Reservoir Dogs
"I just figured out ‘The Night the Lights Went out in Georgia.’ "
“You shoot me in a dream, you better wake up and apologize.”
“Okay, that’s set. We gonna rob a jewelry store.”
Ooops. That didn’t go so well.
Remember back when we set this up? Well, you’re going to be Mr. Pink anyway.
Then act PROFESSIONAL.
I’m not really a cop. No, not really.
“Stuck in the middle with yeeee–OOOOOOW”
“I’m a cop. Really.”
Well f---------k me.
Thank you, MonkeyMensch…it’s nice to be appreciated!
SPACEBALLS
Scruub: I need air
Dark Helmet: Oh vespa, GET THOSE DAMN BUNS OFF YOUR EARS!
Lonestar: So, like, i met this guy name yogurt in the desert and he taught me about the SCHWARTZ. I will need it to save my balls from the schwartz ring of dark helmet.
Dark Helmet: How did he know that?
Colonel Sanders: prePAR SHIp (sounding like a chicken)
FALLING DOWN
Michael Douglas: I have to get home
Wife: My husband can’t come home
Robert Duvall: I don’t want to go home
Moulin Rouge:
I love you, but I can’t love you. So I’ll sing a few songs to make it better, and then I’ll die.
Unbreakable
David: I survived a train wreck with out a scratch. Why?
Mr. Glass: I think its because your a super heroes
David: No I’m not
Mr. Glass: Yes you are
David: Ok your rite
David dose hero stuff
Mr. Glass: Cool your the a super hero and I’m your arch nemesis
Pulp Fiction-
Jules- Vincent, what’s in the briefcase?
Vincent- Uh, We likes it.
Everyone- What is it?
Internet Geeks- Umm… The soul? The explanation for this makes no sense, and would use up most of the minute.
Jules- I shot Marvin.
The Wolf- I’ll take care of that.
Jules- Don’t do sh** unless.
Cpt. Koonz- I wore that watch up my ass for 2 years.
Butch- I’ll find it. Oops, I forgot that I screwed over that big-time mafioso.
Marcellus- Jules just quit. I guess I’ll TCB myself, even though I’m a big-time mafioso.
Butch- MMM… Pop Tarts. Oops, gotta shoot Vincent. Hey, it’s Marcellus! Time to hit him with the world’s smallest car.
Hillbilly- Spider caught a couple of flies.
Zed- and you are not it…
Gimp- MMM_MMM-MMM!!!
Butch- looks like I saved your life, Marcellus.
Marcellus- bygones are bygones, man.
Pumpkin- Everybody be cool. This is the robbery!
Honeybunny- I’ll kill every last one of ya!
Jules- Be like fonzie! This isn’t even close to Ezekiel 25:15! But I’m tryin’, Ringo, tryin’ real hard!
Vincent- Am I alive? Movie must be out of order…
(deep shudder) Love Story
Lead characters get into semi-romantic antagonism that in any other movie would be a subplot. By the end the audience is cheering for the cancer.
Beetlejuice
ADAM and BARBARA: We’re dead, but we don’t want anybody to live in our house 'cause we worked hard on it.
CHARLES DEITZ: What a great house! I think I will live here with my yuppie wife and goth daughter!
DELIA: I hate this country crap. Otho and I will destroy what the last owners did and make it into our creation.
LYDIA: Angst. I hate it here, I hate it there, I hate it everywhere. I can see you two ghosts because nobody understands me.
ADAM and BARABARA: Except for the daughter, who can see us 'cause she’s so weird, we want them out! Let’s call that weird Bio-Exorcist guy even though our case worker warned us not to.
BETELGUESE: I can get those people out on one condition: you get me to your side.
ADAM and BARBARA: No. You’re a pervert and will go after Lydia. We’ll get them out ourselves.
(They fail)
YUPPIES: What a great night for a seance. Oops, we’ve brought Adam and Barbara back from the dead!
LYDIA: Help them!
BETELGUESE: Marry me.
LYDIA: OK
(ADAM and BARBARA stop BETELGUESE from marrying LYDIA)
ADAM and BARBARA: We’re better now. We see that the DIETZ’s are not such a bad family after all, now that they can see us. You can live in our house because we have no other choice. We’re all out of ideas.
(They live happily ever after and Lydia treats the ghosts as her surrogate parents)
Um, guys? Some of these synopses are breaking the one-minute rule.
Here’s something that can bring it back…
Alex: Me and my droogs do the town tonight, o my brothers…
Droogs: We ain’t your droogs no more
Alex: I need a little in-out, in-out, to settle the rumbling in my gutsy-wutz.
(After transformation)
Alex: (burp) I can’t even touch some lady’s tits, i have been changed by the government, brothers!
(The ninth plays in the background)
Alex: I was cured, alright.
(In-out, In-out)
My Big Fat Greek Wedding:
Her: My family has done nothing but make my life miserable, embarrassing and degrading for thirty some years, but I love them and love being Greek.
Him: I find the strangeness of your world compelling and will put up with 27 layers of crap to marry you. I will not ask you to compromise and accept any of my background, because Greek culture is clearly superior.
Parents: We bought you the house next door. Now we can keep making you feel miserable, embarassed and degraded forever.
Everyone: Pass the Windex!
