*Why* did I kiss her?

[Speaker for the Dead]

I kissed a girl today. We met in person on friday, but talked a lot online over the weeklong break 2 weeks ago. I'm not sure if I like her like that, and I think I let hormones take over. Should I feel guilty?

[Tiburon]

Okay...classic attorney answer: It depends.

First, if you have a personal moral qualm about kissing people when YOU do not like them - then that guilt is up to you.

Second, let's say she felt the same way you did - not sure she likes you but what the hell...she'll kiss you. Then I wouldn't lose any sleep over it.

Third, let's say she's nuts about you - then you should feel guilty if you KNEW that was how she felt and you KNEW it would greatly hurt her feelings. Basically - why fuck with someone's head/heart?

If you kissing her is going to mislead her and you KNOW that, then yeah, maybe a little guilt wouldn't be bad.

If she knows you are a litte kissing bandit and it doesn't really mean much to you then she accepted that when you started to smoochie.

So basically...need more info. Is she gonna think you like her now? Did you KNOW that's how she'd feel? Fill us in - more details, please!

Tibs.

[oldscratch]

Is this the one whose pants you were supposed to be getting into?

Wow.. that doesn't sound good at all.


DIDJA GET IN HER PANTS?!?!

that's better.


anyways, no... you shouldn't. Unless she didn't want to be kissed, in which case, maybe, maybe not.

[Speaker for the Dead]

Nope, oldie, it was another (less hot) girl. Well, she said she liked me, but that was only after knowing me for about 2 days, soo yeah. I'm not sure.

[Speaker for the Dead]

Oh, and the first girl, the hot one, was the one that didn't want to be kissed.

[kremit334]

please what is it with you guys kissing girls when you either arent sure you like them like that or you know you dont like them like that but you do it anyway just cause. I dont understand you....do you like to lead girls on and then change your mind if you do decide ummmm maybe I didnt like you like that sorry. Just my opinion and it doesnt really count but you should stop and think for a second how its going to affect the other person before you do it when you are sure or you do it because the setting was right even though you dont feel for her like that. Guys are soo confusing at times!

[Totoro]

If something's holding you back, it's probably for a good reason. I had that feeling, but I did end up going out with the girl, and she just kinda... made me feel icky. We broke up in a week though, so it was all good.

[thinksnow]

Okay, I'm going to put it out there for all y'all to understand:

What's the big deal? It's not like they're making plans to move in together. They spoke/chatted with each other, decided to meet, met, decided they liked each other at least somewhat, and they kissed. They didn't go to a hotel, they didn't even grope each other (I'm guessing), they kissed.

Kissing can be the most intimate act between two people in love, but it is also usually the first bit of intimacy shared between people that may want to move further than friends.

If both of you had hormones going and you decided to act on them, so what? What is the big deal here?

_{Tibs, I'm surprised you didn't ask about her boobage.}

[Speaker for the Dead]

Kermit, the reason guys are so confusing is that we're horny. It's a general rule of thumb.

[Lux Fiat]

Originally posted by kremit334
please what is it with you guys kissing girls when you either arent sure you like them like that or you know you dont like them like that but you do it anyway just cause.

It's not like men have the market cornered on ambiguous kisses. Relationship weirdness knows no gender.

Speaker, I'd say it's only an issue if she has expectations you're not prepared to live up to. I suggest talking to her about it.

[Cajun Man]

Speaker for the Dead, I would heed Lux Fiat's advice.

[Damhna]

Just a thought...
Have you pondered why she might have kissed you ?

[Speaker for the Dead]

Uhhh, not really...

If she 'likes' me (aka a crush), I at least know it couldn't be anything big--we haven't known each other long enough.

[Scylla]

Kissing a girl is an inherently good thing. The question isn't why did you kiss this girl. The question is when are you going to get around to all the other girls that need kissing?

[slortar]

Which body part did you kiss?

[Dr.Pinky]

Originally posted by Scylla
Kissing a girl is an inherently good thing. The question isn't why did you kiss this girl. The question is when are you going to get around to all the other girls that need kissing?

So many girls,
Such limited lip acreage...

Really, I can't recall any trouble I ever got into from kissing... it's when the lips are engaged in other activities (like speaking) that the trouble starts...

[thinksnow]

Man, if you're second-guessing yourself so much over a kiss, just wait until you start having sex!

Talk about mind games wrapped in a puzzle tied up in an enigma...

[vix]

Hey thinksnow, go easy on him. Don't you remember when kissing someone was a huge, HUGE big deal?

Speaker, do I correctly recall that you're in high school? I hope I'm not insulting you, but I seem to remember that you're about 14?

You've already gotten the good advice - talk to her. She'll appreciate it. I know I would have.

(And no, you shouldn't feel guilty, but I appreciate the fact that you'd even consider it. On behalf of girls your age, I thank you!)

