Its Vallejo all over again!

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Several years ago my brother, a National Guardsman, returned from Iraq. They were going to have a celebration in his honor in Vallejo. My brother initially agreed to meet my mom at the airport so she could be the first one to see him, and take him out to lunch before the celebration. My uncle, who was also looking forward to seeing his nephew, was going to ride with my mom. It was a 2 hour drive away.

However, my brother apparently arrived several hours earlier. Rather than let my mom know the change in time/plans, he calls my dad (my parents are divorced) who picks him up and takes him out for lunch. Nobody lets my mom know the change in plans. She drives up to Vallejo with her brother, and they have no idea where my brother is. Much later they find out what happened, and my mom is very upset (and also embarassed she dragged her brother all the way to Vallejo for nothing). This is a sign of things to come.

Fast forward to this past weekend, my brother is getting married. He decides to get married at Lake Tahoe, even though he can’t really afford it and his wife and him are struggling to make up their minds about everything. My mom and I were the only ones in her family that offered to help in any way. My mom pays for much of it, the catering, presidential suite for the bride and groom, and a bunch of other stuff; I pay for all the alcohol and planned/arranged his bachelor party two weeks prior. My mom also offers to play the violin at his wedding, and had spent the prior month practicing the song he wanted her to play. Less than a week before the wedding and they haven’t gotten any flowers or have any idea what flowers to get or where. My mom (for better or worse) decides to take it upon herself to get him flowers and assemble centerpieces. She arrives at the hotel that the wedding is at a day early, taking time off work so she can set everything up ahead of time so they don’t have to do it.

Apparently in order to find flowers she thought they would like, she ended up driving all the way to Carson City (dunno how far that is from South Lake Tahoe but it sounds far) to buy flowers, she drives back and basically stores them in her hotel fridge to keep them fresh for the next day. The day my brother arrives my mom runs into him and tells him she found enough flowers for the wedding and shows him what she got. Perhaps overwhelmed/stressed/whatever, my brother and his wife blow up at my mom for going over their head and picking flowers for them. Did they have any flowers? No. :rolleyes: . Where were they going to get them? “Drive around Lake Tahoe and find someone who would sell them” :rolleyes: . Long story short, the rest of the weekend leading up to the wedding my brother avoids my mom, my mom’s family, and my wife and I (who had NOTHING to do with any of the flower drama).

I was particularly upset because up until that point I thought my brother and I were having a better relationship. I would really try and be sort of a mediator between him and my mom. So I was pissed off that even though I was the Best Man, he basically ditched me to hang out with his friends and my dad (again neglecting to tell anybody else his plans). Honestly if he wanted to do his own thing this weekend that would have been fine, but going out of his way to avoid people (and using the excuse of poor cell phone reception/doesn’t know how to use the fucking room phone to explain why he didn’t call). We were going to take him out to dinner, or at the very least take him out for drinks to celebrate in his honor getting married the next day, but we ended up going with him absent and me having to field a lot of awkward “where is your brother?” “I thought your brother was cool with you, why is he avoiding you?” questions :frowning:

In hindsight, I guess its a matter of my mom trying too hard with my brother and coming off as pushy and overbearing, but for all the effort she put in making sure they had a nice wedding, my brother was a real shitheel and never apologized for not contacting any of us nor thanked my mom for any of it; according to him his wife and him did “almost all of it” while my mom “only got in the way”. Its Vallejo all over again :rolleyes:

2

Your brother is an asshole.

3

I agree. And after a conversation with my mom, I convinced her that she tries too hard to please him, when he puts no effort to show any appreciation/effort in return.

4

Carson City is a short drive. Only about 20 miles. But there are florists in Tahoe.

Oh, and your brother is a dick.

5

Have a map? Not far, 30 mins if you don’t drive slow. It’s the nearest city, if you don’t count Stateline (which is basically South Lake with casinos and lower taxes).

Sounds like this is part of the issue. How’s the wife otherwise, because he sounds like a passive aggressive bridezilla.

But: your mom? Is she a perfectionist? Was it specifically her job to do flowers? Did he request her music? It does kinda sound like she is trying very hard to do favors, but not necessarily asking his opinion. I could see how he could get miffed about that, but his being a child is doing him no favors.

6

Having grown up in Vallejo, I approve of its use as a disparaging term. Other than that, yeah, brother is an asshole.

7

She can be overbearing at times, but with good intents. Thing is, she honestly wanted him to enjoy his weekend by not having to drive everywhere looking for flowers. She knew they hadnt made arrangements with a florist or even knew exactly what they wanted with less than a week before their wedding. She picked out varieties of flowers she thought they would like and spent the better part of the day searching for them.

My mom would not have been upset if it turned out they already had flowers/wanted something different. They acted like she went over their heads and took it upon herself to hijack their wedding. We ended up using the flowers, along with centerpieces my mom had gotten (that they had selected). Everybody loved them, by the way.

He had requested she play, but didnt really thank her. When I finally got to ask him about all the flower drama, he claimed he didnt care but his wife did and he believed he was standing up for her by telling my mom off and avoiding her :rolleyes: . Knowing his warped logic, had my mom just left everything to him like he claimed he wanted, she’d probably end up the villain anyway for not doing anything or supporting him.

Also my stepfather got in a fistfight with his oldest son that morning and another of my brothers, a groomsman, passed out in the middle of the ceremony and had to be rushed to the E.R. So, you know, typical wedding :stuck_out_tongue:

Vallejo II: Tahoe Boogaloo