Coldfire was a Moderator in the Pit and was one of the most popular Moderators in our history. Seriously. It was back before the new civility rules in the Pit and he could mix it up with the best of them. Not a dick at all.
Coldfire rescued Timmy from an abandoned well.
Coldfire is a son of a bitch!
Coldfire is the father of every kid in this town!
Coldfire once showed me a video of him making love to my wife, and it was the most beautiful thing I ever saw!
One time I was with Coldfire in the back of a pickup truck, along with a live deer. Coldfire goes up to the deer and says, ‘I’m Coldfire! SAY IT!’ Then he manipulates the deer’s lips in such a way as to make it say, ‘Coldfire’ … It wasn’t exactly like it, but it was pretty good for a deer!’
He’d eat a homeless person if you dared him!
His poop is used as currency in Argentina.
He sweats Gatorade
He once breast-fed a flamingo back to health.
He hated Mexicans! And he was half Mexican! …And he hated irony!
I once saw him scissor kick Angela Landsbury.
He sheds his skin once a year.
He makes brooms somewhere in Georgia.
He did 3 tours in 'Nam… I was in Corpus Christi on business a month ago. I had this eight foot tall Asian waiter, which made me curious. I asked him his name. Sure enough it’s Ho Tran Coldfire!
I once saw him eat a whole live chicken.
His favorite movie is ‘One on One’ with Robby Benson.
He sleeps eight hours a night! … well, he was pretty normal when it came to that.
Coldfire was a two ton man-mountain who could palm a medicine ball!
Did I ever tell you about the time Coldfire took me out to go get a drink with him? We go off looking for a bar and we can’t find one. Finally Coldfire takes me to a vacant lot and says, ‘Here we are.’ We sat there for a year and a half and sure enough someone constructs a bar around us. The day they opened we ordered a shot, drank it, and then burned the place to the ground. Coldfire yelled over the roar of the flames, ‘Always leave things the way you found em!’
Coldfire had a four day heart attack…a day for each chamber. At the autopsy, they said his heart looked like a basketball filled with riccotta cheese.
He once punched a hole in a cow just to see who was coming up the road.
He taught me how to make love to a woman, and how to scold a child.
They found $60 in change in his stomach.
He did all the makeup on the ‘Planet of the Apes’ movie.
He grew a 3rd arm and kept it in a vault.
Coldfire drank a full glass of liquid LSD with his eggs. Then he slept for 8 months straight. When he woke he rubbed his eyes and said, ‘All in all, I prefer gin.’
They say Gene Roddenbery got the idea for Star Trek from listening to Coldfire talk in his sleep.
He date raped David Bowie.
He once inhaled a seagull.
The Pope told him it was ok to have a mistress.
It was the sight of Coldfire’s naked body that drove Brian Wilson insane.
He once had sex with a cigarette machine.
He killed Wolfman Jack with a trident.
He uses the Shroud of Turin as a golf towel.
He once ate the Bible while water skiing.
He drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
He sired a baseball team… an orchestra if you count the bastards!
You know, he would shoot whiskey into his neck with a syringe!
He has dandruff the size of mice!
He jogged with a fridge on his back!
Coldfire was a 10 foot monster who slept with all our wives! And punched us all in the face! And we loved him for it!
His first name is Bill! … I’m drunk.
He’s a ten foot tall beastman who showers in vodka and feeds his baby shrimp scampi.
He orchestrated the merger between Unicef and Smith & Wessen.
He went public with his own buttocks and made $7 million.
Did I ever tell you about the time Coldfire went hunting? Coldfire decides he’s going to hunt down all four of the Banana Splits. He stalks and kills every one of them with a machette. They all begged for their lives…except Fleagle.
We once had a bachelor party for Coldfire. He ate the entire cake before we could tell him there was a stripper in it.
Coldfire once hosted the Grammys and gave every award to Corey Hart.
He has a toenail on the end of his penis.
Coldfire once got his wife pregnant and gave birth to a delicious 16 ounce steak. The after birth was sauteed mushrooms.
Coldfire’s family crest is a picture of a baracudda eating Neil Armstrong.
Coldfire ranked 18th in the AP College Football Pool.
Did I ever tell you about the time Coldfire was in a production of, ‘The King & I?’ On opening night, Coldfire chloroforms the entire cast and slowly eats them in front of the audience for two hours. The production got pretty good reviews.
He breastfeeds John Madden.
Coldfire named the group Sha-Na-Na. They did NOT want to be called that.
If you drop a phonograph needle on Coldfire’s nipple, it plays the Beach Boys’ ‘Pet Sounds.’
They use Coldfire’s foreskin as a tarp when it rains at Yankee stadium.
Coldfire directed that commercial where the women play basketball in high heels.
All the ‘Yes’ album covers are Coldfire family photos. He wears a live rattlesnake as a condom.
Did I ever tell you about the time he taught his son how to drive? He did it by entering him in the Indy 500. The kid wrecked and died. Coldfire said it would’ve happened sometime.
Coldfire’s semen can form into a liquid human - like the guy from ‘Terminator 2’
Coldfire still believes in Santa Claus, and he wants to put him in porno films.
He thinks that iron man is gay.
He framed Roger Rabbit.
The character of Johnny Appleseed was based on Coldfire - except for the apple tree planting and not raping men.
He gave a handjob to a manta ray.
Revtim- BRAVO!
I can’t take credit for those, they’re from a series of SNL sketches about “Bill Brasky”.
Are you sure that was Coldfire? I thought that was Marley23. 
And you don’t even WANT to know how badass manhattan was. Somewhere, Chuck Norris is hiding out in a cave, rocking back and forth chanting, “Can’t sleep, manhattan will eat me. Can’t sleep, manhattan will eat me.”
(I wish he’d come back)
I AM Coldfire
No, I am Coldfire!
In all seriousness, he also had an uncanny knack for noticing sock puppets just from posting styles. In fact, his regular help in catching sock puppets was one of the reasons he was made a mod in the first place.
Beaten to it!
Coldfire fixed all my scratched DVDs and CDs.
He came to me in a dream and told me how to make millions on Forex.
For a hobby, Coldfire turns male dolphins gay.
Coldfire has had to put restraining orders several nuns for stalking and attempted rape.
Coldfire is legally allowed to search any home in Montana without a warrant.
I wish I were Coldfire.
In the end, don’t we all carry a little bit of Coldfire inside of us?
Did we ever find out how fire can be cold, anyway?
He turned me into a newt!
I got better.
Covered_In_Bees!, we have the following registered users with “cicero” as part of their name:
Cicero
TulliusCicero
Cicero’s Ghost
Marcus Tullius Cicero
ciceronxxx
Cicero In Pants
MTCicero
“…and I ran calling Coldfire…Coldfire…Coo oo ooldfire.”
He is like Elvis in that way.
Coldfire doesn’t always drink beer, but when he does, he prefers Dos Equis.