[Speaker for the Dead]

Yeah, I'm 14

Yeah, it is a big deal. One of the reasons I kissed her was that finding a girl to kiss isn't exactly easy for me.

[Tiburon]

Hiya,

I wouldn't sweat it too much. If it's going to give you heartburn, though - just ask her and see how she feels about it.

And Thinksnow, I can't ask about the boobage of someone under 18!! First, it's just wrong...second, it isn't fair to the girl when she might just have small boobage due to not having fully developed.

Whoops, getting off topic.

Tibs.

[handy]

For some reason, Young women like to keep track of how many guys they have kissed.

[Speaker for the Dead]

Well, she called yesterday, and sounded 'heartbroken/disappointed' when she found out that I wasn't home.

[Gozu Tashoya]

Are you wondering if the 'heartbreak/disappointment' is related to the kiss? Maybe, but then again, there's a world of difference between heartbreak and disappointment. Either way, I wouldn't sweat it.

One small, insignificant piece of advice - if that was her first kiss, it may mean something "extra" to her. Which isn't to say that it's a sign of true love, but we're all at least a little picky about our firsts, y'know?

[Speaker for the Dead]

No, I don't think it was her first kiss... Actually, I'm pretty sure it wasn't. The heartbreak/disappointed thing was what my mom said.

Her: "When she found out you weren't here, she was heartbroken"

Me: "Huh?"

Her: "She sounded dissapointed"

[Jonathan Chance]

Two points...

From Tiburon
Okay...classic attorney answer: It depends.

You only THINK that's a classic attourney answer. Boy, that sounds like a Rabbi to me! At least, that's what Rabbi Fischman always says...

Speaker, I'd say don't let it get to you. She's almost certainly as confused as you are. Even if she's been kissed before it probably hasn't been often. So treat her with some respect and see what happens. Don't get involved in any head games, it won't help and it's bad for your digestion. I speak the truth.

[thinksnow]

Speaker, I hope you didn't take my last post as a slam, I didn't intend it that way. More as an aside to those that have gone before you, us older folk vix is right, of course, that kissing is a big, huge deal, especially at that age. Kudos to you, Speaker, for taking that step. And now you say she's calling you...good sign.

Any more thoughts on your inner hormones v. "do I realy like her" debate? Once again, I say just go with the flow, my man, you look like you're doing good from here.

[Tommy the Cat]

Speaker, don't let it get you too wrapped around the axle. You're 14. Your early teen years are going to be all about experimentation. If you've already kissed a girl at 14, well, you're ahead of where I was at 14. BTW, finding a girl to kiss at 14 isn't easy for anyone, regardless of what they might tell you.

At 14 it's all about seeing what all the whispers and rumours were really about. Spin the bottle, 5 min. in the closet, truth or dare, ad infinitum....these are all about trying new exciting things, not about "likeing" someone or not. You shouldn't feel guilty in the least, you're just going through what everyone goes through.

As has been stated before, go with the flow. Have fun. Don't get into the whole serious relationship thing yet. You'll have plenty of time for that later.

Whatever you decide, good luck.

[Speaker for the Dead]

Hmm, I think I left another part out--I'm SURE I don't like her, since I have my eyes on another girl. Problem is, that I have no chance with that other girl, and I can't get over her.

[The Mermaid]

Hmmm this changes things a bit huh?

I can understand your feelings of frustration over unrequited love and how painful that can be. I'm hoping that you kissed the other girl in an effort to maybe get your mind off girl #1 and to see if you can get that same feeling with another. This is a dangerous game to play so proceed with caution.

You must realize that the girl you kissed must have thought that the kiss meant something since she is calling you and sounding dissapointed that she missed you. It is very easy to fall into infatuation when the hormones are running rampant, especially when kissing is involved.

If you do not intend to pursue a relationship with this second girl please do not string her on. That would be cruel. For the love of God, don't tell her that you didn't have any feelings for her when you kissed her. Tell her you're confused, you don't know what you want yet and that you need to make up your mind or something similar. Don't tell her about girl #1 and vice versa.

Just keep it honest with no game playing and it'll work out. It always does.

[Speaker for the Dead]

Yeah, that's what I was worrying about. But I'm not a good talker, how am I supposed to do this?

[The Mermaid]

I can't tell you what to say, honestly.

Perhaps you could start by telling the girl--let's call her Judy, I just can't keep saying girl #2--"Judy, I want to talk about the kiss." and go from there. Say you enjoyed it and that you think that she is a sweet girl or whatever and that you value your friendship and would never want to do anything intentionaly to hurt her. Also that you have some things you need to work out before you can get into a serious relationship with her or anyone. I'm not sure of the words to say and "it's not you it's me" is one of the oldest cliches around. But I think that is the correct approach. I would find it easier to take that way.

I don't know, I'm kinda out of touch on things like this myself. Does anyone else have a better way to say it?