What do you do with your awesome God powers?

[jackdavinci]

Whatever hidden attribute prevents you from defying consensual reality is turned off. Or you inherit a magic iPhone app that obeys your written commands like a genie. Or you buy a holodeck which can accurately simulate/replicate pretty much anything you can communicate to it.

It's fairly sophisticated, so you can do things like deciding to limit your own powers in specific ways, granting sentience to objects or people, etc. as long as your commands are fairly clear (something you could imagine or is theoretically computable).

What do you do now? What do you do in the long term.

[ticker]

I have long thought that the ability to remotely cause acute diarrhoea could be fun. Just watching the faces of politicians during live debates would be priceless. Maybe projectile vomiting for a bit of variety.

[jackdavinci]

At first I'd be like Fry in the episode of Futurama where he does "all the things I ever dreamed of" which amusingly turn out to be things everyone in the future has done and thinks of as pedestrian - riding dinosaurs and blowing up planets.

I'd make myself immortal and invulnerable as a precaution. And give myself a general health and attractiveness makeover.

I'd dabble first in Earthly delights perhaps - money, vacations, sex, drugs, since they'd be both free to me and consequence free. Maybe secretly grant some wishes to loved ones.

I wouldn't use my powers to hurt anyone, because frankly I wouldn't enjoy it. At worst I might play some harmless pranks on those who were especially dickish. I'd be very careful about hoarding my willpower to take away anyone's free will.

I might make some changes to the world, but I'd try to do it in small ways lest there be unforeseen consequences, or changes too big make the world unfamiliar.

I'd give myself a bunch of superpowers - flight mainly, but also invisibility, intangibility, size change, and various super senses. Maybe shape changing.

Then I'd do a reality version of wiki browsing. Visit various time periods, places, other planets, answer all the big questions and mysteries.

I'm sure along the way things I can't imagine would lead to opportunities I can't yet foresee.

Eventually though, I predict that all these powers and experiences, though they were amazing and fulfilling in their own way, would ultimately put me out of touch with reality and humanity. When you can do anything at all, eventually nothing you do is meaningful. We can already do anything we want in dreams, but it isn't as fulfilling. And when you are more powerful than anyone else by such a degree you become in s sense utterly alone.

Which is why, in an ironic way, I think my life and anyone else's is kind of indistinguishable from the inevitable end scenario of any theoretical entity of limitless power. I think any God like being would eventually start to crave the things Gods don't have access to - companionship and a sense of meaning and purpose. They would have to finally create a universe into which their consciousness could eventually split and attach to naturally evolved sentient beings in order to experience these things. And then I suppose the cycle could start again

[Gyrate]

First thing I'd do is to make myself smart enough and wise enough to know what else to do with my powers.

Although the prospect of making various politicians (*cough* Dick Cheney *cough*) testify in front of Congress on camera and tell the whole truth has a certain schadenfreudelicious quality to it. But it probably wouldn't make any difference.

[Scumpup]

I'd probably end up being a lot like one of the Ancient Greek gods, most likely Zeus. The only thing that would be different would be that I wouldn't have other gods in competition with me or be married to one.

[drastic_quench]

I'm granting myself a host of superpowers for protection. Then I would seriously consider blinking 6.75 billion humans out of existence. I think that is probably the greatest thing that could happen for the planet and mankind.

[zoid]

Iran and North Korea wake up one morning to find it all of their nuclear facilities missing. Simply vanished.
Depending upon the reaction I'd seriously consider all nuclear weapons on earth being "misplaced".

After that a new island in the Pacific pops up, it's called zoidtopia and man it's a party!

[silenus]

If my powers are sufficiently god-like, I would create several new planets around distant stars that are exactly like Earth, only unpopulated by humans. Then I would transport certain populations to these new planets. If I'm feeling kindly, they will also get technology.

Then I'd start getting nasty, for I am a vengeful god.

