Cat rant thread

[flatlined]

Inspired by digs in the mini-rant thread. Lets have at it

My idiot cat is front declawed and had half of his jaw shot off. He doesn't have the sense that God gave a goose, because he keeps trying to run out the door and get losted in the world of dogs, cars and jerks who will shoot an animal and not be sure that its dead.

Please share your stories and rants. I need to know that I'm not the only one dealing with this.

[Enter the Flagon]

Originally Posted by flatlined

Inspired by digs in the mini-rant thread. Lets have at it

My idiot cat is front declawed and had half of his jaw shot off. He doesn't have the sense that God gave a goose, because he keeps trying to run out the door and get losted in the world of dogs, cars and jerks who will shoot an animal and not be sure that its dead.

Please share your stories and rants. I need to know that I'm not the only one dealing with this.

I can sympathize, because some cats just can't seem to help themselves, but I'd really rather participate in the pitting of the kind of asshole who'd shoot a cat in the face (not that there's a good place to shoot a cat, of course).

[Cat Whisperer]

Since our other cat died in December, our remaining cat has been the pussiest puss who ever pussed in pussland. She demands attention all the time; if she's awake, she's demanding attention. She didn't like her partner in crime, but I guess she's missing the company now, and since my husband is allergic to cats, we won't be getting any more of them.

[Sally Mander]

Mine's kind of lame compared to yours, but here goes. My cat likes to lick plastic bags. I use the plastic grocery bags as liners in the little trash cans, and the noise it makes when she licks it just drives me nuts. I'll yell at her to stop and she just gives me that look, you know, the "fuck you, I'm a cat" look and go right back to doing it.

[Smapti]

My cat has the most bizarre need to be within line-of-sight of me at all times. If I leave the room, he starts howling until I come back in. If I'm in the kitchen and he's in the living room, he howls until I poke my head around the partition. If he gets in the bathroom while I'm showering, he howls unless I open the curtain enough for him to see me.

He also utterly refuses to acknowledge the existence of the perfectly clean water dish next to his food, and will only drink from the water cup I set by my bed, from a running faucet, or by licking the condensation off the windows.

He also likes to snuggle with me at night. Which is nice, except sometimes he starts trying to bite my chin for no particular reason.

[sandra_nz]

Another licking issue, but it's not what she licks, but how. My cat does the biggest 'hoiks' known to mankind. We couldn't believe it the first time we heard it. It's a wonder her coat isn't dripping with saliva by the time she's done.

[Maastricht]

We have three cats. The Big Red Cat hates and fears us, but he LOVES the White Cat. White cat used to be a sort of foster parent to him when he was still the Big Red Kitten, and BRC has loved WC even since.

So the Little White Cat will be on our laps or on our bed, and then you see the Big Red cat approaching, cauteously...jumping back when we glance in his direction... When the Big Red Cat is within arms reach, you can almost see his inner conflict. Will he go cuddle with WC, like he wants to, but be where we can get at him? Usually, you can see how he sort of tries to forget we are there, and just goes to WC, plunks down next to him, and starts purring like a maniac.

[digs]

Originally Posted by Smapti

My cat has the most bizarre need to be within line-of-sight of me at all times...

That's funny yet sad yet bizarre... might be time for Kitty Psychiatric Support Group. Which I would love to do with the calico who loves to get 1/8" from my nose and just stare. He lines up his face with mine, like it's some Vulcan Mind Meld.
Think about it-- .125 inches is 3 millimeters, 2 picas... 2 millionths of a nautical mile; it's weirdly close. Luckily I usually find it hilarious, but it's a little hard to get anything done that requires, y'know, looking at something.

[SeaDragonTattoo]

Damn cats. Damn all of 'em! Being a vet tech, I've ended up with damn fuzzbutts that all need more medical care than the average housecat - even ones I've adopted thinking they were "normal" ended up needing at least one big surgery at some point.

