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Old 07-18-2004, 02:10 PM
Stuffy Stuffy is offline
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My wedding: Bringing Acoholics, Morons and Whores together

I’ve been promising to tell this story almost since it happened, so today is your unlucky day. After seeing it's lenght, I decided to post it in three parts, roughly and hour apart to allow for questions or comments. The title is not in the least misleading, ok a maybe a little misleading, as there are no actual whores, oh wait there are. But I think to do this right, it might be helpful for you to know the cast of characters. Besides, yours truly and the future Mrs. Stuffy also appearing will be:

G: My best friend and all around good guy.
B: One of my younger brothers.
L: Another younger brother. It should be noted that during a family dinner L once threw a meat cleaver at B, this is typical of their relationship.
P: The oldest brother also playing the role as A$$shole#1. It should be noted that we’ve never gotten along, in addition at the time P was on a brief sabbatical from California’s wonderful Penal system (The why will come up later).
The Whore/A$$hole#2: P’s girlfriend, so called because in addition to P and half of Oakland’s eligible and ineligible males she’s also slept with B, L, and
J: Youngest brother It should be noted J once shot L during a game of basketball. No, I’m not kidding.
Sis: My only sister.
J2/The B%%ch/ASShole#3 (how about we shorten this to J2BA3). (Not a single person in the family likes her, her husband included.)

The rest of my friends and relatives were smart enough not to attend.

My plan was a simple one. Sneak off to Reno and get married. My wife, then fiancée hadn’t yet met B, and L. Although we dated for a year and lived together for a year after that, she had never seen all my family at the same place at the same time either. This was by design, I’m a member of this family, I know what happens when we get together, it’s never pretty and usually ends with the arrival if vehicles with flashing lights; occasionally an ambulance, normally the police. My Mom moved two thousand miles away from us officially to take care of my grandmother, unofficially to get away from the insanity.

During the months leading up to the Big Day, my wife begged and pleaded with me to invite my brothers and sister for the big event. Grudgingly, I can’t deny my wife a thing, besides she’d just keep on asking; (cursing and grumbling) I started making calls. I called B; “You wouldn’t happen to want to go to Reno to see us get married do you. You do? Damn...I mean Cool” And so it went.

Having been foiled in my plans for a stress free marriage, I decided on the next best thing; damage control. I’m going to control every facet of this thing. No broken down cars, no fighting, and no reception. We’d go to a steak house or something for Prime Rib Dinner afterwards, then head for home the next morning, where the wife and I would get on a plane heading for the East Coast. Brilliant, we’ll drive there on Friday afternoon have a good time that night, get married the next afternoon and head back to Oakland at noon Sunday. I can handle this. God was probably already snickering.


He was my new plan. I’d rent a car and two vans. My wife and I would ride in the car. I would split up the natural combatants between the two vans. G would drive one J the other. I also had no intention of paying for, and then paying to have them restored to their original condition, rooms at one of the bigger resorts. We’ll stay a little further down the strip at a great hotel I’d name, but I’ve agreed not to mention its name to a living soul I know. I paid for 6 rooms, one for J and J3, one for Sis and my missus, one for B and I, one for L and G, and one for P and the Whore, the sixth room was to be the honeymoon suite. Believe it or not, my total cost for this was less than 3,500 dollars including the ceremony and round trip tickets to Tennessee. I was paying transportation, rooms and meals, gambling and drinking was to be at your own expense. I stressed this every time I talked to the one of the attendees.

Friday.

Sound simple right, I mean what could happen? We didn’t make it to the State line without a problem; though we we’re nearly there before I noticed. Here’s what happened. We got off the highway in a little town just outside of Sacramento to take a rest stop, and top the cars off. Outside of the gas station/convenience store there was a guy offering to all and sundry; weed. I’m not sure how he expected to actually sell any as there were two CHP cruisers sitting near the phone booths at the entrance to the station. I remember thinking “idiot, there’s a cop right there”; I thought nothing further of it.

Somewhere before the Sierras I noticed a van was missing.
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Old 07-18-2004, 02:19 PM
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ioioio ioioio is online now
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Ooooh, this sounds like it's going to get good. Waiting for the next installment....
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Old 07-18-2004, 02:28 PM
Flutterby Flutterby is offline
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No questions, but I'm already on the edge of my seat waiting for the next part.
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Old 07-18-2004, 02:37 PM
jjimm jjimm is offline
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Ooooh! Forget about the hour between posts... BRING IT ON!!!
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Old 07-18-2004, 02:51 PM
zephyrine zephyrine is offline
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Yesssss! And do it now!

