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  #1  
Old 03-15-2013, 05:28 PM
Slithy Tove Slithy Tove is offline
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Wayne Lapierre invents new fortune cookie meme

WP's response to Sandy Hook: "
The only thing that stops a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun"

Now he's come out with this: "The one thing a violent rapist deserves is to face is a good woman with a gun!"

Everything this guy says ends with "with a gun." This is worth replacing the aging gag of adding "in bed" to the end of every fortune cookie fortune

A quickly Googled list yeilds:

A golden egg of opportunity falls into your lap this month. (with a gun)

Advice is like kissing. It costs nothing and is a pleasant thing to do. (with a gun)

For hate is never conquered by hate. Hate is conquered by love. (with a gun)
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  #2  
Old 03-15-2013, 06:50 PM
Nunzio Tavulari Nunzio Tavulari is offline
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We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness (with a warm gun).

Last edited by Nunzio Tavulari; 03-15-2013 at 06:50 PM..
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  #3  
Old 03-15-2013, 07:27 PM
Beware of Doug Beware of Doug is offline
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A soft voice may be awfully persuasive...WITH A GUN!

Now is a good time to finish up old tasks...WITH A GUN!

Every wise man started out by asking many questions...WITH A GUN!

Failure is the chance to do better next time...WITH A GUN!

Say hello to others...WITH A GUN! You will have a happier day.
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  #4  
Old 03-15-2013, 07:31 PM
Marley23 Marley23 is offline
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Let a smile be your umbrella ... with a gun.
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  #5  
Old 03-15-2013, 07:47 PM
LawMonkey LawMonkey is offline
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My favorite fortune cookie fortune, which I carried in my wallet for several years, was:

You are the crispy noodle in the vegetarian salad of life (with a gun).
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  #6  
Old 03-15-2013, 08:19 PM
Ethilrist Ethilrist is offline
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The greatest love is self-love... WITH A GUN.
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  #7  
Old 03-15-2013, 08:23 PM
standingwave standingwave is offline
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Each day, compel yourself to do something you would rather not do... with a gun.

It is better to deal with problems before they arise... with a gun.

Now is the time to go ahead and pursue that love interest with a gun!

People find it difficult to resist your persuasive manner... with a gun.

You desire recognition and you will find it... with a gun.

Your life will get more and more exciting... with a gun.

Last edited by standingwave; 03-15-2013 at 08:23 PM..
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  #8  
Old 03-15-2013, 08:28 PM
Aquadementia Aquadementia is offline
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Maybe this could be moved to The Game Room... with a gun.

Brandy is dandy, but liquor is quicker... with a gun.

Blondes have more fun... with a gun.

'Tis better to have loved and lost then never to have loved at all... with a gun.

Don't put off until tomorrow what you can do today... with a gun.

There's more then one way to kill a cat... with a gun.

There's a sucker born every minute... with a gun.

Behind every great man there's a woman... with a gun.

Live free or die... with a gun.

All good things must come to a past... with a gun.

Last edited by Aquadementia; 03-15-2013 at 08:30 PM..
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  #9  
Old 03-15-2013, 08:28 PM
Marley23 Marley23 is offline
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Sing like nobody's listening... with a gun.
Dance like nobody's watching... with a gun.
Love like you've never been hurt... with a gun.
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  #10  
Old 03-16-2013, 12:07 AM
Student Driver Student Driver is offline
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The worst fortune I ever got in a cookie somehow becomes even worse:

You will soon fall and never get back up... with a gun.
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  #11  
Old 03-16-2013, 12:17 AM
TriPolar TriPolar is online now
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Help! I'm trapped inside a Chinese bakery...with a gun.
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  #12  
Old 03-16-2013, 01:04 AM
Rachellelogram Rachellelogram is offline
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Four score and seven years ago (with a gun)
Our fathers brought forth on this continent (with a gun)
A new nation conceived in liberty (with a gun)
And dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal (with a gun)
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  #13  
Old 03-16-2013, 01:16 AM
don't ask don't ask is offline
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Since Catholics are in the news.

Pater noster, qui es in caelis, with a gun......

or maybe

In the name of our Lord Jesus Christ I will begin this day, with a gun
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  #14  
Old 03-16-2013, 07:10 AM
Happy Lendervedder Happy Lendervedder is offline
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Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with you with a gun

Now I lay me down to sleep with a gun

90s song titles:
I'll Make Love to You with a gun
Stay (I Missed You with a gun)
Sunny Came Home with a gun
I Wish My Baby was Born with a gun
Come to My Window with a gun


Somehow I don't think LaPierre would object to any of these.
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  #15  
Old 03-16-2013, 07:38 AM
Bumbershoot Bumbershoot is offline
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Fighting ignorance since 1973... with a gun.

