Well, folks, I suppose this may be a strange thread to be writing, but I have a huge problem with a girl that I know now. I can’t say why exactly, but for some reason I am having trouble “putting the moves” on her so to speak. I get extremely nervous when I am around her. It is not very good. It seems that all of my life I haven’t really had TOO many problems with being nervous like this, but this time its very very bad.
When I say "putting the moves" on her I don't mean to make it sound like I am some kind of creep. I have pretty much every sign that she likes me that would be possible, but why the hell do I have this stupid fear? I'll sum up some of the things from last night. I wanted to go home but she grabbed me by the arm to the bus stop. At the bus stop she fell asleep on my shoulder. Then as I was getting ready to leave she gave me a hug and kissed me on the cheek. It was very awkward, but I am always akward in these situations! Anyone else have some irrational fear when trying to kiss a girl for the first time? After the first kiss I am usually okay, but up until that point it is very bad for me.
UGHH!
One of the things is that this is probably the first girl that I thought was absolutely gorgeous that is interested in me. That’s great, but it seems to be a problem. All of the other girls I have been with before seem to be someone that I admit that I liked but weren’t the ideal person. That’s the problem I have now.
What do I need? Self confidence? The problem is that I know that she likes me but I am still afraid to make the move. Could it be because I haven’t had to do that for 2 years since I had a GF? ughh. I really hate this feeling. Before it was always a nervous feeling mixed with excitement, but now its just nervous. I am litterally a nervous wreck right now!
I tend to think that I am a handsome guy and I can understand why a girl like her would be interested in me, but for some reason I am scared. If any dopers there could help me I’d be very appreciative.
IMHO you’re scared of blowing it. I think you should ask yourself ‘Does she realy ike me or is it wishful thinking?’ and ‘Is asking her likely to make things worse’ objectively, probably find ‘yes’ and ‘no’ and go for it. I further think everyone gets jitters in this situation
Could it be that she’s just more special than the rest?
It’s easy to be with someone when you don’t have to worry about how it goes because you don’t see it long term. You sound like this is something you don’t want to mess up so it makes you more on edge.
Maybe you luuuuuuuurve her?
Been in luuuuurve before?
Lol, I would post a pic of me up here, but I don’t really want someone on the SDMB to ID me considering how I have put down some really personal stuff here at times. I am certainly no supermodel, but I do think I am not too shaby either
Not really. I have been in love before and this isn’t it. I mean it could be, but I just don’t know. I actually got out of a relationship and I am not specifically looking for something serious. But I am of course open.
This isn’t exactly true, I don’t think. I can think if I got rejected my life wouldn’t be destroyed. I might have a few other girls that I could turn to, and I certainly dont’ have to see this girl all the time. When I think about it, I just dont’ know.
One of the problems is that I have never been good at planting that first kiss. I have never been more sure that someone likes me than I have been now. Its pretty clear I think. But even if that weren’t true, I don’t really know why I have such a problem. When she drag me to the disco I was so nervous that I could barely stand it. I don’t know WHY! I don’t care if I get rejected… What worse could happen? I sent her an SMS telling her that I want to see her, so she’ll see it once she leaves the cinema. Hopefully I’ll get up the nerve to kiss her tonight. I am such an idiot when I think about it. I was talking with a group of friends when she was there and a guy was talking about how he quit smoking because its really bad to kiss someone who had smoked. She had smoked and I think she got self-conscious as she started asking around for a chewing gum. I am such an IDIOT! I just have to get some balls I guess. :o
funny that you mention that. She looks quite a lot like my ex girlfriend, only better, and people say that we do look alike. We both have blonde hair. Maybe you are right? The only thing is that we come from different continents. She’s from Denmark and I’m from USA
Personal and anecdotal – if I am willing to sleep on your shoulder and kiss you on the cheek, I’m probably HOPING you’ll kiss me for real. I’m not comfortable with that much physical contact without really really liking somebody.
As far as I can tell girls usually take pity on guys that look scared to death, but you must still make the 1st move. So, no matter what happens, you win on this one (at least to start). so, kiss her
Ok update time…
I keep on getting good vibes from the girl but things havn’t gone properly as planned. I didn’t see her yesterday because we didn’t go out (either of us), but I saw her today at a party by the river. We sat and talked for a little while, but there was never the opportunity to do anything. Its very unfortunate, I know, but I just don’t work before sundown on that sort of thing. The other problem is that her German isn’t so good, so its not sooo easy to talk to her. Its hard for me to be so charming when I can’t really get the whole conversation groove going. Although I would admit that she is more beautiful than I remember which is a plus. Hopefully I’ll see her tomorrow.
I mean when I start talking to her at 5 in the afternoon, I can’t really get the moves on then… I’m not like that. She left around 8. The last time we saw each other I think was much better, but now I’m not so sure.
But good news:
I am not so nervous now. Somehow I have built up my confidence, so when the time is right I’ll have no problems. Or at least not many. It is annoying however, that it takes so long. I want to send her an SMS tonight, but I don’t want to seem too needy, but I am of course thinking of her a lot. I wish I could be with her right now… She’s was so cute today
Well wish me luck… Its not very easy but I’ll be very happy if it works out.
I don’t know if this will work for you, but sometimes the direct approach is best.
Look her right in the eyes and say with a genuine smile. “I’d really like to kiss you.”
Don’t stutter, don’t stammer, don’t explain. Just keep watching her reaction and keep smiling. (Don’t do that “Enzyte Bob” smile or she’ll freak out and rightfully so! )You’ll either get a “yes” in which case you should proceed to curl her toes with your best kiss, or you’ll get a “no” in which case you’ll have saved yourself the embarassment of making an unwanted advance and looking like a jerk. And if she does say no, don’t apologize – you didn’t do anything wrong by asking. Say something positive and happy that leaves it open, like “Okay, but if you change your mind the offer’s still good!”
