I do too.
Dude, it can’t hurt to try.
Little story for ya: Back when I was a very young temp worker, I got a call from a guy I’d never talked to at work, either. We never talked because we never actually worked together - he worked next door to the place where I was temping and used to see me on the loading dock where we went for a smoke.
He called and said something like, “You don’t know me, and I hope you don’t think I’m crazy, but blah blah blah.” (This was years before we had ‘stalkers’, people were just crazy then, heh) Apparently, he didn’t know I was just a temp until after the assignment was over and I was gone. One of the guys where I’d worked told him my name, and I think he just got the number from the phone book.
He described himself and did I ever remember him! A gorgeous morsel with longish hair and a tattoo. I’d seen him playing frisbee, shirtless, outside the shop at lunch hour a few times. Extra yummy!
I said yes. He was just too hot to turn down. grin The first time he came over, we just hung out with the family so we could all check him out. We only dated for a short period, but that was par for the course for me in those days. I’ve never forgotten him though, or how he looked, throwing that frisbee around. Damn.
sigh What were we talking about again? Oh, yes…
I dunno, those might have been simpler times but you’ll never know if you don’t try. Definitely, if it does creep her out, leave her alone. Good luck.
Why are you so interested in her if you have never talked to her? Attraction based solely on physical appearance is rarely solid enough grounds to build a relationship on.
I would be really creepy to just call her out of the blue if you have never talked to her.
My advice is secrectly find out a common place she goes to(her favorite bar or club would be perfect) and then “accidently” run into her. - You can even use the “Do I know you from somewhere” as a good pickup line.
remember, no matter how good she looks someone is sick of putting up with her shit:p
As long as you don’t actually stray into REAL stalker-ish territory, then I see no harm. She could just as easily be offended or scared, as she could be charmed, flattered and intrigued. Again, if call her is all you do and accept whatever outcome she has to offer from there, then I say ‘go for it.’ Can’t hurt more than you already do and the worst that can happen is for her to tell you to do what you already are… leaving her alone.
Good luck!
I definitely think it’s stalkerish. I know I would be creeped out if some guy who I never talked to at work looked up my number and asked me out. What could you possibly say if she asked you how you got her number? Would you lie to her, or take the risk of freaking her out by telling her the truth?
If you really, really need to talk to her, I would agree with the poster who suggested going through other channels. Email is a lot more nonthreatening because you’re not putting her on the spot, like a phone call would.
Thanks everybody for the advice.
Well, I’ve seen her talking to a few people in my section and she seems really sweet. I’m not really sure why I like her this much; it is really weird. It’s like I love her more than my last girlfriend (I know that makes me sound extra crazy).
I think I’ll wait about a month and then try calling. Maybe I’ll be over her by then (I doubt it though).
I did think about “accidentally” bumping in to her but I have no idea where to go.
And I swear that I am not crazy.
Personally, I think this would make it slightly creepier. It’s one thing if you call now and say, “Yeah, I just noticed you were gone and was disappointed that I never got a chance to ask you to lunch” or something like that. It’s completely different to say “I noticed you were gone a while back and have been obsessing so much about seeing you again that I spent the entire last couple of months looking up every piece of information I could find on you.” Whether or not you did what is stated in the second option isn’t relavant - it’s what her perception of what you did that counts and waiting just makes it seem creepier to me.
I agree with the recommendation that you try to talk with some of her friends/former co-workers. That’s your best non-creepy option.
If you’re going to do it, (and I still don’t think you should) do it now rather then in a month. That would just be MORE creepy.
I agree with Glory. But you have to call NOW. Now or never! The longer you wait, the stranger it will get. Glory’s “I finally got the nerve to ask you out for a cup of coffee, then you left” idea doesn’t work 6 months from now.
Also, there is a fine line between freaky stalker actions, and “wow he’s so sweet can you believe how much he likes me” actions. If she likes you at all, calling her will be the latter. If she doesn’t like you, then most likely shell view you as a creepy wierdo. But who cares, you’ve lost nothing! Big deal, so she never talks to you again. She’ll never talk to you again if you DONT call. So you gotta call.
I think this is the best advice given so far, aside from “get over her.” As has been pointed out, obsession is not the best way to start a relationship. And if this was a “match made in heaven,” I’m sure she would have started up conversation at some point in time if you two had bumped into each other so much at work and you’ve never spoken to her. If she was interested, she would have initiated small talk. Seeing as how she never did shows she may not be interested at all, and getting a phone call from an ex-coworker out of the blue could just be scary.
