If so, why and how did they take it?
How did you take it when they shared the (sordid?) details with you?
How detailed do you typically get when questions come up and what gauges do you use to regulate how much info to give?
Also, when in the relationship did you share this info?
I’m reluctant to go into details or even numbers with my SO because I haven’t been particularly proud of all my ‘conquests’ and the situations surrounding some of them.
I also am not in any hurry to hear about who banged my current SO (even tho it was wayyy before we met), just cause I don’t like the mental images it seems to produce. I’d rather just carry on from this point forward with ignorant bliss on both sides and not drag up the past.
Although, the SO has been hinting lately that she’s been wondering why I’m so tight lipped about my past…it’s like I’m hiding something, she says. Probably.
Hell no, I made damned sure that I tested negative first.
Straight answer: Yes, every sordid detail. What else are you gonna talk about?
We were friends first, so a lot of it was just commiseration and late-night bitching.
I think it helps that we were both shameless stupid sluts in the past - no worries about judgement from the other party, we can both get down and get serious without anyone feeling somehow less than the other.
I mentioned my (very small) number to my SO once, when I was drunk and making some kind of observation about something I don’t recall…
I knew him for a couple of years before we dated so I am aware that his number completely trumps mine; I don’t know to what extent and I don’t want to know.
I don’t think it’s a particularly smart or fruitful exercise to ask…not just in my case but in anyone’s. You don’t want the mental pictures, you don’t want the hard numbers, and you don’t want to get mad or hurt or resentful over something that neither one of you can change (and really shouldn’t matter anyway because it was all pre-relationship).
Having said that, it’s only natural to mention old relationships sometimes (“Oh yeah, X and I went there a few years ago” or whatever) and I don’t think there’s anything wrong or weird about that. It’s not like you were born the day you met your current SO.
If you’re being “tight-lipped” to the point that it’s like you didn’t exist before she met you, I can see why she’d be curious…but if she’s just way too curious about your sex life before she met you, I wouldn’t indulge it either. Nothing good EVER comes of it.
The only caveat with me is that one of these distantly past forays affected a marriage. I’m still friends with that guy and my SO also knows him. Everyone else that I know knows what happened except my SO (so far). I’m thinking it’ll come out eventually and I don’t want her to be upset or ‘on the spot’ when it does. I also don’t want to open the door to her stories either, if there are any.
Make sense?
Yes, it makes sense…but then again how do you go about bringing that up? “You know my friend Bob? Yeah…well…we’ve shared more than just a few beers…”
If it comes up in the future–if she hears about it–by all means be honest with her. But again, it happened before she met you, so you don’t “owe” her an explanation.
We have mentioned how many people we’ve been with, and occasionally talk about early experiences, but that’s about it. It upsets her if I even mention a past lover unless it’s essential to what I’m trying to convey.
She likes that I’m cool with her talking about the time she had a one-night-stand. Thing is, I’m not THAT cool with it.
No, we haven’t gone through the whole list. But if something comes up in conversation (like who I was living with at some point in time) then I’ve mentioned it. By this point he knows most of the important ones.
Keeping secrets doesn’t really go well with bumping nasties. We did a pretty good job of laying all the dirty linen out for each other on our first date as a matter of fact.
Which was timely, as we also bumped nasties on our first date.
No we haven’t talked about it and I really wouldn’t want to go into great detail. We both went and got tested in the beginning of our relationship, which is what matters.
Maybe I’m strange, but I like hearing the details of her past sexual life. (doesn’t hurt that she favorably compares me to all of them). She asked about my past, and I told her. Other than “the ex” (whch obviously she already knew about) she seemed interested and not disturbed by any of it.
Ya’ know, when I was younger, I was stupid enough to ask my then GF what was the sluttiest thing she ever did. I felt rather safe asking this question because she was so conservative. But Holy Hell was I ever wrong. She told me she did two dudes at the same time.
I never judged her for it but that mental image stuck with me for some time.
Now I’m of the opinion that ignorance is indeed bliss.
I think I’d tell your GF to not ask questions she doesn’t want to know the answer to.
We’ve talked a bit about past GFs but in a relationship way - we’d never share any sexual details! Other past shags have been mentioned because we’ve met them. My GF seems to have shagged most lesbians in Manchester in the years she was there. That’s as detailed as it needs to get. Numbers? No - do people really keep count?
That’s as detailed as it needs to get. Numbers? No - do people really keep count?