If someone in your family suspected that your dad is not your biological father, and you have no clue and never considered the possibility, would you want your family member to tell you about it?
We suspect a member of my family is not the biological daughter of the guy who fathered the other siblings. All siblings feel iffy about it, but none have mentioned it to the sibling in question. There is an abundance of circumstantial evidence having to do with timing of her birth (14- year younger, “surprise” sibling), distinctly different physical traits of hair color and complexion, and (drumroll) looks straight up like the suspected biological father, who is known well to the family and who mysteriously stopped associating with our family as soon as she was born. This, after their parents were best friends since high school and played cards together every weekend for 15 years while their kids grew up playing together.
Would you want to know, or is it best to let sleeping dogs lie in blissful ignorance? By the way, both sets of parents are now deceased, so there would be no atonement or the ability to settle hurt feelings. But still nothing a cheek swab of the siblings couldn’t figure out. Personally, I think I would want to know, but this person may not. Opinions?
So you want to tell cousin Suzy that her mom is a skank and the man who raised her isn’t really her dad? On a hunch?
Why would you do that? If Suzy ever gets curious, she can ask those questions herself.
How old is this person?
Bad, bad, bad, bad, bad idea- particularly since there’s no one living who can ‘answer’ for it. That just leaves the left-out sibling in an impotent land of rage and hurt and confusion, wondering who their family really is. Besides, what if it was a case of non-consensual impregnation? Poker game got a little too rowdy one night, and things got out of hand. Or the parents were swinging, and the birth control failed. Too many possibilities to go fooling around with unanswerable questions.
The only way I would say anything is if the sibling in question came to me first, and even then I would preface any offer of help (cheek swabbing or whatever) with ‘it doesn’t matter, because you’re my sibling and I love you.’
I definitely wouldn’t want to know, under the circumstances described in the OP.
Or you could be like my older sister who, a few years ago at an Uncle’s funeral, told our cousin that her father wasn’t in fact her father.
Yeah, my sister’s a bit of a bitch like that.
The man who raised her is really her dad. The other guy - if there was another guy - was the sperm donor.
And we don’t know that anyone had anything to answer for; there are other possible reasons than mom’s possible skankhood.
In theory I would want to know, but in my family it would be raised by someone who can’t keep a juicy bit of gossip to themselves.
I am getting the impression from what I’m reading that this is your sister, and you’ve talked with your sibs, and are thinking she is really a half-sister.
Are both your parents alive? If you even mentioned it, would she have someone to go to for he truth?
I think it’s none of your business, and unless she comes to you, you should stay out of it.
I couldn’t have put it any better, except a more accurate phrase would be “most of us think your mom was a skank, so we think you’re a bastard…”
How do you know she doesnt already know or at least suspects?
Seeing how these things can nag a person until they die I suppose it wouldnt hurt to bring it up but be careful. Can you all just laugh off whatever the results were or would it mess up some people pretty bad?
I would want to know, simply because of medical history.
(Assuming the medical history is available)
But I would be very surprised if the person you are speaking of hasn’t already had a suspicion.
I actually had an uncle whom we all suspect was the product of an affair my Grandmother had with her husband’s brother. The rumor was: Husband wanted one more kid but couldn’t seem to get my Grandmother pregnant, she subsequently messed around with the BIL and got the job done in short order.
They have all since passed with out opening their mouths. And I’m more than certain that’s a good thing.
If they were brothers they would look alike. Who knows they all might have been in on it.
Yea, that is a silly claim and rumor. My (half, even) sister and I look almost spitting images of our aunt, does that mean she’s our mom (thankfully no)? Similarly, my aunt’s son looks a lot like a younger version of our uncle (aunt’s bro). Does that mean she had incest or uncle had a “secret child” that he then gave my aunt?
If the kid looks like someone else close to the family, you cannot say it is because that someone else is the parent, especially if he/she is close to the known parents. That is an awful rumor.
I think you should wait and spring it on her on Father’s Day.
What possible good could come of bringing up the question?
Let sleeping dogs lie. The man who raised her was and still is her father in every way that is important. If the person of uncertain biological paternity is curious SHE can order a cheek swab or whatever. Otherwise, everyone else should mind their own business.
You are right, and that’s what I meant, but didn’t state as clearly as you did.
Ancestry DNA testing kits for everyone for Christmas. It’s the gift that keeps on giving!
Fuck no. I used to help clients here with paternity testing, and saw a bunch of people asking questions they didn’t really want the answer to.
The answer is no. No, no, no, no, no. In every possible way, no. Don’t do it, stay out of it.
A bit? :mad: