Hilarious one-liners from B Movies (or worse)

Cafe Society
1

OK, so while going through my old MST3K episodes, I was watching the infamous “Cave Dwellers” when I remembered that the credits were superimposed over blurred scenes from another equally terrible movie entitled Taur, the Mighty *(**Taur, il re della forza bruta) (1963) *Google search ensued, which returned this gem of a clip. “The change in your FACE!!”

This had my kids and I rolling on the floor and has now surpassed Rowdy Rod’s “They Live!” classic! as our most oft quoted line!

We know all the classic witty one-liners from Arnie, Stallone, Willis, Smith, etc. but are looking for some really witty, obscure hilarity from the world’s worst films for ammo!

Clips appreciated!

2

From Amazon Women in the Avacado Jungle of Death (starring Bill Mahr!)

3

From Plan 9:

Lieutenant John Harper: But one thing’s sure. Inspector Clay is dead, murdered, and somebody’s responsible.

4

From Yojimbo:

Young village tough: “Try and kill me!”
Jaded old ronin: “It’ll hurt.”

5

“Watch out for snakes!”

6

Nothing will ever top this classic from Troll 2

This one is good because of the delivery, the laugh afterwards, and the eyebrows bouncing up and down

7

Nitpick: It’s Cannibal Women in the Avacado Jungle of Death. Amazon Women on the Moon is a different movie.

imdb.com’s “quotes” pages from

Cannibal Women in the Avocado Jungle of Death

Amazon Women on the Moon

Kentucky Fried Movie

The Groove Tube

8

Shark Attack 3: Megalodon, an otherwise forgettable movie, gained notoriety for one random, ad-libbed line which became an Internet meme for awhile.

That’s CANNIBAL Women in the Avocado Jungle of Death (as mbh pointed out) which is a hilarious, satirical film that transends the B-movie genre, IMO:

“Dr. Kurtz, I’m unfamiliar with the academic guidelines at Radcliffe, but I would think any major university would consider warring on the United States and eating prisoners of war a serious breach of ethics!”

“Oh my God, YOU’RE MARINATING ME!”

“I refuse to kill another human being in cold blood. However, in deference to your cultural traditions, I would be willing to have sex with him.”

9

The last two lines of this scene.

10

For terrible and hilarious, I recommend TerrorVision (1986)

Summary of main characters: The mother and father, played by Mary Woronov and Gerrit Graham, are swingers. They have a teenage daughter named Suzy, very 80’s punk (think “Desperately Seeking Susan.”) Grampa lives with them, and he is a jewel. Crazy survivalist type. Their son, Sherman, is probably the most normal of them, although he’s been a bit tainted by Grampa. Suzy is dating a boy named O.D. who comes with all the accessories, mullet haircut, leather jacket, studded glove.

The father installs a satellite dish, which then pulls in a space alien that materializes through the television. “The monster,” is hilarious! (Definitely B grade or worse! :smiley: ) There are a couple slow parts in the movie, but other than that, it’s just all funny, the clothes, the dialogue, the music.
I can’t remember the exact quote, and Grampa explaining the “lizard tail jerky” as a viable food source is not on the quotes page. :frowning:
Something about pulling off the tail, “and he don’t give a hoot, he just grows another!”

[Quotes page]
(TerrorVision (1986) - Quotes - IMDb)

When O.D. finds out there is a space alien he references E.T.

I don’t know how old your kids are, so ought to warn you there might be an F-bomb or two. There is a lot of talk about sex, and the swinger parents have nude…um, “art” on the walls.

:confused: I don’t know anyone IRL that has seen it, that is, before I had them watch it. :eek: :smiley:

11

From Mission to Moscow (1943):

The film was American WW2 propaganda aimed at justifying the US’s alliance with the USSR but seemed to have been taken over by actual Stalinists. My brother and I watched it on the late movie sometime in the early '80s and that line knocked us both out of our chairs.

12

“But these all sound like lines from some bad old movie!” (both slowly turn and look at the camera)…

Top Secret. A movie made of bad lines.

13

The movie is called “Cannibal Women,” but throughout the film, they were referred to as the “Amazon women.”

14

n the 1980 version of Flash Gordon, Dale Arden is speaking with Aura, daughter of Ming the Merciless. Dale is about to be married to Ming and is explaining that Ming promised not to kill Flash if she because his wife. She said she’d vowed to be a good wife, and when Aura exclaims *"But my father has never kept a promise in his life!’ * Dale replies "Keeping our promises is one thing that makes us better than you."

15

Nice, that’s what I’m talking about!

Sounds good, I’ll check it out! How did MST3K miss this one?

We know this movie forwards and backwards, the kids love the Queen soundtrack as well.

Who could forget Ming’s wedding vows?

16

This one is painful, and I hate to admit I watched the whole movie.

Megaforce — an elite American soldier team that rides sparkly motorcycles and look like the Bee Gees.

The cowboy member of the team, named (ta-daah) Dallas, speaking in the most cartoonish Texan voice possible, says of the professor: “He’s so smart, he’s got more degrees than a thermometer!”

17

From the incomparable Infra-Man -

Regards,
Shodan

18

I know that film well. I even knew the guy that sang the theme track! Tod (Howarth) from 707, worked with Ted Nugent and went on join Fehley’s Comet. He has also been a touring member of Cheap Trick off and on since 1983 or so.

19

Max von Sydow’s best line ever, from “Strange Brew”:

“I could crush your head. Like a nut. But I won’t. Because I need you!”

20

All I remember is that there was a movie on cable a lot in the 80s, or maybe early 90s. The guy who had played Cliff Claven on Cheers was some kind of repairman.

“Looks like you’ve got yourself a portal to another dimension. I’ve seen this kind of thing before.”