[Mnemnosyne]

I'd probably leave. Wouldn't care enough about the rest of the world to change it or destroy it or anything of that nature, although I might invite a few friends to come along with me. Create fantastic worlds or universes to live in, with entirely new people and laws of physics and everything, placing certain restrictions on myself whenever I'm interacting with them so that it's actually fun - I wouldn't want there to be no challenge to me. After all, one of my favorite quotes goes, "For without challenge there is nothing, and in nothing there is only gloom. In such a state, the difference between absolute power and absolute powerlessness is undetectable."

Essentially, become the ultimate game designer - design universe-scale games, then live in them.

[drachillix]

Just invent something akin to a star trek replicator. Tons of the problems with poverty, homelessness, etc could be solved the the ability to recycle basic atoms into useful things again.

Having access to holodeck technology would be the ultimate in entertainment. Being able to do anything, any time, anywhere would probably burn off alot of the stress on the planet.

Extend that to something like the Emergency Medical Hologram from voyager and I would be you see alot more single folks when the Holowife/Holohusband starts being available.

[Leaffan]

First, I'd go play a round of golf and score an eighteen. Not sure after that.

[drachillix]

Originally Posted by Mnemnosyne

Essentially, become the ultimate game designer - design universe-scale games, then live in them.

and we will finally get to solve that pesky enterprise vs. star destroyer debate.

Even though we KNOW the enterprise is gonna be toast

D&R

[Anne Neville]

Eating too much salt will no longer cause health problems. Neither will drinking too much alcohol or caffeine. In fact, these things will be good for you. Fetal alcohol syndrome will no longer exist (and yes, I will make this retroactive if I can, so everybody with fetal alcohol syndrome will suddenly be fine), nor will caffeine increase the risk of miscarriage.

Diseases I am scared of getting will no longer exist. There will be no more diabetes, because I'm scared of needles. Alzheimer's disease will cease to exist.

I think that's a pretty fair start.

[Grumman]

For the majority of humanity, utopia. For the rest, precision lightning strikes.

[TruCelt]

Celtling and I will become invulnerable. I will become omniscient and omnipotent. She will develop small powers a little at a time as she learns responisbility and perspective. I will also regain my younger, stronger body.

All people who harm children will find that each time they try they are overcome by blinding pain. Those who have been abused will find themselves cured of the long-term consequences.

I will study the weather and re-route clouds to rain where it is needed most. No more wasting good water on destructive flooding.

I will remove all weapons of mass detruction from the world.

I will heal all mental, emotional and physical disability.

I will make basic good nutrition available to all humans.

Then I will look around and see what still needs attention. Endangered species, solar energy, cleaning up pollution, that sort of thing.

And I'll make the moon turn Green on St. Paddy's day, just because it makes me happy.

[Anne Neville]

The age at which humans can reproduce is going up. It will no longer be possible for a girl under age 20 to get pregnant, or for a boy under age 20 to get someone pregnant. They'll be able to have sex, but not able to cause a pregnancy. The maximum age for having kids for women will also go up.

I'd make it so that pregnancy cannot happen unless both partners actively wanted it to happen. Ovulation and release of sperm will be under voluntary control. But even if they want a baby, people under age 20 still won't be able to get pregnant or get someone else pregnant.

The previous two modifications should help with the population problem.

All forms of dementia, as well as Alzheimer's, will no longer exist.

Allergies and autoimmune disorders will cease to exist.

[Double Foolscap]

[Office Space] Two chicks at the same time. [/OS]

I'd alter the situations of companies I call at work so they are in vital need of whatever I'm promoting just minutes before I call them to talk about it. Similarly, major ancient settlements will be retroactively moved to just where my girlfriend's archaeology team is investigating.

I'd have a self-cleaning ball pit as a living room.

I'd learn every language in the world, including the languages of animals and computers.

I'd alter the laws of physics to more closely resemble Tex Avery cartoons.

[NoClueBoy]

This somewhat similar old thread had the Remote Control of the Fates

[TriPolar]

I have awesome God powers, and you're all living in the world I created. Sorry about all the messes, but I have a warped sense of humor. But you have to admit the GW Bush thing was good for a lot of laughs. Only mistake I made was giving you humans free will.

[Anne Neville]

People will be able to voluntarily go to sleep, just like you can voluntarily close your eyes.

