Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 05-16-2016, 06:09 AM
GlowingDarkness is offline
BANNED
 
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 73

How hard is it to find a straight and "masculine" woman?


As a man I have never thought of myself as a male in my brain. I acknowledge I have male organs but I have not been deterred from doing things that are considered "girly" or expressing my emotions and being told to "man up."

I am not a feminine or masculine person. I also don't view myself by sexuality. I am interested in both men and women but not in sex. Some people call it bisexuality.

The problem is that your dating pool is limited by this. Naturally most people in society value gender roles and although they may not dislike or hate you for stepping outside them, you certainly will not be interesting at all to certain people when it comes to dating.

I dated a man at first for 5 months in 2009 but then decided to be just friends. I was thinking of trying to also experience dating a woman. I definitely know a lot of women will not want a man who spends more time in the mirror than she does and that's fine. But I'm looking for a woman who doesn't mind that.

To me an attractive woman is one who is confident and stands out. Masculine women (short hair, suit) stand out to me as hot so I would like to meet some. The problem is most people say that lesbians are like this.

What do you think?

Last edited by GlowingDarkness; 05-16-2016 at 06:10 AM.
  #2  
Old 05-16-2016, 06:40 AM
Maastricht is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2000
Location: Dutch in the Netherlands
Posts: 9,286
I think you should do the hard work of enrolling in a large dating site, be upfront about what you want, and search through profiles untill you find what you are looking for. And then contact her and hope for the best.

Some positive words and search terms to look for: straight women like the ones you describe call themselves often "feminist" "tomboy" "not girly" and "outspoken". And they define themselves by specific non-girly interests, so list the ones you like too. ( Horses, hiking, building, gardening, such like).
What you are is positively described as "androgynous"or "metro man" .

Also, for your enjoyment.

Last edited by Maastricht; 05-16-2016 at 06:42 AM.
  #3  
Old 05-16-2016, 10:45 AM
ZipperJJ's Avatar
ZipperJJ is offline
Just Lovely and Delicious
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: Northeast Ohio
Posts: 25,542
I consider myself a masculine straight woman. My last boyfriend found me because I had Fight Club listed as one of my favorite movies on OkCupid. He said he thought it was rare to see that movie as a favorite for a woman.
  #4  
Old 05-16-2016, 11:05 AM
jtur88 is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Cebu, Philippines
Posts: 14,330
My girlfriend is straight, and she drives an 18-wheeler over the road, and spent several years working as a deckhand on the shrimp boats. And she's Japanese and can play the piano. Extraordinary in many ways.

Last edited by jtur88; 05-16-2016 at 11:07 AM.
  #5  
Old 05-16-2016, 11:27 AM
Mijin's Avatar
Mijin is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Shanghai
Posts: 9,120
Quote:
Originally Posted by GlowingDarkness
Masculine women (short hair, suit) stand out to me as hot so I would like to meet some. The problem is most people say that lesbians are like this.
I think the issue there might be getting too caught up on appearances.

I've dated women who looked and dressed feminine, but actually were very "boyish" in their hobbies, behavior etc. My gf is much braver than me in lots of ways (eg on a recent trip she was one of a small number of people, and the only girl, willing to jump from an 11 meter ledge into a pool... And she can't swim. She just arranged for someone to fish her out of the water).

But women who *dress* boyishly may be trying to send a specific signal.

Sent from my Lenovo K50-t3s using Tapatalk
  #6  
Old 05-16-2016, 11:31 AM
Me_Billy is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 1,420
Place an ad on craigslist.org/Personals. There is somebody for everybody!
  #7  
Old 05-16-2016, 03:06 PM
scabpicker's Avatar
scabpicker is offline
Yo soy pinche idiota
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Funkytown (Fort Worth)
Posts: 4,770
Well, it depends on your definition of masculine and feminine, of course. My wife brought more power tools into the marriage than I did, and has consistently been the more reliable purchaser. I have seen her in a dress or skirt maybe ten times in more than 20 years. She doesn't think much about makeup. When she does think about clothes, it's usually trench coats and leather boots. When we were dating, she introduced me to one of the heaviest metal bands ever (The Melvins). And while a feminist, she generally seems to reject the the idea that music has to be gentle or plaintive, or even sexy to be feminine. If she has a complaint about the MPAA, it's that they forbid the showing of an erect penis. She might shy away from referring to her genitals as a pussy, but she's fine with twat (nope, I can't explain that one in a satisfactory manner). She's a gearhead, but her specific knowledge is scattershot between VW air cooled vehicles, and the Ford Windsor small blocks and FE big blocks that her father owned.

