"I'm so rich that I...

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

…have gold-leaf toilet paper. That’s right. I wipe my ass with gold."

2

…can order anything I want.

At Taco Bell.

3

You wipe your own ass? How gauche! That’s what my body servant is for.

4

You guys still poop? I’m so rich I have all the unnecessary parts removed from my food before I eat it so I have no need to poop.

5

"I’m so rich that I…

Don’t need the library anymore - I bought my own book!

6

Wear my underwear and socks once and then throw them out.

7

Throw away unopened pistachios

8

…don’t own a television. When I want to watch an episode of a show, I just have the actors come to my house and perform it for me in my living room.

9

I have a flock of geese trained to wipe my ass with their necks!

10

…I wish I had a nickel for every nickel I have.

11

I’m Rich, but my friends call me Wealthy.

[rimshot]

12

I’m so rich, my servant’s servant parks his boat in his boat.

You should see *my *boat.

13

The gas tank was almost empty, so I threw the car away and got a new one.

Regards,
Shodan

14

I’m so rich that I can afford that $300 juicer instead of just a $250 one.

15

Jerry?

16

…give other people heartburn.

17

I’m so rich that I bought another planet for when this one is used up.

18

I’m so rich, it actually makes sense for me to be a republican.

19

…bought buy one get 2 free pants at Target
And only took home the one

20

I’m so rich I didn’t see why I needed to make choice between them so I bought both.