Every other Woody Allen movie:
Woody Allen is neurotic.
The End
Everyone Says I Love You:
Woody Allen is neurotic, with musical score.
The End
The Englishman Who Went Up A Hill But Came Down A Mountain:
Did you read the title?
The End
Meet Joe Black
Cast:
Daddy’s girl: female actress
Unbelievably successful and influential, but dying, Daddy: cool English actor
Joe Black, aka Death: world’s sexiest man
Plot:
Daddy’s girl, already engaged, meets hick with great personality. Daddy’s girl gets smitten.
Hick gets killed. Death inhabits his body to get a taste of life. Death lacks personality.
Death decides he wants to have a taste of Daddy’s life before bringing him in, and so “once again” presents himself to Daddy’s girl.
Daddy’s girl: “Hmm, he doesn’t seem to have an interest in me, and he has absolutely no personality. Still hot though. I think I’m in love.”
Death: “Mm-hm.”
Daddy: seems mostly preoccupied and a little edgy
Not much happens.
Seduction begins. And she scores!
Time runs out for Daddy - will Daddy’s girl be left alone?
No need to worry, this is a Hollywood production.
Death leaves the object of desire behind. Everybody’s happy.
Ghost Dog: Way of the Samurai
Forest Whitaker: The True Way of the Samurai is found only in death. (dies)
Isaach De Bankolé: Quoi?
BILLY ELLIOT 2000, Stephen Daldry
Billy: I want to dance.
Dad: Hell, no. No way. Never
Billy: Please, Dad. I’m not a poof.
Dad: Okay. Go ahead.
OFFICE SPACE 1991, Mike Judge
Nina: […in the background…] Good morning. Accounts payable. Nina speaking. Just a moment…
Lumbergh: Yeah, hi, Peter. I need you to work Saturday and Sunday.
Peter: Sure. Okay, Mr Lumbergh.
Nina: […in the background…] Good afternoon. Accounts payable. Nina speaking. Just a moment…
Lumbergh: Yeah, hi, Peter. I need you to…
Peter: I’m gonna have to ask you to leave, Bill. I’m sort of masturbating right now.
OVERBOARD 1987, Garry Marshall
Joanna: Grant, Andrew botched my nails. Have him flogged.
Annie: Dean, look! I made a tablecloth from a tee-shirt!
Joanna: Andrew, I’m so sorry. Can you forgive me?
Reign of Fire
Kid: Hey, a dragon!
(dragons rush out and destroy civilization)
Kid, now a brooding Christian Bale: I feel guilty because although I had nothing to do with the dragons, I was there. I wanna kill the dragons.
Matthew McConaughey (and his platoon of redshirts): You wanna kill some dragons?
Bale: You can’t kill the dragons.
(McConaughey kills a dragon)
McConaughey: Now you wanna kill some dragons?
Bale: You’re crazy enough to go up against the dragons. I want nothing to do with you.
McConaughey: Ok, bye.
(McConaughey’s redshirt platoon gets destroyed by a dragon)
McConaughey: I feel guilty because I had everything to do with the dragon in that situation, and I was there.
Bale: Wanna kill the dragons?
(McConaughey, Bale, and Female Dark-Orange-shirt kill a big dragon)
All: Huzzah!
(The rest of the world continues to fall into ruin)
Any romantic comedy:
Girl: I love you.
Friends: Let’s sing some nostalgic song together!
Boy: Uh…
Girl: I hate you.
Friends: Let’s dance together and look cute!
Boy: Ok, I love you, I finally decided.
Girl: cute smile
kiss
music
An American Minute
American Psycho
Patrick Bateman does a whole lot of awful stuff while awful 80’s music plays on the soundtrack
Patrick Bateman: Guess what, it was all in my head! Bet you wish you could have those two hours back . . .
American Beauty
My marriage sucks. Oooh, jailbait!
My job sucks, I think I’ll quit.
My life sucks, I think I’ll buy some pot from my daughter’s boyfriend.
Hey, father of my daughter’sboyfriend/my pot dealer, why are you kissing me? Please stop.
blam
Aw hell, I’m dead.
American Pie
High School Senior Guys: Hey, we should all try to get laid before graduation!
guys get laid
Fight Club
Narrator: I’m seriously screwed up in the head!
Narrator’s Girlfriend: Tell me about it!
buildings collapse
Being John Malkovitch
John Cusack: Lookit me, I’m John Malkovitch! This is really cool!
Bunch of Old People: To hell with you, we wanna be John Malkovitch!
John Cusack: Hey, you old people ain’t gonna be John Malkovitch without me! Hey waitaminnit, this isn’t John Malkovitch!
Pi
Mathematician Guy: I’m this close to learning the secrets of the universe!
Bunch of Other People: No fair, we want in too!
Mathematician Guy: Too bad!
performs home lobotomy
X files
Mulder: Look! aliens!
Scully: Where? I saw nothing
Mulder: Damn! you missed them
Scully: You imagined it
Mulder: I can prove they were here, I have this…
Scully: Now we’re in big trouble from some sort of terrible danger
Mulder: I just dropped my alien evidence down a hole
Scully: Are you about to kiss me?
Mulder: Almost, but not quite
Scully: Now we’re safe and everything is OK again
Mulder: About these aliens…
Scully: You can’t prove a thing