Please.
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Old 07-18-2004, 02:57 PM
torie torie is offline
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AAAHHHH!! Where was the van? Where was the van? Did someone buy weed? Sell the van for weed? AHHHHH!!!
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Old 07-18-2004, 02:57 PM
Qadgop the Mercotan Qadgop the Mercotan is offline
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Is J2BA3 married to J? If not, how is she connected?
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Old 07-18-2004, 02:57 PM
Elysian Elysian is offline
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Is J2 J's missus? Who is J3? How about I?

Don't leave us in suspense here, on with the next installment!
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Old 07-18-2004, 03:00 PM
Qadgop the Mercotan Qadgop the Mercotan is offline
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Has J2BA3 been converted to J3? Or is J3 someone else?
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Old 07-18-2004, 03:00 PM
galen ubal galen ubal is offline
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As a fellow getting married in two weeks, this story is not helping my nerves any....
{Fortunately, I'm as close to being the black sheep of the family as anyone - and I'm boring.}
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Old 07-18-2004, 03:12 PM
Stuffy Stuffy is offline
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Ok, I got my numbers a little mixed up, the problem being that my sister's name also starts with J whom I intended on calling J3, but since I call her sis throughout J followed by any other characters is in fact J's wife. I'm proof reading to make sure I've cut down on confusion.
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Old 07-18-2004, 03:16 PM
Batsinma Belfry Batsinma Belfry is offline
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I didn't know that people from other states came to TN for their honeymoon.
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Old 07-18-2004, 03:16 PM
Stuffy Stuffy is offline
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Part II

Let’s digress a little. P is a poster child for Dumb Criminals. COPS could feature a series on his exploits alone. For those who know Oakland, my brother’s last arrest occurred at 98th and E. 14th in front of a McDonalds for selling crack cocaine from a car, while police were pulling up behind him,. I was dubious about his recount of the story until I heard it straight from an Alameda County’s Sheriff’s Deputy that the following happened exactly as he told it. Apparently he was sitting with a another known dealer early one morning in front of said Mickey D’s when the other drug dealer having spotted the cops gave my brother his stash, saying he’d be right back. My clueless brother then was caught selling to someone else a piece of crack belonging to Asshole # whichever number we’re up to. In California we have what’s called three-way Search and Seizure, basically it means if drugs are found and you who’ve been convicted of a drug crime, is anywhere nearby, you are charged for the drugs. Which has no relevance to this story I only bring it up because I find it interesting.

Such has been his life.

Just to nail it down for you, he’s also been caught burglarizing my mother’s house; my sister’s house; L’s house. He also punched me in the face while I was holding my infant namesake because I wouldn’t lend him money, the only reason he wasn’t prosecuted for that is my Mother begged me. He’s been arrested more times than I feel like listing for drug related offenses. He punched a woman in front of a police officer, he threw a brick through a police cruisers rear window, and this is getting old. Maybe I should have called him Loser. In retrospect, I should have known what would happen.

Anyway where was I, oh yes, the missing van. Reno is essentially a straight shot from Oakland. You get to 80 East and keep going until you see all the lights. That’s it. It’s really hard to get lost. The fact that I noticed one of the vans was missing is owed to my wife’s lead foot more than anything else. We were far enough ahead to be able to see both vans for most of the trip (I suffer from a severe case of road rage, thanks dopers for making me realize it, so I only tend to drive at night). Anyway, I looked in the mirror and could only see one van, I called G in the van immediately behind us and he admitted to not seeing it since he hit the highway after the rest stop.

Have you figured out what happened yet? Yes Dumb Ass (I’m sorry Asshole #1) purchased weed from the guy who might as well have been wearing a sign reading: “BUST ME” in six-foot tall neon flashing letters. But again I’m getting ahead of myself. Here’s how it happened. Shortly after calling G, I’m thinking about the possibilities of which actions take. I can go back and possibly miss them, I could go on ahead and hope they show, or I could pull over and wait and see what happens. As it turns out this is so much wasted brainpower, as my wife’s cell phone begins ringing. It’s Mike Something or Other from the CHP, and he wants to speak to me.

