Jack: My name is Jack. I am an artist and I like to draw pictures of people naked. This here is my latest subject. Her name is Rose.
Rose: I’m engaged to a wealthy snob and I’m prepared to kill myself when Jack saves me. So I agree to let him paint me and along the way I discover that I’m in love with me. So we wind up doing the you-know-what.
Captain: They are on my ship, which is unsinkable.
Voice: (From Off screen) ICCCCEEEBEEERG!!!
(CRASH!)
Voices: We’re sinking!!!
Jack: Follow me everyone.
(All characters jump into lifeboats)
Jack: Rose I love you. But I need to sacrifice myself to end the movie and so Celine Dion will have a hit song to sing over the closing credits.
Rose: Okay Jack. I love you. Goodbye (Hops into life boat)
(Boat sinks with Jack on it.)
(Closing credits feature song that sounds like a yak yodeling.)
Lord of the Rings (The movies that have come out so far):
Frodo:
This ring is bad. It should be destroyed.
Aragorn:
I’m going to be king.
(Many dramatic battles and inner struggles)
and then,
Harry Potter (Either movie)
Harry: My parents are dead, and Lord Voldemort is out to get me.
Lord Voldemort: I’m out to get you Harry.
Everyone Else: Lord Voldemort is not out to get you.
(Lord Voldemort tries to get Harry. Fails.)
Harry: I told you he was out to get me. My parents are still dead.
Everyone Else: Well, he’s gone now.
(And then the next movie starts)
Yes, I did just copy and paste these from the other thread. But they were mine anyway.
Harry: I’ll disobey all the teachers and break all the rules with my friends and none of us will get in trouble 'cause I’m famous and my parents are dead.
Snape: I’ll try and do the decent thing and punish Harry like we would with any other student.
Everyone: Snape is evil and mean.
Dumbledore: Stop it Snape. Harry, you are not in trouble 'cause you’re famous and your parents are dead.
Harry: Ha ha Snape.
Ripley: Ugh. Argh. I’m a confused mutant. Arg.
Call: I’m so annoying and whiney. Whine whine whine.
Space Pirates: Shut up. Arg
Aliens: Grr, arg.
Scientists. Hahahaha. We know this always goes wrong, yet we do it anyway. Why?
Ripley: Ugh. You’re all idiots. Grunt.
Aliens escape. Chaos ensures. Many die, but not Ripley, Call or assorted grunting Space Pirates.
Call: I’m an android. Whine whine whine
Everyone else: Well duh. Now shut up
More chaos.
Ripley: Shit. I just killed my alien-baby. Angst (expressed by grunting)
Call: Everyone else is dead. Oh look, earth.
Ripley: ugh. Hope we got 'em all.
Independance Day
Space Geeks: Shit, an alien ship. From the moon? This is strange…
Jeff Goldblum: I’m a depressed semialcoholic divorcee. P.S. I’m really smart and, for some reason, work in cable repair. Also I like the enviroment.
Will Smith: I wish I could go to space. I guess I have to remain a jet fighter person.
Will Smith’s Wife, Kid & Dog. We’re cute. We’re what he’s fighting for.
Dog: Woof. Against all probability, I will survive everything an alien attack can throw.
President: I’m so dashing and rebelious. Go america.
Aliens attack. chaos ensues. Some people die, but they’re not very important.
Entire world: We’re so screwed
Jeff Goldbum: I know how to save the day!
Everyone else: Hurrah.
President: Go america! Go mankind!
Assorted fighters of all diferent ethnicities: Go america!
Scientist 1: Oh no an asteroid the size of Texas is going to destroy the earth with the power of 10,000 nukular bombs!!
Scientist 2: We better send a team of astronauts to the asteroid and blow it up.
Scientist 1: Hey I have a better idea, how about we send a bunch of inept oil drillers instead
Scientist: Ok. Let’s easily point Hubble towards the asteroid and look at it some more.
Drilling Team: Ok we are in space.
everything that can possibly go wrong goes wrong
Bruce Willis: Oh no, I have to kill myself to blow up this asteroid the size of Kansas.
conveniently, one nuclear bomb embedded less than 1/10th of the way through the asteroid manages to split it in half and both halfs conveniently miss Earth and the ship flying away from it
I’m sarcastinc, caustic, and self-absorbed. People outside major metropolitan areas are so laughable.
Wow, this same day is repeating over and over and blowing my mind. This also gives me a chance to learn how to hit on the babe-alicious producer I have.
Wow, this repeating business is depressing. I’ll kill myself. Oops, it didn’t take.
I’ve learned how to make the best of a bad situation, and really grown as a person. In fact, I’m now so impressive that the babe will fall for me in just one day. Man, I’m impressive.
Terrorists have taken over the building and only I, Bruce Willis, with no shoes on and a smirk, can stop them, while I make close personal friends with a chubby cop.
I discovered a way to travel to the past and save my fiancee’s life, but instead I had to watch her die a thousand times. I’m so depressed, I’ll go look at the future instead. There’s a babe here wearing chainmail and no bra. This is my new home.
