So there’s this girl I used to know back in college. Anyway, the summer leading up to my senior year I was determined to make her my girlfriend. Messed up I know, but I really liked her and I think at the time she liked me too. It didn’t work out and I crashed and burned with her in an embarrassing way. Multiple times up until the point where she stopped returning my calls.
Anyways, skip forward two years and I still think about her almost daily. I think about calling her up and saying “Amanda! Hey it’s Scotty. Hey I know it’s been a while but I still think about you a lot and just wanted to see how you’re doing. So if you want give me a call. If not I get the point and don’t worry I won’t bother you again. But I do hope to hear from you. Bye.” this is assuming she doesn’t answer.
My problem is I just can’t seem to let it go and I don’t have this problem with any other girls. I doubt highly that I’ll ever call her and do this too but it doesn’t change the fact that I still think of her a lot. Anyways, please help.
Don’t call her. You are seriously in danger of looking like (or actually being) a stalker if you pursue this. Don’t.
You may be fixating on this girl as a symptom of anxiety or depression. Sometimes the mind, instead of facing a problem it needs to face, can instead focus on something else obsessively as a way of distracting itself. You might want to ask yourself if there is something that you need to deal with that you’re avoiding.
Holy fuck almighty please don’t call her. It won’t work, it’ll creep her out like crazy, and you’ll just obsess even more over her trying to figure out how to recover and try again. Let her go and move on. There are plenty of other girls out there who won’t call the cops and tell them you’re stalking them.
Go meet other girls and go on dates. Eventually you’ll realize this girl isn’t that magical and special, it’s all in your head and even if you got her she’d never be able to live up to the pedestal you’ve put her on in your mind. New girls! Go!
Read the OP before responding, please. He says he’s not going to call her. He wants help getting over her. Unfortunately, I can’t help, because I’ve not had that problem. The closest I had was an old girlfriend I’d forgotten about coming back into my life, and then that stirred up some old feelings. But that was both mutual and didn’t go anywhere (because I’m a coward.)
You know, you can actually use Facebook with out being a stalker.
Send her a friend request with no message. If she accepts, then the door is open for light conversation such as catching up. Do not discuss your feelings or your past.
If she ignores or refuses your request, you must accept that she is not interested in having anything to do with you. Convince yourself that she’s moved on, the person you knew is gone, dead, whatever. Remember the good times, chalk the bad up to experience, and move on too.
I suspect this isn’t really about the girl at all, but about your own failure in wooing her.
You keep going over what happened in your head, right? Thinking about what you may have done wrong and what you can do to “fix” it? That’s what you’re obsessed with, not some girl you used to know.
Nothing good will come from contacting her. The best way to move on is this:
<cliché> There are too many fish in the sea to keep worrying about the one that got away. </cliché>
Good luck.
If you do contact her, she will probably react as she did the last time you tried to establish contact. She will also probably think that you’ve been obsessing over her since then.
No good can come of this. I wouldn’t even send her a friend request on FB.
What you are obsessed with is probably as Wheelz has said OR with an ‘ideal image’ of this girl. Not the actuality.
Cognitive behavioral therapy has been shown to help w/ obsessive thoughts and behaviors. I suggest you find a therapist of some kind who can work w/ you on this; I fear that you’re putting a good deal of time and thought in the best years of your life on hold concentrating on this girl who gives no thought to you.
You wouldn’t keeping throwing money into a bottomless pit, would you? So why waste productive thought on someone who won’t be in your life?
I would probably advise against this in general too, even. The thing is, as much as he liked her back then, and all the thinking he’s done about her since then, he’s built up a romanticized image of who she is in his head. Worse, the more he thinks about it, the more he recalls all these good things about who she is, and forgets the bad things about her, to the point where it’s quite possible that who he thinks he knows isn’t who she was, muchless who she is now.
We’ve all likely had that one that got away, and we’ve all done this, but ultimately I think it’s better just to learn from the mistakes and let go and move on, especially since there’s been a significant chunk of time since the last contact. From my own experience, I did manage to remain friends, even very close friends, but it got to a point where, even with constant reminders of who she is, that that romanticized version still crept up from time to time and I eventually had to cut back on my contact with her so that I could finally completely let that part go.
Either way, the Facebook thing is probably the only thing you could do, but be absolutely sure you can be restrained and mature with the interaction. If you do, make sure you are sure that your motives are about reestablishing an old friendship and not about satisfying a lasting obsession, otherwise it will just get ugly.
Serious case of the-one-that-got-away syndrome (TOTGAS). You sound fairly young. Chances are that by now she has changed beyond all recognition from when you knew her–the 18-24 range is RIFE with huge life changes for nearly everybody. Maybe she’s a lesbian now who doesn’t shave her legs or armpits. Maybe she’s got a passel of kids. You never know, but if it makes you feel better you can console yourself with these (or other) negative potential outcomes.
If it makes you feel better, the one that got away from me in high school changed so much as to be unrecognizable by the second year of college. I liked him because he was cute but shy and smart, and a fellow atheist (and he was majoring in engineering). By sophomore year of college, he had converted to Eastern Orthodox and ended up getting his degree in in religious studies. Now he’s a married E-O minister and his entire life revolves around his religion (I am still an atheist). And we’re only 26 years old! But we would be so wrong for each other these days it’s not even funny. I felt a small pang of jealousy when I heard through a mutual friend that he had gotten married, but it quickly went away when I reminded myself that neither of us is the same person we were 8-10 years ago.
Well-adjusted adults can look back fondly on these experiences without letting their outcomes adversely affect them. If you can’t, you might look into therapy.
Believe me, I understand. Im not going to call her.
What’s tough though is that I still want too. I mean there’s no bad blood. She’s never done me wrong and I haven’t ever done anything wrong to her either. In fact, if I saw her out she would probably say “hi.”
So I don’t even know what it means but I can’t help but think what if.
I don’t think a reminder is going to cut it. The only way he’s going to get over this girl is if he actually obtains some of her feces and smells it first hand.
Holy fuck almighty please don’t call her. It won’t work, it’ll creep her out like crazy, and you’ll just obsess even more over her trying to figure out how to recover and try again. Let her go and move on. There are plenty of other girls out there who won’t call the cops and tell them you’re stalking them.