The human need for sleep will go down to 4 hours a night. You'll be able to sleep more than that, but you'll feel fine if you manage to get 4 hours sleep.

[Folacin]

To make the world a better place, everyone would signal turns and lane-changes. And stop for red lights and stop signs.

And, you know, all the fun stuff for myself also. I think that a penis that adjusted to be the exact size and shape to match your partner's needs and current sex act would be kind of cool.

Sort of the opposite of this (NSFW):

SPOILER:

http://oglaf.com/prowess/1/

[Toucanna]

I'd make everybody knock off their religion-based wars--stat!

I'd let everyone know the human soul is not immortal, so they can knock off all the magical thinking and mystical rites they do to try to get to paradise.

I'd remove all human impulses to inflict harm on each other for nefarious purposes.

I'd restore balance to human interactions with the natural world.

I'd give everyone my cellphone # so they can talk to or text me directly, and not have to rely on charlatans who claim to know what I want. And I'd make sure no one could hack the #.

I'd redesign the human reproductive system so it wasn't so complicated, messy, or difficult to reproduce when folks want to reproduce or avoid reproducing when they don't want to.

I'd eliminate all diseases or birth defects that prevent people from fulfilling their potential as rational and sentient beings with an advanced sense of wonder and appreciation for the beauty of transcendent thought and the natural world.

[billfish678]

Implement some general working version of karma.

[outlierrn]

As little as possible. I know my flaws enough to fear my powers.

[Zebra]

I would grant a power to all women. This power allows them to change their breasts at will.

Going jogging? Might want to have them smaller. Going on a date? How much do I like the guy?

And no matter what size they were they would be fantastic.

All women would always feel good about their breasts.


Oh and I can see through clothing.

[Mosier]

I'd write peoples' names in one of two books. Then on the day the last human dies, I'd resurrect everyone and sort them by which book their name is written in. Then I'd explain that they have been sorted according to their inner worth, with the worthy people on one side and the unworthy people on the other.

Then I'd have a good time standing back and doing nothing while everyone tries to figure out which group they're in. After awhile I'd reveal that it was all a hoax and the book their name was written in was chosen completely randomly. Then I'd revel in my cleverness.

[DMark]

People who intentionally, not accidentally, do something evil/bad will get immediate punishment:

Cheat at cards? Get violent flu symptoms.
Steal/rob somebody? Broken arm and/or leg.
Rape someone? Dick falls off and you get violent headaches forever.
Murder someone? Die of horrible, painful disease before the other body is cold.

Now that the world had a lot nicer people in charge, you can start fixing your planet and doing some things for the environment and future generations - or else you better be prepared for some wild weather...hmm, 8 feet of snow in 1 hour, 120 MPH winds - that ought to get Phoenix's attention, and I wonder how NYC will like 125 degrees with 97% humidity (and electrical blackout) with an extra 100 trillion flies swarming the city? That could be fun. Bet you humans would work a tad harder finding alternative energy sources then, wouldn't ya?

[wisernow]

1. No more disease.

2. All humans will grow to middle age, say 40 and then stop aging. They will continue in this mode, with no disease and then die a painless death in the 100th year after they were born. The exact date however will be unknown and uncontrollable.

3. Everyone will all be able to have sex from the age of 15, but will result in pregnancy only after the participants are over 24 and with their will. Both partners will need to ‘want’ the child for pregnancy to occur.

4. Reprogram the brains of all the people on the planet so that they think only good thoughts. No one will be able to think about harming anyone else or do anything that is ‘bad’. The reprogramming will make everyone charitable while leaving the spirit of competiveness intact.

5. As corollary to (3), the people will themselves get rid of all weapons, from knives to WMDs and will not make any more since they are no longer required.

6. Wipe out all religion and – man, this reprogramming thing will be big – make the mind incapable of thinking along those lines. Everyone will believe that this world and this planet is all that they have and nothing beyond, and therefore make the best of it for everyone.


More as I work on the more interesting reprogramming part…..

[Taomist]

I would...what I'd really want to do isn't something a god can do, as I am firmly convinced that making music is an entirely earthly thing.