Right now there's the needy 18-year-old with mild renal disease (he's my shadow, always nearby and following me around), the neurologic 11-year-old who had an eye removed in 2011 and started having seizures last summer and now on phenobarbital, the 6-year-old with a liver shunt and urate stone issues and chronic pancreatitis - shit, that guy shouldn't be alive at this point - but he's so sweet and good and nice and is such a "dog cat" I can't help but keep him around even though he's on 5 medications and is his doctor's most complicated case.

Finally, there's the 5-year-old who we all thought was fine and normal until he was playing about 4 months after I adopted him and his femoral head broke in two after a big jump. Likely was an old break that had never healed properly. He's fine now, it's been two years since his ostectomy surgery - but the way he leaps excitedly toward the windows whenever there are birds or squirrels in the trees, it's clear how he must have broken it, taking a sail out of a window, in the first place!

Stupid cats!

[Sicks Ate]

Kitties! No complaints about my cat...solid black (never found a single non-black hair on her), silky soft, and calm as can be. SO refers to her as 'stoned' kitty, because she really just sits there and watches the world like we all have tracers.

SO's cat, though...has a thing with his water bowl. He'll swat at the water and the bowl until it's all over the floor. I have no idea how to remedy that. I'd heard one way to fix that was to get a bowl with running water, but he already has that.

Also, going to introduce the two starting this weekend. Hopefully that will go well.

[Kelevra]

Since Meowzebub died last summer things have been fairly relaxed in the Kelevra household. He treated me with disdain so long as I didn't make eye contact, which was as nice as he got. He was particularly possessive of his cat condo. If you touched it he would attack you. We are still careful not to speak his name 3 times for fear we will re-summon him.

Our other cat Pork has returned to the house and become a nice cat now that Meowzebub is gone.

[lieu]

Originally Posted by Smapti

He also likes to snuggle with me at night. Which is nice, except sometimes he starts trying to bite my chin for no particular reason.

My first cat did that, weirdest thing. I'd wake up in the morning and she's be laying on my chest looking at me. Then she'd reach over and lightly bite me on the chin. At first I lightly tapped her on the head and said "no." But what that did was she'd still lightly bite me each morning and then kinda pull her head back as she knew she was going to be tapped. So hell, I just let her nibble away since it was that important to her. Weird.

[orderfire]

Prowler keeps rifling through my drawers and pulling my clean clothes out onto the floor.
This seems to be a cold-weather activity for bored kitties. Apparently, clever Prowler has taught Dumb Yellow Fluff how to do it now too.

I have a platform bed with storage underneath - jeans and sweaters live down there. The drawer pull is an open slot where you insert your hand to open the drawer. Or, if you're a bad, bored cat, you insert a paw, hook a piece of clothing, and pull. Repeat, until you have a big pile of clean clothes strewn on the floor. Saunter off laughing. Find a nice place to barf.

Almost every day I come home to find my formerly clean sweaters all munged up on the carpet, covered with lint and cat hair. GGGHHHHAAAHHHH!!! I wish I could find them a toy that really would provide distraction during the workday.

[Really Not All That Bright]

You could tighten up the runners on the drawer so the cat can't pull it open.

[orderfire]

Originally Posted by Really Not All That Bright

You could tighten up the runners on the drawer so the cat can't pull it open.

The drawer doesn't actually open - they pull the clothes through the little pull slot. Probably part of the attraction/fun.

[saje]

I woke up this morning to paws walking slowly up my ribs, then a hefty, warm, purring body settling down just about shoulder level. There was a nice little head bump and rub, and a sweet little chirp. I turned my head to say good morning, and got a giant cat-sneeze at point blank range.

Cats

[slalexan]

My two cats were super clingy when I came home last night after being away for two days. They had Husband to keep them company but I suppose they like me best. Only problem was that it was after midnight on a weeknight and I desperately needed to get to bed. I just did not have time to play. While I took my shower, they made so much noise trying to get in that they woke Husband up.

At least they cuddled up and slept when the time came.

[Yllaria]

I am currently catless. But I recently visited my middle son and he and his wife each have one. His cat will occasionally sit in the middle of the hall and meow insistantly until he calls, "Monkey, come here," from the front room. Monkey then will come, as called, and climb into his lap with an air of satisfaction.