After the first few years of knowing her, my brain just kind of unconsciously started to deal with her as a "dude with a vagina". Over the years, I've found that there's lot's of women that fit into this category. In retrospect, probably 80% of the girls I dated for any time worth mentioning match that profile to some extent. I'd dated several before my wife, but they just weren't dudes that I couldn't hang out with forever - if that makes any sense.

Now, she's still wayyyyyyy more interested in pictures of baby animals than I am, more prone to cry in moments of conflict, and has the physical strength of a petite woman. So, she's still feminine in ways that kind of surprised me for years. If you're looking for specific masculine emotional and physical traits, that could narrow the field a bit.

So, she's pretty masculine in that she has very little to talk about with your average housewife, and is more comfortable talking to guys. But she's a girl who doesn't like the subjects that girls are stereotyped to be interested in.


In response to your supposition that people expect gender roles to be followed, that hasn't been my experience. But again, that may be a reflection of my pool of friends at the time I was dating and met my wife; which was mostly musicians, artists and art students. My wife somewhat selected me* because I didn't do two things:

1) I never acted like I would "take care of her", we were partners even in stalemate. If we didn't agree, we'd work it out, but it wasn't either of our place to dictate. Both of us get a veto, and neither are the other's slave.

2) When she said she wanted to do something with her life, I actively tried to figure out how to make it happen, instead of asking "why would you (a girl) want to do that?" To be honest, the concept of forbidding someone to do something due to their gender was alien to my upbringing. After we had been dating for a few years, I found out through her that my attitude wasn't universal (whaddaya mean everyone doesn't think like me?) and it was surprising to me. I am still in awe that this worked to my advantage so many times in relationships.


So, my advice is to try to make your attitudes known in the most indirect way. In life, like in storytelling; the best practice is to show, don't tell. Live it privately, but don't be shy about why you're doing it when asked. How to do that is best left up to the person living the life in question.




* I dunno, she selected me, and didn't send me packing before I got the nerve to actually marry her. That's the best description I can give of our courtship. She loves me, but "don't be a jerk" is part of the terms and conditions of the marriage.
  #8  
Old 05-17-2016, 06:34 PM
Brodi is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 421
Quote:
Originally Posted by GlowingDarkness View Post
As a man I have never thought of myself as a male in my brain. I acknowledge I have male organs but I have not been deterred from doing things that are considered "girly" or expressing my emotions and being told to "man up."

I am not a feminine or masculine person. I also don't view myself by sexuality. I am interested in both men and women but not in sex. Some people call it bisexuality.

The problem is that your dating pool is limited by this. Naturally most people in society value gender roles and although they may not dislike or hate you for stepping outside them, you certainly will not be interesting at all to certain people when it comes to dating.

I dated a man at first for 5 months in 2009 but then decided to be just friends. I was thinking of trying to also experience dating a woman. I definitely know a lot of women will not want a man who spends more time in the mirror than she does and that's fine. But I'm looking for a woman who doesn't mind that.

To me an attractive woman is one who is confident and stands out. Masculine women (short hair, suit) stand out to me as hot so I would like to meet some. The problem is most people say that lesbians are like this.

What do you think?
I'm sort of in your situation.

I was born female, but have never FELT female in my entire life. I've never worn makeup or dresses/skirts. All of my clothing, besides sports bras, comes from the men's section. Helps that I'm almost 6"0 and weigh 190lbs.

I'm looking for an asexual feminine man, something that I swear is like looking for a gold plated unicorn. Dating sites are totally useless to me, tried them with zero luck.
  #9  
Old 05-23-2016, 11:45 PM
Superdude's Avatar
Superdude is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2001
Location: The Fortress of Solidude
Posts: 10,680
Quote:
Originally Posted by GlowingDarkness View Post
I am not a feminine or masculine person. I also don't view myself by sexuality. I am interested in both men and women but not in sex. Some people call it bisexuality.
Isn't that more representative of asexuality?
  #10  
Old 07-16-2017, 03:35 AM
jakezombie is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: middle east
Posts: 1