So I would instead create musical institutes, free, everywhere, for everyone.

And I would spend the rest of my time trying desperately to create something beautiful.

[Senegoid]

Originally Posted by jackdavinci

Whatever hidden attribute prevents you from defying consensual reality is turned off. Or you inherit a magic iPhone app that obeys your written commands like a genie. Or you buy a holodeck which can accurately simulate/replicate pretty much anything you can communicate to it.

(Bold added)

But bear in mind, you'd have to communicate only in ancient Hebrew.

I'd start with by decreeing, once and for all, which way the toilet paper is supposed to hang.

[hotflungwok]

Fix my foot, knee and shoulder and then immediately give the powers up. I'm am quite certain that this particular power would ultimately corrupt me.

[Anne Neville]

Originally Posted by Senegoid

I'd start with by decreeing, once and for all, which way the toilet paper is supposed to hang.

With the penalty for putting it coming from under the roll being explosive diarrhea. So you can sit there and think about what you've done. (This would not apply in cases where pets or children would do bad things to properly hung toilet paper)

ETA: Jewish laws do have exceptions like this in them.

[olivesmarch4th]

Originally Posted by Zebra

I would grant a power to all women. This power allows them to change their breasts at will.

Going jogging? Might want to have them smaller. Going on a date? How much do I like the guy?

And no matter what size they were they would be fantastic.

All women would always feel good about their breasts.


Oh and I can see through clothing.

You sir, are a hero.

I would raise everyone's standard of living to that of the richest person on the planet.

[madmonk28]

On January 1 of every year, each person on earth would wake up in bed with whatever s/he had littered in the past year whether it is 1,000 cigarette butts, 20,000 gallons of industrial waste, or your dog's poop.

[waynemcdougall]

Originally Posted by Anne Neville

Fetal alcohol syndrome will no longer exist (and yes, I will make this retroactive if I can, so everybody with fetal alcohol syndrome will suddenly be fine),

Which rippled back through time, changing survival, marriage partners, progeny, and eventually meant Anne Neville was never born.

The resulting paradox may destroy the universe.

[Broomstick]

I'm feeling whimsical today - I'd bring back the passenger pigeon, Carolina parakeet, Stellar's sea cow, the dodo, the quagga, and the ivory-billed woodpecker. I may need to tweak a few things to restore lost habit for a couple of them, but most on that list were killed by simply being hunted and eaten by greedy humans.

[Anne Neville]

Originally Posted by waynemcdougall

Which rippled back through time, changing survival, marriage partners, progeny, and eventually meant Anne Neville was never born.

The resulting paradox may destroy the universe.

[LAV25]

Ingested alcohol would act as a contraceptive for either gender.

I'd bring back velociraptors. Lots of them. Suddenly, and full grown. And sabertooth tigers, and a bunch of other nasty predators. I'd make them resistant to modern disease and environmental conditions also, so that they wouldn't all take one breath, cough, and drop dead. No more resistant than anything that had evolved up to the present day, however, so that diseases from factory farms, or industrial waste, or whatever, would still have the same negative effects on them that they have on modern animals.

And as soon as the last one died, by a hunter's bullet, or polluted sludge, or whatever, well, "overhead, without any fuss, the stars were going out."

I dunno why.

[Rachellelogram]

I can think of a few childhood bullies who I'd add a couple hundred pounds to overnight. Then, I'd send all of my family members fabulous sums of money, except my dad. I'd write him a letter explaining why he won't be benefitting from my fortune, and I'd write in a codicil that anyone who does attempt to help him with the money I gave them will be stripped of all their fabulous riches at that time.

Then I'd print myself a lot of money, become immortal for as long as I want, and get a rockin' bod to dabble in earthly delights for a couple of decades. I would try out the other gender (with full function!) and see which one I liked better. Eventually I'd settle on a favorite gender and body type, at which time I would create immortal clones of Johnny Depp and Lucy Liu who will be head over heels in love with me. I'd settle down in my remote, beautiful, fully-staffed mansion for eternity and become a philanthropist. I would start to secretly and completely fund every "cure for x" I came across. I'd pour billions into researching the best political system and put every nation in the world under it right away. I'd engineer the most effective, benevolent leaders the world has ever seen.

