details about my sexual relationship with a lady I was seeing at the time, and even details about ladies I’ve known in the past are not hugely specific and not about anyone they’d know. Not even my best friend has ever been told such details. Nor, interestingly enough, has me best friend ever told me such details, except on one occasion and when I reminded him what he was saying he shut up.
Now, I told Redhead that I thought this was a gross offense against her honor and generally indicative of total, irreconcilable asshattery. But perhaps I’m weird this way. Guys, what’s your policy on discussing these things? Would you discuss them with all your friends? None of them? Only selected friends? Only if there’s problems you want advice with?
My best friend and I can talk at length about our relationships, seeking advice from one other on every kind of issue. But we never discuss the particulars of sex with each other. We’ll discuss The Pill and other prophylactics that have been used. We’ll pretty much talk about everything except for the actual physical act.
I have never talked about my sex life with any of my friends. They’ve never asked, and never mentioned theirs, and I wouldn’t think of discussing the most private of details of someone else’s life with anybody, period. That’s the invisible, uncrossable line. Maybe some guys can do this, but I can’t. TMI, and all that,
Mr Cazzle was horrified when one of his co-workers bragged in detail about his girlfriend’s… erm… oral technique. His discomfort was only magnified by the fact that she was also one of his co-workers. After that, I don’t think he was ever able to speak to her without shuffling his feet and staring at the floor.
I follow a very inflexbible set of rules about this.
1. The ‘Unknown Ex’ rule
It is possible, in certain circumstances (such as the consumption of a cold beverage made of malted barley with like-minded people), *vaguely allude or refer *to coitus with a former girlfriend / fuckbuddy. However, the girl in question must not be known to the beer-buddies present, and for decency’s sake, you better not be still nailing her. That would **not **be cool.
For example, talking about how you and Shirley humped like bunnies every time an opportunity presented itself while her brother (or worse, boyfriend / husband) is spraying his beer across the table from you, is not only inappropriate, it can drastically increase your health insurance premiums.
2. The ‘NO TMI’ rule
You can, as mentioned in Rule #1, only vaguely refer or allude to the event of coitus. You may not, at anytime, discuss skills, duration, technique, sounds, expressions, or venture a comparison between her and anyone else, past or present.
3. The ‘Every Man’s Dream’ rule
Privelege or Discretion might, in certain extreme circumstances, be violated. These include such rare and fortunate events as having a threesome with Russian twins, or being the lone male roady on a twelve hour bus trip with the randy female national Brazilian female volleyball squad, or being stranded on a desert island for three months with Liv Tyler / Heidi Klume.
In such cases, violating privelege is perfectly understandable, although the bragging sonofabitch is advised to exercise restraint unless he wants the snot kicked out of him.
Seriously though, my girlfriend talks about our sex life with *her *female friends now and then. I dont understand why she does it, but I usually come off like a rockstar, so I aint really complaining.
The only time I ever did anything like that was at my bachelor party, when I got very, very drunk and gave my friends a dispassionate yet detailed listing of all my sexual encounters prior to meeting my fiance (it wasn’t a very long list). Cathartic, to say the least. My friends never spoke of it again.
No. Never. A gentleman does not discuss these things. I’ve dated women who did discuss my performance in the sack, however, both with women and other men. I blame Cosmopolitan.
Never. It annoys me a bit when I see guys on tv shows, especially comedies doing this. i just don’t think it happens that much. I’ve never known anyone to do this either.
Women…aren’t.
I mean, I’d never talk about my husband with my girlfriends, but we certainly talk about casual relationships, one night stands and exes all the time.
Oh yeah, and if two girls have slept with the same guy we’ll have the conversation that goes:
“Did he do that thing…?”
“Oh god, yes, wasn’t it great/funny/awful/pointless/weird etc.”
So, in short, you might not know what your friends do in bed, but your girlfriend probably will, because she’ll have talked to their girlfriends and exes.
You bond over sport, we bond over who slept with the guy with the smallest penis/ best oral technique/weirdest sex face.
I generally don’t go into any detail, although I have friends who have told me much more than I’d really want to know, these friends are both male and female. Many of my best friends are female and I’ve been present for several of them engaging in “girl talk”… women seem much more graphic in their descriptions than most men.
As a woman, I’ve never discussed with friends details of what I’ve done in bed, either with my husband or with past partners.
My husband says that serious details aren’t gone into by his friends at work, but occasionally one or more of them will complain about the lack of something (oral sex, sexy undies, etc.) and others may chime in, so that’s not quite what the OP is driving at. In fact, they once verbally smacked down one of the guys, who was complaining about not being able to have sex with his wife soon after she gave birth, and made a wisecrack that she hadn’t delivered the baby through her mouth.
I’ve mentioned stuff to guys abut girls I’ve gone out with from across the country.
I think this would fit into sniperfang’s rule 1. Sometimes with a couple of my real good friends we’ll brag to each other if we got it that morning, or she called us home for a nooner, but we don’t discuss details.
My best friend is also my husband’s ex-wife. We talk about everything BUT sex. We simply drew a line in the sand and do. not. discuss it. Ever. We can laugh at sexual stuff on tv or whatever but we make no references to anything involving Mr. K.
As one who has been pitted for his general willingness to discuss sexual topics, I will say that I never discuss particulars of actual relationships with anyone. That sort of information is reserved for my parole officer, the fire rescue squad, paramedics, etc., etc.
I’ve never told another friend, male or female, anything about my sex life. I don’t even discuss it on this board. I would be mightily pissed if my husband so much as alluded to anything beyond the fact that we have one. Not that he ever would.