Mike asks me a few questions mostly consisting of where we’re going and why and asks us to please join them about fifty miles back on the side of the road. Not having anything better to do, or more accurately not having a choice (he mentioned towing and storage fees) I readily consented. We found after several false starts a place to turn around and go back, and there we found our friends standing on the side of the road. J was driving this van along for the ride was J2A3, P and The Whore. None of the vans were particularly full as a “you’re touching me” moment might culminate in a “Shots Fired” police call. Like I said I was in full Damage Control mode.

Mike is a nice guy, he wanted to be sure that J was telling the truth, and was willing to dump the weed on the side on the side of the road as to not have to do paperwork for $20 dollars worth of mad salad. Thank you Mike of the CHP, I’m happy to know that officers of your caliber are protecting our roads. We readily agreed along with changing seating assignments as was also strongly encouraged by Mike. The new arrangements had G, J2A3, and J riding in the car, with the missus and I riding in the van with P and The Whore.

Seething, would be putting it mildly. If I had been armed Nice Mike would have had a shit load of paperwork to do that night. I got in the van and as soon as he opened his mouth told him “Not a word. JUST SHUT. THE. F@#K. UP.” I guess I sounded menacing enough, because he didn’t speak again until we within site of the Strip. That’s about also the same time when I began to calm down. That of course wouldn’t last.

Friday Night - Saturday

We checked in then split up, the guys heading for the gentlemen’s club, the women to the casinos. We guys planned to hit the casinos later, but the first order of business was a kind of mini bachelor party. Which actually went off without a hitch. There were nude girls dancing we had a couple of drinks, G had a lap dance (what’s that all about “I need to be sexually frustrated can you help” you’d think nobody would need help with that) at least two of the strippers were enhanced, we stayed about 30 minutes and headed to the casino and more problems.
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Old 07-18-2004, 03:38 PM
monica monica is offline
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Tell us more! Continue the story! *Jumps up and down like an impatient child*
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Old 07-18-2004, 04:04 PM
Stuffy Stuffy is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hillbilly queen
I didn't know that people from other states came to TN for their honeymoon.

Well the reason for Tennessee is that I was stopping to visit some favorite cousins for dinner on the way to Asheville, NC. We also stopped for breakfast on the way back home.
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Old 07-18-2004, 04:15 PM
Stuffy Stuffy is offline
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Part 3

I don’t remember what casino we were in but it started like this:

P: “Stuffy can I borrow a couple of bucks?”

Me: silence

P: I hate to ask after the, we, uh….

Me: Deadly silence

P: So you know about $50…

Me: (Internally) I should kill him, I should shoot him down, damn; I don’t own a gun. (Externally) I told you I’m not covering gambling, you’re on your own

P: But….

He was cut off by my cell phone ringing. It was the future missus; her first words are “Did you know that The Whore doesn’t have any money”. Well ok she didn’t call her that, but the rest of the message was accurate. “I’m not surprised” I say, “I’m getting the same from P”. “So what, should I lend her some?” “It’s up to you honey, are you guys having a good time.” “Yeah, I think I’ll give her a hundred, why don’t you give P the same.” Because he’ll be too dead to spend it I think; “I guess.” I say. “Come on” she says; “It’s our wedding we can afford it, let’s all have some fun. “Sure honey, ok, have fun.”

I really didn’t trust myself to speak to P directly and instead called G over gave him a hundred and told him to give it to P along with the message that if he says something else to me tonight, I’m going to run his ass over with one of the vans. I don’t know if he actually delivered that message but I didn’t here or see P again until the agreed time we’d meet up to share a cab back to the hotel. Instead I went to the slots. I’m not a big gambler, when I do, I play blackjack and craps, but I was too angry for either of these so it was the slots.

I played $30 or so while G tried to get me out of the funk I was sinking into and it worked, that or the $78 bucks I won. So we hit the blackjack table where I gave the casino it’s money back plus some of mine. Not having given enough I lost another $200 at the craps table. Still, I left the casino in a good mood. We got a couple of cabs, had them stop at a liquor store, and returned to the hotel.


We sat around in my room drinking and telling stories and generally had a really good time. Not all of my childhood and susequent young adulthood was marred with violence, and even the parts that were could be funny seen through the lens of time. At 3, figuring since the wedding was at 2, I’d better get some sleep. But I couldn’t sleep I was excited about the next day. I’m not sure when I drifted off.

