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Old 07-18-2003, 03:03 PM
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Pan-fried Semen


Hey folks... Remember the Cecil column about the comparison between semen and egg white?

Well, it started me to a-thinkin'......

What would happen if you fried semen in a pan?

Would it solidify like egg white?

Would sit sizzle and pop, and evaporate, leaving sticky resin?

I would try the experiment myself, but my wife would at the very least kick my ass, and at worst... well, lets not go there.
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Old 07-18-2003, 03:13 PM
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Hell, I ain't got no wife. I'll let you know.
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Old 07-18-2003, 03:23 PM
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Remind me never to eat an mangeorge's house.
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Old 07-18-2003, 03:42 PM
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This is the funniest thing I think I've ever read mangeorge and Q.E.D..

Be sure to let us know how it goes, though.
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Old 07-18-2003, 03:43 PM
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Semen Beaters?
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Old 07-18-2003, 03:50 PM
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Masturbate, masturbate,
Guybud man;
Shoot your semen,
Into a pan;
Heat it, saute it,
And mark it with pee,
And there will be enough
For everyone but me.
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Old 07-18-2003, 03:55 PM
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Ah, Cole Porter...
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Old 07-18-2003, 04:32 PM
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I just had to read this one didn't I ?
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Old 07-18-2003, 04:33 PM
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/slight hiJACK


Just came across this recently...


http://www.alertnet.org/thenews/newsdesk/L16651567.htm
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Old 07-18-2003, 04:52 PM
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dragongirl, do not read on...


Good. Nobody "beat" me to it.
It just turns brown and reduces a lot.
Here's what I found when I analized the sample.
'Scuse me, I'm still a little shaky.
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Old 07-18-2003, 05:03 PM
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Can I lick the bowl?
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Old 07-18-2003, 05:41 PM
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Christ. You really can get any question answered here, can't you?
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Old 07-18-2003, 05:52 PM
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Anyone wanna look up the etymology for "omelette"? You're in for a pleasant little surprise.
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Old 07-18-2003, 06:00 PM
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You've got some huevos there, my friend.
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Old 07-18-2003, 06:00 PM
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Never mind...

I always thought "omelette" was related to "hommelette", or little man. Turns out they're just homophones (hommephones, perhaps?).

Carry on.
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Old 07-18-2003, 06:04 PM
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Re: dragongirl, do not read on...


Quote:
Originally posted by mangeorge
... when I analized the sample ...
You meant analyzed, right?
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Old 07-18-2003, 06:05 PM
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Re: dragongirl, do not read on...


Quote:
Originally posted by mangeorge
Good. Nobody "beat" me to it.
It just turns brown and reduces a lot.
Here's what I found when I analized the sample.
'Scuse me, I'm still a little shaky.
Perhaps you had the heat on too high.

Also, did you butter the pan? You want some sort of grease so that the jism won't stick to the pan...teflon is good, but not THAT good.

So back to the kitchen with you...a tablespoon of butter...lower heat...
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Old 07-18-2003, 06:37 PM
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Re: Re: dragongirl, do not read on...


Quote:
Originally posted by TWDuke
You meant analyzed, right?
I said I was a little shaky.
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Old 07-18-2003, 06:59 PM
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If you're going to analize it, I'd let it cool down first.
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Old 07-18-2003, 07:03 PM
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Old 07-18-2003, 07:04 PM
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Re: dragongirl, do not read on...


Quote:
Originally posted by mangeorge
Good. Nobody "beat" me to it.
It just turns brown and reduces a lot.
Here's what I found when I analized the sample.
'Scuse me, I'm still a little shaky.
Oh, thank God. I've been sitting here for about 5 minutes wondering if I should click on that link. I thought it might be a picture of the frying process. phew.
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Old 07-18-2003, 07:58 PM
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Quote:
Originally posted by furt
If I post something now, I'm guaranteed to appear in Threadspotting.
ooh, ooh me too!!!
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Old 07-18-2003, 07:58 PM
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I should bookmark that link as support for the "but honey, It's good for you!" speech.
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Old 07-18-2003, 09:07 PM
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Now you need to work out whether this whole process is nutritionally worthwhile, i.e. is the number of calories required to, ahem, produce and cook your dinner exceeded by the number of calories in the final product?

In other words, i want to know how many Weight Watchers points are in this meal before i incorporate it into my diet.
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Old 07-18-2003, 09:27 PM
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What did it smell like? I'm guessing bleach.



Happy
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Old 07-18-2003, 10:13 PM
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Quote:
I always thought "omelette" was related to "hommelette", or little man. Turns out they're just homophones
Not any more they're not.
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Old 07-18-2003, 10:20 PM
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Quote:
Originally posted by mhendo
Now you need to work out whether this whole process is nutritionally worthwhile, i.e. is the number of calories required to, ahem, produce and cook your dinner exceeded by the number of calories in the final product?