Last edited by Bumbershoot; 03-16-2013 at 07:40 AM..
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  #16  
Old 03-16-2013, 10:00 AM
campp campp is offline
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Think three times, measure twice, and cut once... with a gun.
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  #17  
Old 03-16-2013, 10:02 AM
Nancarrow Nancarrow is online now
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I dunno, I don't see it working for everything.

"You can get more of what you want with a kind word and a gun, than you can with just a kind word... with a gun".

"You can get more of what you want with a kind word and a gun, than you can with just a kind word... in bed." still works.
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  #18  
Old 03-16-2013, 10:13 AM
Ludovic Ludovic is offline
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If you meet the Buddha on the road, kill the Buddha ... with a gun.
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  #19  
Old 03-16-2013, 10:30 AM
Blackberry Blackberry is offline
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Back away from individuals who are impulsive...with a gun.

That's actually really good advice.
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  #20  
Old 03-16-2013, 02:45 PM
Happy Lendervedder Happy Lendervedder is offline
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The pen is mightier than the sword with a gun.


I don't know about that, a sword with a gun sounds pretty bad ass.
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  #21  
Old 03-16-2013, 04:17 PM
standingwave standingwave is offline
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God helps those who help themselves with a gun.

The best things in life are free with a gun.

The bigger they come, the harder they fall with a gun.

Where there's a will, there's a way with a gun.

If at first you don't succeed, try again with a gun.
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  #22  
Old 03-18-2013, 06:57 AM
Mona Lisa Simpson Mona Lisa Simpson is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ethilrist View Post
The greatest love is self-love... WITH A GUN.
Eww, although it brings to mind the Beatles and "Happiness is a Warm Gun (with a gun)"

Quote:
Orignally Posted by Happy Lendervedder:
The pen is mightier than the sword with a gun.


I don't know about that, a sword with a gun sounds pretty bad ass.
Isn't that pretty much what a bayonet is? And we know how well Bayonets work for Republicans.
Now the penis mightier than the sword with a gun... who knows?
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  #23  
Old 03-18-2013, 07:11 AM
kayaker kayaker is offline
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I made home-made fortune cookies for my gf a few years ago. She saved her favorite fortune, although it hasn't come true yet:

Quote:
Your thoughtless act will lead to the death of thousands.
. . .with a gun.
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  #24  
Old 03-18-2013, 08:25 AM
MsWhatsit MsWhatsit is offline
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A smile is just a frown turned upside down...with a gun.
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  #25  
Old 03-18-2013, 09:21 AM
Heart of Dorkness Heart of Dorkness is offline
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On the internet, nobody knows you're a dog... with a gun.
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  #26  
Old 03-18-2013, 09:31 AM
Ludovic Ludovic is offline
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How about other Amendments:

The enumeration in the Constitution, of certain rights, shall not be construed to deny or disparage others retained by the people with a gun.

The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the States, are reserved to the States respectively, or to the people with a gun.
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  #27  
Old 03-18-2013, 10:53 AM
Annie-Xmas Annie-Xmas is offline
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Jesus Christ Superstar with a gun.
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  #28  
Old 03-18-2013, 10:54 AM
11811 11811 is offline
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Do unto others....with a gun

Everything's better when it sits on a Ritz....with a gun

Children should be seen and not heard....with a gun

Sugar and spice and everything nice. That's what little girls are made of.... with a gun
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  #29  
Old 03-18-2013, 11:03 AM
Intergalactic Gladiator Intergalactic Gladiator is offline
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Treat each day as practice for tomorrow... with a gun.

Do not follow where the path may lead. Go where there is no path...and leave a trail... with a gun.

Your lucky numbers are 6, 13, 20, 32... with a gun.
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  #30  
Old 03-18-2013, 01:37 PM
Toucanna Toucanna is offline
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May you live in interesting times...with a gun.

Good news from afar may bring you a welcome visitor...with a gun.

If you feel you are right, stand firmly by your convictions...with a gun.

You create your own stage...the audience is waiting...with a gun.

People in your surroundings will be more cooperative than usual...with a gun.

Original "fortunes" were shamelessly cribbed from: http://www.fortunecookiemessage.com/...e.php?start=50
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  #31  
Old 03-18-2013, 02:17 PM
Fear Itself Fear Itself is offline
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When the going gets tough, the tough get going with a gun.
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  #32  
Old 03-18-2013, 02:20 PM
Skammer Skammer is offline
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Here's one of my memorable cookie fortunes, amended:

"It is not too late to take a different path... with a gun."