If Monkey isn't called, he'll sit and yowl for a long time. You can tell he knows where his person is, because he's pointedly looking the right direction down the hall. We have no clue why he sometimes just wants to be called before heading for the lap. Most of the time it's his default position.

[Biggirl]

I don't care how big and bad you think you are Camry, that racoon will rip you to shreds. Which will be quite easy for it when you give yourself a concussion running into the screen door headfirst trying to get at it. Stupid cat.

[QuickSilver]

OMG, I heard a can opening! It's tuna! It's always tuna when it's a can! OMG...OMG...OMG.... GIMME TUUUUNAAAA!

WTF's this... chick peas? I raced downstairs for this? Fuckers.

[Dr. Girlfriend]

Originally Posted by Smapti

He also utterly refuses to acknowledge the existence of the perfectly clean water dish next to his food, and will only drink from the water cup I set by my bed, from a running faucet, or by licking the condensation off the windows.

My Riley will do this too. I even got him one of those fancy running water dishes, no dice.

I've caught him drinking out of my glass many times, it doesn't matter what's in there as long as it's cold. Water, iced tea, milk, juice, he'll try it. He doesn't really like pop, I think the bubbles bother him. He doesn't like coffee or hot tea either, so if I'm drinking out of a mug he leaves it alone. So now I drink from a mug most of the time no matter what I'm drinking.

He just discovered his reflection the other day. He's almost four years old and never paid any attention to a mirror before now. I heard this racket coming from the bedroom and found him on my dresser swatting at the mirror and growling. I said "Riley, what the heck are you doing?" He jumped like I startled him and slunk off almost like he was embarrassed. Then I had to clean the paw prints off the mirror. If it happens again I'll try to get video.

[Ellen Cherry]

I watched a mouse ...

[Shakes]

The other day I had a dream.

I don't want to call it a sex dream but one of those dreams where you think you're in love with someone.

In the dream, I'm sitting on the couch making out with the love of my life. She starts nibbling on my ear. It tickled! The sensation was so intense that I eventually woke up.

When I did, I see the cat has his little wet nose stuck inside my ear.

What he found so interesting in there; I don't know.

So basically, I made out with my cat.

I'm not sure I like that.

[LawMonkey]

My dear, sweet Mayhem is another licker of plastic bags. Also plastic shower curtains, and (when I had them) pleated blinds. With the exception of the blinds, which were extremely noisy due to rough-cat-tongue on fabric, it's not really the licking that makes the noise. It's this thing she does after every lick--sorta like the classic "dog eating peanut butter" thing, where she rolls her tongue all 'round her mouth. I tend to make the bag go away so she'll stop.

Another endearing habit (which comes and goes; it's been more "come" than go lately) is the sitting off across the room mewing at me bizness. I'm fairly certain this almost always means "I want wet cat food treats now!" which, because I am a mean old human, I ignore unless it is actually time for the WCFTs. It definitely doesn't mean "pet me," because if I try to do that she acts offended and runs off. And it DEFINITELY doesn't mean "pick me up," because nothing in the world means that. Though I do it sometimes out of spite.

[Dogzilla]

Meh, my kitty has had hyperthyroid disease for a few years now and was just diagnosed with early stages of renal disease. Which explains the constant peeing all over the house. Which is driving me crazy and making me not want another cat, ever, after this one finally croaks. I love the little guy, but I am really, really, really tired of sick pets peeing everywhere. It's hell on the hardwood floors.

[Dogzilla]

Originally Posted by Shakes

The other day I had a dream.

I don't want to call it a sex dream but one of those dreams where you think you're in love with someone.

In the dream, I'm sitting on the couch making out with the love of my life. She starts nibbling on my ear. It tickled! The sensation was so intense that I eventually woke up.

When I did, I see the cat has his little wet nose stuck inside my ear.

What he found so interesting in there; I don't know.

So basically, I made out with my cat.

