I know this has been done before, but I’ve found some hilarious ones that I don’t think were posted in that thread we had last year.
How much did Santa pay for his reindeer?
Nothing, they were on the house!
What’s brown and sticky?
Brown sticks
There was another one I was reallly trying to remember that is hilarious and stupid, like these, but I can’t remember it. Maybe later.
Moving this from IMHO to Uncle Slappy’s Barrel O’ Fun Page…er, I mean, MPSIMS.
Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which
produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little,
which made him rather frail; and, because of his odd diet, he suffered from
very bad breath. So this made him … what???
A super callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
A few years back, Celtic - which along with Rangers dominates Scottish soccer - lost 3-1 at home in the Scottish FA Cup to a much smaller club called Inverness Caledonian Thistle, or Cally, a huge upset. The next day’s edition of The Sun took up half the back page with the following headline:
SUPER CALLY GO BALLISTIC, CELTIC ARE ATROCIOUS
Tommy Cooper jokes:
Two TV antennas got married. The ceremony was rubbish, but the reception was brilliant.
They say one of every five people in the world is Chinese, so it’s got to be someone in my family. It’s either my dad or my mum, or my older brother Colin or my younger brother Hoa Cha Chu. I think it’s Colin.
Beginning of the week headline on increased subsidies for the deteriorating transportation system: SICK TRANSIT’S GLORIOUS MONDAY
The “brown and sticky” joke reminded me of my daughter’s early joke writing career, starting when she was about four. My cute preschooler made up some of the worst/best jokes ever. Here are the ones I remember:
Her: Knock, knock!
Me: Who’s there?
Her: Dog…
Me: Dog who?
Her: Dog food!!! (…hysterical laughter)
Q: What kind of juice do boxers like?
A: Juice boxes!!! (hysterical laughter)
Little kid jokes are the best bad jokes!! Lol!
Why did the little kid cross the playground?
To get to the other slide!
My all-time favorite bad joke, I got from another one of these threads. Can’t remember who posted it but surely somebody will be along to inform us…
How do you sell a duck to a deaf guy?
DO YOU WANT TO BUY A DUCK!?
What does a fish say when it runs into a wall?
Dam!
Wow. That’s great.
Oh. THAT kind of horrible joke.
Puts away the “Dead Baby Joke” file
Man in bar: Bartender, give me a beer, anything but Budweiser.
Bartender: Sure, here ya go. What’s wrong with Bud?
MIB: Last time I had it, got real messed up, and blew chunks all night long.
Bartender: Hey, no problem, we’ve all been there…
MIB: No, you don’t understand, Chunks is my dog.
::rimshot::
A skeleton walks into a bar and says, “I need a beer… and a mop!”
A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Hey, we have a drink named after you.” The grasshopper asks, “You have a drink named ‘Steve’?”
A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel sticking out of his fly. The bartender tells him this and the pirate says
Aye, it’s drivin’ me nuts!
You know how when geese fly in V’s sometimes one side will be longer than the other? Do you know why that is?
Because more geese sre on that side!
Why was the Irishman buried on the south side of the hill?
Because he was dead.
A horse walks up to a bar. The bartender says, “Hey, why the long face?”
Knock, knock
Who’s There?
Ach.
Ach Who?
God Bless You.
Why’d the chicken cross the road?
To prove to the opposum that it could be done.
Why are phone calls so expensive in Iran?
Because the calls are all Persian-to-Persian calls.
What’s green and Irish and comes out in the Spring?
Patio furniture
2 guys walk into a bar.
Which is kinda stupid since the second one shoulda ducked.
Looking at these jokes I am thinking - did Rip Taylor have a yard sale ?
Ba-Da-Bump
Here’s a joke guaranteed to cause serious groans -
I just flew in from Los Angeles and boy are my arms tired !!!
And in a related subject -
The inflight movie was so bad, people were walking out in the middle of it.
ColonelDax - those Tommy Cooper jokes are pretty good. (IMHO anyway).
Quite possibly the most needless usages of spoiler boxes in the history of this website! 