Just in broad brush strokes, not really in any level of detail.
No. I don’t want to hear about any of her ex-boyfriends. As far as I’m concerned, she didn’t have any. Early on when we were dating, about 10 years ago, she casually brought up an ex, and I shut it down before she could finish what she was saying. I just told her I don’t want to hear about that. She’s never brought it up again. I guess she’s not interested in hearing about my exes either, because shes never brought up the topic.
Some might say we’re being immature, whatever. It works for us.
Sometimes we’ll bring up past escapades, but usually in a lighthearted way. I once got him to confess what kind of role playing he did with his ex, for example. We had a heart-to-heart about our most recent exes at the beginning of our relationship (both of us had recently broken up, respectively). I’m always curious about his past but he doesn’t seem to want to know too much about mine.
Every detail. However, our romantic life starts with us.
Since we met via anonymous sex, there really were no secrets. And he has even a more interesting history than I do.
Sounds like he comes with a lot of package…errr…I mean baggage.
or both, from what I’ve read
Brainiac4 and I met when we were 17. I hadn’t had a serious boyfriend yet, and he was dating his first serious girlfriend when we met. We knew each other pretty well for eleven years before we started dating.
Yeah, we know each other’s history. But much of it didn’t need to be told, we were around for the dating.
Same here. He doesn’t like to hear about my dry spells, even. And he refuses to talk about any of his exes. We’ve been married 13 years and I don’t even know how many women he’s been with, just that he says he’s sure it’s fewer than the men I’ve been with and I’d be surprised at how old he was when he lost his virginity.
My wife and I used to date, then we split up for several years, then got back together and got married. I have absolutely no problem hearing about her sexual history during the time we were apart, but she isn’t the type to share. I don’t press her on it. I do know that her total number of sexual partners is in the single digits, and I think she knows, or at least assumes, that mine is higher.
I actually would enjoy hearing more about her exploits- I like thinking of my wife as a sexual creature, and it strikes me as fairly ignorant of me to stick my head in the sand and pretend she was chaste and virginal while we were apart. I’m totally comfortable and secure in the knowledge that we have a stable, solid marriage, so nothing like that would present the slightest concern to me. I enjoyed myself sexually before we got back together, so who am I to be unhappy that she did the same? And why should it affect me now if she was sexually active back then?
I’d also be happy to share my sexual history with her, but she hasn’t asked so I don’t offer. She knows generally I was somewhat more freespirited than she was, and I think she’s satisfied not knowing the details of it.
My wife and I pretty much know the broad strokes of each others’ entire history, with details as amusing or relevant to whatever’s going on in our respective lives. Works pretty well for us.
My husband and I have shared a lot of information … much more than some of you would be comfortable with. Hell, he’s met the guys I slept with before we got together (both of 'em), and I know all about his previous girlfriends and his occasional one-timers. I know where he lost his virginity, and which girlfriend didn’t like oral, and how long of a dry spell he and his college girlfriend had. We have no secrets.
I told her that I had slept with many, many women who I had just met and never saw again, that I didn’t always wear a condom, and that I had been tested for everything they can test for and I was clean. She barely blinked.
She had almost no history to tell. She was basically a virgin when we met. She had tried to have intercourse with three or four guys, but it was never successful and none of them stuck around for another try. It took over two months for us to have successful intercourse. I’m not even talking about orgasms - it took two months of trying for her to relax enough so I could get my penis fully inside her. When we finally succeeded, she started crying and I nearly pulled out. Turns out they were tears of joy. There hasn’t been a problem since.
Nope. Neither of us needed to ask or tell, I guess, in all our thirty years of marriage.
No, not really. Here’s my guide:
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STD testing results are current before every new relationship. I don’t do one-night stands, and I’ve never slept with any woman on the first date, so this kinda happens organically behind the scenes (i.e., nobody produces a paper copy here. . . if you can’t trust someone not to lie about their test results, you probably shouldn’t be sleeping with them).
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I never ask for numbers, but I’m comfortable discussing them (most of my partners have had a longer history than me, much longer in some cases). I never ask for gory details. I never provide gory details.
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That said, in conversation, I’ve always been willing to share my general sexual history with anyone, and elicit the same from my GFs. I mean, c’mon, adults talk about this stuff. I won’t say with who I’ve had sex in public with, but I will admit to having sex in public.
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The “what turns us on” discussion will happen at some point, usually several points. The first few times out of the gate are almost always dedicated to what comes naturally, but if it’s going to be a longer-term relationship, there has to be a moment of truth where all this stuff comes out. I’ve gotten good at this conversation, IMHO, so it’s as non-threatening as can be (aided by my fairly open mind to this stuff. . . no shit, no animals, no kids, and no cuckolding is probably the only line I draw ;-).
In summary, if you have a sexual history, you have to acknowledge it. At a minimum for health reasons, but if you’re going to have a longer relationship, you need to know what the turn-ons, turn-offs, and never trieds are.
That doesn’t mean, however, that you need to know that your GF had the best deviant sex of her life hidden in the back of a Bed, Bath Beyond-- that kind of specificity will ruin linen shopping for the rest of your days. 
We both got tested in the start of our relationship. I like to talk about his exes; it is psychologically interesting, and talking about sex in general turns me on. He is quite the gentleman and doesn’t share too many intimate details, though. I met one ex and her new husband, and the couple are now friends with us.
He knows the broad strokes of my past, but he is not too interested in the details; this thread has taught me why. On the other hand, he was cool with meeting my two exes that are still good (non-sexual) friends. He was even cool with us moving in the same apartment complex as my ex.
I’m not 100% sure I know what “sexual history” entails, but I’m sure my answer is “hell no”. He knew I had a child, so I wasn’t a virgin. I knew he was married before, and cannily guessed this meant he wasn’t a virgin either. In the 22 years I’ve known him we’ve never discussed prior relationships aside from things like “she had no idea what “taxable income” even meant”, or “I was there with a guy I used to know”.
I’ve really taken my cues from him on discussing prior relationsips; he seems uncomfortable doing that (even the “I was there with a guy I knew”). That tells me that discussing stuff of a sexual nature is right out, which is fine with me. I don’t give a shit what he used to do, and don’t feel like sharing my experiences either.
Oh, one other thing: the one time you DEFINITELY bring up sex with an ex- is when your new GF/BF is going to meet said ex-.
Meaning, you never walk into a situation where you know your current SO is going to meet someone you slept with without giving full disclosure to your SO.
I mean, sure, you can hope that nothing comes up. . . but this is one of those things where at least IME the awkwardness of disclosure is far, far less than the downside of your SO finding out after the fact (or during a conversation with your ex-).
Wait… you don’t know when or how your husband lost his virginity? I might start a thread just about this – isn’t that one of those stories you tell your SO (assuming it wasn’t with them), like your first kiss, or first crush?
That aside, I like the way davekhps thinks. Exact numbers are often trouble (both asking for them and providing them), but if both partners have been sexually active and neither is insanely jealous, it’s a conversation that’s going to occur naturally. At the very least when STDs, pregnancy scares and sexual preferences come up.
I know the woman I’m with has been with more men than I’ve been with women and that she was engaged at one point but that’s the extent. She’s met one of my ex’es but really neither of us need to know the details of the past.
This was the case with my wife, numbers, amusing moments, etc. My current SO gets pissed about the idea that I may have had sex with a woman at any point in the last 39 years of my life.