At 4:30 the phone rang. It was the management informing me that my guest were having a problem at the pool, would I take care of it or should they call the police. “I’m on my way our the door.” I wake up G saying we got problems and we leave his room at a run. I’m thinking the whole time it’s P, it’s gotta be.

When I get out side I hear my sister, hell everybody had to hear my sister yelling/slurring: “Bisch, I’ll beat your ash!” There, in the swimming pool are my sister and The Whore. They’re both fully dressed, well The Whore’s dress; which didn’t cover much to begin with, was hiked up around her waist, but other wise they were fully clothed. My sister has her in a headlock and is attempting to punch her repeatedly and mostly unsuccessfully. J2A3, is yelling at someone from the hotel, about what I don’t know. My future Missus is holding up the wall of the hotel. She’s obviously drunk, as are both of the gladiators in the pool.

G and I break it up. I never got the whole story on what started the fight, but apparently the women returned from the casino, talked much like us boys did, got bored filled a couple of 2 liter bottles with Gas and went to walk the strip. Gas is a combination of Gin, Rhine wine and lime Kool-Aide. Not surprisingly, nobody remembered much of the argument that led to the fight. I promised the manager nothing like it would happen again and then I went and collected all the alcohol, which I locked in the trunk of the car.

Problem solved, I tried to get some sleep. We had a wake up call at 11, it was a little after 5. At 11 I get up and shower and start checking on everybody. P and The Whore are gone but everybody is ok, though all of the women were looking hung over. We all agreed to eat before the Limo came to pick us up at 1:30. We do so and go to get dressed, in case you’re interested G and I had on Cream double breasted suits, Nay and Sis were both in white and pink dresses, though Nays was of course fancier. The Limo shows up on time, took us to get our license and to then to the chapel. At the chapel they were running late, so everything’s cool.

Everybody is there except the Whore and P, and to be honest I could have cared less. I should have cared. The coordinator is explaining to Nay and I how things would go once we got into the Chapel, when we hear, well shrieking outside. We all go outside and there in the middle of the street is The Whore. She’s wearing even less, if that’s possible than the night before. What she had on was basically a tube that started at her nipples and ended just below glory, but he didn’t have the body to pull it off. L is meanwhile pulling P from the street.

Paul is yelling: You’re not going to my bro’s wedding looking like a ho.

She says something to the effect that fine, she won’t, and then proceeds to pull the dress up over her head in front of God and everybody. That’s when Nay lost it, I know because before I can move, shoes start flying at me and with a “hold these” thrown over her shoulder she’s running towards The Whore. Before she can get there P, who has escaped L tackled The Whore. L tries to separate them and is rewarded with a right cross. B and G are just about to get involved when the police arrive.

This whole time, I‘m standing there and all of a sudden I develop a tic. I can’t stop my right cheek from moving up and down meanwhile my right eye is also blinking in a kind of symphony. Just about this time I hear laughter coming from behind me. It’s J2A3, and I hear ...”your family is so much fun.” B tells here to “Shut the fuck up” I kind of zoned out about then. I remember the police talking to me, I remember G sitting and talking with me, and I remember holding Nays hand. The tic disappeared after about 30 minutes, and my composure in another 30 or so.

Result, P and The Whore have been arrested and L has promised to kill anyone who causes more trouble. The Chapel agreed to fit us in at 4:30. Other than a few Mel Brooksesque moments causing multiple “I Dos” because of the minister, there were no more adventures. Well ok there was that thing at the Steakhouse, but it deserves it’s own thread. Oh in case you’re wondering L stayed behind and bailed out P and the Whore, as far as I was concerned they could have stayed and rotted
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Old 07-18-2004, 04:18 PM
Fiona Orange Fiona Orange is offline
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How does one enhance a stripper, exactly?
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Old 07-18-2004, 04:20 PM
Elysian Elysian is offline
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No, no, no! We must hear about the Steakhouse now that you have started!

God, the tic was the funniest part. Poor Stuffy, I hope your wife made it up to you that night
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Old 07-18-2004, 04:35 PM
jjimm jjimm is offline
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Oh my word.

[Prurience] So, was the Whore wearing any undies? [/prurience]

Now carry on with the steakhouse bit!!!
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Old 07-18-2004, 04:59 PM
Stuffy Stuffy is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jjimm
Oh my word.

[Prurience] So, was the Whore wearing any undies? [/prurience]

Now carry on with the steakhouse bit!!!

My wife swears she wasn't I thought she was, you know the type that fall into the cracks.