If I eventually get bored, I'll become a body of pure energy and just float around the universe at light speed, being awesome.

[The Second Stone]

People making statements would have to tell what they thought was the truth if they choose not to remain silent. People taking an oath to in an official capacity would abide by it whether they wanted to or not, even if they misunderstood it. John and George would still be with us, and they and they mates would all like each other, even if they didn't want to work together. Oswald and Sirhan and Ray would have missed. Reagan would have remained a liberal democrat. People who deliberately start a religious cult for personal profit or kick are compelled to say that at every opportunity: I'm talking about you J. Smith. R. Hubbard, J. Jones, O. Roberts, P. Robertson, etc. People who oppose social programs are not able to benefit from them, I'm lookin' at you A. Rand and all medicare teabaggers. I'd remove idiotic race bias and hating. Murderers would go around compulsively singing "I'm a murderer." No pograms against Jews in European history, no Holocaust (about time I got to that), and potentates who fought wars of conquest would have to fight them personally. No suicide bombers. Anytime someone called upon the almighty to do something cruel and unjust, a booming voice would be heard by all: "NO, AND STOP ASKING!"

Godfather III would have had Robert Duvall and Winona Ryder (Hamilton and S. Coppola were okay, but didn't bring the real stuff) and Pacino would have been gifted to play Michael Corleone correctly one last time. Star Wars I, II, and III would be much better. Good people could use the Force in real life for good purposes. People like their jobs when they are doing them.

Pedophiles would not exist, spiders would never bite people. Kittens could remain kitten cute their whole lives. People would be happy, but fertility would decline in areas where there was overcrowding.

More, more, more.

[Disposable Hero]

I recently started a similar thread but with a little more restricted ground rules:

http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/...weakly+godlike

As described in that thread, basically I would be a benign and contactable but very much hands-off godlike entity only intervening directly in the event of an imminent existential threat to humanity.

Act one - remove drastic_quench and his/her ilk before they can they can put their own genocidal plans into effect...

[Rachellelogram]

Originally Posted by Disposable Hero

I recently started a similar thread but with a little more restricted ground rules:

http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/...weakly+godlike

As described in that thread, basically I would be a benign and contactable but very much hands-off godlike entity only intervening directly in the event of an imminent existential threat to humanity.

Act one - remove drastic_quench and his/her ilk before they can they can put their own genocidal plans into effect...

It'd be interesting if 2 people got this power at the same time. Would they become aware of each other? Try to destroy each other? It'd be like Voldemort vs. Voldemort!

[Gyrate]

Originally Posted by Leaffan

First, I'd go play a round of golf and score an eighteen. Not sure after that.

Then resurrect Kim Jong-Il and go "In your FACE, Fat Boy!"

[sbunny8]

I support those with genocidal plans.

All evidence suggests that Earth is rare in its ability to sustain life. Any other similar planets are likely to be impossible distances away. So we better not screw up this one. Killing ourselves would be forgivable compared to the alternatives of taking down half the ecosystem with us. We have tried to reduce our carbon footprints but there's only so much we can do when there's just too darn many feet. Right now, about 2 people die every second and 5 babies are born to replace them.

Assuming that my powers were limited only to this planet, my first act as god would be to simultaneously reduce the birth rate and increase the death rate, each by a factor of 10, until the human population dropped below 300 million. The deaths would be random and I wouldn't exempt myself. It would only take about 30 years to reach 300 million, then I'd have the rates level off so the birth rate equals the death rate.

If my powers extended to the whole universe, I'd make sure the planets which can sustain life are really really far apart and arrange the laws of physics so that it's absolutely impossible to travel faster than a certain speed limit to prevent contamination from one habitable planet to the others. Oh wait, it looks like someone already did that. Good job, dude.

If my powers included the ability to create alternate dimensions, I'd speed up the population adjustment by making the rapture actually come true and send all the people who wish for it to a magical place called heaven where they have to wear white robes and play the harp all day. But I'd be merciful and allow them to kill themselves when they got sick of the place.

