I had a massive crush on this girl at my work. It goes beyond a crush but that’s another thing. I never spoke to her because a) I wasn’t in her department and b) I would be too embarassed to say anything. She is gorgeous and whenever I comtemplate saying something to her, all I can think is how she could get anybody that she wants so why would she even talk to me. Truth is, of course she’d speak to me but I’m too fucked-up-in-the-head for her that I can only think of the worst that would happen.
Anyways, a few weeks ago, I noticed that she wasn’t at work for a few days and I just thought that she was on vacation or something but now her desk is empty. And all of her stuff is gone.
Now I am officially obsessed with her. I was before but now it seems worse because I can’t even see her at work.
I did what anybody crazy in love with somebody he has never spoken to would do - I looked her up on the internet. I found her phone number.
If I called her and asked her out (or just talked to her), would it be too freaky? I think I need to do it for my own peace of mind but I don’t want to do it if it will traumatize her.
And if your advice is to “Get over her” - I tried and I can’t. Obviously or else I wouldn’t be so pathetic to have looked her up.
Hmmm I’d say if you can’t deal with it any other way call her up (say you got her number from someone at work, or out of the phone book if she asks DO NOT tell her you got it off the net) Be polite friendly and nice. If she says no just give her your number if she changes her mind and don’t ever call or contact her again.
Tell her you are sorry you didn’t get to know each other before she left. Whatever. I don’t see a real downside, since you haven’t got anything to lose.
I never spoke to her. I handed a new coffee filter to her once and it was basically the best best day in recent memory.
The thing is, I know that she has seen me before. And would probably know who I was based on me telling her where I sat (if that matters at all). She might even know my name from my name tag.
So it wouldn’t be completely random. Except for the fact that I never actually had a conversation with her.
Dude, that’s just creepy. I’m not a girl, but the idea of someone calling and saying, “Hi, I’m that person you never talked to at work, wanna go out?” is weird.
Dude, that’s just creepy. I’m not a girl, but the idea of someone calling and saying, “Hi, I’m that person you never talked to at work, wanna go out?” is weird. Saying “I handed you a coffee filter once, remember me?” surpassses weird.
stylize, I know it would never occur to you to scare this woman, but that’s exactly what you would do if you called her out of the blue.
My best advice is to let go of it. Find something else that can occupy your thoughts and promise yourself the next time a woman captures your imagination the same way this one has, do something right then!
If you find that you just can’t let go of it, well, between that and your admitted “too fucked up in the head” self-image, it’s time for some counseling.
If you are planning on cutting her up after the first few dates, then no… don’t call. Explain “obsessed”. Are you having a “love at first sight” moment or you want to “sniff her shoes as you masterbate in a tutu” moment? Give some details on this emotion you’ve got for her.
To the other posters, it could be a match made in heaven, how can we know? Let the boy call and be polite. Let him try and get a date, life’s too short not to try. If she is creeped out, it ends there. No real harm done, well… maybe to his ego but you get my point.
OK, I say call and don’t scare the be-jeesus out of her. And understand if she doesn’t find you charming, if she says no… she means no. Don’t push, don’t violate her sense of personal security by becoming a stalker via the phone or I’ll kick your ass.
Its called obsessing, go check out some dating sites, or go out to a place where you will meet the woman who will help you forget her. It takes another woman, to get over a woman…
I honestly don’t see how it could hurt to try. I would start the phone call with something like “Hey, this is stylize, we used to work together at ABC company, I worked in corporate sales (or whatever). I was bummed to hear you got another job, I had been meaning to ask you out for a coffee.”
And to repeat some of the previous posters, if she says no, say “Well, best of luck with your new job, here’s my number if you ever change your mind” and then never bother her again.
Did she leave behind any friends, or friendly acquantances? Ask your co-workers, and maybe one would be willing to give her your email addy, or arrange a group trip for Happy Hour.
Do not call without an introduction. No way. It’s over then.
Sugaree has the best advice. Your intentions don’t seem creepy, (well, I don’t think so) but you need an introduction. Be brave–talk to some of her friends and see what they come up with. If you’re too chicken to talk to her friends or coworkers, then forget it.
Remember the old saying: A faint heart never won a fair lady.