Out for a hike today with a (married) friend, there’s a race on at Mount Diablo. We happen to start talking to an attractive woman who’s going uphill (one of the racers). She’s smart and cute and funny and obviously in shape and likes the outdoors. What more could I look for? She stops at the turnaround point of her race, my friend is mouthing the words “Stay! Talk to her!” and I get nervous (???) and keep on with our hike.
Fer chrissakes it’s not like I’m meeting millions of girls like this, why do I get cold feet or suddenly get shy or nervous or WTF when I meet just one? Not trying to read anything into what happened, it’s just one of those meetings where you feel a hint of a spark, maybe it turns out as a nice chat and nothing else, maybe you meet a new friend, and maybe just maybe something more comes out of it (all of which are cool).
But I’m always doing this. My friends don’t have a clue why I’m still single (34, intelligent, funny, outgoing, good job, more Ed Harris than Rondo Hatton, etc) and for the life of me I can’t just strike up a pleasant conversation and keep it going and see what happens. Frustrating as hell. If someone is trying to nudge me towards a girl it gets even worse, I get nerves like you wouldn’t believe. Friend thinks I panic at the idea of leaving that “safe zone” which I guess is kinda true but beats the hell out of me how to make the leap and just keep things flowing. If I never try I’ll fail 100% of the time so anything is better but at that point if my buddy had offered me $50 to stay and talk to her I don’t think I could have done it. I don’t think I’m normally shy (kind of the opposite at times)…this really sucks.
Lame. Why are you bothering the nice girl that’s got places to go? You could try something like holding a cup of water for her at the finish line. I think I read that in COSMO once…
Yeah, that can really be tough. I know there are books on the subject–one by Barbara Walters comes to mind, something like How to Talk to Anyone About Anything , or one about making a good first impression, or about how important the first seven seconds are when you meet someone. Maybe you could find a few good tag lines (or questions) that you could make fit various situations . . . Sorry to be so vague, but a search in a library or Amazon.com might help. Good luck.
Well dude you got make your choice. I can tell you from experience that it’s much better to know for sure than to wonder. You make as ass out of yourself enough times and you begin to wonder what the point of embarrassment is in the first place.
On the other hand never listen to women when it comes to meeting women. There is some defective gene in the make up of the chromosome that makes every chick give up common sence when it comes to meeting people. A girl could kick some dude in the avacados at a bar and every chick who knows the guy would come up and tell him “Go for it! She likes you! She smiled when she scammbled your eggs, and that means you are an idiot for not asking her out.”
Just figure it out for you. Do you think she may like you? Then try. At worst you get a good story about making an ass out of yourself. Did someone talk you into thinking she liked you? Then go with your gut and live another day.
It sounds cheesy but a lot of people use positive self-talk to build confidence. Even if you don’t position yourself to be successful in these situations I’m sure you can recall a few instances where you KNOW that someone is attracted to you.
It may look like there are a lot of ads, but skim the player guide & the mASF forum.
Ok, this is starting to really piss me off. Since I was a child I’ve been told by adults that when you get older, your shyness goes away. Yeah, well I’m 23, and it’s as bad as ever. I pit every adult who has made that statement to a child. The more I read about shyness on the net, I see a whole bunch of people that are 30, 40, 50+ in age having never had a date, because they’re shy. That really scares the fuck out me. Not to say that you’ve never had a date before Valgard, but you see my point. My shyness is at it’s worst around girls I’m attracted to, but you wouldn’t see that side of me around regular folks, so I don’t know. I also get freakishly nervous when a friend trys to push me to a girl. That’s pressure I don’t need. Not sure what causes that, but friends of shy people, please don’t do that.
Exactly my case. And yes I’ve had plenty of dates and relationships but it’s been a bit of a dry spell the last few years. Same reaction when people try flinging me at a girl…ever noticed when your friends say “I know the perfect girl for you” it means “I’ve known you for years but have no idea of who or what you like, however I do know a woman who breathes oxygen!”? Kinda makes me feel like the trained monkey being shoved out on stage - dance Monkeyboy dance!
And yeah wolfman/dnooman/fritz/everyone else intellectually I know you’re right (if you don’t take a swing you miss 100% of the time, it can’t get any worse if you try) but when it comes down to it more often than not my brain just says “See ya, I’m gonna go have a beer and let you flounder”.
Wonderful anecdote - camping in Yosemite the other week with some friends, we’re checking out the view at Glacier Point which happened to include two very attractive girls sunning themselves on the rocks in shorts and halter tops. As guys are wont to do we gaze and try not to drool overtly As we’re leaving, friend Chris stops to talk to them (he has to basically wake them up from their nap). He’s a great guy and while he’s not Brad Pitt he does have the Economy Size tub of self confidence, just starts a conversation cold, gets names, invites them to meet us later to hang out. I haven’t got a clue how to do that cold…maybe I should ask him for lessons
I can’t make sense of the OP. Are you bummed because you couldn’t hit on a woman who was in the middle of a race?
I’m sympathetic to the whole being shy thing (my Tale of Self-Pity and Woe is in MPSIMS), but this is a case of shyness saving the day. She’s in a race.
Well let me put it in a little perspective - we met while she was in the uphill portion of the course (more than a 3000 foot climb from Clayton to the top of Mount Diablo, along a narrow dirt/gravel trail). She had gotten offtrack and thus had to come back up again. She was walking as were my buddy and I. She’d get a little ahead and then we’d pass her up and we kept exchanging chitchat. Near the top we had a running (NPI) conversation - she was wondering where the peak is, we pointed it out, she said something like “Screw it, I’m at the peak right here” (100 yards away) and sat down to stretch and check out the view a bit. I don’t think she was in this one for the time, more for the experience and to finish it, so no, this wasn’t me wanting to chat her up as she zoomed by.
You CAN get over your shyness. The thing is though you have to take an ACTIVE approache to doing so.
Things that might help though.
Understand that the first few times you try to be the “aggressor” keep in mind that you’re a rookie and you’re going to suck. And you just might even get turned down. The plus side to this is, Although your initial reaction will be of disappointment eventually you will start to feel good about yourself for actually having the balls to say something in the first place
Another plus side to this is, you get turned down enough, it wont even bother you any more. In other words you grow a thick skin.
Once you get to this point you’ll start to approach these women with such confidence that there is NO WAY they would turn you down. (speaking metaphoically of course) And if they do? Who FUCKING cares?
Also remeber confidence is something you have to work for. You can’t just simply say to yourself “Oh I’m gonna be confident” and expect that to work.
Also (this sounds funny I know) You need to cut down on your wacking-off. Because that lowers your sexual prowless as well.
Thanks for the advice SHAKES. It’s true, your confidence does build up after a couple turn downs, but I don’t get turned down enough! I work weekends, so meeting people during the week is very difficult (most people work during the week and generally don’t go “out”, so it’s hard to meet new people). So therefore when I have tried to talk to a women, it’s like once every couple of months. So confidence goes up a little because I actually tried, but soon crashes for the lack of turndowns…, yeah, that’s the ticket. :smack: :smack: :smack: :smack:
I don’t think it’s so much fear of rejection. It’s being unsure of what to say in the first place. You want to be confident and suave. You don’t want to say anything that makes you look like a dork.
I’ve been approached by strangers who strike up a conversation like they’ve known me for years, and I think how the hell can they do that? They’re just friendly folks who have no shyness whatsoever. Is there a drug for that?