But one thing I've learned from stories like The Monkey's Paw is that whatever you wish for it always turns out worse than if you'd never done anything at all, so maybe I'd just wish for my own powers to be taken away and never given to anyone else.

[Disposable Hero]

Originally Posted by rachelellogram

It'd be interesting if 2 people got this power at the same time. Would they become aware of each other? Try to destroy each other? It'd be like Voldemort vs. Voldemort!

I think it wouldn't go well for the rest of us...

For a somewhat similar scenario the short story 'Understand' by Ted Chiang is well worth a read.

Originally Posted by sbunny8

I support those with genocidal plans.

For an entity with such powers as postulated there is absolutely no need to resort to such measures as killing off all or even a percentage of humanity in order to 'protect the planet'. How about creating planets elsewhere in the universe (or multiverse) and make it easy and desirable for people to emigrate to them for example?

Unless you think humanity and humans are a problem in and of themselves and enjoy the whole genocide thing. In which case I think you'd go into the class of malign minor diety.

[Acid Lamp]

I'd cause ghosts to suddenly become real at random times, phasing back into inexistence the rest of the time. That should provide me with extremely amusing television.

[Critical1]

Education, I would find a way to educate the entire effing planet, critical thinking, understanding of math/statistics/odds create a single language with no exceptions to any rules.

the reason for the education? give a man a fish and he will never stop bugging you for fish, give him the skills and mental capacity to figure it out and problems get solved.

and children will remain uninfluenced by their parents religious/political beliefs until 18 and old enough to make up their own minds.

give humans the ability to give "get it" (Dr. Drew) as in you can walk up to an addict and take their hand and they will understand how they look to others and what their life could be like if they cleaned up

[drastic_quench]

To be fair, my genocide would be the friendliest one ever. All but 250 million would be painlessly blinked out of existence. Then I'd broadcast a message in the skies about how humans had become poor stewards of the earth, and warn them to keep their numbers in check and live environmentally conscious lives or - unlike that other god who supposedly brought a genocide to man - I WOULD do it again. Take care of your planet. Value the scientific method over your spirituality. And don't you dare worship me. I'll be busy fishing and canoeing the lakes and rivers as they replenish themselves.

Also, I'll probably bring back some ice age charismatic megafauna like saber tooth tigers and aurochs just to make the wilds more dangerous again.

So my tenure as god would be marked by big acts, and then letting the chips fall where they may, ie, giving humanity huge challenges to overcome rather then handing them a new Eden.

[Sundrop]

Remember the password to the Truecrypt external hard drive where I backed up some of my files, or failing that resurrect the drive that crashed of which the ext. hdd was the back up.

[Disposable Hero]

Originally Posted by drastic_quench

To be fair, my genocide would be the friendliest one ever. All but 250 million would be painlessly blinked out of existence. Then I'd broadcast a message in the skies about how humans had become poor stewards of the earth, and warn them to keep their numbers in check and live environmentally conscious lives or - unlike that other god who supposedly brought a genocide to man - I WOULD do it again. Take care of your planet. Value the scientific method over your spirituality. And don't you dare worship me. I'll be busy fishing and canoeing the lakes and rivers as they replenish themselves.

Also, I'll probably bring back some ice age charismatic megafauna like saber tooth tigers and aurochs just to make the wilds more dangerous again.

So my tenure as god would be marked by big acts, and then letting the chips fall where they may, ie, giving humanity huge challenges to overcome rather then handing them a new Eden.

You're still killing several billion people, which is anything but 'friendly', its also completely unneccessary. If you don't want to go for any large shows of power you could simply have everyone on the planet realise and understand what damage humanity is doing to the environment and the necessity to make plans for the future, if you weren't concerned about free will you could compel humanity to make such plans. Personally I wouldn't be happy about the latter option but it still beats killing on a scale which makes Hitler, Mao and Stalin look like rank amateurs.

Also I want to see how far humanity can progress and that means hopefully getting off this one planet and out into the stars, plans like yours would mean stasis and stagnation and the end of progress (which admittadly has many drawbacks as well as advantages).

But then I like humans and humanity, you apparently don't.