It'll be a little while for the Steakhouse part, I hadn't intended to put it here but since you asked I'll post it when I get back from shopping.
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Old 07-18-2004, 05:10 PM
NinetyWt NinetyWt is offline
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I'm not sure which one wins, this wedding or the one Bear_Nenno went to.
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Old 07-18-2004, 05:17 PM
zephyrine zephyrine is offline
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So, OK, your wedding day wasn't exactly... um...uneventful, but at least it was memorable.

Please, please go on, and tell us about the steakhouse. And then could you fill in on the whole backstory, not leaving anything out?
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Old 07-18-2004, 05:18 PM
torie torie is offline
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Oh My God!

Yeah, tell us what happened at the steakhouse.

Poor Stuffy, is married life any easier than your wedding?
  #24  
Old 07-18-2004, 05:28 PM
earthpuppy earthpuppy is offline
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you should make a screenplay out of this...you're a terrific writer.
  #25  
Old 07-18-2004, 05:48 PM
TeaElle TeaElle is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Fiona Orange
How does one enhance a stripper, exactly?
I'm pretty sure that our esteemed storyteller was referring to saline funbags, sweetie.
  #26  
Old 07-18-2004, 06:52 PM
ivylass ivylass is offline
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Okay, so today's lesson is....


Never ever ever listen to any suggestions coming from Stuffy's mom's mouth.

Congratulations, and I hope you live far away from that bunch.
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Old 07-18-2004, 06:52 PM
ShibbOleth ShibbOleth is offline
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Stuffy, all this time I had no idea you led such a, um, colorful life. You could turn this thing into a screenplay pretty easily but it would be critiqued as "unrealistic". Would make a nice episode of Reno 911, though.
  #28  
Old 07-18-2004, 06:56 PM
kittenblue kittenblue is offline
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While we wait, shall we work on casting the movie?
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Old 07-18-2004, 07:01 PM
Stuffy Stuffy is offline
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zephyrine Which back story do you want?


[/b]ShibbOleth[/b] You don't know the half of it, I've written so many stories to post here, only to chang my mind about posting them for fears of someone calling them bullshit.


Okay I decided it would be unfair to leave out the Steakhouse part. It wasn’t so much insane as it was unreal. Our limo driver owns his limo and merely contracts out to the Chapel. He witnessed the police action in front of the Chapel and was determined that we have a good time on our wedding day. Before dropping us at the hotel he gave us a card promising to deliver us to the best place to get Prime Rib. We said we call around 7. Nay and I retired to the Honeymoon suite where we attempted to laugh off the previous events. That didn’t work, but a little loving did the trick.

We called up the Limo driver and he picked up G, B, Sis, Nay and myself. J and his wife decided to go back to the casino and have dinner later, which was cool. We decided t grab some souvenirs before heading out to eat, we also wanted to take some pics of us in our finery. We had a video of the ceremony itself, but very few of the wedding party for obvious reasons. So the driver got out with us and we walked around with him taking pictures and having a really good time.

The oddest this was this. G and I were still in suits, and it seemed every time the women and we were separated some woman would come up and ask, “Oh did you guys just get married? “Uhm, no I did, we’re just friends”; It got to be a kind of running joke. Anyhow; off to the steakhouse.

We had expected the driver to go to one of the casinos that had a special running or something. The driver was insistent that while ok, the best places was for Prime Rib were elsewhere and with that we traveled somewhere into the hills. When we got to our destination I have to admit it was a breath taking view. All Canyons and valleys, we took a bunch of pictures. We couldn’t even see Reno proper, maybe some passing doper can identify the area because that’s the only time I went, and I no longer remember the name of the restaurant.

What became clear immediately upon entering though was that we were the only black people around for at least 20 miles. We entered and the place was kind of country western looking with a lot of wood and trim. We had a wait for a table, so G, B and I went outside for a smoke, the limo driver was gone saying he’d be back in 90 minutes. The ladies sat at the bar, on of two, the other was full, for a drink. When we got back in they still hadn’t been served. So we order as well and were all just standing there waiting.

Ten minutes pass, no drinks. I go to the Greeter and ask about our drinks, and she goes to check. She comes back apologizes and says a couple of minutes Ten minutes later still no drinks. I again go to the greeter. This time a bartender comes over and opens the bar we were at and serves us. The guy seems really uncomfortable, but finally opens up and mentions that not too many black people come “up here”.