In other words, i want to know how many Weight Watchers points are in this meal before i incorporate it into my diet.
Clearly it isn't. The energy to produce the semen can't be less than is actually contained in it. And the process of *ahem* extraction uses up more energy still. It would be like trying to power a lamp and a TV by using a solar cell to collect the light from the lamp.
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Old 07-18-2003, 11:18 PM
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Go ahead. Make funny. You didn't have to listen to millions of tiny screams.
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Old 07-18-2003, 11:52 PM
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"Go back! It's a hand job!" --from The Tale of Sammy Sperm (traditional)
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Old 07-19-2003, 01:47 AM
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Once again I am compelled to assert the superiority of this message board above all others.


So it didn't fry up. Maybe we could make a meringue instead.
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Old 07-19-2003, 02:38 AM
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Thank you very much for putting an ugly picture in my mind whenever I hear the term head chef from now on..
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Old 07-19-2003, 05:02 AM
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I saw a Butthole Surfers video once (actually I think is was a short feature on them on MTV's/IRS's The Cutting Edge) way back when).

Anyway the experiment in question was conducted by Gibby Haynes and the result was that the semen boiled up and then solidified into the word SATAN. Of course, not everyone can summon the Seed of Satan like that (sorry, mangeorge!).
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Old 07-19-2003, 05:11 AM
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My girlfriend and some of our mutual female friends thought it would be funny if they got some guys together and try making an omlette this way.
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Old 07-19-2003, 07:07 AM
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Quote:
Originally posted by Q.E.D.
Clearly it isn't. The energy to produce the semen can't be less than is actually contained in it. And the process of *ahem* extraction uses up more energy still. It would be like trying to power a lamp and a TV by using a solar cell to collect the light from the lamp.
But what about if the diner in question is not the source of the spermlette?
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Old 07-19-2003, 08:09 AM
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Quote:
Originally posted by Q.E.D.
Clearly it isn't. The energy to produce the semen can't be less than is actually contained in it. And the process of *ahem* extraction uses up more energy still. It would be like trying to power a lamp and a TV by using a solar cell to collect the light from the lamp.
I did consider that, but people mentioned using butter in the frying process, which would add something to the meal. But i still think you're right. There's a diet plan for you: "Eat and wank your way to a slimmer, trimmer body."
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Old 07-19-2003, 08:10 AM
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Afterthought:

Maybe it would be the Onan Diet.
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Old 07-19-2003, 08:56 AM
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"How do you want your 'omelette'?"

"Oh, as it comes."
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Old 07-19-2003, 02:24 PM
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Omigod.

I have been eating omelettes nearly every morning on Atkins.

And now...

...now as I crack my eggs, all I will be able to think of is someone wanking into a frying pan and sauteing their joy juice.

Goodbye omelettes.
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Old 07-19-2003, 02:54 PM
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You never thought about that before? What the hell do you think an egg is, fer crissakes.
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Old 07-19-2003, 03:05 PM
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A few years ago I mentioned to the members of my friend's co-ed dorm one of the many figures found on the Internet concerning the caloric content of semen. This immediately led to a calculation of how many "servings" would be required for a 2000-calorie diet. The conversation went south fast.

It's probably the only time in history college-aged males have fled screaming at the mention of a kegger party.
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Old 07-19-2003, 03:23 PM
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Of course I'm gonna tell you, istara.


Mmmm, eggs.
Make mine with mushrooms, shallots, and garlic, please.
  #42  
Old 07-19-2003, 04:01 PM
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EGADS!








that is all.
  #43  
Old 07-19-2003, 04:34 PM
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My.

Will we be deep frying spoo next?
  #44  
Old 07-19-2003, 04:36 PM
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Quote:
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Go ahead. Make funny. You didn't have to listen to millions of tiny screams.
<Bosda SINGS> Every Sperm Is Sacred,
Every Sperm Is Great,
When A Sperm Is Waste-ed,
God Gets Quite Irate....</Bosda SINGS>
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Old 07-19-2003, 04:40 PM
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Quote:
Originally posted by Mockingbird
My.

Will we be deep frying spoo next?
Do I even want to know what "spoo" is?
  #46  
Old 07-19-2003, 07:29 PM
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Quote:
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Do I even want to know what "spoo" is?
You're not a Babylon 5 afficianado, I take it. As I recall, spoo are sluggish, mindless creatures that are ranch-raised. Only the Narn eat them raw, a habit that Londo Mollari (the Centauri ambassador) finds disgusting.

I do have a life. Really.
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Old 07-19-2003, 09:47 PM
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ohh-----mygod

rofl
  #48  
Old 07-19-2003, 10:07 PM
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Actually, I think meringue should be the next experiment. And if there's someone hanging around that you really hate, it could come in quite handy.

I wonder how long and hard you have to beat it to make it stand up.

The semen, of course.

L
  #49  
Old 07-20-2003, 12:18 AM
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Quote:
Originally posted by Bosda Di'Chi of Tricor
<Bosda SINGS> Every Sperm Is Sacred,
Every Sperm Is Great,
When A Sperm Is Waste-ed,
God Gets Quite Irate....</Bosda SINGS>
Please! Think of the kittens
  #50  
Old 07-20-2003, 12:38 AM
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Quote:
Originally posted by mangeorge
You never thought about that before? What the hell do you think an egg is, fer crissakes.
I know what it is, it's the mental comparison of the egg (white) to sperm that is most unpleasant.

I boiled my eggs this morning. Nice and solid.
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