I just can't win!

[tiny ham]

Scrabble is hard!

No no...that's not what I'm talking about and you know it.

My husband and friends often tell me that my biggest stress inducing personality trait is that I CONSTANTLY worry about what others think of me, and consequently I'm ALWAYS walking on eggshells, making sure I don't offend or anger anybody even though my sense of humor is brash and sarcastic, riddled with biting satire that my mother says isn't 'nice'. Knowing that this is the real me (a me that only my husband and best friend see), I'm SO careful about what I say, how I say it...when I say it...and I'm definitely one who grovels and apologizes at every turn to make sure everyone still likes me. Immature and hardly progressive, I'm sure.


Anyway, a woman that I used to know in college was in Chicago a few weeks ago, and I was so happy to see that she had lost no less than 150 pounds...an issue that I know she'd been struggling with for years. I rushed up to her, gave her a hug and said,

"You look beautiful!" she stepped away, crossed her arms and said,

"I didn't look beautiful before?" I was flabbergasted. I said,

"Of..of course! But now!"

"Now what? Now that I've lost weight I'm acceptable? I was ALWAYS beautiful. I'm a beautiful woman." and she walked away! I absolutely didn't know what to say.

What was I supposed to say? How do you compliment someone on that? Do you NOT compliment someone? If I lose even two pounds I want the world falling at my feet. I was being honest! She looked great.

I don't know...what do you think I should have said to not offend her with a compliment?

jarbaby

[Simetra]

..."You look beautiful!" she stepped away, crossed her arms and said, "I didn't look beautiful before?" I was flabbergasted. I said,...

"Absolutely."

Sans, "...but now."

Just MHO. Sorry that some people have to be so overly-sensitive. I'm very guilty of that myself.

[tiny ham]

Originally posted by Simetra

"Absolutely."

Sans, "...but now."

Hmmm...yes. I see now where I screwed up...but to defend myself (which the judge advised AGAINST) I would like to say that I was trying to compliment her on the fact that she had lost weight, which was something I KNEW SHE'D STRUGGLED WITH...it was something that we talked about often, no secret. Of course I always thought she was a beautiful person, but I'm not in the habit of just walking around and saying,

"Tim, just want you to know...I think you've always been beautiful."

The whole point was congratulating her on losing the weight she'd wanted to lose...and I didn't want to say, "You've Lost Weight!" which is something I hate people to say to me because it basically translates to "LAST TIME I SAW YOU, YOU WERE FAT!".

I don't know. I think I'm just going to tell everyone "I love you," everytime I see them, and then keep quiet.

jarbaby

[wring]

Originally posted by jarbabyj
I think I'm just going to tell everyone "I love you," everytime I see them, and then keep quiet.

jarbaby

What??? you don't love me unless you see me???

()

no, seriously. You were attempting to give a compliment, she took it poorly. I understand the "oh, I was chopped liver before, right?" kind of thing, but, the phrase "you look beautiful" does not actually imply anything about the past. IMHO, she was being thin skinned, but I'd still cut her some slack - if her weight loss has been that dramatic, I suspect she's gotten quite a few of the 'gee, before you were such a slug and now you're not' kind of comment.

[FairyChatMom]

I think she doesn't know how to accept a compliment graciously... or she's still dealing with fat issues. If she had even the tiniest bit of class, she'd have smiled and thanked you.


At least that's how your narrative struck me.

[tiny ham]

Originally posted by wring

What??? you don't love me unless you see me???

I love you wring...and I've always felt you were beautiful, even when you wore that pink and gold airbrushed kitty sweater with real jeweled eyes.

Thanks, FairyChatMom...I think perhaps she may be still dealing with some issues, but aren't we all? For God's sake, I've got a third nipple that I haven't come to grips with.

I grovelled to her a little bit later and got her to say thank you for the compliment and assure me she wasn't mad, but it took quite a lot of apologizing.

jarbaby

[hflathead]

Originally posted by jarbabyj

Thanks, FairyChatMom...I think perhaps she may be still dealing with some issues, but aren't we all? For God's sake, I've got a third nipple that I haven't come to grips with.


jarbaby [/b]

You pick up personality tidbits from posters all of the time, but this one sent my imagination into over-drive!
Thanks jarbaby, I needed a mind distraction, my 16 year old gets his DRIVERS LICENSE today!

Hmmm, 3 nipples, comes to grips, now let's see. If....

later, Tom.
_{I'm going to look really stupid if jarbaby is not female as I beleive!}

[tiny ham]

Originally posted by hflathead

You pick up personality tidbits from posters all of the time, but this one sent my imagination into over-drive!

Hmmm, 3 nipples, comes to grips, now let's see. If....

later, Tom.

Yes, yes...my third nipple. My dermatologist actually called it an ACCESSORY NIPPLE...which made me laugh. What is that? Accessory nipple? What? Do I hang earrings off of it? I was told I could have it removed, but it just looks like a mole really, only a little more pokey. My husband thinks it's cute.

Anyway, sorry about the hijack.

Good luck on that driver's license bruhaha. I remember when my mother took me to get my license. She looked at me and said, "JUST BECAUSE YOU'VE GOT A LICENSE DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN DRIVE."

a lot of logic in our family.

jarbaby