I'm not sure I like that.

When I was in college, I had this cat who loved to nuzzle anyone who had long hair. He'd climb up on your shoulder, jam his nose in your ear, knead his paws in your neck and purr like he just swallowed a lawnmower. One day, I was alone in the house, and very, very stoned, watching TV while laying on the couch. The kitty was lying across my chest, in full on nuzzle position, front paws happily kneading holes in my skull with his nose buried in my hair. He started kicking me with his back feetz.

WTF? I wondered, and picked him up off my chest. I noticed his little kitty weenie was sticking out and just as I noticed the erect kitty weenie, he shot his little kitty load right over my head. So glad it didn't hit me in the face! I screamed and tossed him across the room. He smoked a cigarette and took a nap. (Kidding about the cigarette.) I tell everyone this story (it's a cautionary tale) because it's so embarrassing, I think it's hilarious. So yeah. My cat got off on me.

[Ellen Cherry]

I think I want to kill myself after reading that.

[Delta-9]

For the win!

[redtail23]

Ahahahah! Dogzilla, that is an awesome story.

Cat, the cat we had when I was a teen, marked me once. Came in while I was watching TV, nosed around the room, nosed around me, carefully backed up and sprayed me.

Screaming and cat-chasing ensued. He never tried it again.

To make it even more odd, he was fixed and wasn't an habitual sprayer. Still don't know what that was about.

Most of my complaints about the current cats aren't about the cats as much as my fellow humans who feel the need to create spoiled obnoxious brats out of perfectly nice, normal cats. But I won't post those, they'd just tick people off.

[Ellen Cherry]

Originally Posted by Dogzilla

So yeah. My cat got off on me.

Good thing you didn't have a Great Dane.

[Dogzilla]

Originally Posted by Delta-9

For the win!

Yea! I've never won a thread before!

I knew that story would come in handy some day!

[Mama Zappa]

We had a cat decades ago (well, we had two, but the older one was from the pound and I think realized he'd lucked into a Good Place and why bother escaping).

Sweetest cat in the world, but dumb as a box of rocks. Abandoned, along with his sister, when the owners moved out (and there must be a special place in hell for people who do that). The sister disappeared, but a neighbor (friend of ours) contacts us and asked if we'd take the other cat.

Well, he was used to being an outdoor cat. What's not to like? There was someone who fed him (our friend), I was coming over and giving him regular scritchies to get him used to us before we could take him home.... so he kept bolting for the door.

Took getting his head slammed in the door 2-3 times when when we didn't get it closed quite fast enough, before he quit trying.

Different cat, owned by my in-laws: they let all 3 of their cats go outdoors. Even after one of the cats lost an eye (due to a fight, I think). Yeah, he wound up getting hit by a car - poor kitty couldn't see well enough. But he WANTED TO GO OUT and it woulda been cruel to keep him in, right? .

[Mama Zappa]

Originally Posted by orderfire

The drawer doesn't actually open - they pull the clothes through the little pull slot. Probably part of the attraction/fun.

Tape a piece of cardboard on the inside, with just enough play that you can hook your fingers into the drawer to pull. This will prevent clothing from being accessible.

And/or, line the opening with sticky tape of some sort. It'll annoy you but maybe distract the cat long enough to dissuade him from the habit.

[perfectparanoia]

Apparently, the best place in the whole world to be is on my pillow when I am also using it. The problem is, we have two cats. They couldn't possibly share the pillow with me. They have to fight over it.

Every hour or so while I am asleep I hear, 'Hiss, hiss, rowr!' as one of them ousts the other one.

Can't you go sleep on someone else's head?

[Battle Pope]

Lets see:

Dewey loves to lick my wife's nose, and not just the tip, he positions himself so that she gets both nostrils cleaned out. He also has a habit of getting onto the roof and then forgetting how to get down until I go around to the retaining wall next to the house and calling him.