My gut says if she put your head on your shoulder and already kissed YOUR cheek that she’s not gonna say no.
“Faint heart never won fair lady.” I don’t know who originated that, but it’s usually true.
You only have a small window of opportunity here. I give it one more meeting at which you do nothing and she’ll become embarrassed. She’ll decide you don’t like her and that she’s been making a fool of herself. Then the time for you to act will have passed.
“I saw her today at a party by the river. We sat and talked for a little while, but there was never the opportunity to do anything.”
The above statement is contradictory. Every party by a river I’ve ever been to there was at least an opportunity to create an opportunity. You’re going to have to suck it up and Go For It!
I don’t know if this has ever worked in the history of the whole entire world. At least not with the women I’ve dated. (needy)
First, find your best buddy, give him a rubber garden hose and ask him to beat you over the back with it untill you agree to stop acting liike a little wus.
Once you get your balls back, just go up to the girl, take her by the hand, use your other hand pace it gently under her chin and guide it so that she’s looking directly at you. (if she isn’t already) Then KISS the woman fer christ sakes!
Then afterwords just say something to the effect of “Oh, man, I feel MUCH better now, I’ve been wanting to do that for a while.”
And don’t worry about the timing, interupt her mid sentence whatever…
Just f’n do it.
I thinik your only problem is you keep waiting for that “magical” moment that isn’t ever going to happen. (at least not if you don’t make it happen yourself.)
You would be proud of me. I have a few things to tell
Since the last post, I had thought that she didn’t really like me or something like that, so I wasn’t really sure. I thought that she may be getting tired of me sending her text messages, so I decided to lay off for a while.
I saw her a couple of times when I went out this week and it was cool, nothing extrodinary but I was getting good vibes. And thanks so much to my friend because it was his idea to have a dinner at my house, we did that last night. I cooked shrimp etoufee (which everyone loved, btw!) and my friend (from Spain) cooked spanish tortilla. We were at my house cooking talking etc, and it was all good. there were six of us, my friend and his girlfriend, and an American friend of mine that didn’t speak much German. Because of that we started speaking English the whole night, which helped me a lot more. I felt a lot more comfortable because her English is much better, and so is mine
Well, we were getting good vibes, everyone was having a good time. We went to my room to hear some music and watch a couple of funny things on the internet. So later we went to a bar and then later to a club. After a while of talking we started to get that “look” and she asked me why I was looking at her so seriously :o So I basically blurted it out somehow. I can’t remember exactly what I said, but it was pretty nicely put. So she started to think about it for sure. It was obvious that she was having a hard time not doing it. Then she starts talking about how she has a boyfriend! I knew there was something wrong there!
But the story doesn’t end there. At the right moment, I kissed her on the cheek, when we were pretty close together. Then we started kissing, and then making out. She had to go home with her friend later once the club closed, but by the end we were sitting on the couch!
I just sent her a text message telling her that I enjoyed it last night, and she replied saying that she did too. So at least I know now she doesn’t regret it! My friend was telling me as I walked home that I had a huge grin on my face when I was walking back home. I did
It totally depends on the girl and the situation. But how many times have you actually tried it? I’m maybe 3 and 1 when I’ve asked, and have about the same ratio of liplocks vs head turns when I’ve come in on my own. But in my experience, if you do ask and get shot down, and you do it the right way odds are you’ll have another shot at her down the road. And what’s really fun is having a girl who initially pulled away come back and make up for it later.
Now that’s the best f’n advice in the world! Ya can’t win if you don’t play…
Atta boy, Merkwurdigliebe! It’s all about shutting down that nagging little “what if” voice in your head! Congratulations! BUT… The only flag on the play is the fact that she has a boyfriend already… Didn’t this bother you at all?
Seem that things have gone pretty well with this situation lately. We have been together more and more, but I’ll spare the details. I have to admit that I like this girl more and more. I had a girlfriend recently and I think I wanted another one for a while, but I can’t seem to help myself. Those lyrics are from a song from Eels, its called “Fresh Feeling” That song reminds me of how I feel now.
Since we kissed for the first time we have been off and on… We have had sex twice, of with were very nice, and we both enjoyed it a lot. Once before her boyfriend came to visit her and once about 3 days after. She has been with him a long time and I think that she is a little bored with him. Maybe she is wondering what it is like to live an adult life without him. But she is so attached that she has always been very strange and quite difficult to reach. Anyway. After the second time we had sex, I got a message that she decided to go back home for a week. She told me because here she was a little confused. I can understand that because when someone goes to a foreign country to live they change. But then I was talking to her friends earlier and they didn’t think that she told him about the sex. She didn’t tell them that we had sex either, but I found out from a closer source. So I have the story she gave me and the story she gave her friends. I don’t know which one is right, but its very confusing to me. So now I have to wait a week before she comes back to find out what’s going on. But just to be clear. It wasn’t my idea only that she be with me. One of her friends told me that she really liked me and that I represented something that her boyfriend didn’t give her. I cant’ really explain anymore, but this week is going to be bad for me, so I can’t really explain anymore.
I just sent her an SMS saying that I don’t want any more of this in-between stuff. I want to be with her or not. We’ll have to see how it turns out.
anyone have any suggestions?
BTW its not like I’m the evil here. She’s just as responsible as me. Everyone knowledgable with the situation seems to agree.
She’s was so cute today