Little story…one of my coworkers went out of town for a bit. Another coworker had asked her out a couple of times in a rather vague way, and she always just skirted around the issue because she wasn’t interested. When she got back from her trip, he had sent her a little email. Nothing fancy or big, but the fact that she never gave him her email address really creeped her out about him, and now any chance he used to have is gone. Calling up a girl you’ve never spoken to who’s never given you her contact information is rather unsettling. Find a mutual friend at work who can arrange for a meeting, something casual like a gang getting together for drinks after work or something. Or at least get her contact information from a coworker, so you can say “Yeah, I know you and X are friends, so I asked them for your number, hope you don’t mind.” But even getting someone’s info from the employee registry can be a little offsetting, so if you really want to talk to this girl, find someone to act as a bridge.
But first I’d cool them jets down, otherwise you’re going to come off as way too emotioally heavy, and that turns girls off REAL fast.
The fact that she didn’t initiate small talk means nothing. Neither did Stylize, and he’s definitely interested. Neither did I years ago, neither did the hot dude, neither do a lot of people. Just because someone doesn’t make small talk at any opportunity doesn’t mean they’re not or couldn’t be interested.
People have been engineering “casual” meetings for eons, it’s hardly ever a sign of creepiness for heaven’s sakes. I don’t understand why it’s creepy to get someone’s phone number off the net, but not from the the phone book or some other way. Why is it creepy to contact someone you might be interested in? Aren’t we being a little over paranoid these days?
It’s creepy if you just watch her from afar and start thinking this constitutes some sort of relationship or something, yeah. It’s creepy if you keep bugging her if she turns you down, yeah. It’s not creepy to try, it’s not stalkerish to just give it a shot.
Dude, just do something. Whatever happens, you’ll know for sure either way and can get on with your life.
Beautiful women get asked out by men with far less connection that you can claim. Men stare at her. Her phone rings off the hook. She feels entitled to this sort of treatment and considers it her birthright. She may be wondering why you never called.
Tell her the truth, but make it sound cute and funny. Run it by a knock out friend first. Say to the friend, You are gorgeous how does this sound to you…
She will help make the pitch. All you need is a good pitch.
Men call her all the time who have gotten over the fear of what she will think. Be one of those men. I really hope you call.
And you know this how? What if she’s been stalked in the past, and would flip out if he called her? I think my scenario is just as likely as yours, since all we know is what stylize has told us. Not all beautiful women considers her phone ringing off the hook “her birthright.”
I don’t know any beautiful women who feel “entitled” to being asked out. And I cannot imagine any woman wondering why a person to whom she has NEVER spoken to hasn’t called her. If any woman were seriously wondering why a man she has never, ever spoken to, who has never spoken to her, hasn’t called her, she’s got problems. Why would anyone “expect” a virtual stranger to call? ???
If she’s been stalked in the past, and flips out, what’s the big deal? He just doesn’t bother her any more.
I don’t have stats but I just don’t think true stalking is as common as all that. At least, not with the average person. Celebs are a different case, millions of people “know” them, so it seems more likely that out of those millions, the probability of one or two being dangerously delusional may increase.
Beautiful doesn’t always equal more popular, necessarily. I think it’s just as likely that an above-average gorgeous chick is sitting home alone as anyone else. Guys can be intimidated by a really gorgeous woman. If she’s shy also, she may be having a lot less
social activity than we think.
Don’t do it.
The version of her you have concocted in your febrile imagination is not the same as the real person. A real person will not, in all likelyhood, be pleased to get a call from a virtual stranger. She would probably react in one of two ways:
- Politely brush you off.
- Not politely brush you off.
Either way, your ego gets crushed and you feel stupid and foolish. Maybe your obsessing now takes on a vengeful element too.
Forget her.
wow. I’d be really creeped out by it. AND I’d immediately wonder why you never had the balls to talk to me the entire time we worked together.
For future reference, a lot of times those really pretty girls hardly ever get asked out because nice normal guys like you erroneously think they’ll be annoyed/unimpressed by your approach. Most likely, she probably would’ve enjoyed a little small talk with you. That whirlwind romance has to start somewhere.
Let this one go, there are bigger and better fish our there.
First step. Stop being obsessed. There will be no relationship if you are obsessed. I can’t stress this (and second most of the other comments above) enough.
I don’t know if I would be creeped out or flattered.
If you feel like going through with it (and I don’t know if you should or shouldn’t) get her contact info from a friend, preferably email.
Email can be ignored, a phone call (if she picks up) cannot. If she IS creeped out, she can ignore you and post about how weird it was on whatever serves her as the Straight Dope serves us.
Remember, some ‘really pretty girls’ don’t realize/don’t think they are so pretty. I don’t consider myself gorgeous, but an ex thought I was. My SO doesn’t think he’s attractive in the least, but I think he’s the best looking guy I know.
Either way, good luck.