Nimitz despite being katnapped and spending a month wandering the country-side still wants to go next door and monster their cats but is slowly getting used to eing an indoor cat. He has a habit of lying on my chest, purring like mad and then 'changing gears', he makes a slightly higher pitched gurgle and then his purring becomes much deeper - solidly in 'happy cat' mode.

Mishka has a toy which is a small plastic ball with a bell inside which is in turn enclosed in a plastic 'donut' with paw sized holes in it. She can play with that for hours, just lying on the floor batting this little ball around in circles - swat *tinkle tinkle tinkle* swat *tinkle tinkle tinkle* swat *tinkle tinkle tinkle*......

[slumtrimpet]

Minou my sweet, you are a terrific mouser. Now, if you could catch the ones inside and take them out, not catch the ones outside and bring them in and let them loose for everyone's entertainment I'd very much appreciate it.

[EmilyG]

I love my cats, but one of them seems to enjoy standing outside my bedroom door and making an awful howling noise. Normally I think my cats' noises are cute, but this one is just annoying.

[BigAppleBucky]

Many years ago my wife and I were resting in bed on a Sunday morning when we heard the screech of car tires outside our apartment. When we went out about an hour later we found a half mangled cat on the front porch. Without much hope we found an open vet's office and took it (turned out to be a him) in.

We told the vet the story. He set a broken leg and wired the broken jaw and washed blood off. Charged us 50% because of what we'd done.

Of course, we put up signs looking for an owner. No dice. After a couple of months, he healed up. We named him "The Pestilence", or Pest, for short. He weighed about nine pounds (our female tabbies weighed more) and had absolutely no fear. He intimidated our two cats and then would go out into the night looking to get into fights with giant toms.

He insisted on sleeping in bed between us. Would yowl until he got his way. He sprayed. And had other bad traits.

Eventually we found him a cat friendly barn to move into. Never heard about him again and I'm not sorry.

We had the two tabbies for many years afterward.

[SweetiePotato]

So, my darling, sweet Bengal kitty has been pooping behind the curtains. Both of them. The full-length curtains we pull down & across the street-facing picture window at night to dissuade any would-be burglars from a smash-and-grab for the plasma TV.

I've sprayed the shit (literally) out of them with disinfectant and cat-repellent but, it never fails, if the curtains are down, he wants to do his business in the little cave behind them.

So now it's kitty vs. burglar. And I sure as hell know he ain't stopping any burglars.

Thinking I should just hang a curtain in front of the litter box...

[orderfire]

Originally Posted by Mama Zappa

Tape a piece of cardboard on the inside, with just enough play that you can hook your fingers into the drawer to pull. This will prevent clothing from being accessible.

And/or, line the opening with sticky tape of some sort. It'll annoy you but maybe distract the cat long enough to dissuade him from the habit.

AWESOME idea, thank you! Totally going to try the cardboard baffle first, then the 2 sided tape bit if that doesn't do it. I was trying to come up with a fix and getting nothing that didn't involve tools and hard labor. Thanks!

[curlcoat]

Originally Posted by Yllaria

I am currently catless. But I recently visited my middle son and he and his wife each have one. His cat will occasionally sit in the middle of the hall and meow insistantly until he calls, "Monkey, come here," from the front room. Monkey then will come, as called, and climb into his lap with an air of satisfaction.

I am so glad you posted this, as it means that Psycho Kitty probably isn't insane. She'll do the same thing if I don't take her upstairs with me when I go to bed. Even if she sees me go up the stairs, once the lights go out she starts up and sometimes I even have to go back out to the head of the stairs to let her see me before she'll come up.

Weird cat.

[Battle Pope]

I should also thank our cat Dewey, who, in the middle of one of his 'cat crazies' was racing around the house and knocked over our 2 1/2 year-old son.

Son #2 smacked his head on the kitchen tiles, threw up and then tried to fall asleep on the couch. A day spent in ER after an ambulance trip because the kid had a concusson.

[Chimera]

Goddamn it. I'm tired of reading this as

Cant Rant Thread.