We’re shown to our table, and boy was he right, there wasn’t another black face in the joint. There were a couple of Latino bus boys. There were began our wait, again. No one came up and identified themselves as our server. Nobody even brought water. Now we’re definitely getting the drift. G is angry and wants to make a scene, I’ve had enough scenes and call the limo driver. We get up and leave, the Greeter asks if everything is ok and I say “I wouldn’t know, we sure as hell don’t feel welcome.” We go out to wait for the limo. To her credit, the greeter returns with the manager in tow, who apologized for his staff, he even had a bartender bring us out drinks on the house; we had refused to return t our table.

The limo driver was also embarrassed, but we didn’t hold it against him. We had him drop us at The Nugget in Sparks. There we ate and had a good time. My sis hit a big jackpot on the dollar slots.
  #30  
Old 07-18-2004, 07:13 PM
Stuffy Stuffy is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by torie
Oh My God!

Yeah, tell us what happened at the steakhouse.

Poor Stuffy, is married life any easier than your wedding?

We've had our moments, but we're happily looking forward to our 4th Anniversary.

ivylass Nay and I still live in Oakland. P was arrrested for stealing a car about a month after the wedding he just got out about 6 weeks ago, I give him another month or so. B got marreid and moved to NY, then moved back, we stayed with him a week after the fire. My sis married and moved to the Valley. J lives nearby we're pretty close, he and his wife are talking divorce, I see him more than the others. L lives across the Bay, I haven't seen him since my wedding day until a few weeks ago.

Oh I forgot to mention, no I haven't been to another wedding since mine.
  #31  
Old 07-18-2004, 08:04 PM
OtakuLoki OtakuLoki is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Stuffy
Oh I forgot to mention, no I haven't been to another wedding since mine.


Why ever not?


I'm glad that the wedding seems to have been something other than capsule version of your married life, and thank you for sharing the story, Stuffy.
  #32  
Old 07-18-2004, 08:14 PM
Boyo Jim Boyo Jim is offline
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I see a sitcom here: P & the Whore

For casting I'm torn between one of the lesser Baldwins or Wayans brothers. The woman would be Sandra Bernhardt or Roseanne.
  #33  
Old 07-18-2004, 08:54 PM
Zebra Zebra is offline
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So ok,

The wife insisted on inviting your brothers, but were there any other guests in attendence?
  #34  
Old 07-18-2004, 09:05 PM
medstar medstar is offline
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My wedding: Bringing Acoholics, Morons and Whores together

Thanks for entertaining us, Stuffy. I was wondering, did your wife ever acknowledge that you were right and she should have gone along with your wishes in the beginning? Or did she conveniently forget that she manipulated you into that fiasco?
  #35  
Old 07-18-2004, 09:11 PM
Syntropy Syntropy is offline
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Stuffy, I think you just outdid Bear_Napples', er, Nenno's wedding story. BTW, next time you head up to Reno, I highly recommend the Atlantis steakhouse. Incredible prime rib.
  #36  
Old 07-18-2004, 09:36 PM
zephyrine zephyrine is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Stuffy
zephyrine Which back story do you want?
The meat cleaver, the basketball game: anything you're willing to share, really.
  #37  
Old 07-18-2004, 09:39 PM
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hajario hajario is offline
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Very entertaining. Thanks for sharing.

Haj
  #38  
Old 07-18-2004, 09:57 PM
Kricket Kricket is offline
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You and I have been talking about four years now and I am just now hearing about this?
And next time you want to invite someone to Reno, just say the word! I promise to be dressed and better behaved.
I'm thinking five year anniversary would be a good time to take another trip.

And speaking of that other wedding, I thought it was Bare_Nipples ?
  #39  
Old 07-18-2004, 10:00 PM
Bill H. Bill H. is offline
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Wow. That is one wild story. Well, four wild stories actually, I suppose.
  #40  
Old 07-18-2004, 10:13 PM
Stuffy Stuffy is offline
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Damnit! I typed up a post addressing everyone and the hamsters ate it. Last try.

Zebra we had a party the week before the wedding for anyone who thought they wouldn't attend. A few of Nay's co-workers showed up, as did a few of mine. Luckily for me, mine couldn't find the Chapel.

