It’s Saturday night, and Bob X–the slacker superman from these from these old threads–is shopping. Specifically he’s sitting on top of the Sears Tower, using his telescopic x-ray vision to check store shelves for the latest version of his favorite video game*, when something in the parking lot of an Oklahoma City Walmart draws his attention. Four guys with baseball bats are pummeling a fifth man, whose the ground in the fetal position. Tuning in with super-hearing, Bob hears one of the thugs saying “We’re gonna beat the gay out of you and have fun doing it, you little–”
Bob doesn’t wait for the slur. Instead he kicks off his shoes and flies to the rescue. An eyeblink later, he’s disarmed and bound the gay-bashers; in another eyeblink he’s x-rayed the victim and determined that despite his multiple fractured ribs, he’s stable enough to travel. After taking a third eyeblink to break the corresponding bones[sup]†[/sup] on each of the thugs, Bob whisks their victim to the nearest hospital. A couple of days later he checks up on the victim, whose name is Jamie.
“How you doing, kid?” Bob asks Jamie once they’re alone.
“Fine, thanks to you,” Jamie replies.
“Glad to hear it. So listen. I hear you don’t have insurance, but I don’t want you thinking you have to leave the hospital before you should. I told the hospital I’d cover your bills. You don’t have to worry–”
“I was never worried,” Jamie says. “I knew you’d help, just like I knew you’d come to my rescue. The Chronicles of Exeter says The Almighty Robert always answers the prayers of the faithful.”
“Okay–wait, what? You prayed to who?”
“To you,” Jamie says. He goes on to say that he belongs to the Church of Exeter, a small organization formed about a year earlier, when Bob saved OKC from let’s say a massive cell of tornadoes. Among the persons saved was a charismatic and Charismatic preacher who had been suffering a crisis of faith. Bob’s miraculous rescue thrust the speaker out of Xtianity and into Exeterism. Gleaning every public statement Bob’s made (which must have been hard, as 90% of those are online reviews of video games), the preacher has amassed a small congregation.
Bob declines Jamie’s invitation to come to the next service, but he does take a gander with his super-senses. While nothing the preacher is saying actually offends him-- the church’s teachings are mostly along the line of “Don’t start shit, and there won’t be no shit,” “Always lend a hand when shit goes down,” and “Do not bother Bob while he is watching Breaking Bad unless you wished to be tossed into orbit”-- he’s still skeeved out, as he does not believe himself to be a god.[sup]‡[/sup]. Eavesdropping on the service, he hears lots of testimonies from people who say that their belief in him has changed their life for the better; and googling** (“bob x” OR "bob exeter) worship shows him that the Church of Exeter is growing both online and in meatspace.
All this leaves Bob highly disturbed. What, if anything, should he do about the Church of Exeter?
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My Little Pony: Revenge of the Unicorns. He missed the release date because he was fighting a marauding space dragon or something.
[sup]†[/sup] Well, if you want to be picky, in the case of each thug, Bob breaks two bones for each fracture the victim suffers.
[sup]‡[/sup] To be fair, Bob’s not completely sure about that. He never knew his father, and his mother always got embarrassed in the presence of swans, but that doesn’t prove anything.
** Bob ordinarily declines to read his own press. Time spent in vanity googles is time he could have been fucking groupies, he says.