Am I a sicko?

In My Humble Opinion
1

Inspired by Guinastasia’s thread about her crush on Glenn Miller:

I had a phone conversation yesterday with a friend who’s moved up north. We’ll be unable to see each other for a while, but we’re keeping in touch. We both have plans to see Swordfish this weekend, with the magically delicious Hugh Jackman, and we discussed other films we’re looking forward to, such as Fellowship, of course, and also A.I..

Still fresh from our sighing over Hugh Jackman, we began analyzing Haley Joel Osment, saying things like, “That kid is going to be a heartbreaker!” and “Just when does he turn 18?!” Now, having read the recent crush threads, along with Wildest Bill’s thread about his daughter and her 18-year-old “friend”, I’m wondering if I’m sick for even speculating about an eighth grader.

Friend says I’m not, on the grounds that he was keeping tabs on Christina Ricci and Kirsten Dunst from the early '90s, waiting for them to reach their maturity, and that now they have, he’s quite pleased with the results. But he’s such a wolf, I’m not sure his opinion counts.

So am I a perv?

2

Nothin wrong with it so long as you look but don’t touch.

3

Well, you’re fantasizing about a current eighth-grader when he becomes not-a-child. Nothing horrible about that… it’s just like how some women would find, oh, Humphrey Bogart (just pulling a name out of my ass) to be “dreamy” (or somesuch), even when, in reality, he’s a rotting corpse.

4

Yes, SPOOFE, that’s really what I meant. Number Six, I’m certainly not thinking about “touching” someone who’s shorter than my 5’1". What Female Friend and I were doing was sort of squinting at him and doing a photographic projection of what he’ll be like in five years. “Yyyyyeah…I can see a sort of Michael York-in-Logan’s Run thing happening!”

I jump at the chance to be prescient. When X-Men was being promoted, I took one look at Hugh Jackman’s photo on the cover of Entertainment Weekly and pronounced “That guy will be the new heartthrob.” Well, he’s not the heartthrob, but he has gained a sizeable following, so I was mostly right. I liked Leo DeCaprio in This Boy’s Life, Gilbert Grape, and Basketball Diaries, where he was playing edgy or quirky characters, but when he was cast for Titanic, I said, “That won’t work. He’s not a romantic lead; he’s a random element.” Teenyboppers went nuts for him briefly, but everyone over 16 puked, so I was right again. Viewing the trailers for Fellowship, I have said, “This film will make Viggo Mortenson a star.” I hope to be right about that. And also to be right about this.

The only thing that worries me is my ability to see this potential in someone who hasn’t had his growth spurt yet. I think the collective subconscious, at least in America, is:

Dark men are masculine.

Blond men are “fruity”.

Dark boys are ordinary, or at best “cute”, but they have the potential to become knockouts once puberty is over with.

Blond boys are adorable, but it’s a short ride for them because they will become “fruity-looking” men.

I know that’s a sweeping generalization, but AFAIK, there was just one brief pocket of time, in the mid-sixties, when blond men really ruled. Apart from that, it’s always been dark men and blond women. The only male who survived that wave seems to have been Robert Redford, who was/is a rule unto himself.

Maybe this is my biological clock ticking. I’m 31 and I have yet to conceive.

5

Hey now. I was VERY blonde when I was a tot, but I browned-out as I grew older. Now I’m just a hairy, smelly, chubby, long-brown-haired whining SOB artist-type who wastes his time playing computer games.

6

Mommy?

7

Spoofe, according to your photo, you’ve morphed into a masculine-looking long-brown-haired man. In fact, you look a bit like Viggo Mortensen as Aragorn! That’s a compliment.

[hijack]And what’s up with the People Pages anyway? Spoofe’s is about the only one that’s accessible. The first time I saw all those N/A’s, I thought it was a temporary thing during an update, but this has been going on for days.[/hijack]

8

Like SPOOFE said, Your fantasizing about him when he is of age, not now. It is okay. I have done this too. Although not with him, but now that I think about it …hhmm…

Besides It’s not like your going to do anything about it. That would make you a sicko. Fantasizing is just that, Fantasizing. It doesn’t mean anything.

9

You’re only a sicko if you don’t make it to the L.A. Dopefest.

10

Mercutio, I am going to move mountains to be there!

Now I’m off to see Swordfish, so I can fantasize about a married guy. Sigh.

People Pages are still malfunctioning…

11

I hope so too. And I also think that Orlando Bloom (Legolas) will gain a sizable following, especially among teenage girls. :smiley:

BTW, when I saw the first Fellowship trailer back in January, I heard giggles when Legolas appeared onscreen – another victim of the “blond men are fruity” (especially if they’re elves!) thing. Although Bloom is dark-haired IRL; he’s wearing a wig in LotR.

(Side note: LotR is full of really good-looking guys. Bloom, Mortensen, Sean Bean [blond and decidedly non-fruity], Elijah Wood…something for everyone’s taste. :D)

12

MmmHMMM! Shame that Sean Bean (Boromir) won’t be in 2 and 3. In the first, online trailer, the shot of him contemplating the ring made me gasp. Although that was partly because I thought he was Aragorn, but still…Nothing fruity about that blond!

13

Uh…Why don’t y’all disregard that last post. A simple “What Katisha said” would have served.

14

mmmmm, viggo…

Sorry, just having a moment there.

Anyway, I often find blond men = yummy. Wait, I also often find dark eyed brown haired men attractive too. Don’t even get me started on the dark hair/blue eyes combo (yowsa!).

Maybe I just need a cold shower.

15

Whew! Just got back from Swordfish. That movie sucked. It was loud, badly paced, and the dialogue was lame.

But there was plenty of Hugh Jackman, and his dark hair and light eyes. Not to mention the buffed body and the facial hair. I just wanna put a stick in this guy and lick him like a Dreamsicle!

Miss Gretchen, which blond men? Celebs, or just guys you know?