Thanks for the kudos everyone, I wasn't trying to out do anyone and your comemnts are making me blush. I'll put a new thread up sometime this week, covering some of our more colorful exploits, including the meat cleaver story later this week. Oh and yeah Nay has owned up to her responsibility in all this, that's just on of the reasons I love her, she admits when she's made an error.
  #41  
Old 07-18-2004, 10:42 PM
Bill H. Bill H. is offline
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Stuffy wrote
Quote:
I'll put a new thread up sometime this week, covering some of our more colorful exploits, including the meat cleaver story later this week.
Please do. If I may make a minor suggestion: in stories with many characters, you may want to give them names. It was a bit hard to track P, G, and J2BA3. The Whore on the other had was pretty easy to follow.
  #42  
Old 07-18-2004, 10:49 PM
John Carter of Mars John Carter of Mars is offline
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My wedding: Bringing Acoholics, Morons and Whores together

Sounds like you should have declared it a dopefest! There are (ahem) some of us that would have fit right in.

Thanks for a really cool tale on a night when everything else had rapidly turned to shit. You saved my Sunday evening!
  #43  
Old 07-18-2004, 11:00 PM
pesch pesch is offline
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Great stories is what it's all about, man. Thanks for sharing. You've got a great way to turn a phrase. A line like "I know what happens when we get together, it’s never pretty and usually ends with the arrival if vehicles with flashing lights" has a cool rhythm to it that makes me laugh.

And this line I love for the slang at the end: Mike is a nice guy, he wanted to be sure that J was telling the truth, and was willing to dump the weed on the side on the side of the road as to not have to do paperwork for $20 dollars worth of mad salad.

I'm just glad nobody got hurt, and you got your wedding off.
  #44  
Old 07-18-2004, 11:08 PM
matt_mcl matt_mcl is offline
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Isn't it nice to know, they may have made bloody hash of your special day, but at least you've amused some Dopers, and that's what really counts
  #45  
Old 07-19-2004, 02:31 AM
Elysian Elysian is offline
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Bravo, Stuffy! I'm glad you and your wife have stayed together through all your travails and that you have the ability to laugh about it.
  #46  
Old 07-19-2004, 03:05 AM
Kallessa Kallessa is offline
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Great story, Stuffy! The restaurant may have been a place called The Glory Hole, (which is, in this case at least, an old mining term for a particularly rich vein of ore). It's too bad they were such a--h----s, if it is the place I'm thinking of, it does have really great steaks and prime rib.

There was also a place in town called The Boardroom, I believe. I think they had great food and a very attentive waiter who was willing to flirt with me even though my boyfriend was sitting right next to me, but I'm not sure because they had really excellent martinis.

Man, I miss Reno.
__________________
"Gambling, smoking and drinking are an unholy Trinity--if you can't resist one, why resist the others?"
Kalley dear if it weren't for the pesky fact that I am gayer than a debutante on holiday in Paris, I'd marry you just based on that alone. swampbear

so if there's a brawny straight guy who swampy would love, he's mine. Find him, people, find him quick!
  #47  
Old 07-19-2004, 03:24 AM
Cervaise Cervaise is offline
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Quote:
I got in the van and as soon as he opened his mouth told him “Not a word. JUST SHUT. THE. F@#K. UP.”
Let me guess: He was going to see if you'd turn around and go back after a few minutes to see if the weed was still there.

Ladies and gentlemen, with a story like this, a man should never again have to pay for his own beer. If I ever get down your way, you've got one on me. --salutes--
  #48  
Old 07-19-2004, 11:56 AM
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TubaDiva TubaDiva is offline
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All I got to say is . . . we are related, aren't we?

BTW, this is today's Threadspotting; It was either that or "Lifetime Movie of the Week."

your humble TubaDiva
who read all this and nodded her head throughout: "Been there. . . done that . . . felt that . . . played that."
  #49  
Old 07-19-2004, 12:34 PM
iampunha iampunha is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TubaDiva
" . . . done that . . . felt that . . . ."
Just for the sake of clarity I must ask: in a thread partially devoted to details involving whores and booze, what/who exactly did you do and what/who exactly did you feel?

Pay no attention to that notebook to my left

Also, glad to see Bill H. found it easy to follow a whore
  #50  
Old 07-19-2004, 02:48 PM
Shirley Ujest Shirley Ujest is offline
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The only way to make this even funnier would be if the Minister said " Mwaiwage..Bwings two pweople togever..."


Next time, wear a wire and a head cam, m'kay. This stuff is comic gold.
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