Do You Care About You're Significant Other's Romantic Past?

This is always a staple of sitcoms, I just watch an episode of All In The Family, where Archie tries to hide his past from Edith, who says that what he did before they were married was his business, not hers. Then she adds on the sly, “and what I did before we were married is my business.” To wit Archie pauses a moment to think about the possiblity that Edith DID have a past before him :slight_smile:

In any case I was wondering if you care about your significant other’s past? If he/she didn’t tell you about all his/her past relationships would you care.

I could see maybe if he/she had a relationship with your best friend or sibling that it might be important, but otherwise I wouldn’t care.

I would only care about it if he deliberately tried to hide it. It’s not a big deal. Every so often my boyfriend will mention stuff he’s done with his ex (when it’s relevant) and so do I. Not a big deal unless one party makes it into one.

I would want my SO to share everything about his romantic past, insofar as I would want him to share everything about himself. When I’m in love, I want to know everything that makes the man I love into who he is, including his past romantic relationships. I’m just a very open person and anybody I was with would have to reciprocate with me.

I voted “other.”

If I’m going to commit to a relationship, I definitely want to know about any history of a partner’s infidelity in previous committed relationships. If there’s one thing that I’ve learned, it’s that past behavior is the best predictor of future behavior.

Otherwise, I don’t care one way or the other, as long as its phrased tactfully. Anybody remember the thread where a guy was complaining that his wife told him about a long-ago fling’s gargantuan dong? That’s the very antonym of “phrased tactfully.” You don’t tell me how your exes were hung, and I won’t give you the details about what I got up to in the year or so after I got divorced, mmmkay?

Don’t care. It’s no big deal if it comes up in some other context, but I see no need to make a special point of disclosing.

The only instances I really want to know about is if the person is still around. I don’t need all the specifics but letting me know “by the way, I once dated Rob’s sister, didn’t work out, but no leftover drama” type of thing.

Doesn’t matter. It is now and the future that are important.

Mrs. toofs is super cool. On more than one occasion we have crossed paths with women I had dated in the past. Didn’t faze my wife a bit. She always told me that she is glad I got all the running around out of my system BEFORE we married.

I care insofar as it helps me know where he’s coming from, but not like I can’t stand the thought of him having other girlfriends.

I would want to know certain things, like that every one of his exes was a “psycho” or that his last relationship had ended because he hit her or cheated on her or that he had kids. I don’t know if I’d care if he’d slept with like 40 girls before me or not, as I’ve never been in that situation.

eta: this is mostly regarding new/casual-type relationships. If I were married to the guy, I’d be past the point of caring about his past relationships. Assuming they were fairly mundane, anyway.

I do not assume that any partner came to me as a virgin [though I do know one guy was a virgin … ] however I do need to know medical history - am I in danger of herpes, warts or some other STD that is around, I have serious antibiotic allergies and I am not going to risk not being able to be cured.

Not really, unless she keeps bringing it up constantly. I believe that what we do now matters, and not what we’ve done in the past. She could’ve fucked a truckload of people for all I care, as long as she’s faithful when she’s with me.

Although my partner is 20 years my junior, his past is even more multitudinous than my own (he started at the age of 9). We talk about the old times and places, but basically we live in the present.

At my age it’s pretty much a given that we’d both have had previous relationships. I wouldn’t need or desire full disclosure, nor would I expect it to be requested of me. If it comes up in conversation, that’s fine, but there’s no reason to insist on knowing every last detail of someone’s past.

I’m cautious of anyone who does want to know. That’s insecurity red flag #1. That’s not to say it means “instant dump,” but usually not a good sign in my experience(yours may vary).

I am 52, my gf is 51. We are both divorced. I am sure there are details I could tell her that would curl her hair, and I assume she has similar tales. However, we are too busy making new stories to dwell on past escapades.

I don’t care one way or the other. My husband doesn’t actually have much of a past to speak of. He, on the other hand, is firmly in the “Don’t wanna know” camp.

Yes or no. That was then, this is now.

I can see where early in a relationship, if I was very insecure about where things were going, it would seem like it mattered. If I was in it for the long haul, however, it would seems pretty meaningless to me.

My SO and I know alot about each other’s dating history - mostly because I blogged a lot of mine and he read it - and then he reciprocated with his history to be fair.

Sometimes I ask if I’m better than the others - but that’s only because I already know the answer :wink:

We’ve both mentioned past people, even though all of my past gfs (with the exception of one) lasted 3 dates or less. I got some rather humourous and interesting stories from her history that I’m glad to have known, merely because they’re nice stories.

I don’t dwell on them, but on the other hand, I don’t think any part of the past should be hidden, nor should anything be hidden from the other.

As to Mel’s closing comment above, I don’t have to ask either, since I married a virgin. Always nice when she has no one to compare you to and therefore thinks you’re the best by default. :wink:

Need to tell me all about your past? - red flag.

Need to hear all about my past? - you’re gone.

All your exes are ‘psycho, nutbars, etc’?, - red flag.

Still on good terms with all your exes? - I’m impressed.

Beyond things like; he was once involved with another man, has fathered children, was violent with a partner, sought revenge following a breakup, I don’t really care one way or another if he shares or not.