Last edited by Skammer; 03-18-2013 at 02:20 PM..
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  #33  
Old 03-18-2013, 02:21 PM
Fear Itself Fear Itself is offline
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Fortune favors the bold with a gun.

The early bird catches the worm with a gun.

Never look a gift horse in the mouth with a gun.

God helps those who help themselves with a gun.

Actions speak louder than words with a gun.

All good things must come to an end with a gun.

If you can't beat 'em, join 'em with a gun.
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  #34  
Old 03-18-2013, 02:53 PM
ruh-roh ruh-roh is offline
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I pledge allegiance to the Flag (with a gun)
of the United States of America, (with a gun)
and to the Republic for which it stands, (with a gun)
one Nation under God, (with a gun)
indivisible, (with a gun)
with liberty and justice for all. ... with a gun
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  #35  
Old 03-18-2013, 02:55 PM
ruh-roh ruh-roh is offline
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"I'll give you my gun when you take it from my cold, dead hands.".. with a gun.
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  #36  
Old 03-18-2013, 03:28 PM
Ludovic Ludovic is offline
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He who places watch in toilet have crappy time ... with a gun.
Man with hole in pocket feel cocky all day ... with a gun.
She's so fat, when she lies around the house, she really lies around the house with a gun.
In Russia, TV watches you ... with a gun.
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  #37  
Old 03-18-2013, 03:37 PM
Bumbershoot Bumbershoot is offline
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Actions speak louder than words... with a gun.

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned... with a gun.
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  #38  
Old 03-18-2013, 03:47 PM
Fear Itself Fear Itself is offline
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"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you with a gun."
"Good things come to those who wait with a gun."
"If you want something done right, you have to do it yourself with a gun."
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  #39  
Old 03-18-2013, 05:09 PM
Gilbert1984 Gilbert1984 is offline
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I'm going on an anger management course ... with a gun
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  #40  
Old 03-18-2013, 07:12 PM
Blackberry Blackberry is offline
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When God closes a door, he opens a window with a gun.

God never gives you more than you can handle with a gun.

Last edited by Blackberry; 03-18-2013 at 07:12 PM..
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  #41  
Old 03-18-2013, 07:39 PM
AClockworkMelon AClockworkMelon is offline
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You can't handle the truth! ... with a gun.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Blackberry View Post
God never gives you more than you can handle with a gun.
My favorite.
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  #42  
Old 03-18-2013, 08:08 PM
Toucanna Toucanna is offline
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"Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses, yearning to breathe free...with a gun."

Last edited by Toucanna; 03-18-2013 at 08:09 PM.. Reason: With my most abject apologies to Emma Lazarus.
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  #43  
Old 03-18-2013, 09:42 PM
Aquadementia Aquadementia is offline
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Laugh and the world laughs with you. Weep and you weep alone... with a gun. (seek help before you get to this point.)

Finish eating your vegetables, they won't kill you... with a gun.
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  #44  
Old 03-18-2013, 09:52 PM
itsfunhavingfun itsfunhavingfun is offline
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If given a penny for every kind act, you'd be a millionaire...with a gun.
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  #45  
Old 03-19-2013, 01:01 AM
drewtwo99 drewtwo99 is offline
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Live long and prosper... with a gun.

I knew you were trouble when you walked in... with a gun.

Love is never having to say you're sorry... with a gun.

This is a pretty damn cool meme ^_^

Last edited by drewtwo99; 03-19-2013 at 01:02 AM..
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  #46  
Old 03-19-2013, 04:08 AM
sunnyone sunnyone is offline
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Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world she walks into mine... with a gun.
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  #47  
Old 03-19-2013, 10:14 AM
Thuringwethil Thuringwethil is offline
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Speak softly and carry a big stick...with a gun.

A far sight better than just a stick.
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  #48  
Old 03-19-2013, 11:20 AM
Bumbershoot Bumbershoot is offline
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A friend in need is a friend indeed... with a gun.

You can't teach an old dog new tricks... with a gun.

Last edited by Bumbershoot; 03-19-2013 at 11:23 AM..
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  #49  
Old 03-19-2013, 02:49 PM
Annie-Xmas Annie-Xmas is offline
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One night in Bangkok...with a gun.

The Internet is for porn...with a gun.

Last edited by Annie-Xmas; 03-19-2013 at 02:50 PM..
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  #50  
Old 03-19-2013, 03:03 PM
Ludovic Ludovic is offline
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Outside of a dog, a man's best friend is a book ... with a gun.

Do not be so eager to deal out death and judgement ... with a gun.
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