[River Hippie]

Lost my cat a couple months ago. As much as I loved him...that rotten thing could be insanely annoying.
He would wake me up in the early morning hours by trying to nurse on me. On one of my nips if he could get to it, my eyebrow otherwise.
If I lay down on the couch to watch TV he would stand on my chest, blocking my view, turning in circles until I placed my left arm exactly the way he wanted. Then he would crouch down and begin "kneading" me and purring crazily, usually taking it (the kneading) to extremes. He had a lot of stamina. Once that was out of the way he would bury his face in my neck and sleep during which he would randomly sink his front claws into my skin.
He was a full time indoor cat but his constant misson was to sneak out and stand in the street. He learned that when I let the dog out he could run along under the dog and slip out. It was a constant struggle.
He was always ready to help with my computer activities, mainly by standing between me and the screen, preferably on the keyboard.
His other life long misson was to check to see if the laws of gravity were still in effect, as often as possible, by pushing anything that could be pushed off, off of whatever it could be pushed off of.
I miss him terribly.

[Cattitude]

Well the last of my 3 senior kitty compadres sadly passed last summer.
So what demon possessed me to take 2 homeless kittens in Sept? I am currently in kitten energy hell. No prized possession is off limits according to the feline demons. Fuckers.

[Sicks Ate]

Originally Posted by slumtrimpet

Minou my sweet, you are a terrific mouser. Now, if you could catch the ones inside and take them out, not catch the ones outside and bring them in and let them loose for everyone's entertainment I'd very much appreciate it.

Ah, I had one of those. Piers brought in moles, snakes, baby rabbits...and two fully grown squirrels. So proud of that boy

[Cat Whisperer]

Originally Posted by Sally Mander

Mine's kind of lame compared to yours, but here goes. My cat likes to lick plastic bags. I use the plastic grocery bags as liners in the little trash cans, and the noise it makes when she licks it just drives me nuts. I'll yell at her to stop and she just gives me that look, you know, the "fuck you, I'm a cat" look and go right back to doing it.

My cat is a bag-licker, too. She adds another dimension to it - she gets her paw up, too, and alternates between licking the bag and licking her paw. I don't have a clue why.

Originally Posted by Kelevra

Since Meowzebub died last summer things have been fairly relaxed in the Kelevra household. He treated me with disdain so long as I didn't make eye contact, which was as nice as he got. He was particularly possessive of his cat condo. If you touched it he would attack you. We are still careful not to speak his name 3 times for fear we will re-summon him.

Our other cat Pork has returned to the house and become a nice cat now that Meowzebub is gone.

It sounds like Meowzebub is a good name for a wild and crazy kitty!

[flatlined]

My understanding about plastic lickers is that they like the powder that is on the grocery bags. I also understand its not harmful, just really annoying.

Bob buries the food dishes. All of the food dishes, not just his. He claws against the tiles over and over, then moves to the next dish and buries it as well. If we put any dishes close to the area rug, he tries to use that to cover them.

Lucky digs for water. He goes to the fountain, and unburies it before he can drink.

[kayT]

I read that cats do not like the water dish too close to the food as often the food gets in the water and contaminates it. Don't know if that's really the reason or not but most of them do seem to prefer some distance between food and water.

[flatlined]

Originally Posted by kayT

I read that cats do not like the water dish too close to the food as often the food gets in the water and contaminates it. Don't know if that's really the reason or not but most of them do seem to prefer some distance between food and water.

From what I understand, you are kinda right. Their little pea brains don't put food/toys/area rugs in water = bad water. Its because cats evolved to get their water requirements from their food and with their natural diet rarely drink, so they could be picky about how fresh their water was.

Now most cats eat kibble and don't get their water from their food, but are still picky about how fresh their water is.

Dang, that was kinda preachy.

Spike came to me with a badly broken jaw. I'm pretty sure he has neuro damage because of the head injury. The cats had a room that had lattice walls, so they could go out a kitty door and be "outside". Spike could go out the kitty door into their room, but because of the steps, he couldn't figure out how to come in. In the middle of the summer, I would find my poor brain dead cat sleeping with his paws around the water bowl and his face in the water.