join me in guys


i usually don't like forums but this subject is really my interest
i'm not completely feminine nor masculine .i'm in between means 50m/50f. also half submissive and half dominant so i like a girl like that .not too submissive .not too bossy
all that in personality .looks doesn't really matter but if boyish style more sexy
nor body really matters but if taller than 5'3 is hot because i'm 5'3
interests matter even if i am open to all .self development . independence.languages physics.astronomy.adventure.movies.tv shows.and a little bit of everything
  #11  
Old 07-16-2017, 05:16 AM
Channing Idaho Banks's Avatar
Channing Idaho Banks is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: beautiful Idaho
Posts: 2,672
Quote:
Originally Posted by jakezombie View Post
i usually don't like forums but this subject is really my interest
i'm not completely feminine nor masculine .i'm in between means 50m/50f. also half submissive and half dominant so i like a girl like that .not too submissive .not too bossy
all that in personality .looks doesn't really matter but if boyish style more sexy
nor body really matters but if taller than 5'3 is hot because i'm 5'3
interests matter even if i am open to all .self development . independence.languages physics.astronomy.adventure.movies.tv shows.and a little bit of everything
Being alt-gender means that you can't type?
  #12  
Old 07-16-2017, 07:45 AM
Emiliana's Avatar
Emiliana is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 1,666
Quote:
Originally Posted by Channing Idaho Banks View Post
Being alt-gender means that you can't type?
Grammar is gender binary,
  #13  
Old 07-16-2017, 08:01 AM
HoneyBadgerDC is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Torrance Ca
Posts: 8,142
My mother was about the most naturally muscular woman I have ever known. Arms, legs and back muscles, well defined shoulders. Well into her 70's she could flex a bicep that looked like a baseball. People used to comment on her posture a lot but I think it was due to her muscularity.
  #14  
Old 07-16-2017, 10:13 AM
QuickSilver is online now
Guest
 
Join Date: Mar 2000
Posts: 19,385
Quote:
Originally Posted by jakezombie View Post
i usually don't like forums but this subject is really my interest
i'm not completely feminine nor masculine .i'm in between means 50m/50f. also half submissive and half dominant so i like a girl like that .not too submissive .not too bossy
all that in personality .looks doesn't really matter but if boyish style more sexy
nor body really matters but if taller than 5'3 is hot because i'm 5'3
interests matter even if i am open to all .self development . independence.languages physics.astronomy.adventure.movies.tv shows.and a little bit of everything
Zero-sum post.
  #15  
Old 07-16-2017, 01:56 PM
beowulff's Avatar
beowulff is offline
Member
 
Join Date: May 2001
Location: Scottsdale, more-or-less
Posts: 16,874
My new neighbors are an interesting couple.
Her: Firefighter, in perfect condition, ripped, muscular body, broad shoulders, big, vascular arms, not an ounce of fat on her.
Him: Average Joe. Bit of a paunch, looks like he never touched a weight in his life.

I wonder what their relationship is like. I also think if he doesn't get down on his knees and give thanks for having her every day, he's a fool.
  #16  
Old 07-16-2017, 02:03 PM
AHunter3's Avatar
AHunter3 is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Mar 1999
Location: NY (Manhattan) NY USA
Posts: 20,714
If that's something for which you have an appetite (which I can relate to), it depends...

female people with more than the expected % of masculine (or "masculine-labeled" if you prefer) personality and behavioral etc characteristics: not difficult but it's easier once you realize that's what you like;

female people with a higher % of masculine (etc) characteristics than the typical male person, i.e., on the stone butch side of things: less easy to find

This is assuming you are indeed referring to personality and behavioral stuff and not morphological things like build or body hair or ability to bench press lots of iron. I don't have any insights about the latter definition of "masculine" women to offer you.
  #17  
Old 07-17-2017, 03:10 PM
Drunky Smurf's Avatar
Drunky Smurf is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Smurf Village.
Posts: 11,194
Quote:
Originally Posted by HoneyBadgerDC View Post
Well into her 70's she could flex a bicep that looked like a baseball.
She sounds like a sexy sexy lady.
  #18  
Old 04-11-2019, 11:51 PM
benlar is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Apr 2019
Posts: 1
I would give anything to marry a woman with that physique.For me it would be the height of sexual excitement.
  #19  
Old 04-12-2019, 01:21 AM
Isamu is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Osaka
Posts: 6,624
Lazy boys
ain't doin' nothing
for me anymore
all the little grabby fingers
poking at my door.
But
You
Put the 'o' back in Boys.
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 08:22 AM.

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2019, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.

Send questions for Cecil Adams to: cecil@straightdope.com

Send comments about this website to: webmaster@straightdope.com

Terms of Use / Privacy Policy

Advertise on the Straight Dope!
(Your direct line to thousands of the smartest, hippest people on the planet, plus a few total dipsticks.)

Copyright 2019 STM Reader, LLC.

 
Copyright © 2017